Addendum to blog 3 about Anger Outbursts.

I read a paper that talked briefly about anger outbursts in szpd and they considered it a way to overcome dullness and loneliness. I get anger outbursts too, not often and usually quite short in length as well. I don’t really agree that it’s a way to overcome dullness and loneliness though because I’m not trying to get closer to the person. Quite the opposite, I hope my anger outburst scares them away for good. But I haven’t studied this like they have so my opinion has no weight behind it.
http://scielo.isciii.es/scielo.php?script=sci_arttext&pid=S0213-61632010000100005 
Thats the article, they talk about anger outbursts about halfway down for a paragraph. Be warned it mentions SA

Thank you very much for pointing me to this article, @pinkfairypuke! 

I’m not really sure what to think of the statement that anger outbursts are a way to overcome dullness and loneliness. My first response is “hell no, that’s probably a psychologist projecting their own reasons for getting mad onto schizoids! How does he daaaaaare to say such a thing!” (Dear psychologists, I’m semi-joking. :-P)

My own triggers for anger outbursts are never “Oh I’m bored” or “Oh I’m lonely” – it’s when other people take away my agency or try to spread lies about me or things like that, that I can get really angry. If people would have left me alone at that moment, none of it would have happened. So the “Oh I’m lonely, I shall get mad now”-theory really doesn’t land with me. Na-ah.

However, I haven’t read the article yet, so I’ll get right into that to see if the article is able to change my judgement.

This is the bit you were referring to (and I bolded some of the causes they give for anger in schizoids):

Lain suggests that a schizoid individual in one sense is trying to be omnipotent by enclosing within his own being, without recourse to a creative relationship with other, modes of relationship that require the effective presence to him of other people and of the outer world. The imagined advantages are safety for the true self, isolation and hence freedom from others, self-sufficiency, and control (p. 75). As a result, the schizoid becomes fearful of crowds, as they force upon her the recognition that others exist. A way to escape it might be by becominganaggressor. The author suggests that aggression in persons with SPD might contribute to a new construction of self (more visible as a result of enhanced assertive, extrovert, direct and confronting attitude) in an unconscious attempt to become more interesting and colourful for other people. Aggression can be considered in this way as an effort to overcoming dullness and loneliness. An expression of aggressive resistance could be interpreted as assertive behaviour,refusal to remain an outcast (that is normally absent in schizoid persons) and opportunity to rigorous transformation, and it might be an important step of “being in the world” and becoming released from loneliness.

So in simpler terms, to me it seems like they name three different causes for aggressive behavior in schizoids:

• To escape social situations
• To construct a new self (a more assertive self when trying to “fit in”)
• To overcome dullness and loneliness

They state it differently and make some links I would not make myself, but unless I know the exact study cases, I’m not sure how to interpret some of the links they made. I can however explain the three causes I took from the article myself.

I can agree to the logic behind their observations to some point, and I’m glad it’s not just that “dullness and loneliness” are causes, but that they give two other causes that apply to the anger outbursts in you and me..

To escape social situations: I’m reminded of a documentary I saw of the hikikomori in Japan. These are young men that never leave their rooms, often because they have no desire to interact with others or get a job. (In my opinion, they’re probably people with forms of autism or schizoids. Full time jobs are hard to keep in our Western world, never mind in Japan where you have to work 60 hours a week if you want to make your family proud.) In many cases where parents try to get them to leave the house, they get very aggressive in order to make their parents back off. It’s very clear that in that case, they use aggression as a tool to get what they want, to be left alone and to be allowed to stay at home.
OP, this also reminds me of what you say – you get angry to get people to back off – preferably for good.

To construct a new self/a more assertive self: in part this reminds me most of myself. I often get my aggressive outbursts at moments I need to stand up for myself, as described in my triggers. So in order to grow into a more assertive self, the aggressive outburst pops up simultaneously. As someone on Facebook stated, there seems to be logic to my triggers, and it’s often when I’m being assertive (or trying to be assertive) that it knocks me out of balance and the anger comes with it. I can only state for myself that I have no desire to be angry, but when frustration builds up, it needs to come out. Usually it erupts fiercely, like a volcano, but after a short burst it subsides again to stay away for months in a row. (Though that used to be with 10 year intervals before - the frequency has gotten worse as I’ve aged and am trying to improve myself, even if it goes against my very nature. A part of me fears I won’t ever fully overcome the anger. While I’d like to believe that the larva turns into a butterfly, a part just fears I’m just going to turn into something even nastier and completely fucked up. Or something dead.)

To overcome dullness and loneliness: I can’t really say that I can imagine an example of this in adults, or that I remember reading this in a post from another schizoid on Facebook or elsewhere, but in children it’s typical to start an argument before bedtime in order to not have to go to sleep, to not be alone in bed. Aggression can be a means to get attention, even if it’s only negative attention that it gets them.
If you are in a psychiatric ward and no doctor can see you when you need to speak to someone, punch someone in the face and you can bet you can see a psych the moment you’ve calmed down. (Hey, I’m not telling you guys to do this, and this will probably prolong your stay there and possibly land you with a criminal record, but that’s how it works in the underfunded psychiatric institutions of the western world.) I’m not sure that’s something a schizoid would do, it sounds more borderline to me - but some people have both SPD and borderline, so maybe it’s something that occurs quicker in folks with a combination of those disorders.

Thanks again for sharing the link to the article, @pinkfairypuke, I found it very interesting! I hope my brain vomit is of use to you! 

NOT GOING TO POST BLOGS ATM

Dec 3, 2018

My hard drive just happen to give up after restarting my PC just to fix some icon lag bug, only to be presented by this nonesense

After this, I have tried the available solutions

Yet, only to be given with that “preparing automatic repair” BS over and over again!!!

I managed to set to start with a safemode, failed. Attempting system repairs, failed. Utilizing the command console, failed. Using previous version, failed. System restore, failed. Resetting the drive while keeping personal files, failed.

I guess buying a new drive, OS, & a bunch of games (again) will be my last resort (which it’ll take me saving months of months of dirt barya-baryapennies just to restart and ressume to the last thing that I’m working on in my desktop )

The worse thing is, there still many misc files, all the 2yr worth of screenshot raws & un-released sets are still in that crap drive that i will never be recover/recreate

Not to mention that my Tumblr blog was usually revolves around showcasing fully nude subjects, which Tumblr are now against with

I’M going to repost some of the sets and continue my work at my Deviantart page as soon as I have set up my new potato work station! (for-god-who-knows-when-)

Abbi deserves better!

A small comic I made

Today Japan of the day is:

Burrito of Japan

cyb3r-dr34ms:

Welcome to the NHK

Welcome to the NHK

Mikoto Meika moodboard with cafecore, hikikomori theme and light academia

1198x1216☁️

Mod Atsushi