#feelingssuck

ashtonirwinofficial5sos:

Allow yourself to feel.

Many people would say that I don’t have the right to be writing this. To be honest, I can’t really contradict them. For starters I think the Bible is pure bullshit. It’s an authoritative, sexist and out-of date, and don’t get me started on the Catholic Church. Don’t get me started on homophobia,intolerance, child abuse. However,I am planning to do my best to ignore that bunch of hypocrites that claim to be your representation on Earth and focus on the fact that the Church was created by men and it has nothing to do with what I’m writing here.
I can’t say that I know who I am writing to. The idea that there is a divine omnipresent and ultra-powerful being looking down on us has always sound a bit ridiculous to me. Mostly because I wonder…If you’re really that good,that powerful,that all-mighty…why,why did you let this happen to us? Why didn’t you help her? Why did you let her lose herself? Why did you let me lose the person I needed the most? Tell me; where were you when I needed a miracle?
You did wonders for that blind man 50182.29272 years ago, but you have nothing to do for the girl who suffers from a mental illness today. You have nothing to do for me, her sister,who had to watch her put the razor to her skin. How is that fair?
If you really exist,then you kinda suck. But if you really exist, then I have no choice but to ask you: Please,please give me my miracle.
Please make my sister better. And I swear I will never ask for anything else,not to you at least. Cause I’ve never been,and I never will be,as desperate as I am right now.
You don’t owe anything to me, and I sure as hell don’t owe anything to you. So believe me when I say,I won’t turn to you for anything else. But please…
Please don’t let her keep dying a little bit day by day. Please don’t let her end her life like that. Let me see her doing all those amazing things I though I would see her doing:
Graduating from high school. Moving to NY. Writing that book. Falling in love. Getting married. Having the kids she swore she wouldn’t have. Being happy.
That’s the only miracle I ask for:
Please don’t let my sister kill herself.
She will kill me too.