Reader makes Kaz his favourite dessert when he is angry or stressed.

********************

You had become the resident baker amongst the Crows. Baking was always something you loved to do and, of course, when Nina found out you could make waffles from scratch, she excitedly told everyone else. Thus you claimed the title.

In turn, you discovered each of their favourite desserts so you knew what to make them if they were having a bad day and needed cheering up. Nina was easy, waffles were her one true love. Jesper loved ice-cream, Inej loved cupcakes, Wylan was a pie guy and Matthias enjoyed some cheesecake. Kaz was the last person for you to figure out, he was so often locked away in his office that it was rare he ever ventured into the kitchen when you were making something. However, it just so happened that one day he appeared when you were making your famous chocolate cake. You offered him some and he begrudgingly accepted, however it wasn’t hard to tell that he enjoyed it. Which you used to your advantage from then on.

Like on this very occasion.

“He’s at it again.” Jesper remarked as he walked into the kitchen where you and Inej sat. You raised an eyebrow in question. “Pacing back and forth in his office. It’s all I can hear. I think I’m going mad.”

Inej looked to you. “He’s stressed about this upcoming job. The plans of the building show there’s only one way in and there’s a specific lock he’s never dealt with before.”

“Yeah, but this is Kaz.” You replied. “He could pick any lock in the world with his eyes closed.”

“I think this job is giving him more trouble than he’d like to admit.”

As if hearing his name, Kaz suddenly appeared in the doorway, leaning on his cane. He nodded to Inej. “I need your help going over the plans again for the job next week.”

Inej sighed. “But Kaz, we scoured those plans all morning. Surely if there was another way in, we’d have found it by now.”

“We have to keep looking.” He argued. His hair was bedraggled from all the times he’d run his hair through it and he was clutching his cane. You sighed and stood up.

“Kaz, sit down.” You told him. He glanced at you and frowned.

“What?”

“I said sit down.” You repeated, making your way over to the cupboard to fetch your ingredients. “You probably haven’t eaten anything all day. Now, I know chocolate cake isn’t the healthiest but I also know it’s your favourite and you could do with a break.”

You heard him audibly sigh. “Y/N, I don’t have time to sit down and eat cake. I have work to do.”

“You heard Inej. You’ve been studying the plans all day, you need to relax.” You said, not turning around. You set about mixing the ingredients.

“Yes, but-”

“Kaz Brekker, will you sit down and let me make you some cake?” You ordered, putting on your best voice of authority. It wasn’t often you raised your voice and Kaz raised his eyebrows in surprise. However, after a moment, he sat down at the table. Inej cast a smirk your way and you grinned triumphantly.

When the cake was ready, you put a piece in front of Kaz before hanging some to the other two after some protesting. You handed him a fork and, after a moment of glowering, he caved in and took a bite. He didn’t let on but he finished the entire piece, letting you know you'e done a good job.

After he’d finished, you gave him a reassuring smile. “You’ll figure this lock out, Kaz. You always do. I have complete faith in you. But just maybe, for today, you should take a step back from scheming?”

His gaze met yours for a moment and he nodded in appreciation. “Thank you, Y/N.” He glanced down at the plate in front of him. “Any chance of another piece?”

You grinned and stood up. “Anything for you, Brekker.”

Taglist:@aliiiyyaaah@statsvitenskap@mrs-brekker15

Buy me a coffee?

Reader is in the room with Kaz when Pekka’s men come for him.

*********************

A/N: I’m so sorry you had to wait so long for this, I had a little crisis of confidence but I really hope you enjoy this!

****************************

Warnings: Violence, panic attacks

*************************

“You have a plan, don’t you?” You asked Kaz as you tried your best to sort the mess on his desk. His office always became more disheveled when his mind was racing, trying to plan a job. “To cross the Fold, I mean?”

“I’m working on it.” He replied from the other side of the room, staring out the window. He ran a hand through his hair, sighing. You hated seeing him like this.

“I know you snapped at Inej.” You told him. “Kaz, I know you’re stressed but lashing out at the people closest to you won’t help.”

He turned to look at you, a hint of regret in his eyes. You were the only person he ever truly let his guard down around and you knew he hadn’t meant what he said to Inej. He nodded. “I know.” Then a small smirk played on his lips. “You always know how to put me right, Y/N.”

“Yeah, that’s why you love me.” You pushed away from the chair and folded your arms, giving him a triumphant grin. It was then that you heard it, the faint creak in the floorboards. The two of you shared a glance, both jumping to the same conclusion. Kaz nodded once.

“Inej, listen…” He began as he turned around. However, he stopped short when he saw who it actually was. You took a tentative step forward as the unfamiliar men slowly surrounded Kaz.

You watched as Kaz assessed the situation quickly before attempting to disarm the man closest to him. However, the man was quicker and threw a punch, disorienting him. In a matter of seconds, they had Kaz on his knees. It was then their commander showed themself, stepping into the room and the panic was clear on Kaz’s face. Pekka Rollins.

“Kaz!” You exclaimed, trying to move forward to help but one of the men stopped you, twisting your arm behind you and holding you tightly so you couldn’t move. You cried out in pain.

Kaz clenched his jaw. “Don’t touch them.” He seethed, struggling against the grip of the men. Pekka strode over to him, shaking his head.

“Relax, Brekker, is it?” He spoke. “We won’t hurt them, just so long as you comply with us.”

“Kaz, don’t.” You interjected before the man holding you tightened his grip, shutting you up. Kaz’s eyes flickered over to you briefly, pain evident on his face. You couldn’t tell if it was because of you or matter of the physical contact. You suspected it was a bit of both. His gaze returned to Rollins.

“You’re a long way from home.” Kaz said and you swore inwardly. Even outnumbered and faced with his greatest nemesis, he still had to be smart. Pekka raised an eyebrow.

“Like you were earlier?” He countered. “When you took a Grisha from the Orchid?”

“The Orchid isn’t Dime Lions turf.” Kaz shot back as Pekka sat down in front of him.

“There’s a new acquisition. You heard it here first.” Pekka said as one of his men tossed Kaz’s cane to him. Kaz tried to lurch forward but the man held him in place. Something about it made you angry as well. That cane was part of Kaz and seeing the one person he hated the most holding it didn’t sit right with you. “I know you saw Dreesen, got a jump on whatever job he has. I don’t want the details, just that you have a little travel hazard. So, here’s the deal, you can walk away from it, I’ll tell Dreesen I’m taking over for you. Then we’re even.”

“Not even close.” Kaz replied, anger dripping from his voice. He glanced to you again, only quickly. It was hard not to, you were his weakness and seeing you like this only made him more furious.

“Hang on.” Pekka told him. “The other option is,” he leaned forward and hooked the cane around Kaz’s neck. Kaz’s face contorted in pain, which only fueled your own anger. “I carve your face in with your own cane and dump your body in the harbour.”

“You bastard.” You exclaimed, trying to break out of the man’s death grip. You knew the weight of his words on Kaz’s shoulders and it made you see red. It was a total low-blow.

Pekka almost smiled. “That first option sounds better now, doesn’t it?” He remarked as he moved the cane away and stood up.

“Tell me,” Kaz said before he walked away. “Have we ever made a deal before?” You half-hoped he hadn’t asked. Pekka would only find a way to increase his torment.

“You and me?” Pekka mused. “No. Otherwise you’d know better. Or you’d be dead.” He spat, before turning and walking out. His men threw Kaz to the floor and the one holding you shoved you forward. You managed to grab the table to stop yourself from falling.

As soon as they were gone, you ran over to Kaz, kneeling down in front of him where he crouched on the floor. It broke your heart to see him like this, like a scared child. His fists were clenched on the floor in front of him and his breathing was ragged.

“Kaz?” You spoke softly. “Look at me, please.”

It took him a moment but eventually he looked up, his eyes meeting yours. Fear and pain danced in his eyes and your stomach clenched. You felt like murdering Pekka for reducing him to such a state.

“It’s OK. They’ve gone. It’s just me.”

You knew any physical touch would like make things worse but it seemed just the sound of your voice was enough to bring Kaz back down to earth. His breathing began to calm and he straightened up, assessing you.

“Did they hurt you? If they did, I’ll kill them.”

“No, I’m OK, I’m OK.” You assured him. “I promise.”

He shook his head. “He didn’t recognise me, Y/N. He doesn’t remember me. Or Jordie.”

You sighed at his words. You were one of the only ones who Kaz had confided in about his brother, which was how you knew exactly what seeing Pekka Rollins meant to him. You tried to muster a small smile of assurance.

“I’m sorry, Kaz. If I could, I’d go after him right now and make him pay for the things he’s done to you.”

Kaz met your gaze, satisfaction in his eyes. “We’ll both make him pay.” He said and you knew exactly what he meant.

“You aren’t taking his deal?”

“I never make decisions out of fear. Only out of spite.” He said as he pushed up from the ground. You chuckled.

“Wise words, Brekker.” You joked.

“Come on.” He said to you. “We need to come up with a plan to cross the Fold. We should find the others.”

“Are you sure you’re up to it?” You asked, standing as well. “That was quite an ordeal.”

“I’ll be fine.” He turned to you. “I know I will be as long as you’re around to help me out of scrapes.”

“You don’t have to worry about that. I’m not going anywhere, Brekker.”

Taglist:@aliiiyyaaah@statsvitenskap@mrs-brekker15

Buy me a coffee?

Matthias meets a mysterious girl at a ball in the middle of a heist and is immediately drawn to her. However, come midnight, she disappears completely.

**************************

Cinderella AU

********************

Matthias was bored. The heist seemed to be dragging on for an eternity and he’d certainly been standing on the edge of this ballroom for a lifetime. He was tired, his feet ached and all he really wanted was to retire to his room at the Slat. But Kaz had insisted he was needed on this heist, given many wealthy families and officials were attending this ball, to stand watch at the party and make sure no one tried to leave in the small window they had.

Across the room, he could see Nina effortlessly flirting with the host of the party, keeping her engaged so that Kaz and Inej could sneak upstairs and rob her. A giggle and a hand on the shoulder had the woman blushing to no end, obviously having forgotten all about her husband elsewhere. Matthias was fairly sure that Nina could flirt anyone into submission, it was truly a gift. He smiled to himself as he watched the scene unfold.

Kaz had instructed that he keep circulating the room as the party went on, keeping a watchful eye over the proceedings. With this in mind, he made his way over to the bar where people were kept topped up with drinks, their laughter carrying across the room. He leant against the bar, casting his gaze out over the party. Everyone seemed to be having far too good a time to think about perusing the rest of the place and Nina was certainly doing an excellent job of keeping the host occupied. They might just pull this off.

“You look like you don’t belong here.” A sudden voice came from his left and Matthias started slightly. Glancing over, he saw the owner of the voice, grinning at him in amusement. You were wearing a blue silk dress and the most beautiful slippers he’d ever seen. Matthias raised an eyebrow.

“What makes you say that?”

“Your eyes keep darting about the place, almost like you can’t wait to leave.” You commented. “This isn’t your scene, is it?”

He smiled at your words. “I’m not exactly an upstanding merchant of Kerch. I probably shouldn’t be here.”

You leaned in and beckoned for him to do the same. He glanced up briefly, seeing Inej run along one of the balconies. No one had noticed. Perhaps it wouldn’t hurt to let his guard down for one moment. He leaned.

“Do you want to hear a secret?” You whispered. “I’m not supposed to be here, either.”

“What do you mean?” Matthias asked you.

“I come from a family of bakers. My father was asked to cater for the event and I begged him to let me come, but apparently I didn’t merit an invitation.” You smirked. “I never could resist trouble. I’m supposed to be working in the kitchen at home but I snuck out and managed to get in here. The dress isn’t even mine, I borrowed it from my mother.”

Matthias was slightly shocked by the story but, in the end, his admiration won over. He grinned. “I’m impressed.” He said, before glancing back down at the slippers of glass adorning your feet. “What about your shoes? I’ve never seen a pair quite like them.”

You smiled down at them. “These were made especially for me by another mercher’s family my father worked for, a gift. There isn’t another pair like them in Ketterdam.”

“They are quite spectacular.” He nodded in agreement.

“So, how about you? What brings you here?”

Matthias was about to respond when he noticed Kaz standing on the edge of the ballroom. He motioned to both himself and Nina, the signal that the job was done. Such wonderful timing, he thought to himself.

“It’s a very long story.” Matthias said. “I wish I could tell you but I simply don’t have time.”

“Aren’t you mysterious?” You remarked. “Alright, keep your secrets. Will you at least tell me your name?”

“Matthias.”

“I’m Y/N.” You said, reaching out to shake his hand. Matthias felt an odd surge of electricity shoot up his arm at the contact. It was that strange feeling that he was exactly where he was supposed to be and, for a moment, he didn’t want to leave. But one glance over his shoulder showed Kaz glaring his way, rapidly losing his patience. He had duties to attend to.

You sensed that he was growing restless and gave him a knowing smile. “I’m getting the feeling that you’re needed elsewhere. I understand.”

“I’m sorry. I wish I could stay longer.”

“It’s a shame, I was just about to ask you dance.” You told him. “Just be careful on your way out. There were rumours that Kaz Brekker and his crew were spotted around.”

Matthias had to hold back a squeak. “You know Kaz Brekker?”

“Of course I do, he’s the most notorious criminal mastermind in Ketterdam. Might be fun to cross paths with him but ultimately it would only spell trouble. Go careful.”

It occured to Matthias that you probably had no idea he was, in fact, a member of that crew. Clearly you hadn’t spotted Kaz in the crowd, whose stony gaze now seemed like it could shatter Matthias. However, there was something about you that he just couldn’t pinpoint. All he knew was that he didn’t want to leave. He was even ready to face the wrath of Kaz Brekker.

“I could stay for just one dance.” Matthias told you. “If you’ll join me?”

Just as you were about to respond, the chimes sounded out, signalling it was midnight. Your eyes darted across the room and Matthias followed your gaze, seeing an older man followed by some guards. They were looking directly at you, pointing and conversing angrily. You groaned.

“Oh, Saints, I think my time might be up.”

“What do you mean?”

“My father has realised I’m here. I should probably go.” You said, hitching up your dress as you made to run. You stopped suddenly before you left, turning around. “It was nice to make your acquaintance, Matthias.”

And just like that, you were gone, swallowed by the crowd. Matthias tried to locate you but it was no use. He pushed through the hordes of party-goers, following in the same direction. As he made it to the edge of the ballroom, a different kind of fate was waiting for him.

“Helvar.” Kaz stepped in front of him, jaw clenched. “You could have compromised the whole job. Come on, we need to go.”

“Wait.” Matthias said, desperately searching the room. It was as if you’d vanished into thin air. He felt his heart sink. Kaz wasn’t listening.

“Now, come on.” He called out to him.

Matthias sighed and reluctantly made to follow him. As they moved away from the party and made it to the exit, he found himself subsequently tripping over something on the floor. As he righted himself, he bent down to pick up the object.

A glass slipper, sparkling like a diamond as it captured the light. Almost as beautiful as the person who’d been wearing them. Matthias felt a surge of hope as he beheld it.

It was almost as though he had been meant to find it.

***

“Y/N, more flour.” Your father instructed you. You sighed as you kneaded the bread on the work surface, the heat from the oven causing beads of sweat to run down your neck. It was tedious work and you wanted nothing more than to be walking the streets of Ketterdam, the cool air from the harbour hitting your face. But, unfortunately, this was your punishment.

“I’m tired.” You told him as you sifted some more flour onto the surface. “And bored.”

“You’ve only been working for an hour.” He reminded you. “And perhaps you wouldn’t be quite so tired if you hadn’t pulled that little stunt last night.”

You shrugged. “I was desperate for some excitement.”

“I could have lost a whole night’s pay. It’s a good job the mercher’s wife was in such good spirits last night and still paid me my due.”

You rolled your eyes. “No need to be quite so dramatic. I kept a low profile. If my mother hadn’t sent for you to tell you I had snuck out, no one would even have known I was there.”

“You’re lucky she was in a forgiving mood too, after you stole her dress and lost one of your glass slippers.”

You thought back to the previous night and the fleeting encounter you’d had. You barely knew anything about Matthias but somehow there had been a connection, something powerful that had pulled you towards him. That’s why you’d deliberately left the slipper there, hoping against hope that Matthias would find it and somehow find his way back to you. Then you’d spun the story to your parents that you’d lost it at the ball. Perhaps it might have been more poetic that way, to hope the universe would simply throw the two of you back together. But there was only so much faith you could put in faith, so you’d taken matters into your own hands.

“I really am sorry.” You told him. “I didn’t mean to upset the two of you. I just detest being cooped up indoors when there’s excitement to be had.” An apology and a slight hint. Your father didn’t miss it.

“Alright, you win. You can take a half hour break but then I want you back here. I have an order of cakes that you can help with.”

You beamed at him and hurried over to give him a quick kiss on the cheek. “Thank you, father. I promise I won’t be late.”

Being outside instantly lifted your mood. Despite the stench of old seawater and the swathes of people crowding in, Ketterdam was your home and these streets were your happy place. You strolled down the cobblestones, letting the cool breeze drift around you and, as you turned the corner, you stopped in your tracks.

Plastered everywhere, on every possible surface, crack and crevice were posters. The words written in bold ink were stated plainly.

Are you the girl who lost the glass slipper? If so, come to the Slat.

You couldn’t quite believe what you were seeing. You knew the Slat, of course you did, but that was Dregs territory. Which meant Kaz Brekker. So he had been there last night. But why on earth would he be after you. If Kaz Brekker had stumbled onto your glass slipper, you were certain he would have simply pocketed it. The Bastard of the Barrel wasn’t one for acts of generosity. Your mind was racing.

You grabbed one of the posters and hailed one of the men in the street. “Excuse me, do you know what this is about?”

“No idea.” The man shrugged. “They appeared overnight.” He pointed to the poster. “Whoever they are, someone in the Barrel desperately wants to find them.”

You pulled his words apart as an idea formed in your head. Not Kaz Brekker. Someone else at the Slat. Possibly someone who had been very skittish at the party last night. Maybe fate was working in your favour.

***

“Is this really necessary?” Nina whined at the table in the Slat as she finished another poster. “My hands are aching.”

“Yeah, and I have ink all over me.” Jesper said from his left. They were the only two that Matthias had managed to rope into helping him, at the promise of making them some biscuits as a thank you. Inej had retired to her room and Kaz had simply rolled his eyes and walked away. Matthias didn’t think he was a massive believer in destiny.

“Yes.” Matthias nodded. “I want these all over the city. I have to find the girl from last night.”

“Matthias, for someone so pretty, you can be such an idiot.” Nina remarked. “This does feel a little stalker-ish.”

“No.” He replied simply. “She left this slipper for me to find, I just know it.” He picked up the shoe from the table. “And if I find her and she’s not interested, at least I can return this to her. She’s probably missing it.”

“Isn’t the whole point of destiny that it just sort of…happens?” Jesper queried. “Why are you doing all of this?”

“I can’t put all my faith in destiny.” Matthias explained. His time spent in Ketterdam had hardened his beliefs, it was the only way to survive in this city. “I just have to hope she sees it.”

Suddenly, Rotty appeared in the doorway, jerking his head towards the entrance of the Slat. “There’s a girl outside.”

“Excellent observation, Rotty.” Nina replied. “Which of us is she here for?” A grin spread across her face. Matthias rolled his eyes.

“Helvar.” He said, nodding his head towards Matthias. Immediately, he sat up, attention fixed on the doorway. Both Nina and Jesper turned to him, eyebrows raised.

“I suppose your crazy plan worked.” The sharp-shooter said. “You better go out to her.”

Matthias stood up too quickly, rattling the table as he did so. He made for the door before Nina called out. “Don’t forget the slipper.” She tossed it to the Fjerdan, and he caught it effortlessly. Then, he made his way outside.

There you were, waiting nervously outside the Slat, eyes darting in every direction. You obviously didn’t spend a lot of time in this part of the city, and for good reason.

As Matthias came out, your gaze landed on him and it was like all the anxiety just disappeared. Seeing him was like seeing the sun on a cloudy day, and you smiled.

“Matthias.” You greeted him.

“Y/N.” He nodded.

You held up the crumpled poster to him, raising an eyebrow. “I believe you’ve been looking for me? You found the slipper, then?”

He held it out to you. “I believe this belongs to you.”

You took it from him gently, feeling that magnetic pull again. By now, your father would be wondering where you were but this felt too important to ignore.

“So,” you started as you took in the building behind you. “You’re with Brekker?”

Matthias nodded slowly. “Yes. I was with him last night, helping him rob the merchant and his wife. That’s why I had to leave so suddenly.”

“So, you’re a thief?”

“Technically I was just look-out. But I have done bad things before.” Matthias sighed. “I’m sorry I wasn’t honest with you. But I couldn’t stop thinking about you after you disappeared, hence the posters. I hope, if you’ll give me the chance, I can explain everything to you. And then you can decide if you want to stay.”

You pondered his words. It would be so easy to turn and walk away. Only it wasn’t. The universe was pulling you towards Matthias, walking away just seemed impossible. You glanced over your shoulder.

“My father is expecting me back.” You told him.

“Oh.” The light in his eyes died a little.

“But I’m free this evening. I may have to sneak out again, but what’s life without a little risk? You can tell me everything then.”

Matthias smiled, a big, beautiful smile that put the sun to shame. Suddenly, he was reaching for your hand, holding it in his hand. It felt like it was made exclusively to fit into his. You felt butterflies dancing in your stomach as the two of you lingered for a moment, before you really had to leave.

“I’ll see you tonight, Matthias.”

“You too, Y/N.”

***

Taglist:@statsvitenskap@mrs-brekker15

Buy me a coffee?

Are You Thinking Of Me Too?

Based on ‘Dreaming of You’ by Selena

********************

Matthias was awake again. The crows outside of his window at the Slat pecked noisily at the glass, seemingly arguing with each other. It was Kaz who said they had no manners, perhaps he was right. But that wasn’t what kept Matthias from his slumber.

It was you that plagued his thoughts and kept his mind racing, wild like the ocean that you were currently occupied with. You’d left a few days ago for a voyage aboard Inej’s ship, the Wraith needing your scouting skills on her journey. It was true, you were one of the best navigators there were which was what had earned you a place among the Crows and the very reason you’d had to leave him. Out on the sea, you tracked with the stars and every night since you’d left, Matthias had wished upon those same stars that they would bring you home to him safely.

He’d realised soon after he’d met you how he really felt but never found the nerve to tell you. Countless nights spent in the Crow Club, watching you sit with Nina and Jesper, throwing your head back with laughter at their witty comments. Seeing you make smart comebacks to Kaz when you were planning for a heist. He was completely smitten with you. Maybe one day he would find the courage to tell you the truth but for now, he could only hold you in his thoughts.

He got up from his bed and made his way over to the window. The sky over Ketterdam was clear tonight, making for a lovely view of the stars and the milky glow of the moon. Matthias wondered if it was quite as pretty where you were right now. He hoped wherever it was, you were thinking about him too.

***

Little did he know that many miles away, you were standing on the deck of Inej’s ship, gazing at the vast expanse of ocean surrounding you and thinking of only one thing. Matthias. You were counting down the minutes until you could see him again. You didn’t think it was possible to miss someone this much.

Inej suddenly appeared beside you on the deck. You hadn’t heard her approach but, then again, that was what earned her the title of the Wraith. She cast you a sideways glance, grinning.

“You’re thinking about him again, aren’t you?” She said. You turned your gaze to her.

“Who?”

“Matthias.” She raised an eyebrow. You sighed.

“How did you know?”

“Y/N, you’re one of my closest friends, I know you better than most. And I can tell when you’re harbouring secret feelings for a certain Fjerdan.”

You chuckled lightly and gazed back out across the water. “I thought I was so mysterious.”

“Are you going to tell him?”

“I don’t know.” You shrugged. “What if he doesn’t feel the same way? I mean, he was raised a druskelle and they aren’t exactly forward with their feelings. He’s hard to read.”

Inej nodded. “You’re right, he might not feel the same. But, he might also admit his own feelings. How will you know if you never say anything.”

“You make it sound so easy.”

“Trust me, I know it’s never easy. I mean, look at me and Kaz. All I know is that sometimes, it’s worth taking the risk if you know it’s the right person. Is Matthias the right person?”

“He is.” You replied. “I just know it.”

“We return to Ketterdam in three days. You’d better start preparing your declaration speech.”

***

As the ship docked in the Ketterdam harbour, you felt like your heart was in your mouth. It was easy to make plans when you were out at sea with nothing but water surrounding you. But now you were back on land, the prospect of seeing Matthias again made you all kinds of anxious. You took a deep breath as you stepped off the boat and into the busy swarm of Ketterdam. You’d rather missed it.

Inej was beside you and she waved to someone down the gang-walk. Glancing over, you saw Kaz leaning against his cane and you smirked.

“Kaz came to meet you?” You asked her.

“Yes, he always does when I come back from a voyage.” She replied, suddenly sounding shy about the whole thing.

“Well, aren’t you two just adorable?” You teased her with a chuckle. She glowered.

“Will you shut up?” She said before looking back over. Her glare was replaced with a knowing glance. “Looks like he wasn’t the only one, though.”

“What?” You followed her gaze, only to see that a large figure had appeared beside Kaz. Matthias. Your legs threatened to buckle underneath you at the sight of him. Now it was Inej’s turn to smirk.

“I’ll give you two a moment, shall I?” She said before hurrying over to Kaz. The two of them wandered off, leaving you and Matthias standing alone. He smiled when you reached him.

“I wasn’t expecting to see you here.” You told him and he glanced at the ground nervously.

“I wanted to come and welcome you back.” He said, before daring to glance up at you. “I missed you.”

“You did?” You asked, hope surging inside of you. “What exactly did you miss?”

“I missed seeing you every day. Hearing your laugh, your witty comments, your smile. I just missed you.” He reached out for your hand, taking it in his. “I thought about you every day.”

You felt a fluttering in your stomach as you grinned. You knew how Inej felt when you teased her now. “I thought about you too, Matthias. I was trying to plan in my head how to tell you but you just made it so much easier.”

“You feel the same?” Matthias enquired.

You nodded to him. “You say it first.”

He smiled, squeezing your hand. “I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you, too.”

***

That night, Matthias lay awake in bed but this time he didn’t have to wonder about you. Because you were sound asleep next to him. He watched the gentle rise and fall of your chest, realising he’d never felt quite so happy. He still couldn’t believe he’d told you he loved you, and you’d said it back.

With one arm wrapped around you, he let his eyes drift closed, finally feeling sleep take him. He knew that when he drifted off, he would dream of you because it was always you.

Matthias didn’t know what tomorrow would hold but right now that didn’t matter. There was nowhere else in the world he would rather be than in his room with you, allowing you to consume his dreams.

***

Taglist:@statsvitenskap@mrs-brekker15

Buy me a coffee?

Kaz gives you an affectionate pet-name

*******************

A/N: This wasn’t requested but I got the idea and just went with it x

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Warnings: Bullet wounds

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You were still scouring the plans on the desk in front of you despite the late hour. Fatigue was creeping up on you and it was a struggle to keep your eyes open but still you persisted. This job was important and you needed to figure out an escape route. It was crucial.

Kaz sat opposite you, leaning back in his chair and sighing. His hair was disheveled, dark circles under his eyes. It was obvious he was just as tired as you. Pushing back his chair, he stood up and nodded to you.

“You should head back to your room. It’s late and we aren’t going to crack this with foggy heads.”

“Just a few more minutes.” You said, not taking your eyes from the map. “I can figure this out.”

Kaz looked down at you huddled over the desk, desperately wishing he could take your hand and lead you to bed. But that wasn’t possible. Instead, he sighed. “Y/N, darling, you need to get some rest. We’ll get back to this tomorrow.”

He so rarely called you that, only when he was concerned about you. You finally glanced up at him, realising just how tired you really were. Admitting defeat, you stood up and made for the door.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Kaz said before you left. It was all he could really offer you. Staying in the same room together just wasn’t a possibility for him and you knew that. You gave him a smile.

“You better not start scheming without me.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

***

“I’m not doing it, end of.” You argued, folding your arms as you rested your case. Kaz was giving out jobs for all of the Crows on the upcoming job and he was insisting you keep watch instead of being in the game. You knew it was an important job but you yearned for the adrenaline.

Kaz glowered in your direction. “Someone needs to do it and everyone else has their positions.”

“Why can’t Jesper do it?” You complained. “Surely he’s had his fill of shooting?”

“The game won’t be the same without me, love.” Jesper remarked from his seat across from you. You glared at him before turning back to Kaz. He definitely wasn’t budging and you knew that but you liked to keep him on his toes.

“You’re the best person to have in that position.” He said. “Will you please just say you’ll do it.”

You knew why he was doing it, though he’d never let on in front of the others. He was worried about you. It had been a while since you’d been in the fame and the thought of you getting hurt was enough for him to keep you out. You raised an eyebrow, preparing to make things interesting.

“I’ll do it if you ask nicely.” You remarked, for a moment forgetting the other were there. Kaz met your gaze, his jaw clenching and for a second you weren’t sure if he would take the bait. But then, he sat forward with a smirk.

“Y/N, darling Y/N, will you please stay on watch?”

You gave a brief nod. “How could I say no?”

***

The job was over quickly and, despite your protests, it wasn’t so bad keeping watch. It meant that you got a little extra time alone with Kaz as he limped out of the building first.

“Where are the others?” You asked.

“They’re coming down now. I scattered them throughout the building.” Kaz replied, checking his surroundings. “Any issues out here?”

“None whatsoever.” You told him, leaning against the wall. “But I kept myself entertained.”

“I’m glad to hear it.” He smirked. “I guess being on watch wasn’t so bad, then?”

“I don’t want to make a habit of it.” You told him. “Promise me I can have a more exciting job next time?”

“We’ll see.”

“You’re so damn stubborn.” You shook your head.

“Yes, but that’s why you love me.”

You didn’t get a chance to respond. Before you knew it, a strange man stumbled out of the door, clutching his side. There was a bullet wound there, courtesy of Jesper. He must have been one of the guards they’d taken back. Your eyes landed on the gun in his hand as he turned to you, holding the weapon up. Kaz raised his cane to knock him out but not before the shot sounded.

You crumpled to the ground, searing pain making you see stars. You clutched your side, tears pricking in your eyes but you just made out Kaz hurrying towards you, followed by other figures. Jesper and Inej.

“Y/N?” You heard Kaz saying your name. Was he close by? He sounded so far away. “Darling? Stay with me.”

“Kaz?” You croaked. “How bad is it?”

Kaz took a step back as Jesper rushed forward to pick you up. He wished it was him but it wasn’t. He remained rooted to the spot as the others began hurrying away.

“Kaz?” You said again, breaking him from his daze. He couldn’t hold you but he could remain strong for you. He limped after you, refusing to let you slip away from him.

***

You woke some time later to find yourself in your room at the Slat. Your head was groggy and you ached everywhere. Twisting your head around slowly, you saw Kaz sitting by your bedside, eyes closed. How long had he been there?

“Kaz?” You said, your voice a little hoarse. He opened his eyes and sat up when he saw you were awake.

“Glad to have you back with us.” He told you. You managed a smile.

“Yeah, well, I like to keep you on your toes.”

“Next time don’t get shot.” He told you. “We thought we might lose you. I thought I might lose you.”

“Were you worried about me, Brekker?” You teased him but his face remained stoic. Had he honestly thought he would lose you. “You won’t get rid of me that easily.”

He sighed. “Keep it that way. A life without you isn’t worth thinking about.”

You smiled before realizing just how dry your throat was. “Kaz, my love, would you fetch me a glass of water. My throat is killing me.”

He smirked as he stood up. “Anything for you, darling.”

***

Taglist:@aliiiyyaaah@statsvitenskap@mrs-brekker15

Buy me a coffee?

: I’ve been rereading the Six of Crows duology and my love for Dirtyhands has been reignited tenfold. Got the idea for the origin story of Kaz’s infamous cane from a post I saw a while ago and decided to turn it into a short oneshot, although I’m tempted to write a part two… 

: 1017

: None

“How did the two of you even meet?” Nina asked around a mouthful of waffle. “I don’t think you’ve ever told me.”

You couldn’t help but smile fondly at the memory. Meeting Kaz Brekker - Dirtyhands, Bastard of the Barrel - was something you thought about often. The memory was like an old photograph that you kept in your back pocket at all times so you could take it out and look at it whenever you wanted to, and it was worn and delicate because of this. Nina had a slight twinkle in her eye as you began telling her the story.

“I hadn’t been in Ketterdam very long, just a few weeks I think. I was young and I was in hiding, both of my parents lost to disease after a treacherous journey across The True Sea. To this day I don’t know how I managed to survive, let alone keep my identity a secret at such a young age. Fourteen is too young to know such grief, yet somehow I didn’t let it defeat me, it only made me stronger. Losing my parents helped me realise who I wanted to be: a girl who didn’t need anybody, a girl who would never again be weakened,” you took a sip of your sweet tea, relishing the taste. Nina always made the best tea. “I spent the savings I had on an apartment in the Barrel because it was the only place in Ketterdam where a fourteen-year-old could buy real estate without being questioned. Eventually, I gathered enough courage and enough resources to start my business.”
“Entirely unique wares,” Jesper interjected, flopping down into the empty seat next to you. “Made specifically to order for a very pretty penny.”
You smiled. “Exactly.”
“What kinds of things did people order?” Nina asked curiously.
“Bulletproof cloaks, silent pistols, knives that could cut through anything, even stone. You name it, somebody asked for it.”
Nina leaned forward in her seat, head resting on her hands. She was completely focused on you, desperate to hear the next part of your story. “And this is how you met Kaz?”
You nodded. “I remember it like it was yesterday. He knocked on my door at just gone midnight, dressed in an all-black suit and a matching hat that was far too big for his head,” you couldn’t help but giggle. “You have to remember that he was only fourteen as well and hadn’t quite grown into the role of Dirtyhands just yet.”
Jesper laughed. “I can’t imagine Kaz as a boy.”
“Neither can I,” Nina agreed.
“Well, he was. I let him in and asked if he wanted to take a seat, which he declined. Even then he was straight to the point. He asked me if I could make him a cane.”
Nina gasped. “No way…”
“I asked him what kind of cane he wanted - because nobody was coming to me for anything ordinary - and he told me that he wanted a cane that was specifically weighted to break bones.”
“Did you know who he was? Did you know that he was Dirtyhands?”
“I figured it out when he told me what he wanted,” You explained. “Anyone who was anyone in the Barrel knew about Dirtyhands and knew that he was the most ruthless lieutenant of The Dregs despite his age. I knew what he was capable of, what he’d done to earn his title, but to me, he was just a boy who needed a cane to walk properly, a boy that had turned himself into a weapon as I had. I understood why he wanted to turn his - how shall I put it? - his impairment into a weapon, and I was willing to help. I told him to come back in two days, and then I went straight to work.” 
“I can’t believe you made Kaz’s cane!” Nina exclaimed. “I can’t believe I didn’t know that!”
“I think Kaz likes to pretend that he was born as Dirtyhands with that cane in hand,” you smirked knowingly. “He doesn’t like people knowing that there was a Kaz Brekker before the Barrel.”
Nina set about making another pot of tea. “So, what happened when he came to pick it up.”
“Well, for starters, he didn’t come with any kruge in his pockets,” You remarked bitterly. “He told me he wasn’t going to pay me for it, but that he had something much more valuable.” 
Both Nina and Jesper rolled their eyes. “Of course he did. What was it?”
“An invitation to join The Dregs. He told me that my skills were invaluable and that if I agreed to join his gang I’d have a roof over my head, the opportunity to earn more money than I could even begin to comprehend and the one thing that I couldn’t seem to find no matter how hard I tried: security.”
“And you accepted?”
“I did. I hate to admit it but it didn’t take much convincing on Kaz’s part.” 
“And here you are,” Nina beamed. 
“Here I am.” 

Little did you know, Dirtyhands himself was perched at the top of the staircase, the cane in question balancing across his legs. He had been listening to your account of how you met for the better part of half an hour, eyes squeezed shut as though this would enable him to travel back in time and actually relive the moment. To this day, you had no idea how much that day had meant to him, the spark he felt upon meeting you. If he hadn’t taken such a shine to you, he probably would have paid you for the cane, but he knew he couldn’t let you go once he’d met you. Not that he’d ever tell you any of this. Most days, he could hardly even admit it to himself and he much preferred living in a state of ignorant bliss, allowing himself to believe that he’d offered you a place within the ranks of The Dregs for investment purposes only. 

It would be a cold day in hell before he told you how he really felt.

ೄྀ࿐ENOUGH

⎯ nikolai lantsov x fem!royalty!healer!reader

nikolai and y/n experience a freak event in the middle of an argument that has them not speaking.

⎯request:anon.

⎯warnings:angst; fluff; swearing; mentions of violence; mentions of gore.

⎯wc:3.9k

⎯a/n:i realized that i think it appears a little rushed as you get towards the end so i’m sorry if that’s the case!!

navigation.

“Your Highness.”

Her tongue clicked. “Yes, Tolya.”

“You have a Triumvirate meeting in ten minutes … as you do every morning.”

“My husband has a meeting.”

Tolya went quiet, keeping his broad frame under the entranceway.

“You can stand there and sulk all you’d like,” said the Queen. “You’ll have to carry me out of here if you’d like me to go.”

His tone changed to that of a friend as he said, “You have to go, Y/N.”

She peered up from her task, “And give me a good reason as to why I should.” Her hands braced on the edge of the table. “I’m Queen Consort. I do not get to make decisions that matter and I have no involvement in things that need my input.”

“Then come as a Grisha.”

“I will come as myself,” she emphasized.

His brows creased.

“I was ‘Princess’ before I was ever ‘Grisha’,” she reinforced. “Grisha abilities may run through my blood, but the title I received before my existence was ever thought of.”

“Even if you can’t do what you want,” said Tolya, “your presence is still important to us. You’re our Queen and our friend.”

“Tell Nikolai,” she spoke the words like acid were on her tongue, “I am busy with my projects. And if he has anything he wishes to tell me, he can say the words himself.”

After a beat of silence, Tolya bowed and paid his respects. Y/N was left to her achingly quiet laboratory, alone, with the decomposing body on the table.

The king and queen never fought. Argued, disagreed, yes, but this time it felt near impossible to recoup as things veered off the path of maturity.

Nikolai was tired, so was Y/N. Y/N wanted to communicate with her husband the way she’d been feeling recently, and Nikolai wanted the world to go away for just a moment of silence. It was a spat of words which neither meant; misunderstanding and immaturity building an impenetrable wall between them.

Y/N took up occupancy in the Little Palace, giving the excuse of needing no distractions to begin Grisha projects that had been long brewing in her mind. Meanwhile, Nikolai drank himself to sleep most nights in his sitting room.

They were both tremendously stubborn. The exact reason Zoya teased she was a top choice among the women he had to choose from following his crowning. So, when Y/N was informed the king would be visiting Lazlayon, she scowled at her general.

“Don’t even think about playing ill.”

The queen scoffed. “I wouldn’t dare.”

Zoya arched a brow, “And I look good in Heartrender Red.”

“You’d look breath-taking in a straw hat and a potato sack.”

She pushed her hair behind her shoulder. “I know.”

Y/N’s guards kept a distance behind as they moved through the Grand Palace halls. Their shoes clicking on the tiles were like drum beats and the ruffling of clothing like scraping a fork over porcelain.

“I think I’m going to be sick.”

“You’re fine.”

“Thank you, I’m suddenly feeling much better.”

“Good,” replied the general, who put a hand on her upper back to steer her down another corridor. “You’ll have an audience. Arriving peaky will have the King suspected of domestic abuse.”

Y/N eyes rolled. “Like anyone would care, if that were the case.”

Zoya sighed.

“I always have an audience,” murmured Y/N. “I’m the goddamn Queen of Ravka.”

“That you are,” she nodded. “So go on and say a mildly affectionate farewell to the King.”

Before she could protest, the large doors swung open. Y/N descended the steps with her hands folded against her skirts and eyes locked on Nikolai, whose back was to her as he helped adjust the reins. The grip on her fingers was near painful. With her chin lifted and spine locked, she halted a few feet from the carriage door.

Y/N’s eyes locked on the gravel near the singular step as he appeared in front of her, hands behind his back. From the blurry corners of her vision, she saw him lean to look over her shoulder.

His chin lowered slightly. “You’ll have to look at me, Y/N.”

Her jaw shifted. “No.”

“It needs to appear real.”

“What does?”

“Our goodbye.”

“They can see we’re speaking.”

“Yes but you’re standing like someone pinned you to a tree.”

Y/N snapped her gaze to him, but the words died on her tongue. Nikolai stared at her.

“Stop it,” she snapped under a breath.

“Stop what?”

“Stop looking at me like that.”

He took a step closer.

“How am I looking at you, Y/N?” he spoke gently, his breath fanning her face.

A crease sat between his brows. Her eyes shifted between his, the breath coming and going heavily through her nose.

“Tell the count I send my regards, Your Grace.”

Nikolai didn’t have any other choice but to obey her dismissal. With hesitation, he rested his hand on her middle and kissed her cheek. Y/N pulled away from the burn, striding to the steps where Zoya waited with an emotionless expression.

The queen walked past her. When she got deep enough into the royal family’s quarters, she pressed the back of her hand to her lips as the tears welled. It was only when she reached their shared room that she let the sobs crawl up her throat and shake her shoulders.

While Nikolai attended a meeting with Count Kirigin, Y/N continued the perfection of her Grisha abilities. Being born royal, she was deprived of the opportunity. Everything she learned was through trial and error. Her legs were covered in the proof of her growth as a Healer.

Y/N had believed that, with Nikolai on a break from his duties, she’d be relieved of the anxiousness. As much as she hated worrying about seeing him around the grounds, those glances they threw each other’s way without either noticing was like curing dehydration. Without the king there, she’d never been so thirsty for the sight of him.

A commotion from the front gates caught her attention. Y/N removed the apron and slipped off her gloves. She strode past the two guards posted on the other side of the laboratory doors. They struggled to keep up with her fast pace, following her until she shoved open the main doors of the Little Palace.

“What is going on here?” with her husband’s absence she was to take over his assertive tone. She kept her hands elegantly held against her stomach, countering the effect of her wearing a shirt and trousers rather than her usual attire.

As all present guards stood at-attention, two in particular struggled. With one slumped over and another keeping his comrade from face-planting in the gravel.

“Saints,” she bit out.

Y/N rushed down the short steps to assist the soldier, who nodded at her in gratitude. She lifted the injured one to see his eyes nearly rolling back in his head, jaw slack. Blood dripped from a wound somewhere along his scalp.

“Laboratories,” she commanded. “Now.”

They hauled him down the corridor and laid him atop one of the metal tables.

“What happened, Mason?” she said, focusing on the gash in the guard’s skull.

“I don’t quite know, Your Highness,” said the guard who originally kept him upright. “He came in on a horse. He about threw himself from the saddle.”

“Did he say anything?”

“No, Your Highness.”

“Make any sort of sign?”

“No. But …”

Y/N looked up at him. “‘But’ what, soldier?”

The young man hesitated. “There’s a possibility he was with the King.”

“Nikolai is at Count Kirigin’s. He couldn’t have survived that long of a ride.”

“Your Highness, we were told to expect him a few hours ago.”

Y/N’s hands froze. They shook slightly under the tension.

“Bataar twins. Now.”

The three guards in the room paid their respects and rushed out. Y/N fisted her fingers, trying to focus on her breathing.

She managed to close the wound and was in the middle of spreading a salve on it—the man, finally fully unconscious—when the twins burst through the door. No guards followed or took post outside.

“Where is my husband?” she demanded.

Tamar winced, “We don’t know.”

Y/N’s chin flexed. “When was he supposed to be back?”

“This morning,” she answered.

Suddenly, the guard atop the table gasped for breath like he’d been underwater and sprung up. The queen managed to keep him down with an arm across his shoulders. He let his head fall back again, eyes searching the ceiling frantically. They fell on hers, sending a chill across her skin.

“We were ambushed,” he forced out. “He—We didn’t know. I couldn’t—”

In the midst, Y/N’s head shot up to share a wide-eyed gaze with the twins. Tolya, though, couldn’t take his eyes off the soldier.

“Do you know who attacked?” he said.

The guard shook his head. “No. No. No, I don’t know.”

“Was it the Fjerdans?”

“No, I—No. Ravkans. They looked Ravkan—”

“Where’s the King?”

“He ran—A guard tried to make him run but he refused. We were all—His guard was shot down and then the King was, too, and I tried—wetried but there were so many of them.” His face screwed up. “He wasn’t moving and I couldn’t tell if he— … I must have passed out because I woke up and everyone was dead and they covered their tracks.”

“You’d been hit,” said the queen. “They didn’t take you because they wanted someone alive.”

With a tone on the edge of toppling, she said, “Tolya, take fifteen good men and ride hard the route they took. Send six of them to Lazlayon. If Emil or any of his people are unwell or their safety appears to be in jeopardy, they will stay in Os Alta, on the grounds. You notice anythingyou report back to me and General Nazyalensky. You suspectanything … Do you understand me?”

The broad-shouldered giant nodded. “I would give my life for the King, if the Saints demand it.”

Y/N’s chin lowered. “Well, I sure hope they don’t. Go on. I don’t want my men riding back through those woods at a dangerous hour.”

Tolya bowed and strode from the room.

Y/N hadn’t realized she’d been absent until Tamar was beside her, peeling back her fingers from the knife she’d used to cut away the soldier’s hair. Her guard didn’t let go of her shaking hand.

“Where do you want to go?” she asked.

The Queen’s head swayed. “He needs someone to watch him.”

“He will be taken care of. I’ll make sure of it.” After a moment’s pause, she repeated, “Where do you want to go?”

Y/N sat in the sitting room surrounded by her friends. They were quiet, the only sounds were Zoya occasionally turning a page in her book, the scratching of David’s pen, and Genya’s fingernail tapping her glass.

Y/N knew Tolya would disobey her orders to come back before too late. It wasn’t worth it to argue and if he decided to put his life on the line to find him. They all cared about Nikolai to some degree, no matter the title of their relationship. He had wound his way into all of their hearts and because of that, they’d do exactly as Tolya would, a million times over.

Y/N vowed to not sleep, seeing as the time was almost sunrise, but it took her without warning.

The room jolted awake as Tolya pushed through the doors. He closed it behind himself before regarding them.

It was infuriating how emotionless his face had become. Zoya was the first to snap.

“Well?”

The emotions had grown palpable, even through their terrible excuse of a few hour’s rest. It choked Y/N, most of all. Though, focusing on her breath meant a moment lost where she could be praying to all the Saints regarding her husband’s health.

Tolya steeled himself, eyes catching on his Queen slowly rising from her leather chair, one arm around her middle and a hand pressed to her collarbone. Oh, how many different expressions his mind had come up with upon his return, but with it finally in front of him … it carved out another piece of his heart. When Tolya cracked the splinters of what was left of the carriage under his boots and witnessed faces he once knew now pallor and peeled, a stubborn sphere of solid rock lodged in his throat.

“The people of Lazlayon were not targeted,” he started with.

What should he say? They couldn’t find the horses? The scene was a mess?

His nose burned thinking about it.

As always, he was grateful for his sister’s ability to save him. “Did you find any evidence to figure out who did this?” she said.

His chin swayed. “The bullets were locally-bought.”

Zoya had had enough. On her last rope, she took two steps forward from behind the Queen, and spoke through her teeth, “I swear…”

“Zoya,” hushed Genya, who grasped hard at David’s hand.

“Justsay it,” she spat. “Don’t go being weak now, Soldier. If you’re as hardhearted as you make everyone believe thensay what is to be said. Stopholding back.”

But the words like a whip off the General’s tongue were enough for Y/N. The acceptance of her permanent reality saved her guard, her friend, from tearing himself apart to the core of his soul.

The great waves of the True Sea crashed down on her all at once. In the past, the water had enveloped her, kept her afloat and glittering like it did on the days she would skip rocks at her vacation home. Now, the reflected blue betrayed her, tied her last rope around her neck and refused to let up.

Her limbs fell to the mercy of gravity, now, to keep her standing, but as it always had, it failed her. She clawed at her throat where the invisible knot held firm. She screamed until she was out of breath and again, until her eardrums shook.

By the time Y/N was shoved from the arms of her royal upbringing and into the King of Ravka’s open ones, merely shards of shining bits of life were left inside her. Nikolai had made do with what he was given; stopped them from occasionally flickering out. Now, a new pair of arms held her spine tight against their chest, seated on the floor of the sitting room, desperately trying to keep them as they once were just days ago. Nadia embraced Y/N’s wilting and wailing figure with enough strength to suffocate a flake of the dark pain.

“How do you know?” Y/N wept. “How do you know? Where is he?”

Tolya looked down on his Queen with burning eyes and a deep crease between his brows.

“That’s not important, Y/N—” Tamar had tried to prevent more anguish, but Y/N only cried harder in Nadia’s arms.

“I need to know, please,” she begged. “Please, just tell me. I need to know where he is.”

Tolya shared a glance with his twin.

“A guard, who has witnessed many honorary deaths, found the place the King fell. He said …” The rock grew bigger. He swallowed hard. “He said he bled too much. Either they took him, thinking they could save him, or took him for their own means.”

As Y/N began calling out for him, Zoya, who’d been watching the nightmare unfold in cold silence with an even colder expression, stormed from the room in a harsh wind that scraped back furniture and the glass once in her hand shattering against the floor.

Zoya imagined Nikolai bleeding out in the middle of the forest, all alone. Or, maybe it was as he was dragged or carried away, the darkness taking him before he got to understand he’d never get to say goodbye or apologize.

Nikolai, who endured war, the unforeseen death of his best friend, countless pirate attacks, countless fists to the face, possession by an abomination, and the last war against the Black Heretic, finally met his fate in the most dishonouring way for a man of his magnificence.

Tamar bolted after the Squaller, knowing just how much justice and ugliness she’d bring to their King and Ravka’s name if not reminded.

Y/N would give up a life of security and sustenance if Nikolai so insisted. She’d forget who she was: change her name, cut her hair, replace her clothes, if he’d rather live life on water than on land. Her love for him went beyond comprehension.

It wasn’t known he fully understood that before leaving.

Just maybe, if she’d caved and told him she loved him, made sure he took care of himself on his journey, he would have demanded to postpone visiting Lazlayon.

Nikolai, who shotand manipulatedthe Black Heretic; who fought offnichevo’ya; who refused a life chained to him before his birth because he simply didn’t agree; who built flying ships and covered his bed chamber walls in maps and liked the smell of morning dew and read books on philosophy and could recount the colonization of Novyi Zem for no goddamn reason, was gone.

Y/N cursed the boy Nikolai loved so dearly. Cursed him for taking her best friend away from her; letting him lose the rest of his life; ripping out half of her soul.

Word had gotten around about the commotion the previous day. So, when the servants in the halls of the Grand Palace and the ones about the grounds heard heart-wrenching grief, they all froze, sharing looks of disbelief.

Nikolai Lantsov, the indestructible and effervescent king who did more than his father or any of his lineage ever attempted, was dead.

The next morning, Tolya and Tamar managed to help her outside. The latter was tasked with pushing her along in a wheelchair, for her legs didn’t work. Servants watched their Queen gaze mindlessly up at the sky, as if she were searching for something within the clouds.

The twins granted her silence the whole way.

They took Y/N near a corner of the back of the property. It was a wide patch of well-kept grass untouched by royal projects. The left was bordered by the tall, stone wall of the property line and the back by a shaded wood which had the children of the Grisha school’s imaginations concreting an anxiety that kept them within the boundaries of the field. The school was to the right, on the other side of the lake, but teachers were granted permission to occasionally allow the students to occupy it during recess.

The bell rang and all the children fled by the path leading back to their school.

Y/N finally looked away from the sky. It felt as if she were floating. Her mouth, sewn shut, and eyes, mechanical. Not a single thought formed in her head as she regarded her surroundings.

Y/N jerked like she’d been struck. Her gaze locked between the trees, hands grasping the arms of her chair so hard she felt it strain. Words appeared, formed, slammed against the cages of her mind like rabid animals.

Out from the shadows of the forest, he stumbled. One hand pressed to his lower abdomen and pale skin screaming against the light of the sun.

The urge to scream, run as fast as she could, hit something with all her strength, overcame her, but all that left her mouth was a whimpered breath of his name. As Tolya shouted to him and she heard his faint response, the air detoxified. His name repeated in a whisper as the ecstasy slowly rose in her system.

Tolya asked him to admit something only he would know. And at the words, “Y/N is a much better actor than myself,” she was off.

Y/N gulped down air as she ran for her life, the twins’ warning shouts unheard to her. Nikolai finally let his knees hit the ground; relief flooded his bones at the sight of her, forcing a sob to shake his shoulders. Uncoordinatedly, she removed all the weight from his one arm and put it onto her.

His face, sodden with tears, and eyes drinking in her own as he held on tight to the back of her neck, pieced Y/N together again.

In the royal family’s quarters of the Grand Palace, the King and Queen were left to themselves.

“I guess this is one of the benefits of asking a Healer to be my wife.”

Y/N, closely sitting in a chair before him, quirked a brow. “Yes, as that’s all I’m good for.”

With a cheeky grin, Nikolai forced himself off the back of the chair to press a hard kiss to her cheek.

“Stop moving,” she reprimanded lightly. “You’re seconds from breaking your stitches.”

“Ah, but they’re already broken, my darling.” Nikolai lifted the corner of his shirt so he could get a good look at the hole in his lower abdomen. “Nasty little thing, isn’t it? All’s well, though. The scar is just another to add to the collection.”

Y/N tapped under his chin, “Lift.” He raised it enough to look at her through his eyelashes. “If anything, it’ll only increase your inflated ego.”

“Now, see, that’s what I have youfor.” He grinned broadly as she brushed her fingers over a cut under his jaw. “And you do a wonderful job at it, too.”

Nikolai granted her silence when she didn’t react. When she got to the bullet wound in his side, she froze. He took her fingers in his hands, squeezing once.

“I have not felt such pain in my life …” Her eyes caught his. “I’ll never be able to explain. Someone could tear me limb from limb and it still wouldn’t be as terrible as imagining you dying alone.”

“You don’t have to explain,” replied Nikolai, softly.

“Tell me what happened.”

He took in a breath.

“The attackers set off a bomb to spook the horses,” he said. “Two of the men got into a firefight with them while the third tried to have me run. I wanted to help, maybe look one of the dullards in the face so he knew just how much they failed at their attempt, but I was shot before I could even make up my mind.” Nikolai paused. “All that was going through my mind as I bled out was how I needed to get home to you. I needed to come back to you. I refused to let our last goodbye be so petty and dramatic. I woke up in a cottage. The person had fixed me up as best they could. I didn’t stay to thank them. Not just to keep my attempted assassination out of people’s mouths, but because I wasn’t going to waste another second in that damned bed when I didn’t know how long I’d been there already. I ran when they left the house and I was lucky I recognized the area from when I would visit Dominik’s family because I didn’t stop through the night.”

The pad of his thumb brushed a tear from her cheek.

“You shouldn’t have pushed yourself.”

“There were so many times I wanted to give up, Y/N.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“Because my love for you is enough.”

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@honeymxlon@caaarstairs@jae-the-menace@tartheanmaid@staytrueblue@criesinlies@moon-enthusiast@gallysonegoodlung

nudging the other one

Kaz Brekker x reader

Word Count: 532

Note: So this is gonna be a bit of an epilogue for the Orphan of Shadows series, but I’ll probably write more in that vein at some point tbh

“So you’re a shadow summoner too?” Jesper asked the moment the lot of you were alone in the ship for the return trip to Ketterdam. 

Honestly, you were surprised he’d managed to hold back his questions this long, so you decided to humor him at least for a moment. “Yes, Jes.”

“So was he like your father or something?”

Already, the line of questioning was making you uncomfortable. It was truly as impressive as it was grating. “No. I’m an orphan, just like I said.”

“Then how–”

“I don’t know.” Your tone was more defeated than anything. Out of the corner of your eye, you caught the alarmed look Kaz caught you; you ignored it. “His mother–don’t ask–suggested I might be distantly related to them and this,” when you raised your dominant hand, you made tendrils of shadow swirl around your palm, “must be something that just cropped up in me for some reason.”

When you glanced over at Inej, the expression on her face made you immediately pull your shadow back to where it belonged. If the way she’d looked at Alina was elation and awe, the way she was looking at you now was borderline revulsion and horror. In her defense, the second she realized what she was doing, she gave you an apologetic look, but that didn’t stop the sting.

“No one can know of this,” Kaz spoke up, eyeing his crew. The look he gave you had no small amount of concern hidden deep within his gaze, only recognizable because of the bond you two shared. “If anyone knew–”

“I’d be hunted like an animal,” you muttered hatefully.

“Our lips are sealed,” Inej promised.

“Of course,” Jesper said, echoing the sentiment. “I’m just curious about how you managed to hide it without looking all …” An odd little wave of his hands served in place of a description.

“Sickly?” You scoffed. “Jes, why do you think Kaz and I pull solo jobs?”

He sat on that for a moment before realization dawned on his handsome face. “Wait, that’swhy?”

You couldn’t help the way your eyes rolled to the ceiling as if one of the saints would come down in person to save you. “Do I even want to ask what you thought was the reason?”

“Hey, don’t use that tone with me. I’m the one that overheard your little confession back in the Fold!”

“Confession?” Inej asked, confused.

“That’s enough, Jesper,” Kaz barked, though some of the bite in his tone was washed out by the way his cheeks were turning slightly pink.

Now Jesper rolled his eyes. “Alright, boss. Keep the juicy stuff to yourself.” Turning to Inej, he asked, “How’re you feeling about this whole thing?”

With their attention off of the pair of you, you felt Kaz’s boot nudge your own. A bit nervously, you met his gaze. Even without him saying anything, you could see the warmth in his gaze that you never saw directed towards anyone else.

“I meant what I said, you know,” you found yourself murmuring so quietly that hopefully the other two wouldn’t be able to hear.

He hesitated before pressing his boot more firmly against your own. “I know.”

BLOODIED MEMORIES [PART 2]

PART 1

A/N: Continuation parts are always a bit difficult and I don’t like this, but I hope this doesn’t suck to you and it’s a satisfying ending for this twoshot And let’s hope the situation is better when that Kaz series finally comes out, me being happy with part two, part three, part four etc and not feeling like their quality decreases as the story goes on

Word count:1.2k

A few days passed, and Y/N was clearly avoiding Kaz. She walked away with a huff if Kaz approached, and gave him dirty looks. Kaz understood why she did that, but he pretended not to care.

He had wondered why Y/N hadn’t left the Slat, but Inej told him that she has nowhere else to go. She had told the other Crows everything, and Kaz had been slightly pissed about it since he didn’t like it when his past was scattered around - but fortunately he knew that his Crows wouldn’t scatter it further. And it’s Y/N’s past too, his heart reminded him.

Inej had tried to talk to Kaz, told him that he should apologize. Bastard of the Barrel never apologized, but with Y/N, it was different. He even wanted to apologize, but the thought of stepping down and humble himself in front of Y/N still felt uncharacteristic for him. He had built up his ruthless picture for years, and now he was expected to step down and admit he did wrong? Some time ago, he’d sooner be hung as the most infamous thief in Ketterdam than apologize to anyone for anything he had done, but this was his sister.

He pretended to dismiss Inej’s advice and her telling him how miserable Y/N had been ever since she had fought with Kaz, even when he masks it as anger when Kaz looks at her, but he actually listened. And Inej knew he listened. She knew Kaz wanted to keep his sister near, to know she’s safe, even when he pretended not to care. He had grown a lot during her knowing him, but she knew that he thought he’d never have to face his past again like that. Y/N had told her everything, filled out the parts Kaz had left out when he had told about Jordie to Inej.

He had never once mentioned about his sister, and Inej knew it was because he was ashamed of how he once had abandoned her. He tried to act like he didn’t care and had never cared, to bury his shame behind all those walls he erected so high - and yet, Inej could feel it on him anyway. Even if he didn’t want to admit it or talk about it, Inej sensed that it made him uncomfortable every time he looked at Y/N, he could almost see memories flashing by in his eyes.

So she kept talking about the grief Y/N felt about not connecting with her brother again, even after that fight that had hurt her. They needed each other, and Kaz wanted to keep Y/N near, to know she’s safe. He cared, even though he was trying to hide it and pretend otherwise. Kaz deserved to be happy, even when he insisted that he needs to be feared, and sentimental bonds didn’t fit the picture. But he still shut up when Inej reminded him about them holding hands, and the Bastard of the Barrel, the feared king of Ketterdam with sharp teeth and claws as his hands wouldn’t have been able to do that.

She made Kaz think, made him question if his reputation was really so important to him that he wanted to push his sister away. And, Kaz’s heart reminded him, you kind of owe it to her after what you did. You owe her to come down, to apologize. You broke her trust that day when you made her lose you into the crowd, she has a reason to be angry. You could have killed her when you did that.

Eventually, Inej succeeded and Kaz made his way to Y/N’s door. He stood behind it for some moments, squeezing his cane so hard he was sure he bended the crow head. Then, he knocked. When Y/N opened the door, she immediately scowled and tried to close the door, but Kaz was faster, pushing past her and walking inside without any invitation. She groaned and Kaz heard a thud as the door collided with the wall.

“Get out,” she said angrily, stepping forward. “I’m not doing this.”

Kaz ignored her and made his way further into the room, turning around to look at her from the corner of his eye. Her eyes were narrowed, and he could tell that she was struggling not to scream insults at him.

“We need to talk,” he began.

Y/N folded her arms across her chest. “No we don’t.”

“Yes we do,” Kaz insisted firmly. “It’s been days of it going like this. You glaring at me, avoiding me, telling about our past to everyone—”

“Oh, so it’s all about you again,” Y/N snapped. “I’m the only one who’s supposed to apologize? Because big bad Dirtyhandshimself doesn’t apologize, huh?”

Kaz ground his teeth together, trying to hold his Dirtyhands side from snapping back. He clenched his fist tight against his thigh and spoke before he had another urge to stop himself. “I am sorry I left you alone in that crowd. And I will apologize for everything what happened after that day. I’ve regretted leaving you there for years, I’ve been beating myself over…” His voice died away as he turned and faced her directly, dropping his gaze briefly and then looked her back straight in the face.

The anger and loathing on her face slowly started fading away and the hurt was replaced with something else: confusion. She let her arms fall limp by her sides, shoulders dropping as they lost their tension, and her lips parted slightly.

She definitely hadn’t expected him to say that. Kaz felt a little surprised himself - it wasn’t an easy thing to admit to. And Y/N seemed to know that too. She stared at him, wide-eyed. “Kaz… you really are sorry?”

Kaz gave a slow nod of his head, biting his tongue until he could speak again. “Yes.”

“You mean it?” she whispered. “I thought maybe I imagined it or made it up in my head.” Her hands rose tentatively, hesitantly as she took a step towards him, reaching out to touch his arm. But she hesitated there, stopped herself midway and withdrew them again, probably remembering Kaz didn’t like to be touched. Her hand dropped down again to her side, and she turned to look out from the window, leaning on the windowsill. Kaz slowly made his way beside her, careful not to step across any boundaries either. He still wasn’t sure what was going through her mind right now, if she would forgive him. But maybe this was a start of it if not else. Y/N gave him a side glance and leaned towards him slightly, which made Kaz take in a deep breath and shuffle closer to her, letting her rest her head against his shoulder.

They watched the darkening night of Ketterdam together, taking their first, careful step towards their newly found relationship as siblings. It would probably never be the same anymore and it would need a lot of talks and building their trust and love back up, but one thing was clear: 

Kaz would never leave his sister again.

—

Tags:@scandalous-chaos@brekkers-desigirl@bb-skyrunner@ellora-brekker@animalistic0@voidranboo@hanabihwa@story-scribbler@lovemenotplz@writingmysanity@directioner5life // send in an ask to be added, and specify which of Freddy’s characters do you want to be tagged on! (This taglist is for Freddy event only, I won’t take character taglists for anyone else than Freddy’s characters. And note: after the event, Kaz pieces will get the full SaB taglist again, this taglist applies only during this event) ALSO IF YOU WON’T INTERACT BEYOND LIKING, I’LL EVENTUALLY TAKE YOU OFF THE LIST!!

Also@ledaisyy asked to be tagged on this one Let me know if you wanna be tagged on the rest of my Kaz pieces during this event or general SaB taglist so you’d catch the post-event Kaz pieces as well!

Tolerate It | N. Lantsov

Pairing:Nikolai x Healer!Reader

Summary:[Based on Tolerate It - Taylor Swift] An arranged marriage is never complete without both parties having an agenda. For Nikolai it was Ravka, but for Y/n, it was Nikolai.

masterlist

A/N:this is a part of my folklore/evermore-inspired fic collection

Once Nikolai’s been casted in the show, I’ll obviously replace this gif, but for now enjoy this gif of the first blond English actor (Sam Claflin) I could think of lol.

It was dusk in Os Alta and the Grand Palace was filled with a silence most would describe as eery, but not to Y/n. She spent of her days wandering through the halls like a bored child, so much so, the silence and the golden details all became mundane to her.

She stood nervously in front of the door to Nikolai’s study and gulped as she mustered the courage to approach him. Their marriage began on a good note, with plentiful conversations and exchange. But, as things began to settle and Nikolai’s responsibilities grew more and more demanding, they became essentially stranger to one another.

No more, Y/n thought to herself. There might not be mutual love or romance between the two of them, but she refused to sit idle and alone and allow herself to become as forgettable as floor he walked on. Y/n knocked twice on his door before entering cautiously.

“Dinner is ready,” she stated.

It had been for a while. Y/n was the one who planned the meal, but when she sat to eat while her plate was still warm, her appetite vanished. Y/n had lost count of the amount of meals she had sitting alone at the dining table.

“So it is,” he said snidely, not even bothering to look at her.

She should have heeded the warning and given up, but they had been like that for months. Y/n was dying for conversation, even if it ended in him telling her to leave.

“Will you join me?”

He scoffed quietly. They no longer ate together. They did not even share the same bed. He could not understand why Y/n would think today would be any different.

“I cannot.”

Nikolai gestured to the endless sheets of paper sprawled across his desk, as if it meant anything to Y/n. She had seen him cast aside his work momentarily for a conversation with Zoya and, on a different occasion, a drink with an old friend from the first army.

“Surely your work can wait.”

“Yes, I’m sure the hundreds of first army soldiers camped at the border can wait for further instructions while their King gorges himself per your request.”

His remarks never bothered her before. She and Nikolai were well acquainted for years before he approached her with the proposal of an arranged marriage. However her patience with him had become slim. Dangerously slim.

“Nikolai, I have done a lot for you,” she said, her voice even in tone.

Finally he dropped the sheet of paper in his hand and looked his wife in the eye. Her gaze was close to a glare; a cold and steely one at that.

“You propose this marriage and I agree. I leave my sister and my friends in the second army so I can smile and wave, and maintain a facade all so you may fulfil this vision you have for the future of our country.” She clenched her jaw, trying her best not to completely lash out at him for being such an inconsiderate prick. “And all I am asking is that you join me for one meal so I don’t feel even more isolated in this wretched building than I already do.”

“… Alright.”

Y/n was taken aback. Nikolai stood from his seat and shuffled his papers into neat piles. He appeared affected by what she said. Perhaps even guilty at her mentioning her sister and how isolated she felt. Y/n’s sacrifice was no small detail and he was ashamed by the way he made it seem like it was.

By the time he headed for the door, Y/n was already halfway down the corridor. Instinctively, he quickened his pace so as to catch up to her, but when he reached the dining room, she was already seated in her usual place, right beside his.

They ate in silence for only a short moment. There was irony in the way that sat beside one another but could not have been father apart. Y/n glanced at Nikolai momentarily and cleared her throat.

“What is the latest report on the first army base the border?”

“Nothing that concerns you,” he quipped.

“Nikolai.”

She was only trying to make conversation, yet he responded like she was making a personal attack against his character. What happened to the man who made her swoon? Who was always so kind to her? What happened to Nikolai she loved?

“Do not make this into something it is not,” he warned.

He did not want to indulge in small talk over dinner with Y/n, as if there were not thousands of people depending on him and his leadership. He had no plans of falling for her. No plans of their arrangement becoming anything beyond a performance. Engaging in conversation with her threatened that.

“Is it not in the best interest of Ravka that both their King and Queen are well versed in the affairs of their people?”

For someone who claimed to care so much about the people of Ravka, he was being quite cruel to the Ravkan he chose to marry.

“That was not the case for my mother,” Nikolai reasoned mindlessly.

“Ah, yes, and look how well that turned out.”

He dropped his fork immediately. It was a low blow, Y/n knew that, but if it got a reaction out of him, any kind of reaction at all, it was worth it to her. Nikolai clenched his jaw and inhaled sharply, his nostrils flaring into a deep shade of red.

“I have far more important matters to attend to,” he hissed, his tone venomous and piercing. “Which is precisely what I could be doing now had I not been burdened by your nagging and relentless demand to be something I never agreed to become.”

Amidst the silence that was casted over the dining table, Nikolai heard her gasp quietly. She stared at him in horror, before pushing herself away from the table. He had never seen her so upset and could have never expected himself to be the culprit.

“Well, I’ll be sure not to burden you again,” she spoke roughly as she rose from her chair. “I think I’ll much prefer the silence anyways.”

She blamed herself for trying. Men in power seldom cared for the people affected by their actions. Y/n never believed Nikolai would be one of them, but after their exchange she began to rethink her belief.

As he watched her walk away, wiping her eyes before exiting through the door, Nikolai, too, began to wonder.

***

Very little time had passed since that night in the dining room- a matter of days, if many. It was was late at night, once again, only this time Y/n was already fast asleep in her room adjacent to Nikolai’s. She would have remained fast asleep had a palace worker not shook her awake so roughly.

It only took a few hard shakes before Y/n started grumbling. Annoyed, she rubbed her eyes and sat up, glaring at the worker standing before her. What was the reason for the all this?

“It’s the King.”

The maid did not need to say anything else, Y/n was already reaching for her robe and racing out the door. The worker followed her down the hallway to where Nikolai was, explaining how he injured himself during a solo combat training session.

“Where were the healers when this happened?” Y/n asked worriedly. The maid explained that he was injured an hour ago.

“He refused to be tended to by anyone but you, moya tsaritsa.”

Once he was healed of his injuries, Y/n swore she was going to get a few punches in just for the fun of it. First he called her burden for wanting a conservation with her husband, and now he was choosing to bleed out in the infirmary until she could get there.

Nikolai sat up instantly at the sound Y/n barging into the room. The maid at her side quickly made herself scarce, as did the rest of workers previously present.

Without saying a word, or even looking him in the eye, Y/n sat at his bedside and began working of the wounds on his leg. Her brows wrinkled as she narrowed her eyes.

“I take it you are still cross with me,” Nikolai commented, hoping to ease the tension.

“I am trying to focus,” she corrected him, her gaze turning quickly into a glare. There were several deep gashes along his legs as well as bruises all across his arms and cheek. “It would not be so bad if you had been seen by a healer sooner.”

He smirked. There was an overwhelming presence of annoyance in her tone, but a small hint of worry. Of fear something horrible could have likely happened to him.

“I prefer your company.” His tone came off as teasing, but he could not have said sincerer words.

“From the way you often speak to me, I would have never guessed.”

He deserved that. Y/n felt a small ounce of satisfaction when she noticed his smirk fade, but it was short-lived. She turned her attention back to his injuries. It would take a while for her to heal them all, which made her wonder if he did this on purpose.

Nikolai studied Y/n closely while she healed him. Even after all the cruel things he said, and all the ways he made her upset, she was still willing to climb out of bed in the middle of the night and tend to his wounds. She never even complained about how tired she was, despite needing to yawn every so often.

It led him to wonder.

“Why did you accept my proposal?” Nikolai’s voice was small. Y/n looked at him in confusion. “If it meant leaving your friends and your sister, why did you go through with it?”

“Why the sudden interest in my feelings?”

“It is a topic of great relevance to me,” he stated plainly. “You are my wife after all.”

Y/n scoffed loudly, followed by a bitter and incredulous laugh. It had been a long while since he referred to her as his wife, much less in private, with no one to perform for.

He gave it a moment; lied in silence as Y/n finished healing his arm before breaking the silence once more.

“I’m serious, Y/n,” Nikolai spoke softly, gazing intently at her as she moved to heal to bruise on the right side of his face. “Why did you agree to this?”

Nikolai did not know what to expect, but he was most curious. Y/n seemed to think for minute, if that. It did not take her long to look him in the eye and answer his question.

“Because you asked me.”

His brows knitted together in confusion. Her answer was so cryptic to him. So vague and unclear, yet, for Y/n, it truly was as simple as it seemed.

She had seen many deplorable men come into power. Men she detested with every fibre of her being, the Darkling and the previous King being among them. Nikolai was different.

He was someone she believed. Someone whose judgement and strategies she trusted wholeheartedly. Y/n wanted to live in a Ravka that he was leading, so when he told her that an arranged marriage with a grisha was necessary to that dream, she agreed. If it had been anyone else asking for her hand, she would have laughed in their face. But it was Nikolai.

Once Y/n was finished, she left the infirmary silently, but not without noting the way Nikolai stared at her in astonishment. She could not figure out whether it was because she healed him so swiftly or because she agreed to marry him simply because it was him who asked.

Nikolai knew it was a mixture of both.

***

The following morning, Y/n woke up later than usual. As she got dressed and ready for breakfast, she could not stop thinking of her last conversation with Nikolai. What possessed him to ask her such a question, particularly when he never seemed to care about why she agreed to their marriage in the first place.

As Y/n headed for the dining room to eat breakfast alone, yet again, she was startled to open the door and see Nikolai, standing at his end of the table as if he had been waiting for her to arrive.

“There you are,” he sang, pulling her chair out for as she approached her seat. She narrowed her eyes in suspicion, but he was unfazed. “I was contemplating sending someone to wake you.”

"What are you doing?”

“Sit,” he said, brushing off her question.

Y/n hesitantly lowered herself onto her chair. Nikolai sat beside her and began eating his plate of food. He was breathing heavily as he tried to muster the courage to speak again. She was half-expecting for the room to grow quiet and for them to eat in complete silence as per usual.

She was greatly alarmed when Nikolai cleared his throat and turned to face her.

“The latest report from the first army base at the border was pleasing. They were able to fend off an attack from Fjerda,” he explained. Just as she began to wrap her head around his sudden announcement, he continued on. “I’ve asked Zoya to brief you on recent developments within the second army from now on. She and Genya are eager to hear your thoughts regarding the corporalki and the training of our healers.”

After the way Y/n healed his numerous injuries with such swiftness, Nikolai realised it was a mistake to take her away from the second army, Particularly when there was so much she could teach their newer recruits, including her younger sister.

Y/n looked at him with a mixture of confusion and concern. Much to Nikolai’s amusement, she lifted her hand and placed it firmly against his temple, checking to see if he had a fever.

“Are you feeling well?”

He chuckled, prompting her to put her hand back down. His temperature was fine, but there was definitely something strange. Something that was not present before.

“I will be busy today,” Nikolai stated after taking another bite of his meal. “I have several meetings to attend and strategies to exhaust over, so I will not be home in time for dinner or supper.”

He spoke as if he was explaining something to her, but Y/n could not have been any more confused. She was even more startled when he reached for her hand. If it were not for the comfort of his touch, she would have swatted his hand away instantly. But she did not.

“I wish I could sit with you for every meal. Truthfully, I wish I could give you the marriage and the life you deserve, but I cannot promise you that.” He gulped before smiling once more. “But I will promise you at least one meal everyday, where I am all yours.”

Not Ravka’s. Not the first army’s. All hers.

“Today it is breakfast.”

Nikolai felt nervous by the way Y/n continued to study him. However, she only did so, because she felt a feeling of comfort that she had craved for so long. Not only was he making an effort, but he was making and effort for her.

“You do not have to do this,” she said softly.

“I know.”

He wanted to. He wanted to be the best partner to Y/n, because for the first months of the marriage, that is precisely what she was to him, even when he did not care to notice.

Nikolai smiled as he continued to eat his breakfast, his hand never leaving Y/n’s. Occasionally he would pause to tell her about what was discussed at his latest meeting, or to recall an old story that he knew would make her laugh. If the room grew silent, it was only for a short moment.

Perhaps over time love would make its way into their relationship. Real genuine love. Or perhaps they would simply build on their pre-existing friendship. Either way, Nikolai was not against any possible outcome so long as it meant he could still have her at his side.