#heartbreaka

I have bruises on my body that was not created by your hands

But I ran before you could feel the scars

My heart sometimes doesn’t know the difference in pain and love 

Loneliness devoured me from the inside out

So I tried to fill the void with what I craved instead of you
Somewhere in the ocean I got lost and ruptured my heart trying to get back to where I knew I belonged

And now that I am whole 

Now that I am home

I am still sore from the bruises of before and stitched together in some of the wrong places
You are being punished for something you didn’t create

 But I destroyed unwillingly
When the pieces of me I saved for you were stolen I was too late to save them
I was ruined and demeaned

All I wanted was to un-taste the poison that was placed inside of me
Stripped of everything I thought I could survive the cold

Any storm that shook the ocean but I had nothing left to shelter the important parts inside of me I went too far and had no way out so I let go and gave in to sins I were ashamed of

I drowned myself while learning how to fight to breathe
I was too tired to stay But chained by my guilt and grief I was far away in a place I wasn’t welcomed

I was ruined and used and alone

and I couldn’t find your love at the end

I placed my soul in the devils hands begging for mercy
I fought to live 

I fought to taste life instead of my salty tears I dug myself out of hell 

Naked and alone
And now I am begging for you to stay 

To love the pieces I ruined 

And mend the parts of me you didn’t destroy

I will never forgive selling my soul for tasting a poison that was never mine Because I need your forgiveness more than my own

I could never tell you how it feels to be loved by a man who soothes my brokenness  

To allow you to openly touch the vulnerable parts of me 

And expose the places I’m ashamed of the most

I crave your love to forgive the pieces of me that gave into temptation and place the parts that belong back inside of me

But sometimes they don’t fit quite right

And sometimes my sewed up wounds open and for a moment I almost drown

So on the days it seems the hardest please forgive me the most

Because that’s what my soul craves

 Unconditional love

 And you