#full articles
COVID-19 Vaccine: Frequently Asked Questions
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What are the ingredients in the Pfizer-BioNTech vaccine? The ingredients include mRNA, lipids, sodium chloride, potassium chloride, sucrose, black pepper, rosemary, and sage. How is the vaccine administered? With pleasure. I just received my first dose of the Pfizer-BioNTech COVID-19 vaccine. What I should look out for? Side effects: injection site pain or swelling, fatigue, […]
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Breaking: Healthcare Workers Experiencing Hope as Side Effect of COVID-19 Vaccine
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ATLANTA, GA – The most common side effect or adverse reaction healthcare workers are experiencing after the first dose of the Pfizer-BioNTech COVID-19 vaccine is hope, Gomerblog reports. “The Vaccine Adverse Event Reporting System (VAERS) has been overwhelmed by thousands of reports from emergency medical technicians, doctors, nurses, nurse practitioners, physician assistants, pharmacists, and other […]
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Med Students to Get Vaccine After General Population, Cacti, Humpback Whales
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ATLANTA, GA – Commenting their status as backline healthcare workers, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) has recommended medical students get vaccinated against COVID-19, but only after the general population, cacti, several species of toads, and humpback whales do so first. The Pfizer-BioNTech COVID-19 vaccine was the first in the United States green-lit […]
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Hospital Combats Physician Burnout With Mandatory Training on Burnout
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Tuscaloosa, AL- As burnout has gained publicity in the medical world, hospital administrators have been working at a medium pace to find a cure for it. “The last thing we want is for physicians and midlevels to burnout and leave medicine,” Tuscaloosa Lutheran Hospital CEO Kevin Klueless BS, MHA, GED, MBA, PMHNP, DNP, BFD, PIA […]
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BREAKING: Figs Scrubs made DNR by Female DO Hospitalist
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Los Angeles, CA – After gradually wedging their way into the hearts and minds of healthcare professionals across the US and the world, Figs has been made DNR. The brand known for their form-fitting, over-priced, low-quality scrubs promoted by Instagram influencers/medical students has finally tripped over their own overpriced, designer shoes. Prior to today, Figs had […]
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New EMR Implementation Going Almost As Smoothly As Promised
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San Diego, CA– When Balboa Memorial Hospital announced that they would be “upgrading” to a new Electronic Medical Record (EMR) last year, there was a significant amount of pushback from hospital staff. Lead Hospital Administrator Toomani Hashtagues MHA, BS, more BS, MBA, GED, OPP, BFD was quick to dispel any fears amongst hospital employees, “I […]
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Another Monolith Found Within Patient’s Left Kidney
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Salt Lake City, UT – After reports of a mysterious monolith appearing in the desert of southeastern Utah, followed by similar structures recently found in Romania and California, doctors at Salt Lake Regional medical center were surprised to encounter an identical monolith on one patient’s CT abdomen and pelvis. A middle-aged gentleman presenting with colicky […]
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AMA To Stop Publishing Guidelines, Focus Instead on Selling Insurance
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The American Medical Association recently announced a plan to end its longtime role in CME and guideline publication and instead focus on selling term life, disability, and auto insurance, along with magazine subscriptions. According to Trent Ulreich, Executive Chairperson for Customer Retention, “selling term life insurance to physicians has proven immensely profitable, much moreso than […]
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New “Code 7/19” Intubation Protocol Keeps Day Nurse Around to Finish Sstorm He Started
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The time is 1859 and pagers throughout the ICU begin to chirp. It’s time: Tube O’clock. This simple and easy protocol was designed to ensure each patient is tubed NO SOONER than five minutes before death or one hour after end of Nursing shift. All pending intubations will now take place at 0700 & 1900: […]
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Doctors May Qualify for Law Degree After Completing HIPAA and EMTALA Compliance Training
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A report by the Institute of Legal Education states that doctors are likely eligible for a Juris Doctorate degree after completing mandatory training for HIPAA and EMTALA compliance. According to Jay Braslow, president of the institute, “the content of these modules are incredibly comprehensive, and cover 90% of the curriculum taught at most US law […]
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New ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ Vaccine Covers All Infections A to Z
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ALPHABET CITY, NY—With so many recommended vaccines—MMR, DTaP, IPV, Hib, PCV, RV etc—it can be challenging to remember all their names, let alone when to give them. That is, until now. That’s because there’s finally a universal vaccine that will displace all others, and everyone, including anti-vaxxers, can easily get behind. Called the ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ vaccine, […]
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Politicians, Nostalgic for the 1990s, Unanimously Support “Medicare-for-All-4-One
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WASHINGTON, DC—In a stunning display of bipartisanship that is all too rare in Washington these days, Congress unanimously passed a new health insurance plan today. This historic bill, entitled “Medicare-for-All-4-One,” guarantees free lifetime medical care for the 1990s super-boy-band that introduced the world to such powerhouse hits as “I Swear” and “I Can Love You […]
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Patient With No Past Medical History Has Sternotomy Scar, Central Line, G-tube
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An area emergency room physician was stunned today when his patient, a 4 year old boy whose parents denied any medical history, was found to have a well-healed sternotomy scar on examination. “Imagine my surprise when I went to examine this previously healthy little boy and found a large scar at the thoracic midline, along […]
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New Drug Company “Big Pharma” releases full range of Placebos
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Despite being one of the most studied medications there has never been a range of placebos released onto the market. The newly launched Pharmaceutical company “Big Pharma” saw this gap and have developed a full range of placebos. From the small sized sugar coated range in 5 different colours right through to injectables, eye drops […]
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Physicians can now legally ghost patients
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New York, New York- In an exciting turn of events congress has recently passed bill 151, also known as “the ghost law”. After much heated deliberation with strong consideration from physicians from petitions, bill 151 was voted on unanimously! What is bill 151? Bill 151 or “the ghost law” allows physicians to terminate a patient […]
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FDA approves new drug for hypochondria, Placebadil
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Stock prices of Pfizer are predicted to hit record levels in the next 6 months. This is because they recently introduced the first ever drug to treat hypochondria. This drug is predicted to revolutionize the care of hypochondriacs. This drug is enteric coated and a combination of two active ingredients, sugar and starch. It’s chemical […]
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