#ftm problems

I’m in too much pain (from period cramps) so I’m going to stay up all night designing dresses in my sketchbook

-Alfred

Dear Men, 

You are a badass. No, really. Most men cannot handle the badassery of handling a period. Some women can hardly handle it. So, cry those manly tears and be a motherfucking chocolate and ice cream destroyer because you are a total badass. 

-Grayson

I admit today; I let my own insecurities get the better of me. I had a hard time getting through the day without something making me aware of just how feminine I can look at times. I don’t know. I just felt very off all day. I didn’t want to admit how off I was either to my girlfriend. It started with how much effort it took to bind me down. Right now, I don’t have a proper binder. I have two compression tank tops and sport bras to hold down a DD chest not to mention I’m overweight. No I could stand to lose 50 lbs. I don’t know where or how to start, but I have to figure out something.

So that didn’t help. I had to put on two sports bras, two compression tanks, and a lose fitting t-shirt and I still felt just like it wasn’t enough. My body feels like a cage right now. I just want it to feel right for a change. It’s getting kind of hard to watch other people in their transition on Youtube because it makes me aware of just how far I have to go. I’m truly happy for them, but I want them. Envy is not a good color on me. I want that. I want that. I want that. I want to be assured and comfortable in my skin. I want to present and live full time as a man. I want to be seen as a man. I want people to recognize me as a man. I want that so much and it feels like I won’t be able to achieve that sometimes. 

Followed by the crippling doubt, it hurts so much. I want a person who pats me on the back and lets me know everything is OK and I’m just letting my own poor self-confidence downtrodden me. I’m letting my own doubt suffocate me. I’m letting my own insecurities weigh heavy in my head. I need to stop! Maybe because I’m so tired of feeling trapped within my skin or maybe I’m just that self conscious. Will it always be like this? Can’t I be positive that I can make this happen for me? 

I CAN graduate college and make something of my life! I CAN be a good parent to my son! I CAN live life as me; as a man! I DON’T have to doubt that my future will be good if I make it happen!

My mom seems to think it is and I want to prove her wrong.

I’m a few inches taller, have T, an accepting family, and ripped abs

Guys, we’re in the last 24 hours get your entries in now or you might miss out on a wonderful opportunity. Join the giveaway here http://whats-a-trans.tumblr.com/post/144096179993/chest-binder-giveaway

Good luck!

No one takes your seriously as a transman because you’re “not masculine enough”

After I came out as trans I just don’t drink anymore, because I really prefer to be treated like the 14 y.o. boy that I’m read as than getting a drink and be read as a 19 y.o. girl that my I.D. tells them I am.