#good omens incorrect quotes

Aziraphale: Someone ate all of my powdered donuts! Crowley, do you know who-

Aziraphale:

Aziraphale: Crowley dear, what’s on your shirt?

Crowley, his shirt covered in white donut powder:Cocaine.

Aziraphale: Sure, you may be verified on Twitter, but are you verified in the eyes of god?

Gabriel: Good morning gays!

Aziraphale: Don’t you mean “guys”?

Gabriel: Did I fucking stutter?

Aziraphale: You do love me, right Crowley?

Crowley, sarcastically: No, Angel.

Aziraphale, tearing up:Really?

Crowley, now panicked: No angel I do love you please don’t cry I love you-

Aziraphale: I really like guys-

Crowley: *gasps in gay excitement*

Aziraphale: geysers. I think they’re really neat.

Aziraphale: oh and I also like men.

Crowley: *fucking dies*

Anathema: So how did you two crash the car again?

Aziraphale: Well Crowley was driving, and suddenly a doe pops up in the middle of the road. I turn to him and shout, “Crowley, deer!”

Anathema: And what did he say?

Crowley:

Crowley: “Yes, Angel?”

Crowley just really likes his new shoes

Do not repost please, reblogging is appreciated

Brother Francis: Warlock said a bad word today

Ashtoreth: where the fuck did he learn that 

Crowley, talking to Adam: you know the angels in heaven can be real aggressive. So it’s important to take all necessary precautions when approaching

Crowley, using a air horn on Gabriel: GET FUCKED!!!

Anathema: it’s kinda cold

Newt: here, take my jacket

Crowley: I’m cold too

Aziraphale: what? *taking off jacket* I told you to bring more layers but of course you didn’t listen and now *piling scarves on Crowley* now look, I’ve got to make sure you don’t FREEZE to death and *taking somebody else’s hat* how long have you been cold you should have said something sooner,

Aziraphale: *walks into the room, blood on his nose*

Crowley: angel, what happened?

Aziraphale: I hit a tree

Crowley: what??

Crowley: are you okay??

Crowley: or should I say oaky

Crowley: haha

Crowley: sorry

Crowley: but actually

Aziraphale: I only take pictures of things that are beautiful 

Anathema: your whole camera roll is pictures of Crowley

Aziraphale: your point?

Aziraphale: are you drunk?

Crowley: only on adventure

Crowley: and gin. And vodka. And bourbon. And gin.

Crowley: you and I are like Romeo and Juliet

Aziraphale: awww, why? Is it because we’re destined to be together?

Crowley: no, it’s because we’re the two biggest idiots I know

Crowley: I DO WHAT I WANT

Anathema: I’m calling Aziraphale

Crowley: no wait-