#irina derevko
Jack : You think you’re smarter than everyone else.
Irina : I don’t think I’m smarter than everyone else. I know I am.
Sydney : How are you?
Irina : I’m feeling stabby.
Sydney : Oh oka-… wait, someone stabbed you?
Irina : I can’t feel stabby? This is what life is now? I cAN’T FEEL WHAT I WANT TO FEEL?! WHAT IF I WANT TO FEEL STABBY?!
Sydney :
Irina :
Sydney :
Irina : I’m bleeding out.
Jack : We all have our demons.
Jack : *grabbing Irina* This one’s mine.
Irina : They… well, I wouldn’t call it inheritance per se. What do you call it when you kill someone and get their stuff?
Sydney : Um, murder??
Jack :Adventuring!
Sloane :Tuesday.
Sydney: *about Irina* She’s covered in blood again! Why is she’s always covered in blood?
Jack : Well, it looks like it’s her own blood this time.
Jack : Are you mad?
Irina :No.
Jack : So sharpening daggers at 2am is just a hobby?
Irina : I don’t need a bomb to burst stuff down, Sydney. All I need is these two hands and a lack of supervision.
Sydney : Don’t break someone’s heart, they only got one
Irina : Yeah, break their bones
Irina : They have like 270 of them
Irina : My advice for the futur generation? Assert dominance by being smarter than everyone else.
Irina : We need more excitement in our lives!
Jack : Being married to you two is all the excitement I can handle in my life
Irina : *Pulls up to the drive-thru*
Irina : I’ll have 3 cheeseburgers-
Jack : Irina! Sydney is in labor!
Irina : *Looks at Sydney in the backseat*
Irina : And a kids meal.
Jack : Promise me that you won’t start any fights this time.
Irina : Fine. I promise I won’t start any fights.
Jack : Thank you.
Irina : I will finish them, though.
Sydney: Look, let me just walk you through a hypothetical. Can I walk you through a hypothetical?
Jack: What did you do?
Sydney: I didn’t do anything-
Irina: *freshly broken out of prison* Hello!
Jack to Sydney : First rule to survive a zombie apocalypse : Don’t ever let them know where you are.
Irina : *yelling* I’m right here! You want some of this?! *start shooting everywhere*
Jack : Of course, there are other schools of thought.
Jack : I’M BREAKING THE WINDOW !!
Irina (as Laura) : Don’t do that, you’ll get glass on her!
Operator : 911, what’s your emergency?
Irina (as Laura) : We locked our daughter in the car and people are JUDGING US.
Jack : I SWEAR TO GOD I’M GONNA BREAK IT
Operator : Ma'am, can you please tell your wife to calm down?
Irina (as Laura) : That’s a man.
Operator :Really?
Jack : DADDY’S COMING SYDNEY!!
Irina : In my defense, I was left unsupervised
Hayden Chase : Wasn’t Jack with you?
Jack : In my defense, I was left unsupervised too
Irina : And then I thought to myself, “Don’t think, Irina. Act.”
Jack : So, you weren’t thinking.
Irina : Not at all. I cannot emphasize how little I was thinking.
Sydney : here’s lots of ways to express sadness and pain. There’s music, and art -
Irina : And smashing heads on the floor.
Marshall : If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous.
Sydney : What if I bite it and it dies?
Nadia : That means your poisonous.
Weiss : What if it bites itself and I die?
Sloane : That’s Rambaldie.
Dixon : What if it bites me and someone else dies?
Jack : That’s correlation, not causation.
Vaughn : What if we bite each other and neither of us die?
Irina : That’s kinky.
Irina (as Laura) : Sydney is at that very special age where a girl only has one thing on their mind.
Teacher : Boys?
Irina (as Laura) :Homicide.
Sydney : I’m going to ask you not to do anything violent.
Irina : What? What are you talking about? I only use violence as an appropriate response.
Irina : I love it when Jack is asleep.
Irina : He looks so peaceful.
Irina : *getting out a black marker* And vulnerable.
Sydney : I have problems with Vaughn.
Irina : Like ‘their dead body won’t fit in your car’ problems or ‘you like them’ problems?
Sydney : 'I like him’ problems.
Irina : Too bad, I’d help with the first one.
Irina : I do two things and two things only. I devastate sorry motherfuckers, and get shit done as an awesome leader.
Irina : Uh, I think I got your lunch. *Holds up a note that reads: ‘I am very proud of you. Love, Dad’*
Sydney : Oh yeah. I didn’t think this was for me. *Holds up a note that reads: ‘Be good. For the love of God, Please be good.’*
Irina : *to Sark, watching Jack from a distance* He’s looking at it! He’s looking at it!
Jack : *reading a note* “Do you still love me? ‘Yes’ 'Definitely’ or 'Absolutely’?”
Irina : I rigged it.
