#hot for teacher
after 5 years i can bring back my ‘hot for teacher’ tag because apparently my type is teachers…
“that’s sounds like a you problem” is literally one of the funniest ways to respond to criticism
Some of my students are actual nuns. Their order sends them to our college to take the Education track, so they can return to their communities in Vietnam and Tanzania and teach their sisters.
I tell you all this, so that you will understand: Every time I grade one of their assignments, I yell, “Nun shall pass!”
Student: Hey, do you know anybody with any vapes for sale? Or bowls?
Me: (Gapes, slack-jawed, in utter disbelief that a student would ask me, the nearly middle-aged professor, such a question)
Student: It’s all right, I guess it’s just Phillies blunts for me tonight.
I love Greek mythology. For the Greeks, the gods were very human; they hated, and loved, and lusted, and failed. They were like us, but with more power to play out their desires and petty jealousies.
Zeus, highest of the Greek gods, loved to love. He went after everyone- goddesses, nymphs, and mortal women. The problem for Zeus was not that he was married to a (justifiably) jealous Hera, but that mortal women didn’t always welcome his advances. His solution? Transform into an animal!
This weirdness has inspired artists for centuries, and it means there are lots of great paintings of Zeus, in animal form, looking rather chuffed with himself.
The Happiest Bull (Zeus with Europa, Jean Francois de Troy)
(Titian)
(Johann Heinrich Tischbein the Elder)
Zeus Inspects the Goods (Leda and the Swan, Francois Boucher)
HONK! (Adolf Ulrik Wertmuller)
“No Gabriel, why don’t YOU go have a baby? I’m busy.” (Carlo da Camerino)
“Oh. You woke me up. For this. Thanks.” (Dante Gabriel Rosetti)
To be fair, neither Mary nor Gabriel looks thrilled, here. (Duccio di Buoninsegna)
“UUUUUUUUGH” (Jan van Eyck)
“UUUUUUUUUUUUGH” (Jan van Eyck, again) (van Eyck gets bonus points for Gabriel’s fabulous wings)
Mary is clearly about to steal Gabriel’s stick and stab him with it. (Hans Memling)
“Just no. No, I’m not doing that, no.” (Allessandro Allori)
One of my favorite phenomena in art history is the obvious distaste with which the Virgin Mary reacts to the Annunciation. (For non-Christian Tumbletonians, this is the moment in Luke 1:26-38 when the angel Gabriel visits Mary to inform her that she, a virgin, will bear the son of God.)
Imagine yourself as a teenage girl. You’ve never been touched by a man, in a culture that values sexual purity in women. Suddenly, a winged dude descends from on high, blows a trumpet, and starts hollering that you’re going to have a baby. But it’s totally fine, because said baby will be the Messiah. So the elderly carpenter that your parents will con into marrying you will be totally cool with your mystery baby. (Sorry, Joseph.) And oh, by the way, you’ll outlive your son, who will be murdered by the State for being a radical.
Luke 1:29 reads, in deep understatement, “Mary was troubled by his [Gabriel’s] words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be.”
Now, we can see why the face of the Virgin, in art history, isn’t quite as beatific as one might expect. She ranges from mildly upset…
(Fra Angelico) (also just look at Adam and Eve off gossiping in the corner)
(Godfried Schalcken, who evidently imagined the angel Gabriel as Louis XVI in his nightgown)
…to genuinely puzzled…
“You want WHAT now?”
(Matthias Stom)
…to actually running and hiding…
“Mary? No, you want the next weird tower over. I’m Marcy. No Mary here.”(Guido da Siena)
…to downright salty.
“Bitch I AM READING.” (Jean Hey)
…AND my favorite:
“Fuck right off very much, Gabriel.”
(Simone Martini)
Students: “Wow, he’s so sad, he must have a rich intellectual life, he seems like he’s brooding, that’s amazing use of color to express his inner turmoil.”
Students: “Wow, what a narcissist, who does she think she is, that’s so superficial, I kind of hate her, she should shave that thing, ugh why would she paint herself, she’s so ugly.”
Me:
Here’s what happens when Pandora gets caught taking upskirt pics by her hot teacher, in “Schoolgirl Selfies” at Dreams of Spanking.
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Waking up in an empty bed.
Just a few minutes walk from where he’s doing the same.
Knowing I’d be welcome there.
Knowing I’d be happy there.
Waking up sucks.
Handsome Caleb looked sharp, and reminded me of all those teachers I had crushes on in school. ✨
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