#friday im in love

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word count: 3k!!!

warnings: this chapter could potentially be triggering, it hints towards abuse. there’s nothing described or anything of the sort, but please be safe!

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a/n: sorry about being gone for a whole month without posting a new chapter! anyway, you’re in a huge ride in this chapter. hopefully i can get chapters out at least once a week after this! :)

-

Things changed after the conversation. Slowly, your new normal included hanging out with the Marauders, much to the dislike of most Slytherins in your house. Regulus didn’t comment on it, although you knew he was hurt. After all, he had supported you all along, and you were practically running back to his brother.

You wanted to reassure him that its wasn’t like that, because it really wasn’t. No matter how much you loved Sirius, you were doing your damn best to get over him, and for good this time. You had more friends, and better ones. You spent your meals with Regulus, usually splitting seating in classes between him and Severus. After classes, you did your studying with Remus before hanging out with Regulus or the Marauders. 

You had wanted this for so long, and you plunged into it without any self-control.

The rest of November passed quickly, and as December slowly went by, you got increasingly nervous about heading home. Your parents hadn’t sent out any howlers, which you appreciated, but you knew they were watching. And you knew that you’d have hell to face when you got home.

Even with that thought hung above your head, nothing could bring your mood down. For the first time, it felt like you could truly appreciate Hogwarts like every other student.

“Are you guys heading home for Christmas?” You brought up, sitting in the Gryffindor common room. You knew the other Gryffindors were giving you weird looks, but no Gryffindor would mess with you while the Marauders were around.

“I’m heading to James’,” Sirius told you, and you nodded.

“I think my parents want to travel before things get any worse in the wizarding world,” Peter shared, and you smiled.

“I’m heading home, but I’ll probably be around James’ a bunch. What are you planning to do?” Remus asked. You shrugged, feeling the sinking feeling that you felt whenever your mind drifted to your family. You wished you had an escape, but you didn’t. Not like Sirius did, at least. It was going to be your first ever Christmas without your sister, and the thought of that was something you hadn’t truly processed yet.

“I’ll probably see Regulus a lot. My parents told me they’re hosting another party, so I might end up seeing Mulciber, maybe Severus and Malfoy too. A lot of the Black family, really. My parents adore them,” you sighed, “but I’ll have Regulus around, so it won’t be terrible. Merlin knows he’s the only Black I tolerate,” you joked.

“Very funny, (Y/L/N),” Sirius deadpanned.

“You’re going to be alright though, yeah?” Peter asked, and you shrugged.

“I hope so…” you trailed off, not wanting to share just how bad your family was. You were strong, and you could handle another Christmas with them. And then it’ll be back to Hogwarts, where you’d be safe.

-

You arrived at King’s Cross quicker than you would’ve liked, but a train ride spent with Regulus was a time well spent. You could practically feel his mood shifting as he prepared himself to see his family. Both of you started slipping into your personas of being the perfect child, and before you got off the train, you gave him a tight hug.

“I’ll see you soon, I hope. Write to me often, Reg, you know your letters get me through this.” He smiled at you one final time, and you kissed him on the cheek before getting off the train to face your parents. They had written you to tell you that they’d meet you at the station, and you were hoping they wouldn’t. Any moment spent away from them was a blessing.

Once you exited the train, it was easy to find your parents. They were talking with the Blacks, and you could see the Marauders from a distance away. You were able to meet eyes with Sirius, and you gave him the tiniest of waves before turning to face your parents.

“Mother, father,” you greeted simply. They turned to meet your eyes, and your mother opened her arms for a hug. You didn’t have any choice but to pretend — that was all this was. A game of pretend, a game of dolls, a game of house and the perfect pureblooded family. 

“It’s good to see you again, my sweet,” your mother said, but you could hear the coldness of her voice. Walburga and Orion looked at you with fake pitiful smiles, and you knew. You knew that whatever you’d face with this break would be terrible.

Letting you go, you took a few steps back before turning to the Blacks. “Hello.” Out of the corner of your eye, you could spot the Marauders looking over at you, and a lurch in your chest told you that you’d rather be with them. From behind you, Regulus finally joined you — you wondered where he went, although you wouldn’t ask till later.

“Hello, Miss (Y/L/N) and Mister (Y/L/N), and hi, (Y/N).” You smiled at him, relieved to be around someone you could tolerate, but also worried. Although your parents had a strong friendship with the Blacks, you wondered what would be so important that they’d be waiting for the both of you together.

“(Y/N), Walburga, Orion, and Regulus are going to be staying with us. We’ll be hosting the party the day after tomorrow, and there will be important news announced. You are to be on your best behavior, understand?” You nodded. “Good,” your mother brushed her thumb against your cheek, and you willed yourself not to flinch. Taking a look at Regulus, he shrugged, and you inwardly sighed. Whatever your parents had prepared, it wouldn’t be good.

-

“What do you think they’re planning?” You wondered, laying in Regulus’ lap. It was the day of the party, and the house had been chaotic for the past few days, everyone frantic to throw the perfect party to welcome the beloved heirs home. On the bright side, with the Black family here, your parents hadn’t tried talking to you about how you were acting up in school.

“No clue, but I think it involved both of us. Why else would we be staying?” You looked up at him, his eyes peering down at you. “And as comfortable as we both are, we need to get ready soon.”

“Right he is!” Your mother chimed as she opened the door. She looked pleased as she took in the position that you and Regulus were in, but turned to face Regulus. “You should get going, sweetheart, your mother is waiting for you in your room.”

You wished Regulus didn’t have to leave so that you didn’t have to be with your mother alone, but you didn’t protest. Watching as he left the room and closed the door, you turned to face your mother, who was rummaging through your (rather big) closet. “As you know, I’ve been preparing for this party for a while, and we’re so very lucky to have the Blacks on board. I thought things would’ve been complicated after Sirius turned out the way he did…” Your mother pulled out a dress before making a look of disgust, continuing to flick through the clothes.

“But we’re happy that things have worked out. You get along well with Regulus, right?” You nodded, brushing through your hair. Your mother felt the littlest bit motherly, and you indulged yourself in it, at least until it would get worse. “Good, good. I was worried that things wouldn’t work out after your little act at school, even though I know you’re still hanging around Gryffindors. At least two of them are pureblooded, even if they’re blood traitors.” You rolled your eyes. So much for that.

“Besides the point. We’re expecting a lot of you when you return to school. I know what we did over the summer had scared you, but it’s showing you reality. You’re one of us, now, my sweet. Anything you do now reflects on that, and I just don’t want you to get into trouble. Your father wishes the same, even if he never shares that.” Finally, your mother pulled out a green ballgown, one that was strapless and had a slit to show off your leg. There weren’t any sleeves, and you knew you couldn’t get away with wearing something over your arm either.

The Dark Mark sits on your arm, a painful reminder of just how deep you succumbed.

“I know it was early for you to get the mark, but we had to prove your worth. You’re already part of the sacred twenty-nine, and with Sirius turning out to be the way he is, we had to do something. There’s no doubt that Regulus will have to too.” Once you got changed, your mother pulled you to your vanity so she could do your hair. “I would’ve preferred you get the Dark Mark in your last year. But what’s done is done, and we can’t dwell on that.”

Every minute you spent with your mother felt like it’d never end, but by the end of her dolling you up, you looked like how you did for every other party. Except this time, your mother pulled out a thin long box, and you raised your eyebrows.

“This is my necklace. It’s been passed down for generations, but you’re growing up now. I want you to have it. It’ll show that you’re truly a (Y/L/N) now.” You nodded, and your mother clipped it on, making sure to not get your hair in the way. “I love you, my sweet. You’ve never looked as beautiful and mature as you do now.” Your heart clenched a tiny bit, and you willed yourself not to cry. There was something about this moment that felt different than the other ones you shared with your parents, and no matter how much you hated them for what they’d put you through, you felt as if they loved you. 

“Thank you,” you said, “The party is starting soon, right? You should head downstairs, I’ll be down in a bit.”

Your mother gave you a kiss on your forehead, and you watched as she left. She felt so much like a mother, and you wished it was like this all the time. Even if she got on your nerves by sprouting some stuff about the Gryffindors, you knew that you’d pick this over the regular relationship you had with your parents any day. You wished your sister was here to see you now.

The mark on your arm throbbed again, and you sighed. It was time to go to the party.

-

The ballroom was filled with people, most of which you recognized were avid Voldemort supporters or pureblooded. Looking around for Regulus, you noted that you could see Mulciber chatting someone up. Someone was playing piano, and all the tables were filled with food. This had to be the grandest party yet.

Finally spotting Regulus, you hurried over to him. “Reg! You look good,” you smiled. It was true; he looked more dressed up than he normally would be. You noted that his bowtie was the same shade of green you were wearing. Seeing a small blush on his face, you chuckled.

“You look nice, too. Green’s a pretty color on you, but I’m sure you already know that.” You laughed, opening your mouth to speak before effectively getting cut off by your father’s booming voice.

“Thank you all for joining today, as we have very pleasing news. About a decade ago, the Blacks and us had made an arrangement to marry off our first borns.” You turned to face Regulus in shock only to note that his face was the same. “Unfortunately, the Blacks’ first born turned out to be a blood traitor and as you know, this summer, my firstborn had passed away. Therefore, the Blacks and I have been talking, and we had agreed that Regulus and (Y/N) would be a far better match. Their chemistry is undeniable, and their wedding is going to happen as soon as they turn of age. This is our formal invite to everyone in this room. Congratulations, Regulus, (Y/N).” Your father stopped speaking, but at this point, you didn’t know what to say.

An arranged marriage? With Regulus?

It’s true that you and Regulus were close friends, hell, he was probably your closest friend, but you never considered him romantically. But you’d never considered anyone other than Sirius romantically. You didn’t know if you could even indulge in this; sure, Regulus was nice, but he was almost like your little brother. You weakly smiled at all the stares in the room, but didn’t voice any of the thoughts you shared out loud. Instead, you whispered to him, “I’m happy it’s with you out of anyone it could’ve been with. Meet me at my room after the party?” 

Regulus agreed, and your only question was how you could possibly deal with this after the party. Would you have to wear engagement rings? There’s no doubt that you couldn’t date anyone anymore, not in public anyway. It’d get back to your parents, and you couldn’t risk that. 

And for the first time since meeting the Marauders, you truly realized that you were stuck with nowhere to go.

-

“I’m sorry this ended up happening,” Regulus whispered. The two of you were sitting in your bedroom, still wearing your party outfits, and you were still reeling from the revelation.

“A decade, Reg. And I bet even if things had worked out differently, we would’ve ended up married anyway. Sirius and my sister, and then you and I. Talk about a union,” you scoffed, leaning into your bed. “What are we going to do at school? Are we going to be… a couple? Actually date?”

“I don’t think we really have a choice other than do that, do we?”

“Ugh…” You stuffed your face into a pillow for a good minute before peeking your head out at Regulus, “This would be so much easier if I was bloody in love with you,” you sighed.

“We could. Actually d-date, I mean. It’d probably be more enjoyable for the both of us than to just pretend.” Regulus nervously spluttered out. You stared at him, thoughts rapidly shifting from one to the next. Could Regulus actually have feelings for you? Your eyebrows furrowed as you tried to comprehend this thought. You never considered the possibility that Regulus might have a crush on you, but you never considered a possibility of dating anyone other than Sirius either. And now that Sirius had made it clear he wanted to be friends and nothing more…

Could you imagine spending the rest of your life with Regulus? Waking up to his face, kissing him good morning, joking about his terrible morning breath before he has to leave? Could you imagine pretending that a war wasn’t going on out there, surrounding you, and having your newfound friends fighting for your life? Could you imagine being married to Regulus?

But what you actually said was, “You… have a crush on me, right? I never suspected anything until, well, now. But you know I’m still trying to get over Sirius, and if we did date, I do wish that it would’ve happened naturally instead of like. This.” You gestured with your arms, trying to read what he was feeling. He’d always been hard to read, especially when he grew up in a family just like yours, but he was much easier to read than Sirius.

“I am. I never told you because there wouldn’t have been a chance that you’d like me back, but you’re trying to get over Sirius and even though I’m unhappy that my parents planned this out for us, I’d be a fool to put my all into this relationship without making it clear how I felt. We’re in the same boat, and it’s better now than never.”

“Quite Gryffindor of you to say that,” you joked with a wry smile. “I… can’t say I like you back. If I were to be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever considered you to be more than my brother, and I can’t promise you anything else. But we can try and date, and even if it doesn’t work out, we’re still going to be stuck with each other no matter what. There’s nothing stopping that. I can try learn to love you as more, but I can’t promise anything.”

“I know,” Regulus whispered, and he took hold of your hand. “And I’m willing to enter this relationship with just that.” 

You smiled warily, but squeezed his hand. You were afraid to hurt him beyond repair. When Sirius had been sorted into Gryffindor, their relationship had become strained and you were the only person he held close, other than Kreacher. You found their relationship amusing, but never commented upon it. 

Maybe you couldn’t have Sirius, and maybe you were stuck in a marriage you didn’t want with in-laws you despised and you lived under the roof with people you frankly wished you didn’t care about, but at least you could try and make your life as good as it could be.

Soon, you’d be back to school. Soon, you’d have to face Sirius and Remus and tell them of your new marriage. Soon, people will know you as Regulus Black’s soon-to-be wife, and soon, you’d end up in a similar position as your sister. Not that you knew that part, though. 

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