Aesthetic as fuck.. I’ve lived in a lot of different style tweaker pads.. Like think 3 story Victorian mansion with 20 ppl living together, think a high end prostitutes mothers basement where we weren’t allowed to make a singe noise, think a paranoid control freak with locks on the inside and out if all doors and windows that had cartel gentlemen running through his house daily. One thing I’ve realized in all this time is that I can deal with anything as long as I have a properly in order space for myself, a “mind palace” if you will.. I love cleaning and organizing while fucked up. Love aesthetic and vibes and candles and essential oils and getting high and putting shit all in order and getting more high and doing art in my space. I can’t stand dirty.. Cluttered.. Stuff everywhere. It’s cool if it’s someone else’s place but my space has always had a minimalist flow to it

Baby Cat(zoey) is my girlfriend baby girl

Golly bud, this was back when I lived in Colorado, I was taking a break.. Spent 3 days in these Jammie’s just sleeping and cuddling little miss furry paws. Ate like an entire Fucking flat of ramen noodles hahaha my lovely roommate of the time kept coming into my room and feeding me lines of cocaine so I’d talk to her for a little bit before going back to sleep(5 years ago, coke was my love before I’d ever met Meth) Now that shit has barely any effect on me at all.

When I get payed, here’s what I take care of, prioritized in order of importance:
1. Bills
2. Meth(came to this small ass island to get clean and take a break.. Been 5months sober and I’m so ready to get back into my grind.. Once I’m in Spokane)
3. Avocados
4. Alcohol(dont usually drink wine but I’m living with sophisticated mother fuckers right now and bought with them in mind)
5. Thrifting(found this school girl skirt for $2 today)or art supplies

What’s your shopping list look like on payday??

I get super obsessed with one style of art for like 3 days, stay up for three days just filling a note book with the same 3d bullshit.

Haha see what I did there.

3d art for 3dayz.

A drawing Id done on an envelope for mothers day last year and never got around to sending. Does anyone else struggle with communication in the worst way. I can barely answer a text or phone call, hell my phones usually dead or broken. I imagine what I’d say to people if I answered them and then go over and over it, rehearsing and breaking down what I’d say to the point that I end up just having conversations with myself. I’ve written thousands of letters, post, cards, drawings, all laced with purpose and passion yet I’ve only sent out one out of every ten of those. Haha maybe it’s the thought that counts and the positive energy I thought up will find its way back to them somehow. Maybe it’s better they don’t hear my overly enthusiastic, desperate tweaker letters, example follows; Dear Grandma!! I love love love you to death and appreciate every single ounce of skin on your frail sweet time telling tale of a body! Sorry to hear your arthritis is acting up, damn fuck that can be a bitch I bet, damn grams YOU OUGHT TO TRY SILICA OR ALKASELTZER! Do you take alkaseltzer daily to PH your body!? Wow maybe I will come visit you soon, I was thinking of leaving this state and moving along with only a backpack to (Insert dry little town in the desert) because I hear that they have the loveliest most perfect oasis to hike out to! Going to the gym and swimming could help your arthritis! Omg wouldn’t that be dope. I’ll come swim round and get you for a swim, ok grams? Love YOUUUU. *every inch of paper that is not written on is covered in a drawing of a sprawling desert scene filled with Joshua trees, prickly pear, a paradise style blue water oasis and graced with the presence of a scorpion that took me probably 4 hours alone to paint/draw/chalk* *adds a joint for good luck and since my grandmother is a religious conservative, for the “shock factor”*5 months later finds card, opens, smokes joint, thinks it may be a cool idea to collage the walls of my apartment with art.. Oh no* *still haven’t sent grandma a letter*

This is cute and silly and made me lol.

I’ve tried to kill myself 5 times now! Omg what a crazy thing to be alive, I remember waking up in the hospital and being like fuck, Goddamnit girl, tell me you didn’t do this shit again!
I remember before I died, my life flashed before my eyes but it wasn’t like everyone had explained it, they said it would be like sad and that I’d regret so much but It wasn’t like that!
What happened while I was dieing was that I was reliving these beautiful memories of my sisters and I playing outside in the summer time when we were like 2 years old. The memories were so vivid, I swear it was like I was really there and it was warm and we were catching grasshoppers, wearing these little polka-dot swimsuits with ruffles on the butt and sunglass that we’re too big, probably my moms. It was the most beautiful genuine feeling I’d experienced in such a long time, then I don’t remember anything, then I was in the shower and I was worried because my overalls were getting wet but my friend had put me in there, then blackout, then I was living in the backseat of a car and looking out the window counting stars and even though there were millions of stars, I was able to recognize them each individually.. Then blackout, I wake up in a hospital bed and there’s a hummingbird flitting around my head, it’s flying up to my face and tickling my cheeks and it’s glowing.. The little guy lands on my lower arm and sticks it’s little tongue in my arm and starts drinking my blood! So I picked him off of course! Turns out it was the iv giving me fluids lol silly me but it was a beautiful time, I was so happy to have gotten some good rest for the first time in years. Later when they let me go, I walked home 5 miles in hospital slippers in the snow.. The day before I’d given plasma and earned $50, when I got home my roommates had taken it and bought vodka and smokes.. Lol it was okay though, I went and got dressed in my leather jacket, gg Allin shirt, little plaid skirt, and docs and I got Fucking drunk with those shit heads. I love being alive even though my bipolar drives me into the ground sometimes! I’ve split my wrist, od’ on pills twice, od’ on a mixture of dextramethorphan, shrooms, and coke while teaching at a preschool, jumped out in middle of the freeway, I’ve been around and thank the universe everyday that I’m still here.

Ughhh everyone should just wear whatever the fuck they want %100 percent of the time. Sometimes I wanna dress like a 70s school girl, if ya dont like it, get up under this skirt and suck my dick. Don’t talk shut about girls that dress like hoes because one day you’re gonna want to dress like a Fucking hoe and go clubbing and do a hoe dance and you’re gonna be a big ol hypocrite. Also don’t Fucking judge people for wearing their sweatpants and sweatshirts and hair in a mess to the grocery store because everyone has bad days. If someone looks nice, if it looks like they put ANY effort AT all into their appearance, compliment that bitch, say something sincere, you could change their day or just make it a little brighter. ☀

Ladies, you want my advice?

Be your own provider, be independent. Hustle your ass off to get what you want and don’t have to depend or ask for shit.

I faked my way into an executive chef job, didn’t know WTF I was doing, had no real experience, yet I still got the job.

Today, after just 2 weeks working non stop I walk away with this. You want something, work for it. Fuck ya sugar daddy, I am my own fairy god mother, I don’t have to beg or suck sick for a cent.

Trust me I’ve been with a sugar daddy, I’ve met the love of my life and lived on the streets, I’ve been with a sexy ass UFC fighter, I’ve pulled my weight. You wanna know what I’ve learned from my experience? A real woman attracts a real man.

A real woman will attract a real man.

Old, 2 years ago before I’d ever done Meth! Ugh after I quit using speed, I gained like 40lbs in 5 month, it’s killing me! I was 100lbs before I ever started using. I’ve never been this big before and it’s so fucked!!! So ready to get back to what I do best, get fucked up and hit the gym!

Lol this is so damn cute but actually I do care so damn much!!

Anyone wanna be like a fairy god mother and come sprinkle me with angel dust!? Lol pleaseee

“if you are lost, please go home”

Interesting little bit there. Reminds me of the quote, “You only are free when you realize you belong no place — you belong every place — no place at all.”-Maya Angelou. Also, Chuck Palanhiuk, “It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything.“ Also has shown up in Cowboy bebop, “It’s the best. Belonging is the very best thing there is.”-Faye Valentine, shortly after she says this, she discovers that her childhood home has long been gone.. In that she realizes that she never belonged to a place but to the happiness she gained from the people that were beside her and her experiences in what was once her home, thud she returns to the Bebop to be with her friends, wandering space with no permanent home, free, a vagabond, only with a home base where her heart lies, with her friends^.^ I belong nowhere, that’s why I can travel from state to state with only my pack on my back and loving vibes in my ♥

Vacuuming out the car in 30 degrees because tweaker habits stayed with me. Lolol My ex used to obsess about his truck and house being uber clean and it was awesome coz If I cleaned regularly I had less of an urge to look for dropped shards.

We had so much fun together^.^ go to the car wash one day and it’s like hot as fuck outside, like think upper 90s and we’re spun tf out and Fri king Cheladas, got kid rock blasting so loud on his truck speakers that another guy cleaning his car comes over and starts dancing and my ex like sprays me with the water so I’m like fuck it I got a swimsuit on so I take my shirt off and we just start all dancing in the rain, I’m up in the back of his truck just so happy.. Can’t remember the last time I’ve been happy Like that..

I try to stay positive, be happy but it’s very difficult. Without him or speed, I’m lost and sad, no longer confident or fun.

Lol this is the fat cat I live with! Only two more days till I’m back in Seattle and back to getting fucked upppp! But for now I guess cuddling this cat loaf will do.

FAT CAT YOU ARE MY WORLD

The 70s called, they literally just want me. Stonedddd, drinking tropical v8 and wine, cuddling fat-cat, watching animal house. Lol

It’s the time of the season for loving you

A painting I’d done on one of my leather skirts. This was a terrible night. My ex was upstairs getting high but wouldn’t let me out of the basement, wouldn’t let anyone sell me anything. Then he literally pretended like I didn’t exist.. Lots if other awful things happened that night but fuck it! So it’s in the past, so it is still quite painful but at least I learned something from the experience.

My sisters baby cat that ran away, her name is princess peppercorn and shes got 7 toes on each lil paw these are thrift store gems that I found in Alaska.. My Austin Powers red leather boots, red and method man/nine inch nails/the thong song on record

Without music fuck, count me out, I’d be 6 ft deep by now.

I’m just drunk scum punk. FUCKING HELL I WISH I WAS HIGH. I’ve got island fever so Fucking bad, this little sober Fucking hell island is driving me tits off the wall insane. Fuck me. Fuck this shit. I’d do anything for a Fucking line rn.

Crystal crumbles, refract my sanity, reflect in my eyes the path, lead me to my Crystal castle.

God fuck I want to listen to typ-o negative and get so high that this empty room looks like its overflowing out the door and windows, spilling with people, shadows, blurred faces, let’s have a Fucking party.