#i exist
victimofcowbuild-deactivated202:
How Cowbuild’s Bullying Caused A Suicide Attempt
It’s me. victimofcowbuild/mommy-fetish/Bucky. Nice to see you all again. It really is, but I was hoping this shit would have been over by the time I came back to you all. As we all know, however, money is the root of all evil. And we know these perma-paywallers won’t stop.
As you all know, I was one of the first people who came out about CB on Reddit. My Reddit account is still up and if you have more than half a braincell it’s very clear Mack/Sunny and I are NOT the same person. Unless Sunny is a biracial Russian immigrant who is also trans and married and helps people find stolen pets. In which case, wow, that’s pretty epic ngl.
As you all also know, Cowbuild’s attempts are convincing their followers that I was Mack/Sunny was to say that I do not exist and to misgender me. This is all after doxxing me under my deadname not even months prior.
I’m thrusting this information onto all of you so you can see how intense her words were. I used to suffer from a diagnosed delusion called Cotard’s Syndrome/Delusion.
“People with Cotard’s syndrome (also called walking corpse syndrome or Cotard's delusion) believe that parts of their body are missing, or that they are dying, dead, or don’t exist. They may think nothing exists.
Cotard’s syndrome is rare, with about 200 known cases worldwide.” -WebMD
I believed for years I was dead and no longer existing, and that my right leg from the knee down was torn off. This syndrome in me was caused by childhood trauma. It took 4 years of medication, intense therapy, and multiple inpatient stays to finally come to believe that I was indeed alive. My wonderful husband used to hold my hand and tell me I was alive, that I was real, and would rub my leg so I could feel that the leg was in fact there. As of July 2020, the diagnosis was removed from my current list and I was free.
Until Cowbuild decided to say that I, Bucky the Mommy Fetishist, does not exist. It started off small. But the thoughts came back. The misgendering hit me hard, too. Both of them combined made me have to take a break from the TS4 community and Reddit as a whole. But then I had an idea.
If I were truly already dead and no longer existing, attempting suicide wouldn’t work. THAT would prove I was really dead! Right?! Right! It all made so much sense…
Without going into triggering details… I attempted suicide. There was a solid 2 weeks I was not on Discord or Reddit where I was indeed in a psychiatric hospital post-attempt. I attempted suicide because Cowbuild convinced me I did not exist.
But it did not last. I did not stay convinced I was dead. I’ve been thriving up until recently, when I lost a close friend to suicide due to cyberbullying. I exist. I am real. I am a transman with a loving husband who makes me the happiest idiot in the world. We have 5 dogs and a cat, we’re buying a house, we’re going to adopt in the near future.
However. If Cowbuild wants to threaten (fake) legal action to people, I will gladly jump in to the people she is threatening’s defense with proof she intentionally exacerbated my mental illness in hope that I would do something stupid. THAT is something I firmly believe. Because like Cowbuild, I am also Asian. And I know mental health, suicide, etc. is not treated like it should be in most Asian communities. So she pushed me not caring what would happen.
This won’t happen again. Not to me. Don’t let this woman push you as far as she pushed me.
My name is Bucky. I am a transgender male married to the love of his life. I am a dog father, I am an avid TS4 player, I’m a Marvel fanboy. I love to write and I love to read.
And I exist.
I felt every piece of this. I felt your words as I read them. You are heard. I hear you. You are REAL! YOU DO EXIST! This is not okay. This is extremely hard to share, so I appreciate that you are speaking out against this disgusting behavior. How can someone live with their self after hurting someone so badly?! It’s disgusting. How can you guys support this person? It makes no sense to me.
do you think you’d actually notice if someone didn’t cast a shadow? or if their limbs were just slightly too long? or if they had just a little too many teeth? like how many times have you passed Something on the street and you just didn’t Notice It
stay woke monsterfuckers ur love is out there!!!!!
yknow what? not my point at all in any way whatsoever, but I’m glad I could be an inspiration
