#jack bristow
Jack : You think you’re smarter than everyone else.
Irina : I don’t think I’m smarter than everyone else. I know I am.
Jack : We all have our demons.
Jack : *grabbing Irina* This one’s mine.
Irina : They… well, I wouldn’t call it inheritance per se. What do you call it when you kill someone and get their stuff?
Sydney : Um, murder??
Jack :Adventuring!
Sloane :Tuesday.
Sydney: *about Irina* She’s covered in blood again! Why is she’s always covered in blood?
Jack : Well, it looks like it’s her own blood this time.
Jack : Are you mad?
Irina :No.
Jack : So sharpening daggers at 2am is just a hobby?
Vaughn : Have I done something to offend you?
Jack : Only every time I see you.
Jack, to Sydney: We’re fine! We’re all fine!
Jack : *whispering* Nadia, go revive Vaughn.
Sydney : Dad, you were right. You were right about everything.
Jack : I know, but you’ll have to be more specific.
Jack : Did you finish your report?
Nadia : …I did.
Jack :
Nadia : Well, I tried to.
Jack :
Nadia : Well, I tried to want to.
Sydney: *texting* Dad, you don’t have to sign your name in text messages.
Jack : *texting back* Dear Sydney. Suggestion noted. Sincerily, your dad, Jack Bristow.
Jack : Are you okay?
Sydney :Yes.
Jack : Are you hurt?
Sydney :No.
Jack : THEN WHAT WERE YOU THINKING, KNUCKLEHEAD!?
Irina : We need more excitement in our lives!
Jack : Being married to you two is all the excitement I can handle in my life
Irina : *Pulls up to the drive-thru*
Irina : I’ll have 3 cheeseburgers-
Jack : Irina! Sydney is in labor!
Irina : *Looks at Sydney in the backseat*
Irina : And a kids meal.
Vaughn : Which way did they go?
Jack : Well, based on the direction of the wind, the broken sticks in the corner, and the slight disturbance in the dirt, I’d guess they went left.
Vaughn : And you were able to figure it from that?!
Jack : No, you idiot. They sent me a text, see?
Jack : Promise me that you won’t start any fights this time.
Irina : Fine. I promise I won’t start any fights.
Jack : Thank you.
Irina : I will finish them, though.
Irina : Rules are made to be broken.
Hayden Chase : They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken.
Nadia : Uh, piñatas.
Sloane : Glow sticks.
Sydney : Karate boards.
Jack : Spaghetti when you have a small pot.
Irina :Rules.
Sydney: Look, let me just walk you through a hypothetical. Can I walk you through a hypothetical?
Jack: What did you do?
Sydney: I didn’t do anything-
Irina: *freshly broken out of prison* Hello!
Jack : Sydney, we will be having a chat with one of my contact.
Sydney : Just so we’re clear, is this a “chat” chat, or a “shovel in the trunk” kind of chat?
Jack : … Get the shovel.
Jack to Sydney : First rule to survive a zombie apocalypse : Don’t ever let them know where you are.
Irina : *yelling* I’m right here! You want some of this?! *start shooting everywhere*
Jack : Of course, there are other schools of thought.
Weiss : Would you rather kill Vaughn, or-
Jack : Yes, kill him.
Weiss : I didn’t say the other–
Jack : I don’t need to hear it!
Vaughn :…
Vaughn : I am feeling a little unsafe.
