#help meeee

I’m so sorry

I need to come out.

And transition.

It’s becoming really clear to me the more I push this off, the more I pretend it’s not an issue…

I can barely survive twenty minutes. I’m smoking and drinking all I can just to cope.

I know what I need.

I just keep saying no to it.

And then I say yes to things, I don’t even really mean to say yes to but I do because I’m trying to run from my feelings.

I want to say no to distractions…

But I can’t even stay present in myself without feeling this discomfort and panic and fear of rejection dumping in on me.

It feels like I’m escaping from my body to try to find presence.

Then I go out of my way to design a life where most of it is “escaped,” and it’s great…

But it all collapses on me like a stack of jenga as it feels like …I’m still hiding.

And I don’t know why.

“Because I’m scared.” Actually no, I’ve found something even more scary: living this way.

“Because I’m going to be rejected.” Honestly bring it on, I don’t even care.

“Because people will try to change me.”

Ok.

That one still hurts.

I still feel like some people are rooting for me to turn out cis. I gotta make it their problem that life didn’t meet their expectations, who cares? They can shove it.

stillthesunkenstars:

When a guy has both toxic father traits and toxic mother traits ….. nonbinary

personuhh:

I regret making this vague!!!! This post is about Yosuke Hanamura from Persona 4, if you reblog this talking about minecraft YouTubers I will break your kneecaps!!