#incorrect criminal minds quotes
emily: I’m a mature person, I apologise when I’m wrong
spencer: I’ve never heard you apologise
emily: I’m never wrong
hotch and prentiss:*in a disagreement*
prentiss: *storms out*
hotch:
rest of the team:
spencer: somebody should call the G8 because I just felt the climate change
emily: I failed my safety course today
spencer: why? what happened?
emily: well one of the questions were “in case of a fire, what steps would you take?”
spencer: and?
emily: apparently “FUCKING LARGE ONES” isn’t an acceptable answer
spencer:
unsub:I have her.
hotch:who?
unsub:emily prentiss. I have her.
hotch:oh
unsub:…oh?
hotch: you don’t have her, she has you. good luck. *hangs up*
morgan: truth or dare?
reid:truth
morgan: how many hours of sleep have you gotten in the past week?
reid:dare
morgan: go to sleep
reid: i no longer enjoy this game
hotch: can we talk about the company wide email you just sent out?
rossi: it’s a critical update
hotch: it just says “i’m back on my bullshit”
rossi: people need to know
morgan: hey, reid
morgan: what do you call a fish with no eyes?
reid: an astyanax mexicanus
morgan:
reid:
morgan: a fsh, reid
hotch: *clearly annoyed*
rossi: what’s wrong?
rossi: is it because my shoes light up and yours don’t?
hotch: *perfectly manages his team, does his job exactly how he’s supposed to, literally goes above and beyond expectations, his team solves 99% of the cases*
strauss:
jj: is this whiskey or perfume
prentiss: *takes bottle and chugs it*
jj:em-
prentiss: it’s perfume.
reid: how’s the most attractive man in the world doing?
morgan: idk, how are you?
reid:f-fine
unsub: you played me like a piccolo
reid: actually piccolos are very hard to play
hotch: we played you like the cheap recorder you are
garcia, doing a vlog: hey guys, in today’s video me and my friend will be trying different hair products
reid: *sprays hairspray into his mouth*
reid: i can tell you right off the bat this one’s not very good
reid: when will the clown sightings happen again? that was fun
garcia: look in the mirror and they can start today
reid:
garcia: what gives you butterflies every single time, no matter how many times you experience it?
rossi: buying caterpillars
reid: it costs $400 to go see a therapist
reid: it costs $0 to say “that’s show biz baby”
hotch:no
Prentiss: hey guys, want a tarot reading?
Reid: these are pokémon cards
Reid: some people give off a “don’t fuck with me” vibe
Reid: and i wanna give that one off, but my vibe’s more like “if you poured hot soup into my lap, i’d probably apologize to you”
Garcia: good night. sleep tight. don’t let the bedbugs bite. tonight. ima fight. till we see the sunlight. tick tock. on the clock. but the party. don’t stop. no. oh. OH
Hotch: i would pay you large amounts of money to drown me right now
