: I’ve been rereading the Six of Crows duology and my love for Dirtyhands has been reignited tenfold. Got the idea for the origin story of Kaz’s infamous cane from a post I saw a while ago and decided to turn it into a short oneshot, although I’m tempted to write a part two… 

: 1017

: None

“How did the two of you even meet?” Nina asked around a mouthful of waffle. “I don’t think you’ve ever told me.”

You couldn’t help but smile fondly at the memory. Meeting Kaz Brekker - Dirtyhands, Bastard of the Barrel - was something you thought about often. The memory was like an old photograph that you kept in your back pocket at all times so you could take it out and look at it whenever you wanted to, and it was worn and delicate because of this. Nina had a slight twinkle in her eye as you began telling her the story.

“I hadn’t been in Ketterdam very long, just a few weeks I think. I was young and I was in hiding, both of my parents lost to disease after a treacherous journey across The True Sea. To this day I don’t know how I managed to survive, let alone keep my identity a secret at such a young age. Fourteen is too young to know such grief, yet somehow I didn’t let it defeat me, it only made me stronger. Losing my parents helped me realise who I wanted to be: a girl who didn’t need anybody, a girl who would never again be weakened,” you took a sip of your sweet tea, relishing the taste. Nina always made the best tea. “I spent the savings I had on an apartment in the Barrel because it was the only place in Ketterdam where a fourteen-year-old could buy real estate without being questioned. Eventually, I gathered enough courage and enough resources to start my business.”
“Entirely unique wares,” Jesper interjected, flopping down into the empty seat next to you. “Made specifically to order for a very pretty penny.”
You smiled. “Exactly.”
“What kinds of things did people order?” Nina asked curiously.
“Bulletproof cloaks, silent pistols, knives that could cut through anything, even stone. You name it, somebody asked for it.”
Nina leaned forward in her seat, head resting on her hands. She was completely focused on you, desperate to hear the next part of your story. “And this is how you met Kaz?”
You nodded. “I remember it like it was yesterday. He knocked on my door at just gone midnight, dressed in an all-black suit and a matching hat that was far too big for his head,” you couldn’t help but giggle. “You have to remember that he was only fourteen as well and hadn’t quite grown into the role of Dirtyhands just yet.”
Jesper laughed. “I can’t imagine Kaz as a boy.”
“Neither can I,” Nina agreed.
“Well, he was. I let him in and asked if he wanted to take a seat, which he declined. Even then he was straight to the point. He asked me if I could make him a cane.”
Nina gasped. “No way…”
“I asked him what kind of cane he wanted - because nobody was coming to me for anything ordinary - and he told me that he wanted a cane that was specifically weighted to break bones.”
“Did you know who he was? Did you know that he was Dirtyhands?”
“I figured it out when he told me what he wanted,” You explained. “Anyone who was anyone in the Barrel knew about Dirtyhands and knew that he was the most ruthless lieutenant of The Dregs despite his age. I knew what he was capable of, what he’d done to earn his title, but to me, he was just a boy who needed a cane to walk properly, a boy that had turned himself into a weapon as I had. I understood why he wanted to turn his - how shall I put it? - his impairment into a weapon, and I was willing to help. I told him to come back in two days, and then I went straight to work.” 
“I can’t believe you made Kaz’s cane!” Nina exclaimed. “I can’t believe I didn’t know that!”
“I think Kaz likes to pretend that he was born as Dirtyhands with that cane in hand,” you smirked knowingly. “He doesn’t like people knowing that there was a Kaz Brekker before the Barrel.”
Nina set about making another pot of tea. “So, what happened when he came to pick it up.”
“Well, for starters, he didn’t come with any kruge in his pockets,” You remarked bitterly. “He told me he wasn’t going to pay me for it, but that he had something much more valuable.” 
Both Nina and Jesper rolled their eyes. “Of course he did. What was it?”
“An invitation to join The Dregs. He told me that my skills were invaluable and that if I agreed to join his gang I’d have a roof over my head, the opportunity to earn more money than I could even begin to comprehend and the one thing that I couldn’t seem to find no matter how hard I tried: security.”
“And you accepted?”
“I did. I hate to admit it but it didn’t take much convincing on Kaz’s part.” 
“And here you are,” Nina beamed. 
“Here I am.” 

Little did you know, Dirtyhands himself was perched at the top of the staircase, the cane in question balancing across his legs. He had been listening to your account of how you met for the better part of half an hour, eyes squeezed shut as though this would enable him to travel back in time and actually relive the moment. To this day, you had no idea how much that day had meant to him, the spark he felt upon meeting you. If he hadn’t taken such a shine to you, he probably would have paid you for the cane, but he knew he couldn’t let you go once he’d met you. Not that he’d ever tell you any of this. Most days, he could hardly even admit it to himself and he much preferred living in a state of ignorant bliss, allowing himself to believe that he’d offered you a place within the ranks of The Dregs for investment purposes only. 

It would be a cold day in hell before he told you how he really felt.

BLOODIED MEMORIES [PART 2]

PART 1

A/N: Continuation parts are always a bit difficult and I don’t like this, but I hope this doesn’t suck to you and it’s a satisfying ending for this twoshot And let’s hope the situation is better when that Kaz series finally comes out, me being happy with part two, part three, part four etc and not feeling like their quality decreases as the story goes on

Word count:1.2k

A few days passed, and Y/N was clearly avoiding Kaz. She walked away with a huff if Kaz approached, and gave him dirty looks. Kaz understood why she did that, but he pretended not to care.

He had wondered why Y/N hadn’t left the Slat, but Inej told him that she has nowhere else to go. She had told the other Crows everything, and Kaz had been slightly pissed about it since he didn’t like it when his past was scattered around - but fortunately he knew that his Crows wouldn’t scatter it further. And it’s Y/N’s past too, his heart reminded him.

Inej had tried to talk to Kaz, told him that he should apologize. Bastard of the Barrel never apologized, but with Y/N, it was different. He even wanted to apologize, but the thought of stepping down and humble himself in front of Y/N still felt uncharacteristic for him. He had built up his ruthless picture for years, and now he was expected to step down and admit he did wrong? Some time ago, he’d sooner be hung as the most infamous thief in Ketterdam than apologize to anyone for anything he had done, but this was his sister.

He pretended to dismiss Inej’s advice and her telling him how miserable Y/N had been ever since she had fought with Kaz, even when he masks it as anger when Kaz looks at her, but he actually listened. And Inej knew he listened. She knew Kaz wanted to keep his sister near, to know she’s safe, even when he pretended not to care. He had grown a lot during her knowing him, but she knew that he thought he’d never have to face his past again like that. Y/N had told her everything, filled out the parts Kaz had left out when he had told about Jordie to Inej.

He had never once mentioned about his sister, and Inej knew it was because he was ashamed of how he once had abandoned her. He tried to act like he didn’t care and had never cared, to bury his shame behind all those walls he erected so high - and yet, Inej could feel it on him anyway. Even if he didn’t want to admit it or talk about it, Inej sensed that it made him uncomfortable every time he looked at Y/N, he could almost see memories flashing by in his eyes.

So she kept talking about the grief Y/N felt about not connecting with her brother again, even after that fight that had hurt her. They needed each other, and Kaz wanted to keep Y/N near, to know she’s safe. He cared, even though he was trying to hide it and pretend otherwise. Kaz deserved to be happy, even when he insisted that he needs to be feared, and sentimental bonds didn’t fit the picture. But he still shut up when Inej reminded him about them holding hands, and the Bastard of the Barrel, the feared king of Ketterdam with sharp teeth and claws as his hands wouldn’t have been able to do that.

She made Kaz think, made him question if his reputation was really so important to him that he wanted to push his sister away. And, Kaz’s heart reminded him, you kind of owe it to her after what you did. You owe her to come down, to apologize. You broke her trust that day when you made her lose you into the crowd, she has a reason to be angry. You could have killed her when you did that.

Eventually, Inej succeeded and Kaz made his way to Y/N’s door. He stood behind it for some moments, squeezing his cane so hard he was sure he bended the crow head. Then, he knocked. When Y/N opened the door, she immediately scowled and tried to close the door, but Kaz was faster, pushing past her and walking inside without any invitation. She groaned and Kaz heard a thud as the door collided with the wall.

“Get out,” she said angrily, stepping forward. “I’m not doing this.”

Kaz ignored her and made his way further into the room, turning around to look at her from the corner of his eye. Her eyes were narrowed, and he could tell that she was struggling not to scream insults at him.

“We need to talk,” he began.

Y/N folded her arms across her chest. “No we don’t.”

“Yes we do,” Kaz insisted firmly. “It’s been days of it going like this. You glaring at me, avoiding me, telling about our past to everyone—”

“Oh, so it’s all about you again,” Y/N snapped. “I’m the only one who’s supposed to apologize? Because big bad Dirtyhandshimself doesn’t apologize, huh?”

Kaz ground his teeth together, trying to hold his Dirtyhands side from snapping back. He clenched his fist tight against his thigh and spoke before he had another urge to stop himself. “I am sorry I left you alone in that crowd. And I will apologize for everything what happened after that day. I’ve regretted leaving you there for years, I’ve been beating myself over…” His voice died away as he turned and faced her directly, dropping his gaze briefly and then looked her back straight in the face.

The anger and loathing on her face slowly started fading away and the hurt was replaced with something else: confusion. She let her arms fall limp by her sides, shoulders dropping as they lost their tension, and her lips parted slightly.

She definitely hadn’t expected him to say that. Kaz felt a little surprised himself - it wasn’t an easy thing to admit to. And Y/N seemed to know that too. She stared at him, wide-eyed. “Kaz… you really are sorry?”

Kaz gave a slow nod of his head, biting his tongue until he could speak again. “Yes.”

“You mean it?” she whispered. “I thought maybe I imagined it or made it up in my head.” Her hands rose tentatively, hesitantly as she took a step towards him, reaching out to touch his arm. But she hesitated there, stopped herself midway and withdrew them again, probably remembering Kaz didn’t like to be touched. Her hand dropped down again to her side, and she turned to look out from the window, leaning on the windowsill. Kaz slowly made his way beside her, careful not to step across any boundaries either. He still wasn’t sure what was going through her mind right now, if she would forgive him. But maybe this was a start of it if not else. Y/N gave him a side glance and leaned towards him slightly, which made Kaz take in a deep breath and shuffle closer to her, letting her rest her head against his shoulder.

They watched the darkening night of Ketterdam together, taking their first, careful step towards their newly found relationship as siblings. It would probably never be the same anymore and it would need a lot of talks and building their trust and love back up, but one thing was clear: 

Kaz would never leave his sister again.

—

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