#incorrect criminal minds quotes
JJ: HEY HEY!
Garcia: SHHH. Reid’s sleeping
JJ, whispering: oh, sorry
Garcia: what’s up?
JJ, still whispering: there’s a fire
JJ: all my snacks are organic :)
Reid: that’s cool, i eat candy off the floor
JJ: gentle reminder not to eat too much candy before bed
Prentiss:no.
JJ: this was a gentle reminder, yet your words of defiance bring me ungodly amounts of rage
Reid: it was one word
JJ: i would like nothing more than to uppercut you directly to heavens front door
Rossi: why do good people die young?
Garcia: well, when you’re in a garden, what flowers do you pick?
Rossi: the ugly ones
Garcia: exac- wait, what?
Rossi: ugly bitches don’t belong in my garden
Reid: *being buried alive*
Hankel, our of breath: how are you eating the dirt so quickly
hotch: reid, open up
reid: well, it all started when i was a kid-
hotch: that’s not what i meant
rossi: no, let him finish
jj: i don’t care what anyone else says, the black cookie part is the best part of the oreo
reid: dark without light is an abyss, light without dark is blinding. you cannot have a coin with one side
rossi: yo, socrates, it’s a fucking cookie
unsub: listen here you son of a bitch
reid: hey! don’t talk about my mother like that!
unsub: i was talking about your father
reid:oh
reid: carry on
reid, freaking out: why did you put cheetos in the first aid kit?!
prentiss, bleeding out: i thought it’d be funny!
rossi: i have a great memory, name one thing i’ve ever forgotten
reid: me in that convenient store parking lot in-
rossi: no, that was on purpose. try again
criminal minds as john mulaney quotes
reid
garcia
prentiss
rossi
hotch
luke
jj
morgan
tara
luke: hey everybody, today my coworker called me short so i’m starting a kickstarter to put her down
luke: benefits of killing her would be i get bullied way less
garcia: this friendship is over, you think everything is a joke
rossi: knock knock
garcia, huffing disappointedly: who’s there?
rossi, voice cracking:…regret
unsub: well, people always said i really knew how to light up a room :)
hotch: that’s called arson, and all these people are witnesses
applebees waiter: what would you like to order
prentiss: i’ll take the apple
applebee’s waiter: sorry, ma'am, we don’t actually sell apples here
prentiss, visibly frightened: alright then *gulps* i’ll take the bees
garcia: so derek, how did you know you loved reid?
morgan: well, a good romance starts with a good friendship
rossi: and a bad romance starts with “ra ra ah ah ah ro ma ro ma ma ga ga ooh la la”
reid, opening a letter: baby shower invitation? uh no thanks JJ, i can have a regular sized shower whenever i want
garcia: give me that-
garcia, taking off a hat to reveal a smaller, sparkly, secret hat underneath: does this answer your question?
reid: i never asked a question
rossi: derek, is it true you spent three days in the back of reid’s car to scare him?
morgan:no
morgan: it was five
reid, apologizing: .. .—-. – / … — .-. .-. -.–
prentiss: what’s that?
reid: remorse code
prentiss: i’m even angrier now
