#hal lublin
This trip to LA has been a real eye opener. I finished treatment the day I flew out, which is awesome, I just gotta wait for a scan to see if all the tumours have totally gone but I’m not as ready as I though mentally for this trip. I miss my dog so much and to call home to have my mum ask me who I was is heartbreaking and to know I’m not welcome at my granddads headstone blessing because I’m not in the UK for Easter just makes me feel like what is the point? Why do I keep fighting? but then I stick my ear buds in and try carry on. I have had so many anxiety attacks it has been tiresome. So I have spoken to my complex care team and I’m going in to see them when I get back. Don’t get me wrong I am so glad I made the trip, I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for the podcasts, they have literally saved my life. I listen TAH, Janie and Aaron does Hollywood, dead authors podcast and now the two new ones spontaneanation and we got this, they all help me.
To meet paulftompkinshallublinaaronginsburg & Marc Evan Jackson and to be able to say thank you to them was just the best I can’t even put into words how amazing it was to see them, speak to them and get hugs as well, I do not deserve how nice they were to me. I am glad I made the trip I just wish I could be a better person.
Omg I can’t believe this time next week I will be in LA to watch Thrilling Adventure Hour. I am so excited but freaking out big time. I’m not only going to see the people who have pretty much saved my life, hallublinpaulftompkins Marc Evan Jackson, Mark Gagliardi and Paget Brewster have been the Workjuice players who have made a big difference I really want to say thank you to them. But I’m going to respect the wish of a friend who wanted to see the show but lost the fight with the demons.
I have sorted everything out at home for my mum and nephew so they will be sorted but I feel selfish for going and leaving them. I havnt been on holiday for 10yrs so it’s well over due but I’m really nervous, Anxiety is a Bitch. Sending a great big hug to anyone out there who suffers from it. Onwards and upwards. Ok gotta stop the moaning, this washing won’t put itself away.