Reader makes Kaz his favourite dessert when he is angry or stressed.
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You had become the resident baker amongst the Crows. Baking was always something you loved to do and, of course, when Nina found out you could make waffles from scratch, she excitedly told everyone else. Thus you claimed the title.
In turn, you discovered each of their favourite desserts so you knew what to make them if they were having a bad day and needed cheering up. Nina was easy, waffles were her one true love. Jesper loved ice-cream, Inej loved cupcakes, Wylan was a pie guy and Matthias enjoyed some cheesecake. Kaz was the last person for you to figure out, he was so often locked away in his office that it was rare he ever ventured into the kitchen when you were making something. However, it just so happened that one day he appeared when you were making your famous chocolate cake. You offered him some and he begrudgingly accepted, however it wasn’t hard to tell that he enjoyed it. Which you used to your advantage from then on.
Like on this very occasion.
“He’s at it again.” Jesper remarked as he walked into the kitchen where you and Inej sat. You raised an eyebrow in question. “Pacing back and forth in his office. It’s all I can hear. I think I’m going mad.”
Inej looked to you. “He’s stressed about this upcoming job. The plans of the building show there’s only one way in and there’s a specific lock he’s never dealt with before.”
“Yeah, but this is Kaz.” You replied. “He could pick any lock in the world with his eyes closed.”
“I think this job is giving him more trouble than he’d like to admit.”
As if hearing his name, Kaz suddenly appeared in the doorway, leaning on his cane. He nodded to Inej. “I need your help going over the plans again for the job next week.”
Inej sighed. “But Kaz, we scoured those plans all morning. Surely if there was another way in, we’d have found it by now.”
“We have to keep looking.” He argued. His hair was bedraggled from all the times he’d run his hair through it and he was clutching his cane. You sighed and stood up.
“Kaz, sit down.” You told him. He glanced at you and frowned.
“What?”
“I said sit down.” You repeated, making your way over to the cupboard to fetch your ingredients. “You probably haven’t eaten anything all day. Now, I know chocolate cake isn’t the healthiest but I also know it’s your favourite and you could do with a break.”
You heard him audibly sigh. “Y/N, I don’t have time to sit down and eat cake. I have work to do.”
“You heard Inej. You’ve been studying the plans all day, you need to relax.” You said, not turning around. You set about mixing the ingredients.
“Yes, but-”
“Kaz Brekker, will you sit down and let me make you some cake?” You ordered, putting on your best voice of authority. It wasn’t often you raised your voice and Kaz raised his eyebrows in surprise. However, after a moment, he sat down at the table. Inej cast a smirk your way and you grinned triumphantly.
When the cake was ready, you put a piece in front of Kaz before hanging some to the other two after some protesting. You handed him a fork and, after a moment of glowering, he caved in and took a bite. He didn’t let on but he finished the entire piece, letting you know you'e done a good job.
After he’d finished, you gave him a reassuring smile. “You’ll figure this lock out, Kaz. You always do. I have complete faith in you. But just maybe, for today, you should take a step back from scheming?”
His gaze met yours for a moment and he nodded in appreciation. “Thank you, Y/N.” He glanced down at the plate in front of him. “Any chance of another piece?”
You grinned and stood up. “Anything for you, Brekker.”
Reader is in the room with Kaz when Pekka’s men come for him.
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A/N: I’m so sorry you had to wait so long for this, I had a little crisis of confidence but I really hope you enjoy this!
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Warnings: Violence, panic attacks
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“You have a plan, don’t you?” You asked Kaz as you tried your best to sort the mess on his desk. His office always became more disheveled when his mind was racing, trying to plan a job. “To cross the Fold, I mean?”
“I’m working on it.” He replied from the other side of the room, staring out the window. He ran a hand through his hair, sighing. You hated seeing him like this.
“I know you snapped at Inej.” You told him. “Kaz, I know you’re stressed but lashing out at the people closest to you won’t help.”
He turned to look at you, a hint of regret in his eyes. You were the only person he ever truly let his guard down around and you knew he hadn’t meant what he said to Inej. He nodded. “I know.” Then a small smirk played on his lips. “You always know how to put me right, Y/N.”
“Yeah, that’s why you love me.” You pushed away from the chair and folded your arms, giving him a triumphant grin. It was then that you heard it, the faint creak in the floorboards. The two of you shared a glance, both jumping to the same conclusion. Kaz nodded once.
“Inej, listen…” He began as he turned around. However, he stopped short when he saw who it actually was. You took a tentative step forward as the unfamiliar men slowly surrounded Kaz.
You watched as Kaz assessed the situation quickly before attempting to disarm the man closest to him. However, the man was quicker and threw a punch, disorienting him. In a matter of seconds, they had Kaz on his knees. It was then their commander showed themself, stepping into the room and the panic was clear on Kaz’s face. Pekka Rollins.
“Kaz!” You exclaimed, trying to move forward to help but one of the men stopped you, twisting your arm behind you and holding you tightly so you couldn’t move. You cried out in pain.
Kaz clenched his jaw. “Don’t touch them.” He seethed, struggling against the grip of the men. Pekka strode over to him, shaking his head.
“Relax, Brekker, is it?” He spoke. “We won’t hurt them, just so long as you comply with us.”
“Kaz, don’t.” You interjected before the man holding you tightened his grip, shutting you up. Kaz’s eyes flickered over to you briefly, pain evident on his face. You couldn’t tell if it was because of you or matter of the physical contact. You suspected it was a bit of both. His gaze returned to Rollins.
“You’re a long way from home.” Kaz said and you swore inwardly. Even outnumbered and faced with his greatest nemesis, he still had to be smart. Pekka raised an eyebrow.
“Like you were earlier?” He countered. “When you took a Grisha from the Orchid?”
“The Orchid isn’t Dime Lions turf.” Kaz shot back as Pekka sat down in front of him.
“There’s a new acquisition. You heard it here first.” Pekka said as one of his men tossed Kaz’s cane to him. Kaz tried to lurch forward but the man held him in place. Something about it made you angry as well. That cane was part of Kaz and seeing the one person he hated the most holding it didn’t sit right with you. “I know you saw Dreesen, got a jump on whatever job he has. I don’t want the details, just that you have a little travel hazard. So, here’s the deal, you can walk away from it, I’ll tell Dreesen I’m taking over for you. Then we’re even.”
“Not even close.” Kaz replied, anger dripping from his voice. He glanced to you again, only quickly. It was hard not to, you were his weakness and seeing you like this only made him more furious.
“Hang on.” Pekka told him. “The other option is,” he leaned forward and hooked the cane around Kaz’s neck. Kaz’s face contorted in pain, which only fueled your own anger. “I carve your face in with your own cane and dump your body in the harbour.”
“You bastard.” You exclaimed, trying to break out of the man’s death grip. You knew the weight of his words on Kaz’s shoulders and it made you see red. It was a total low-blow.
Pekka almost smiled. “That first option sounds better now, doesn’t it?” He remarked as he moved the cane away and stood up.
“Tell me,” Kaz said before he walked away. “Have we ever made a deal before?” You half-hoped he hadn’t asked. Pekka would only find a way to increase his torment.
“You and me?” Pekka mused. “No. Otherwise you’d know better. Or you’d be dead.” He spat, before turning and walking out. His men threw Kaz to the floor and the one holding you shoved you forward. You managed to grab the table to stop yourself from falling.
As soon as they were gone, you ran over to Kaz, kneeling down in front of him where he crouched on the floor. It broke your heart to see him like this, like a scared child. His fists were clenched on the floor in front of him and his breathing was ragged.
“Kaz?” You spoke softly. “Look at me, please.”
It took him a moment but eventually he looked up, his eyes meeting yours. Fear and pain danced in his eyes and your stomach clenched. You felt like murdering Pekka for reducing him to such a state.
“It’s OK. They’ve gone. It’s just me.”
You knew any physical touch would like make things worse but it seemed just the sound of your voice was enough to bring Kaz back down to earth. His breathing began to calm and he straightened up, assessing you.
“Did they hurt you? If they did, I’ll kill them.”
“No, I’m OK, I’m OK.” You assured him. “I promise.”
He shook his head. “He didn’t recognise me, Y/N. He doesn’t remember me. Or Jordie.”
You sighed at his words. You were one of the only ones who Kaz had confided in about his brother, which was how you knew exactly what seeing Pekka Rollins meant to him. You tried to muster a small smile of assurance.
“I’m sorry, Kaz. If I could, I’d go after him right now and make him pay for the things he’s done to you.”
Kaz met your gaze, satisfaction in his eyes. “We’ll both make him pay.” He said and you knew exactly what he meant.
“You aren’t taking his deal?”
“I never make decisions out of fear. Only out of spite.” He said as he pushed up from the ground. You chuckled.
“Wise words, Brekker.” You joked.
“Come on.” He said to you. “We need to come up with a plan to cross the Fold. We should find the others.”
“Are you sure you’re up to it?” You asked, standing as well. “That was quite an ordeal.”
“I’ll be fine.” He turned to you. “I know I will be as long as you’re around to help me out of scrapes.”
“You don’t have to worry about that. I’m not going anywhere, Brekker.”
A/N: This wasn’t requested but I got the idea and just went with it x
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Warnings: Bullet wounds
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You were still scouring the plans on the desk in front of you despite the late hour. Fatigue was creeping up on you and it was a struggle to keep your eyes open but still you persisted. This job was important and you needed to figure out an escape route. It was crucial.
Kaz sat opposite you, leaning back in his chair and sighing. His hair was disheveled, dark circles under his eyes. It was obvious he was just as tired as you. Pushing back his chair, he stood up and nodded to you.
“You should head back to your room. It’s late and we aren’t going to crack this with foggy heads.”
“Just a few more minutes.” You said, not taking your eyes from the map. “I can figure this out.”
Kaz looked down at you huddled over the desk, desperately wishing he could take your hand and lead you to bed. But that wasn’t possible. Instead, he sighed. “Y/N, darling, you need to get some rest. We’ll get back to this tomorrow.”
He so rarely called you that, only when he was concerned about you. You finally glanced up at him, realising just how tired you really were. Admitting defeat, you stood up and made for the door.
“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Kaz said before you left. It was all he could really offer you. Staying in the same room together just wasn’t a possibility for him and you knew that. You gave him a smile.
“You better not start scheming without me.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it.”
***
“I’m not doing it, end of.” You argued, folding your arms as you rested your case. Kaz was giving out jobs for all of the Crows on the upcoming job and he was insisting you keep watch instead of being in the game. You knew it was an important job but you yearned for the adrenaline.
Kaz glowered in your direction. “Someone needs to do it and everyone else has their positions.”
“Why can’t Jesper do it?” You complained. “Surely he’s had his fill of shooting?”
“The game won’t be the same without me, love.” Jesper remarked from his seat across from you. You glared at him before turning back to Kaz. He definitely wasn’t budging and you knew that but you liked to keep him on his toes.
“You’re the best person to have in that position.” He said. “Will you please just say you’ll do it.”
You knew why he was doing it, though he’d never let on in front of the others. He was worried about you. It had been a while since you’d been in the fame and the thought of you getting hurt was enough for him to keep you out. You raised an eyebrow, preparing to make things interesting.
“I’ll do it if you ask nicely.” You remarked, for a moment forgetting the other were there. Kaz met your gaze, his jaw clenching and for a second you weren’t sure if he would take the bait. But then, he sat forward with a smirk.
“Y/N, darling Y/N, will you please stay on watch?”
You gave a brief nod. “How could I say no?”
***
The job was over quickly and, despite your protests, it wasn’t so bad keeping watch. It meant that you got a little extra time alone with Kaz as he limped out of the building first.
“Where are the others?” You asked.
“They’re coming down now. I scattered them throughout the building.” Kaz replied, checking his surroundings. “Any issues out here?”
“None whatsoever.” You told him, leaning against the wall. “But I kept myself entertained.”
“I’m glad to hear it.” He smirked. “I guess being on watch wasn’t so bad, then?”
“I don’t want to make a habit of it.” You told him. “Promise me I can have a more exciting job next time?”
“We’ll see.”
“You’re so damn stubborn.” You shook your head.
“Yes, but that’s why you love me.”
You didn’t get a chance to respond. Before you knew it, a strange man stumbled out of the door, clutching his side. There was a bullet wound there, courtesy of Jesper. He must have been one of the guards they’d taken back. Your eyes landed on the gun in his hand as he turned to you, holding the weapon up. Kaz raised his cane to knock him out but not before the shot sounded.
You crumpled to the ground, searing pain making you see stars. You clutched your side, tears pricking in your eyes but you just made out Kaz hurrying towards you, followed by other figures. Jesper and Inej.
“Y/N?” You heard Kaz saying your name. Was he close by? He sounded so far away. “Darling? Stay with me.”
“Kaz?” You croaked. “How bad is it?”
Kaz took a step back as Jesper rushed forward to pick you up. He wished it was him but it wasn’t. He remained rooted to the spot as the others began hurrying away.
“Kaz?” You said again, breaking him from his daze. He couldn’t hold you but he could remain strong for you. He limped after you, refusing to let you slip away from him.
***
You woke some time later to find yourself in your room at the Slat. Your head was groggy and you ached everywhere. Twisting your head around slowly, you saw Kaz sitting by your bedside, eyes closed. How long had he been there?
“Kaz?” You said, your voice a little hoarse. He opened his eyes and sat up when he saw you were awake.
“Glad to have you back with us.” He told you. You managed a smile.
“Yeah, well, I like to keep you on your toes.”
“Next time don’t get shot.” He told you. “We thought we might lose you. I thought I might lose you.”
“Were you worried about me, Brekker?” You teased him but his face remained stoic. Had he honestly thought he would lose you. “You won’t get rid of me that easily.”
He sighed. “Keep it that way. A life without you isn’t worth thinking about.”
You smiled before realizing just how dry your throat was. “Kaz, my love, would you fetch me a glass of water. My throat is killing me.”
He smirked as he stood up. “Anything for you, darling.”
tw: alcohol, one (1) suggestive comment, demon imagery, death imagery, rot imagery, mentions of blood, mentions of burning word count:2.7k
Summary: something is growing within these kaelish boys, and you must gnaw at all they have to give.
The Crow Club was more lively than usual, the lights bright and the drinks at the bar flowing free. Patrons were betting more than their lives were worth on dice, and others were dancing skin-against-skin to the music of the in-house band - something energetic and fervent, with the same undertone of sensuality you couldn’t escape, this deep in the Barrel. The Dregs were celebrating a particularly successful job, and everyone felt sweet - like new money and strong drinks, like million-kruge smiles and saccharine lips. You took your drink from the bar and slipped through the restless crowds. You snagged someone else’s shot on your way out - just a little fun before the night calmed, and business went back to usual.
You found him outside the Club, standing in the corner beneath the portico, the bright lights of East Stave dousing him in orange and red hues. He heard you approach, and when his gaze met yours, the glint in his eyes was like diamond - his irises a dark Kaelish whiskey on the rocks. You propped yourself up against one of the black lacquered pillars to drink in his deep, brown depths. He leaned toward you when you stilled, and then, as though his mind caught up with him and thought better of it, he pulled away. You noticed - you always did - but back then, you didn’t mind.
Of all the games Kaz Brekker played, you liked this one the most.
“You’re not celebrating?” You spoke after the silence had settled, and all the world was glittering before you, almost soft-looking, the way the dark night blurred his roughened edges - obscurity sanding him smooth.
“I already celebrated—” you raised your eyebrows; he tilted his head “—I counted the kruge.”
You rolled your eyes, making a big show of it as you opened your mouth in a soundless scoff. You looked at him, again, and he was grinning (or maybe just flashing his teeth).
You still had the shot in hand, and seeing as the night wouldn’t get much better than this, you gulped it down, feeling the sting at the back of your throat. Sometimes, burning was your only proof that it was all real. Kaz looked at the other drink still in your grasp, the liquor swirling in a way that seemed like oblivion. His gloved hand reached out, dancing in the space between, and you held out the drink to him.
His fingers brushed yours. He was quick to pull the glass away.
The liquid sloshed against the side; the waters rose higher. Kaz traced the rim with his gloved finger - as though quelling the tide. You watched him carefully. The liquor wouldn’t climb higher than the glass.
“I hope your kruge was worth it.” Your words pulled him out of his head, and Kaz turned his gaze to you. “I hated that poor excuse for an outfit you had me wear at the casino. It was cold! And I never want to paint my lips purple ever again.”
You chuckled at your own joke, not missing the way Kaz’s eyes lingered on your lips, and how his own curled into a smile. It was something genuine, or so you believed, and such beauty was rare. The deep night carried warmth on the breeze, and for a moment, you both swayed together.
“Purple’s your color,” and his voice was so quiet, it was almost not there.
But you had long since learned to hear Kaz Brekker and notice changes in the rasp of his breath. He was closer, now, and you could see the way all his life stood on the edge of his glass - one tilt toward you, and everything might change. You hummed, and the world drew close around you. The night was dark, and the lilt of music still drifted toward you.
His lips parted; he whispered your name.
You wanted to feel his breath against your neck.
The door to the Crow Club swung open, and someone called for Kaz. The world flooded back towards you, and it was loud and uneven - tilted to its side, and jarring you awake. You huffed in annoyance, and Brekker nodded at the intruder. You didn’t know why you were surprised - no one could afford privacy in Ketterdam. The door to the Club slammed shut, and the evening shifted with it.
You raised an eyebrow, half-amused, but not quite. Kaz leaned in, but he never crossed the full distance. “It was worth it,” he breathed, but by the time you registered the meaning of his words, he was gone.
I don’t deal in monsters, but I have met men and I have held their death. I have cradled a demon in my lap, and I have watched the world do the same.
The dying months in Ketterdam were brisk, but somehow, it was in those weeks that the sun shone brightest. It confused many, but you understood. An island of contradictions had to be beautiful in them at some point - otherwise, no one would fill her harbors. The sun painted the sky in burnt, orange hues as you sat in the Boeksplein, papers all strewn around you, with Nanko on your left and Jem on your right.
You looked at Jem until he noticed, then you shifted the other way.
This was the dozenth time you’d met them here - on one of the benches in the vast courtyard - a brief get-together in between classes, where the world around you was taking its failing breaths, and you contemplated just when you would follow suit.
“It’s too florid, isn’t it?” And you gnawed on your bottom lip, creasing your eyebrows just so.
You had cultivated this closeness between you slowly - like an aria - one step, then another. It had started with nights at the wall. Then meetings like these - clandestine moments stolen from the stream of time - sweet encounters between classes, where the world was amber-colored. Honey.
The first time you tracked them down, it was under the pretense of giving them back something you’d taken - a sheet of poetry Jem had shown you, one night by the wall - something still incomplete and not yet raw. They had been surprised you cared, rather than shaken you knew how to find them, and it would make all the difference, in the end.
The next time you chatted with them, you made sure that Nanko spotted you. The time after, it was Jem who sought you out. You had met enough times to make your presence comfortable and made just enough gambles to ensure your admissions felt right. They wouldn’t be surprised to know you, now, and it would save you when your hand was played.
This time, you had found them to share a piece of your own writing - something flowered and kaleidoscopic, romantic, and not quite breathing. You loathed it, from the moment you penned it. You hated that you had once believed its fragrant lies.
But you smiled at them, innocent, and asked for their opinion. You were all new to this, after all. Little things like yourselves should cling together.
“No! No.” Jem smiled and licked his chapped lips. He caught your gaze, and you held it more carefully than a smoking gun. “I like it. It just… feels different than what you’ve written before.”
On your face, you painted the visage of an embarrassed longing. You let your fingers dance outward as though subconsciously testing what lay between.
You bit down on a smile; you looked up through the lashes of your eyes. “I got some inspiration, is all.”
Jem shifted closer. You pretended that it sent you reeling.
You shook your flustered head. “I mean… I’m a nutcracker, after all. Remember the soldier prince? ‘My life began with wanting something for myself’.” —(and what did you want, now that you were just heaving?)— “We all have to find something to covet.”
Jem’s eyes glittered like far diamonds; Nanko bowed his head.
The clock marked the hour, then, and they were off to their next lesson. Nanko was swift as a rabbit - like some kind of prey that was too smart to be taken alive. Jem lingered in his farewell - as he had done for some time now - standing up slower and catching your eye before turning around.
Your mouth fluttered into a smile because it was designed to. You looked into his dark eyes because it was your con, and when they caught the sunlight, you pretended not to notice the shade of their depths.
They were just brown, and you were just a nightingale.
“If you refine your poem and bring it to the next meeting, I can help you carve it.” Jem fiddled with the strap of his bag. He had remembered what you said, one night, about his beautiful penmanship. He clung to your every word.
“You don’t think it’s too shallow for the wall?”
“It’s truthful, isn’t it?” And you didn’t know what to do but smile. Jem shrugged and stuck his hands in his pockets. Sometimes, they still snagged. “That’s all it has to be. And if it is, it’s enough.”
Enough. You hoped it would be, in the end.
“I’ll bring it, then.”
He was dazzling with the light of the sun before he was gone. You watched him as he left - his black curls bouncing with every step - and it was hard to mourn the living. The Kaelish boy was a dreamer - like he didn’t yet have smoke trapped in his lungs or a demon curled in his lap.
What a beautiful thing - to be that alive.
You sat on the bench for a moment, and the world passed you by. Two weeks had passed since you began this lie; for fourteen days, you had been living a version of the life you’d always longed for - something tied in poetry and lined with expressions of love. Part of you longed to enjoy it, but another, more broken division demanded you end this game before it got out of hand.
Before their blood was on your silver dagger, their fortune in Kaz Brekker’s coffers.
Silly thoughts - they’d get you killed. An actor was only so good as their scenes - a liar only as successful as the reading of their lines. The last time you had believed in your own artistic liberties, you’d paid the price for it, and so had others, dead and gone. This time, there would be no deviations from the plot.
The only mercy you had was time.
You made your way to the library, swallowing the Kaelish boy’s goodbye and feeling the way such a good-natured parting sat in the space behind your teeth. You slinked into the book-lined rooms of the library and wandered over to a table in the corner, writing little messages about the knowledge you’d gleaned. You breathed in deeply on lines that were harder to pen, and the honeyed smell of the University wasn’t as strong as it had once been; something in the shadows of your deeds had poisoned it. Already, it started a rot.
You found yourself choking on memories that no longer belonged to you.
“I’m not one for poetry,” a shadow had confided, once, in you.
And you had liked the way you danced around its jagged edges. You had coveted the broken knuckles and the fractured glances. You had longed for this shadow and the way you teased it in the hushed pitch of night.
You circled around it with a smile - close enough to feel its breath, far enough away to never touch its heart. “Ah, but you’ve never read mine.”
And your shadow liked to bare its teeth.
“(Y/n).”
You looked upward, and the darkened tendrils of the Barrel were gone. Quiet Inej stood in front of you, and just how long she’d been waiting to announce her presence, you’d never know. You blinked away the past, but for a moment, it lingered. It clung to you, unfreed.
But still, here you were: the library, the note, the con.
The Wraith had the mind to smile.
“Inej.” And despite the years of distance between you - stretches of time where you hadn’t seen her, and had only heard of the deeds of her ghost - the contours of your worried mind smoothed into something genuine. “I wasn’t expecting you.”
She took a seat across from you, and you wondered what the both of you must look like. The Wraith and a nightingale. A university student, and something more. In another life, such a scene would have never fit together, but Ketterdam liked to blur her edges and lines.
“A pleasant surprise,” you mused, smiling and tilting your head. “Did I wander too far, and Dirtyhands asked you to find me?”
Inej scoffed, as though the thought of losing you was impossible. “You’re not hard to track, y'know. Anyone could find you if they wanted to.”
You shrugged. “That’s the point, actually. I can’t be hidden and noticed.”
‘Why bring it up, then?’ a part of you insisted.
‘To hear something that isn’t my own desperate thoughts.’
“Are you here for this, then?” You folded your page of secrets and held it out to Inej. She hesitated, but took the note and slipped it somewhere within the folds of her vest. “I was going to take it to the Geldcanal later tonight, like every week. Is that not soon enough for Brekker? Does he really need it now?”
For a hairbreadth of a moment, she didn’t meet your gaze. It betrayed more than it should have.
“What is it?”
Inej breathed in, and when she spoke, her voice was low and even. She was expecting something rash, then, was she? What ruin had Ketterdam brought you, now? “Kaz wants you to come to the Slat tomorrow night.”
You blinked against a wave of something more. “I thought he said—”
“One night won’t blow your cover. If you come late enough, everyone will think you just blew off some steam at the Crow Club and wandered your way in - no one will think much.”
You held in a scoff, and the bitterness was acidic. The Slat. You hadn’t been back there in nearly two years, and when you had left it, you swore to yourself you’d never pass its foyer, again. You didn’t need the Slat. Or, more aptly, you didn’t want it. It was just an extension of Dirtyhands - just another way you were indebted to him.
Kaz Brekker, the Bastard of the Barrel, Usurper of the Dregs. He was smart. Clever, even. Brekker always knew what made others tick. And more than that, he always knew when to play his hand.
You kept your tone even but raised a calculatedly curious brow. “Why not the Crow Club?”
And Inej tipped her head, something rueful in the depths of her gaze. Why did Kaz do anything he did? For power. For kruge. For the pleasant feeling of vengeful blood dripping down his throat. All the diamonds in the world wouldn’t compare to that copper taste at the back of his tongue. It would never be enough, and the acridity of him would soon burn all of Ketterdam through.
You wanted to scream. You wanted to leave. You wanted to burn all of Kerch.
You painted something calm on your face.
Inej blinked. It was as though she wasn’t sure what was reality, and what was your game. If you were to look in a mirror, would you know, yourself?
“Tomorrow night,” you conceded. “The Slat. I’ll stop at the Crow Club for a game, first - a cover story in case I’m seen. Who else will be there?”
“Jesper and I.”
That’s right. One of you was already gone. Nina had left on a barge to Fjerda, with a new face and long-aching woes. Inej would take to the seas herself, in a few months’ time, on sails of her own. Even Jesper was close to leaving the Slat - he’d still be caught in the web of the city, but he’d remove his place in its balance. They’d all be scattered to the wind soon - some of them already were - perhaps somewhere better than here. They were already gone, but some things would stay.
You would be at the Zelver, all the same, singing operas that would make audiences itch for someone to come home. Kaz would be in his office, working until the candles burned low, and everything in the harbor lost its breath.
“A reunion, then,” and your lips curled into something that resembled a smile. Inej settled comfortably into your features, and you ached at your own lies. “I haven’t seen you or Jesper in years. You might want to have a drink beforehand.”
REQUESTED: “A heist with split parts. Inej, Jesper and reader are in one place, working on stealing something Kaz needs. Him and Nina (or just rearrange the roles as you wish) are outside, backing them up in case of unexpected events. Inside, the three of them trigger a security system, only the two manage to get out, the reader gets locked in. Knowing she’s able to get herself out, they return without her before getting caught. They wanna plan accordingly, but Kaz get’s furious, worried, tense, you name it. Ignoring the danger and the plan, he goes back for her, killing and destroying everything in his way to get her out. How about in the end when she’s safe, all of the tension and anger falls off of him and a hint of previously hidden affection gets revealed, unintentionally? (Feel free to change something if you want to <3)”
SUMMARY: a carefully planned heist. nothing could go wrong, not if kaz brekker had planned it. but when everything goes south and the reader gets into trouble, it’s up to kaz to remain cold and analytical, it’s up to kaz to make sure everything turns out right.
WARNINGS: gore details?? (not too much), i used bells to keep track of time (so one bell means something that happened before four bells etc.). also, reader uses she/her pronouns and it’s in third person. if you squint, you can see spoilers for kaz’s backstory :)
WORD COUNT: 4093
A/N: I HOPE I DID YOUR REQUEST JUSTICE LEAH OR ELSE IMMA CRY.
REQUESTED: “A heist with split parts. Inej, Jesper and reader are in one place, working on stealing something Kaz needs. Him and Nina (or just rearrange the roles as you wish) are outside, backing them up in case of unexpected events. Inside, the three of them trigger a security system, only the two manage to get out, the reader gets locked in. Knowing she’s able to get herself out, they return without her before getting caught. They wanna plan accordingly, but Kaz get’s furious, worried, tense, you name it. Ignoring the danger and the plan, he goes back for her, killing and destroying everything in his way to get her out. How about in the end when she’s safe, all of the tension and anger falls off of him and a hint of previously hidden affection gets revealed, unintentionally? (Feel free to change something if you want to <3)”
SUMMARY: a carefully planned heist. nothing could go wrong, not if kaz brekker had planned it. but when everything goes south and the reader gets into trouble, it’s up to kaz to remain cold and analytical, it’s up to kaz to make sure everything turns out right.
WARNINGS: gore details?? (not too much), i used bells to keep track of time (so one bell means something that happened before four bells etc.). also, reader uses she/her pronouns and it’s in third person. if you squint, you can see spoilers for kaz’s backstory :)
WORD COUNT: 4093
A/N: I HOPE I DID YOUR REQUEST JUSTICE LEAH OR ELSE IMMA CRY.
: I’ve been rereading the Six of Crows duology and my love for Dirtyhands has been reignited tenfold. Got the idea for the origin story of Kaz’s infamous cane from a post I saw a while ago and decided to turn it into a short oneshot, although I’m tempted to write a part two…
: 1017
: None
“How did the two of you even meet?” Nina asked around a mouthful of waffle. “I don’t think you’ve ever told me.”
You couldn’t help but smile fondly at the memory. Meeting Kaz Brekker - Dirtyhands, Bastard of the Barrel - was something you thought about often. The memory was like an old photograph that you kept in your back pocket at all times so you could take it out and look at it whenever you wanted to, and it was worn and delicate because of this. Nina had a slight twinkle in her eye as you began telling her the story.
“I hadn’t been in Ketterdam very long, just a few weeks I think. I was young and I was in hiding, both of my parents lost to disease after a treacherous journey across The True Sea. To this day I don’t know how I managed to survive, let alone keep my identity a secret at such a young age. Fourteen is too young to know such grief, yet somehow I didn’t let it defeat me, it only made me stronger. Losing my parents helped me realise who I wanted to be: a girl who didn’t need anybody, a girl who would never again be weakened,” you took a sip of your sweet tea, relishing the taste. Nina always made the best tea. “I spent the savings I had on an apartment in the Barrel because it was the only place in Ketterdam where a fourteen-year-old could buy real estate without being questioned. Eventually, I gathered enough courage and enough resources to start my business.” “Entirely unique wares,” Jesper interjected, flopping down into the empty seat next to you. “Made specifically to order for a very pretty penny.” You smiled. “Exactly.” “What kinds of things did people order?” Nina asked curiously. “Bulletproof cloaks, silent pistols, knives that could cut through anything, even stone. You name it, somebody asked for it.” Nina leaned forward in her seat, head resting on her hands. She was completely focused on you, desperate to hear the next part of your story. “And this is how you met Kaz?” You nodded. “I remember it like it was yesterday. He knocked on my door at just gone midnight, dressed in an all-black suit and a matching hat that was far too big for his head,” you couldn’t help but giggle. “You have to remember that he was only fourteen as well and hadn’t quite grown into the role of Dirtyhands just yet.” Jesper laughed. “I can’t imagine Kaz as a boy.” “Neither can I,” Nina agreed. “Well, he was. I let him in and asked if he wanted to take a seat, which he declined. Even then he was straight to the point. He asked me if I could make him a cane.” Nina gasped. “No way…” “I asked him what kind of cane he wanted - because nobody was coming to me for anything ordinary - and he told me that he wanted a cane that was specifically weighted to break bones.” “Did you know who he was? Did you know that he was Dirtyhands?” “I figured it out when he told me what he wanted,” You explained. “Anyone who was anyone in the Barrel knew about Dirtyhands and knew that he was the most ruthless lieutenant of The Dregs despite his age. I knew what he was capable of, what he’d done to earn his title, but to me, he was just a boy who needed a cane to walk properly, a boy that had turned himself into a weapon as I had. I understood why he wanted to turn his - how shall I put it? - his impairment into a weapon, and I was willing to help. I told him to come back in two days, and then I went straight to work.” “I can’t believe you made Kaz’s cane!” Nina exclaimed. “I can’t believe I didn’t know that!” “I think Kaz likes to pretend that he was born as Dirtyhands with that cane in hand,” you smirked knowingly. “He doesn’t like people knowing that there was a Kaz Brekker before the Barrel.” Nina set about making another pot of tea. “So, what happened when he came to pick it up.” “Well, for starters, he didn’t come with any kruge in his pockets,” You remarked bitterly. “He told me he wasn’t going to pay me for it, but that he had something much more valuable.” Both Nina and Jesper rolled their eyes. “Of course he did. What was it?” “An invitation to join The Dregs. He told me that my skills were invaluable and that if I agreed to join his gang I’d have a roof over my head, the opportunity to earn more money than I could even begin to comprehend and the one thing that I couldn’t seem to find no matter how hard I tried: security.” “And you accepted?” “I did. I hate to admit it but it didn’t take much convincing on Kaz’s part.” “And here you are,” Nina beamed. “Here I am.”
Little did you know, Dirtyhands himself was perched at the top of the staircase, the cane in question balancing across his legs. He had been listening to your account of how you met for the better part of half an hour, eyes squeezed shut as though this would enable him to travel back in time and actually relive the moment. To this day, you had no idea how much that day had meant to him, the spark he felt upon meeting you. If he hadn’t taken such a shine to you, he probably would have paid you for the cane, but he knew he couldn’t let you go once he’d met you. Not that he’d ever tell you any of this. Most days, he could hardly even admit it to himself and he much preferred living in a state of ignorant bliss, allowing himself to believe that he’d offered you a place within the ranks of The Dregs for investment purposes only.
It would be a cold day in hell before he told you how he really felt.
“okay so i actually got a new idea, maybe the reader is amita’s friend/or cousin and she was around set a lot because they really close and the reader loves to sing but is shy and idk maybe freddy is lowkey crushing on the reader and something super cute happens?”
Prompt - The melody of the music box soothed me”
Warnings - Small angst? Fluff
————————————————
The melody of the music box soothed me.
I would play it over and over when I felt stress or anxiety gripping me.
Sometimes I would sing along with the tune and other times I would hum it.
I remember recreating the beats in my head when I met him.
The human version of sunshine.
We locked eyes for a single moment but my heart started to race.
He broke contact first and when he did I spun around to my best friend.
“Amita, who was that?”
“Who was who?”
I move my head slightly in the direction of the mystery man, doing my best to be subtle.
Amita chuckles and links my arm as we walk to her trailer.
“That was Freddy. He’s a shy one but he’s really sweet. You should talk to him!”
I shake my head.
“No no ‘Mita I can’t do that! Besides I’m only here for a couple of days.”
Amita just winks at me as she places on a film and gets comfortable.
“I will introduce you to the rest of the cast later, most of them are filming today.”
“Ahmmm” I mumble, sliding into the blanket on the back of the sofa and slowly feel my eyes slide close. Travelling always leaves me exhausted.
——————————————
I wasn’t sure when I fell asleep but I was awoken to a loud knocking on the trailer door.
I jump up and take in my surroundings. Amita wasn’t here but I see a note on the coffee table.
The knocking continues so I rise from my seat and open the door.
I come face to face with Freddy.
I silently cursed at me dishevelled appearance as he began to speak.
“Oh erm, I’m sorry. I thought you would be Amita? Is she in there?”
His voice was soft and gentle. Kinda like the sound that could soothe you to sleep.
I take a deep breath and pray that my words don’t fail me.
“No sorry, she left me a note saying she had to nip out. Do you want to come in and wait? I won’t mind”
He flashes me a small smile and comes closer.
“Sure, thank you”
He steps inside and takes a seat beside me.
“I’m Y/N ‘Mita’s best friend. She let me come and see production for a couple of days, I love the books and I study media so it helps with my degree”
It took Freddy awhile to warm up but soon we were chatting away, he would listen so intently and absorb everything around him. It was amazing to see.
Suddenly the door flung open and Amita rushes inside looking every wind swept.
“Oh! I see you guys have met!” She exclaims seeing Freddy and I together.
“I was just sorting out last minute arrangements for your stay, your in the same hotel as us” she explains to me. This prompted me to look at my watch which in turn caused me to gasp.
“It’s getting late and I still need to check in!”
Amita helps me with my luggage and I turn to leave the trailer.
“I’ll see you around?” I ask Freddy.
He responds by giving me a quick nod and a bright smile.
Amita giggles under her breath.
“He likes you”
———————————————
Days on set turned into weeks on set and soon I felt like part of the family. I got to meet the others and had many laughs, especially with Kit and Archie and Ben. The girls became my sisters, I loved spending my nights with Amita, Jessie and Danielle.
I didn’t see Freddy often but when I did I would always greet him with a wave and a smile.
I never really got much out of him, not since the day we actually met.
It was currently night and I was sat in Amita’s hotel room with her and and Jessie.
Amita was laughing with Jessie, telling her how we met and grew up together. I watched with a smile on my face reliving the memories in my head.
I lost myself in my thoughts and was startled when Jessie squeals and grabs me by the the shoulders.
“You didn’t tell me you could sing!”
A blush creeps over me and I lower my head.
“Erm, no no. I don’t, not really”
Jessie still spends the next hour trying to convince me to sing her something but to no avail.
I wish them both goodnight and head down the hallway to the elevator to my room.
ADing! rings out and I step forward into the small metal box.
I small scream jumps from my throat as I see Freddy stood in front of me.
“Oh my god I’m so sorry! I should of watched where I was going” I gasp, trying to regain my breath.
“Oh no, it’s my fault, my apologies” Freddy replies before pressing the number 4 on the control panel.
Number 4, for the floor of my room.
Silence envelopes us but this time it nagged at my mind.
I couldn’t stop the words that fell from my mouth after that.
“Freddy do you not like me?”
I watched as his face fell, it was like seeing a wounded puppy and it tore at my heart.
“Why, why would you think that?” He asked, his voice cracking slightly.
“Have I done something wrong?”
I shook my head rapidly.
“Oh my gosh! No no, not at all”
I take a moment before continuing, or at least I tried to before a loud thump! caused me to lose my balance just as the lights went out.
“Freddy? Freddy what’s happening?” I panic.
“Hey hey it’s okay, it’s just the lift. Everything will be back up and running soon”
I do my best to listen to his words but I couldn’t focus.
I grab for the closest thing to me and I end up taking Freddy’s hand.
He brings me to his chest and strokes my head , whispering sweet nothings in my ear. When my panic finally subsided, I slide down the elevator wall and quietly sing that one melody to myself.
I didn’t realise that Freddy had sat next to me until the song reached its last note.
“You have a wonderful voice” Freddy mumbles and I smile at him.
“Thank you”
“And in answer to your question, I do like you. I like you so much I feel that when I’m around you I’m going to burst. You make me feel things I haven’t felt in a long time. I feel like I’m 15 again, always wondering what to say and stumbling over my words. You’re extraordinary and well … well this …”
Freddy leans into my face and slowly places his hand on my cheek, caressing my face just before our lips finally joined. It was a short kiss but one I that will be encased in my memory forever.
I lean in to go again but I stopped when brightness lit up behind my eyes.
The elevator was run and running. I jump up before it’s noticed that we were on the floor and help Freddy up along the way.
A reminder that my requests are open! Please see the information by following the link on my main masterlist before requesting.
Feedback is always welcome ✨
“3 A.M.”
Freddy Carter x Reader
Warnings- None? Fluff
——————————————
It’s 3 A.M.
The house is still and everyone is asleep.
Everyone, apart from me; which to be honest isn’t unusual.
I’ve been tossing and turning in by bed for the last hour trying to get comfortable enough to at least dose off.
I groan in frustration, or at least try to before I string of cough make their way up my throat.
Man. My mouth was drier then the Sahara desert!
Flinging back the covers I swing out of my bed and cringe as my feet touch the cold wooden floor panels. This is exactly why people wear socks.
I dance down the hallway and the stair case, carefully missing out any that may make a single sound and do a quick run the kitchen.
I didn’t hear him come up behind me but I almost jumped out of my skin when he spoke.
I slam my hand over my mouth to suppress a scream but in doing so drop my glass.
I grimace waiting for the shatter but after a moment or so I open my eyes to see Freddy catching the glass before it hit its destination.
I would of said thank you if I hadn’t been so panicked.
“What the hell are you doing up?! Don’t you go to sleep at like 10.30pm or something?” I hiss.
He smirks and hands me back the glass which I proceed to fill with water.
“I think what you mean to say is thank you; and in answer to your other question, yes I normally sleep early but tonight? Well I guess I just … couldn’t. Why are you up”
His own voice was barely a whisper but I somehow managed to hear him perfectly.
I sigh and face him again.
“Same reason as you I suppose”
I take a sip of the water, keeping my eyes locked with his.
It was then I realised what I stood in front of Freddy in a single oversized t shirt and my underwear.
I do my best to cover up with my arms but it doesn’t do much.
Freddy hands me the throw we keep on the back of the sofa and I wrap it around me.
Freddy holds his hands up in retreat, a glint of mischief playing in his eyes.
“Don’t worry. I wasn’t looking”
Heat rises to my cheeks and I clear my throat to hide my shyness.
“Erm, listen I don’t think I’m going sleep anytime soon. Do you want to watch a movie?” I ask.
Freddy nods, “sure, what do you wanna watch?”
I give him a grin and skip over to the sofa, the blanket trailing behind me.
“We, my friend are watching Lilo and Stitch. The greatest Disney film ever made.”
Freddy raises his eyebrows but doesn’t protest
The both of settled on the sofa and played the film. A comfortable silence set over the room as the images danced across the screen.
We were about half way though the film when Freddy’s voice startles me.
“Are you crying?”
I wipe my wet eyes and mumble a response.
“No, why would you think that?”
Freddy shakes his head and wraps his arms around me, pulling me closer to him.
I cuddle into him.
“It’s just so sad, Stitch just wanted a family!”
“Oh god darlin’ it’s just a film”
Now I raise my eyebrows at him.
“You can’t tell me you’ve never cried at a Disney film”
He doesn’t argue with me on that.
I lay in his lap, he tenses before settling down again.
“Is this okay?” I ask.
He nods and focuses back on the TV, his fingers absentmindedly played with my hair.
———————————
I wasn’t actually sure when I nodded off but I awoke to some harsh whispers and a lot of giggling.
I slowly open my eyes, squinting as Archie and Kit come into my eye-line.
I Yelp and jump from my position as I see our other cast members around the sofa wiggling their eyebrows.
A loud thump!causes me to look to right.
“Owwww”
I see Freddy on the floor rubbing is head.
My eyes widen as I offer him a hand up.
“I’m so sorry Freddy!”
“What is going on here then?” Archie questions, smirking.
I groan at the insinuation and wrap myself back in the blanket I used only hours before.
I wasn’t dealing with this right now.
“Nothing, I’m going to bed” I grumble, Freddy following me up the stairs.
I reach my door but Freddy’s voice stops me from entering the room.
“You know sleeping during the day is probably why you can’t sleep at night.”
I just smile.
“Well if you can’t sleep you know where to find me”
My requests are Open! Please see the link on my main masterlist for more information ☺️
Feedback is always welcome ✨
“On One Knee”
Requested by - @elennox03
Warnings - None. fluff
Freddy Carter x reader
——————————————————
“Today, in that scene. What if it was true? Me getting down on knee, with a ring. Would you like that?”
My head shoots up from the book I had in my lap.
“Wh-what? You want marry me?” I gasp.
Freddy gives me a small chuckle and takes my hand, running small circles on my palm.
“One day, if you’d want that”
I fling my arms around him and let a squeal.
Of course I wanted to marry the love of my life.
I’d be Mrs Carter.
———————————————
I remember the day he proposed. We’d just finished on set. A project Freddy was working on.
It was late when we wrapped and it was a clear night. The stars were out shining brightly.
I loved nights like this.
My hand intertwined with Freddy’s and I walked closely beside him looking up as we made our way to his car; that’s when I saw it.
A Shooting Star.
“Freddy look!”
He looks up with me and I could hear him whisper under his breath.
“That’s beautiful”
We stand and stop for a moment, taking in this one moment.
“Are you going to make a wish?” Freddy asks.
I hug him from the side.
“I have everything I want right here”
Freddy placed a gentle kiss on the top of my head and leads me to the car.
The drive was quiet like normal but I when I noticed we weren’t taking the regular route home I asked him where we were going.
He gives me square of my hand and a wide smile. The smile he normally has when he’s up to mischief.
He wouldn’t tell me where he was taking me and when I got out the car he covered my eyes.
“Don’t open them until I tell you too”
He leads me down a uneven path before we come to a standstill.
When I open my eyes a little gasp escapes me and tears well up. I do my best to stop them. Don’t want mascara running down my face.
The site in front of me was wonderful.
Lamps and lanterns sat on the grass in a square, in each corner of a beautifully made picnic blanket.
Love heart confetti had be spread about along with some cushions and smaller blankets.
He always knew I got cold.
“It’s beautiful”
I turn to face him only to see that he wasn’t there.
I look down and see him …. on one knee.
“Oh Freddy” the tears don’t stop this time.
He didn’t even finishing asking before I tackled him into a bear hug.
“Yes, Yes, Yes. Of course I will marry you!” I cried out. Tears falling like they would never stop.
Who cared about a mascara stained face now.
I was engaged!
I didn’t know how long we’d stayed in our embrace but when we pulled apart Freddy handed me a handkerchief for my face and slipped the ring onto my finger.
It fit perfectly.
——————————————————
Now it’s 12am and a year on. I’m still in the honeymoon phase and if I’m honest I feel like I always will be with Freddy.
I couldn’t sleep so I found myself flicking though our wedding album on the sofa.
I was a mess the day of the wedding. It took months of planning and I couldn’t sleep the night before.
I insisted that that Freddy couldn’t see me the night before the big day, like tradition, but the bed felt cold without him.
I kept thinking ‘what if he gets cold feet?’ which obviously didn’t help me.
Yet all that vanished when I walked down the aisle.
I took a deep breath and smoothed out my dress and took my first step.
I could still remember the way he looked at me that day. It was like I was the only one in the room. He looked at me like that every day since.
Tears welled in his eyes as he took my hands. I wiped them away as we exchanged vows.
Every moment of that day was caught on camera.
I ran my fingers over each photograph, savouring the memory.
I was so encapsulated in the moment I didn’t even hear Freddy walk up behind me.
“What are you doing up?” He asks; his voice gravely. He must of just woken up and found my side of the bed empty. It unsettled him too.
I motion him to sit.
He lays his head in my lap. He’s still tired.
“I’m looking at the wedding album” I say softly, plating with his hair.
“Hmm that’s nice” he hums.
I oppress a chuckle as his eyes slowly flutter shut.
“Happy one year baby” I whisper as he slips off to the land of dreams.
Note: So this is gonna be a bit of an epilogue for the Orphan of Shadows series, but I’ll probably write more in that vein at some point tbh
“So you’re a shadow summoner too?” Jesper asked the moment the lot of you were alone in the ship for the return trip to Ketterdam.
Honestly, you were surprised he’d managed to hold back his questions this long, so you decided to humor him at least for a moment. “Yes, Jes.”
“So was he like your father or something?”
Already, the line of questioning was making you uncomfortable. It was truly as impressive as it was grating. “No. I’m an orphan, just like I said.”
“Then how–”
“I don’t know.” Your tone was more defeated than anything. Out of the corner of your eye, you caught the alarmed look Kaz caught you; you ignored it. “His mother–don’t ask–suggested I might be distantly related to them and this,” when you raised your dominant hand, you made tendrils of shadow swirl around your palm, “must be something that just cropped up in me for some reason.”
When you glanced over at Inej, the expression on her face made you immediately pull your shadow back to where it belonged. If the way she’d looked at Alina was elation and awe, the way she was looking at you now was borderline revulsion and horror. In her defense, the second she realized what she was doing, she gave you an apologetic look, but that didn’t stop the sting.
“No one can know of this,” Kaz spoke up, eyeing his crew. The look he gave you had no small amount of concern hidden deep within his gaze, only recognizable because of the bond you two shared. “If anyone knew–”
“I’d be hunted like an animal,” you muttered hatefully.
“Our lips are sealed,” Inej promised.
“Of course,” Jesper said, echoing the sentiment. “I’m just curious about how you managed to hide it without looking all …” An odd little wave of his hands served in place of a description.
“Sickly?” You scoffed. “Jes, why do you think Kaz and I pull solo jobs?”
He sat on that for a moment before realization dawned on his handsome face. “Wait, that’swhy?”
You couldn’t help the way your eyes rolled to the ceiling as if one of the saints would come down in person to save you. “Do I even want to ask what you thought was the reason?”
“Hey, don’t use that tone with me. I’m the one that overheard your little confession back in the Fold!”
“Confession?” Inej asked, confused.
“That’s enough, Jesper,” Kaz barked, though some of the bite in his tone was washed out by the way his cheeks were turning slightly pink.
Now Jesper rolled his eyes. “Alright, boss. Keep the juicy stuff to yourself.” Turning to Inej, he asked, “How’re you feeling about this whole thing?”
With their attention off of the pair of you, you felt Kaz’s boot nudge your own. A bit nervously, you met his gaze. Even without him saying anything, you could see the warmth in his gaze that you never saw directed towards anyone else.
“I meant what I said, you know,” you found yourself murmuring so quietly that hopefully the other two wouldn’t be able to hear.
He hesitated before pressing his boot more firmly against your own. “I know.”
summary: It’s easy to look at Ketterdam with rose tinted glasses when you’ve been away for so long, but YN learns the hard way just how cruel of a place it can be.
note: I know I made a post earlier but like THE LOVE FROM YOU GUYS is unbelievable and made this part all the more stressful to write because I don’t want to disappoint so please keep the feedback going and I hope this was a good part 2 for you all!
Ketterdam was alive at night, yet there was a short hour from when the crowds went home to when the workers awoke just before dawn to start their day.
The Slat, in its slouched state, always made noise even when there was a gentle breeze outside but as Kaz Brekker sat in his office, he heard not a single sound. Well, he could hear Inej and Jesper’s persistence as they knocked on his door repetitively, but nothing phased him as he sat leaning on his knees and staring at the paper ridden desk before him. There was one file he kept that hadn’t been opened in months now that he realized it. But his whole world seemed to go quiet as he looked down at it, reeling from seeing YN just seconds away from ending his life.
Suddenly, as if a marble statue moved after ages of standing still, Kaz hesitantly reached for the file and opened it.
There lay a dozen newspaper clippings, mainly from when the bureaucrats and politicians of Novyi Zem would make the pages with spectacular news from abroad, but only those where YN was pictured with a beaming smile among her family.
His eyes bore into the paper, gloved fingers slowly sorting through each andevery one, the aching growing in chest of all these years lost.
In that moment, he wanted to throw it all off his desk, a rage building up in him to hide his shame of never once seeking her out.
Underneath the clippings were mere stories of a concealed young woman who had been witnessed at the scenes of death of some of those high status individuals her or her father would be pictured with. The descriptions would have gone over anyone’s head, but Kaz had an inkling of an idea that those were her.
Scowling at himself, Kaz shut the small file and leaned back in his seat, looking away and sinking back in his thoughts.
Every time he tried to think of why she was here now, the circumstances of which he saw her again, he went blind with anger.
Perhaps, even a little hurt.
“Kaz Brekker, I will blow off your rotten door hinges if you don’t let us in.” said Jesper, his voice muffled from the other side of the door.
Finally hitting his breaking point, Kaz snatched his cane and jumped out of his seat, ripping open the door himself to find the pair of crows standing there mildly surprised he even answered.
“I told you not to bother me until she was awake.”
The two looked at each other.
“She is.” Inej hesitantly spoke.
Without another word, Kaz stormed by their gaping mouths as they stammered over their sentences. He needed answers and he needed her far away, the sooner the better.
“Who is she?”
“Do you know her?”
“Obviously she’s important if we brought her back here of all places?”
As Kaz walked up the stairs to the attic, their incessant questioning was giving him a headache, and the moment he stepped into the attic he slammed the door behind him, leaving the two of them behind which granted him a moment of peace.
But that was before he saw YN standing there, and Kaz knew, there was no such thing as peace in him when he looked at her.
—
It started with the aching, so profound that YN kept her eyes shut as she regained consciousness.
But the moment everything caught up with her, she jolted from the thin and worn down mattress she lay on in a panic only to find she was submerged in darkness still with only the light coming from the skylight.
As her eyes adjusted, she realized that was just a hole in the roof and looking around, she realized just how tiny this room was.
YN stood up on her shaky legs, bare feet pressing against the dusty floor, and as she went towards the opening, even she wasn’t dumb enough to try and escape. It would be a death sentence waiting. Pacing around, YN was about to bolt to the door but she froze at the sound of voices and couldn’t bring herself to move when she heard the door knob rattle.
Before she knew it, Kaz entered in a hurry, and her breath caught in her throat.
The door slammed, leaving them in a suffocating silence, and YN couldn’t breathe as she stared at him in the moonlight.
“Well, do you have a light so perhaps I can get a look at you one more time and see that you’re really alive?” YN urgently spoke, unsure of whether she should be defensive or not.
Without a word, Kaz turned towards a lantern hanging by the door and there was soon light after he put a lighter to it.
The shadows of such a small flame were enough to remind her of the shuddering feeling that Kaz was truly alive and well. Part of her was disappointed as she looked him up and down, not because of how he aged but because of how he stood there with an unnerving glare.
“What business do you have with Pekka Rollins?” his raspy voice questioned, breaking the silence between them.
YN raised a brow at him, chuckling. “That’s really the first thing you want to ask me?”
Kaz, looking down at gloved hands that rested upon his cane, remained composed.
“What did they offer you in exchange for me?”
“That’s not the point!” YN exclaimed, not realizing how loud her voice got until she felt her voice shake the walls
“Of course it’s the point! How could you ever work for that man?!”
It was his voice that nearly crumbled the ground beneath her, spreading an icy layer over her chest.
But she found herself laughing once more the more irate she became, stammering over the words to find for him. The man she looked at was not the Kaz she knew, and even in his hardened features, she thought she could still see him there. But there was not an ounce of kindness in his eyes.
“Do you truly believe I would have taken that job knowing it was you? Kaz, for Saint’s sake, listen to me!”
Tears burned her eyes, and she sunk back when he scoffed.
“Why should I?” Kaz scowled.
As Kaz watched her nearly squirm under his words, caught between the hurt and anger he felt too, a deep part of him called him to end this silliness. It was YN, the one person who caused him so much turmoil from so far away, and yet, here he was being angry for something that was entirely his fault.
“Because I’m your friend that you let believe that you were dead for seven years!” she shouted.
In the small ounce of light cast over them, the tears were shining over her cheeks.
Kaz looked away once more, growing tired of the guilt eating him alive.
“I mean, did you even bother to look for me? Let me know you were alive?”
YN’s voice finally cracked, and she internally scolded herself for her weakness, shaking her head. It was her turn to look away from him now. Her hand covered her mouth, the emotion wracking through her chest, and she refused to let herself be anymore vulnerable in front of him.
“It was complicated, YN.”
It was the first time he spoke her name to her, and his indifferent face fell for just a moment, but YN convinced herself it was just a trick of the shadows.
The silence came around again as she tried to wrap her mind around this all. It felt like a dream, or even a nightmare at this rate, and part of her was still in shock that she was standing before her best friend who looked at her like she were the enemy.
It was a look she could never even dream of, and that was how she knew this was all painfully real.
“Complicated.” she repeated, her voice low, drained from the fight.
A grim smile crossed her lips. “What was complicated was having to live with my monster of a father across the True Sea, mourning you every day, while you were here.”
Kaz’s eyes lifted from the ground, falling on her as she turned away from him now to gaze out through the hole in the roof. The ache in his chest was momentarily from her, and not the fact that he had done everything wrong—but that came shortly after too.
When YN turned around with her arms crossed, Kaz quickly averted his gaze.
“So what now, Kaz?”
The boy swallowed past a lump in his throat, finally bringing his eyes back to hers.
“You should leave. Crossing Pekka Rollins is a death sentence.”
Those were the last words she expected to hear.
They were a slap to the face, the last straw of pain she could tolerate in this late and exhausting night.
But Kaz couldn’t face her much longer as she stared at him with the most broken face he had ever seen on anyone and turned towards the door. When it opened, the two faces she recognized from earlier nearly came stumbling in from having been pressed on the door, and YN watched as he pushed through them.
Standing there, feeling consumed by a numbing cold, the two cautiously stepped in the room.
YN couldn’t face anyone else tonight, too ashamed to admit that Kaz truly wanted nothing to do with her.
“So, you knew Kaz but tried to assassinate him?” the Zemeni boy asked, a confused stare going from her to the door.
The Suli woman smacked his arm. “Jesper!”
A dry laugh passed through YN’s lips and she shook her head. “I knew him, yes. But that doesn’t seem to be the case anymore.”
The woman shook her head and approached YN. “There was obviously a misunderstanding. You should stay.”
The boy shrugged. “Yeah, I mean, Kaz is a bit of a hard rock to crack he just needs some time.”
“He had seven years to tell me he was alive. I think I got the message.” YN said harshly, her arms unfolding from her chest.
But, she noticed her attitude was picked up by them and she sighed. “I’m sorry.”
They glanced at her with an understanding look, nodding at her, and that annoyingly awkward silence returned among the three of them. No one seemed to know what to do, and while YN didn’t want to move, she knew she needed to leave. Kaz was right, those men she crossed tonight were awful people.
“If you’ll be on your way, let me offer you a change of clothes.” The girl sighed. “I’m Inej, by the way.”
“And I’m Jesper. Sorry for uh, smacking you across the head earlier.”
YN chuckled, a genuine smile crossing her lips for only a second before she waved him off.
“No hard feelings.”
If YN was being honest with herself though, there were in fact, many hard feelings tonight.
—
Inej offered her a change of clothes and the moment she was dressed, YN left the home without wasting anymore time.
How could Kaz be surrounded by such kind people and turn her away as hedid? None of it could sink in just yet, leaving her alone with her thoughts as she walked through the early morning fog that rolled into Ketterdam.
It was a cloudy morning, the sky still a deep blue masked by the dense fog that almost made it impossible to see the end of the street. The lamp lights that lined the street were on, their flames flickering yet all she could see was little orange orbs as she walked down the middle of the street.
Not even the dewy air could compare to how cold she felt inside, every step she took away becoming heavier and heavier. In a matter of hours she found out her best friend was alive only for him to turn her away, and despite it being so unbearable, she had a nasty habit of pretending these things didn’t hurt.
It became easy at this point in her life.
As old memories flooded her head, there was an occasional shuffle in the street of strangers setting up shop or strays running down the alleys.
But there was one sound that perturbed her, a clicking noise.
YN immediately ducked just as the sound of a gun went off, sprinting for cover down the nearest alleyway to her right and pressed her back against the brick wall, holding her breath to listen for more sounds. There were footsteps approaching and she backed further down the narrow street between two towering buildings, the fog still holding her captive with no weapon in sight.
But as she backed down it, keeping her eyes peeled on the street, her backside collided with a brute force of a man twice her size and his arms wrapped around her neck.
Screaming out, YN stomped on his foot and bit down on his arm as hard as she could, hearing him cry out, giving her wiggle room to escape where she bought time by throwing her fist in his face.
A wave of pain shot up her arm, but more were coming now and she felt surrounded by faces she couldn’t see.
Darkly clothed arms came swinging towards her, and YN gracefully dodged as many as she could, finding faces to hit and places to kick but even she was no match for the gang that was surrounding her.
“You should never cross a Dime Lion, sweetheart!” Aemon’s voice roared.
“You’re not even in the stupid little club you bastard!” she yelled back, lunging herself at one of the men to make a break for it.
If she thought she couldn’t catch her breath before, YN’s lungs burned as she took off in a run down the alleyway, hoping to find a main street soon to get her to the docks. The run took her back to a memory that felt like ages ago when she was half the size and had double the will power to move as fast as she could, but it was all swiped away when another gun shot rang through the air.
All YN knew was that she fell to the ground at the impact of the bullet that skimmed her thigh, cutting deep but not enough to keep her from crawling away, staggering to get back on her feet.
Her hands and knees dug into the lumpy cobblestone streets, but she slipped as she tried to get up, heart racing as the footsteps came closer. The pain she didn’t feel moments ago was now coursing hot through her blood, and she grasped her leg to feel liquid seeping through her fingers.
“Dammit.” she harshly whispered.
When YN tried to stand once and for all, a heavy foot brought her back down as it stomped on her back, pressing her body to the Earth.
“You got a price to pay, darling.” said Aemon, standing above her now as she rolled on her back.
YN came face to face with the barrel of a gun, and time froze once more.
There was no escape, no way to fight back without a bullet lodging itself in her face, and for the first time in seven years, YN felt herself give up entirely. Her chest rose and fell, her breath blending with the fog of the early morning and she stared into the eyes of Aemon whose face was just beyond the gun.
“For failing to give me the head of Kaz Brekker, I’ll take yours.” he grinned.
But as the world slowed down around her, a crow perched upon a cane came swinging into the mans bald head, leaving her staring up in awe as the name of the man Aemon spoke seemingly popped into existence at that very moment
“Then you can die knowing you were a failure for not being able to get it yourself.”
Kaz’s voice made it all the more real, and YN lay stunned on the ground, watching as he dug the end of crane right into Aemon’s neck, blood spurting back up at him.
Just beyond the scene Kaz had caused, more gun shots rang and a larger fight ensued, but all her eyes could focus on the shadow he was, standing there with a wild look to his eyes only to become composed the second he looked down at her.
The pieces of his hair that fell over his forehead were simply brushed back with ease, and he extended his leather gloved hand towards her.
YN was still catching her breath, but took it anyway, standing up on her good leg only to watch Kaz immediately withdraw his hand and look back towards the fighting.
She swore she saw him grimace, but all of that went away when he looked back down at her, spots of blood dotting his cheek.
“You weren’t kidding about the death sentence.” YN exhaled, leaning heavily on her good leg as she tried to mask the pain that radiated from the other.
But Kaz was in no joking mood, and he pointed a finger at her.
“You stay with me—with us. No more detours.”
His eyes deferred to her leg, blood seeping through her trousers.
“You’re hurt.”
YN couldn’t fight the grin on her lips.
“Never mind that. You should have started with those words in the first place.”
Kaz mirrored her grin, but only for a moment.
“You had a knife to my face.”
As quick as they arrived, YN disappeared into the early morning with the Crows and as everything seemed to come together, part of her knew things wouldn’t be any easier from here on out.
summary: What is it like to see a ghost? After seven years of believing her best friend was gone, YN finds herself returning to Ketterdam only to find out Kaz Brekker has been alive all along. But the circumstances of their reunion make all that just more difficult.
pairing: kaz brekker x reader
The air went still and time itself stopped.
Such grief in a child could do that to the world, but none of it mattered anyway.
A little girl, no taller than the counters of the market vendor carts she passed, ran against the breeze coming inland from the tide, drying her unstoppable tears, and taking her heavy breath away. Strangers looked on at the child who weaved in and out of them, looking like she were running away from some inescapable darkness, when in fact, she was running towards it before she could even realize it.
No one bothered to give a second glance as if it were a normal day in Ketterdam.
“Kaz!”
The edge of the dock came near, the ship holding the bodies of the ill having sailed away and she arrived just seconds too late. She would have jumped in had her mother’s claws not snatched her back by the wrist, but the pull towards the water was almost stronger; the pull to her best friend’s body was almost stronger.
Almost.
No matter how much the girl screamed the boys name until her throat went dry and the irony taste became nauseating, she couldn’t pry herself from her mother’s grasp.
Her eyes, bulging with tears and the horror of losing her best friend, stared out into the gray sea and in that moment of stillness where the air didn’t phase her and time seemingly paused, everything had hit her.
“Darling, we have to leave. Your friend is gone.”
Not even her mother’s soft voice could crack through the wave of despair that left the child on her knees. Words became inaudible sobs. There was no numbness that came with her sorrow, but instead, she felt it all at once as her chest caved in over and over again.
“No, it’s not fair!” she sobbed, still weakly pulling from her mother’s grasp. “He can’t be gone!”
“Your father is waiting for us! We cannot make him late to his ship to Novyi Zem. You knew this was coming!”
The harsher tone that came from her mother was enough to instill some discipline in her, and suddenly, she had no will to fight.
But as her mother had to drag her from the docks, only to be put on another one, her eyes never left the water and she couldn’t escape the gut feeling that something was horribly not right.
Seven Years Later
Whether it be sea sickness or nerves, YN did not fare well over the rough waters through the True Sea.
Standing on the top deck, she sat on a set of small stairs with her knees up to her chest and stomach swirling no matter what remedy any of the crew tried to offer her. The salty air was knotting her hair and making her hands clammy, but the worst feeling of all was the fact that she had spent most of her coin on this trip.
From her spot on the stairs, she was high up enough to see a blur of land through the fog, but she was mainly observing the other passengers. They were all merchants one way or another, some rich and some scammers, but nonetheless, it was all business as they rode to the travel hub of the sea.
YN was here for another reason though, whether it be nostalgia or a detour for a bigger journey, she wasn’t sure just yet, but she had a job to complete either way she felt about it.
To be quite honest, she felt foolish for even thinking of coming here after so long with her last memory of this place being so cruel.
“We will be docking in Ketterdam shortly! Gather your belongings!” one of the old crew members shouted from behind her.
The thought of it being said aloud made her stomach churn just a little more, and as if on cue, the hazy skyline beyond the ports became visible.
YN sighed to herself, a shaky one at that, and threw up the hood of her cloak to prepare herself for returning home. She was almost sure that her family would send a search party after her sooner rather than later, she whatever business she felt compelled to do here would need to be quick and discreet.
Upon arriving at the dock, YN was the last to get off, basking in the rotten smell of the shore and grim faces that greeted her.
Ketterdam hadn’t changed a bit, but yet, as she strolled through the 5th harbor, there was still something different in the air.
The contact she met in Novyi Zem gave her a specific address in the East Stave to go to, the little note on parchment burning a hole in her pocket as she strolled around for old memories.
Walking the old cobblestone streets gave her a lighthearted feeling she couldn’t describe. Despite the taverns and gambling spots, it was still early enough in the day to see families walking around and children running with friends. Little did they know, they were walking in a place that essentially became a barrel of gun powder at night.
Although, it seemed that every crevice she looked in had been altered in the slightest, reminding her she wasn’t a child anymore.
Who knew seven years could pass in the blink of an eye?
As the night drew near, YN knew she shouldn’t be out on the streets much longer and hurried to one of the back alleys the address lead her to. The street name was familiar and by the time she found herself away from the noise of the main roads, an eerie feeling rose on her neck. The homes back here seemed to tower over her, casting shadows over the street even with a little daylight still left.
YN grew up on these streets, yet her pulse was racing as if to anticipate something more.
She wondered if there was even a soul in these lightless homes.
YN walked slowly, her head on a swivel while looking for the numbers 42 scribbled on a door, eager to get this over with. To her relief, she found it with ease but the unsettling feeling began to creep up her shoulders.
The red wooden door was nearly rotted away and when YN went to knock, she feared it would crumble under her fingers.
Taking a deep breath, she heard footsteps on the other side and it swiftly opened.
YN wasn’t sure what to expect, but she wasn’t expecting a face she had long forgotten. He was around her height, yet twice her size, wearing a tailored suit that surely didn’t match his living situation.
“Are you the girl Lionel sent?” he asked, raising a dark brow that wrinkled his aging skin.
YN returned the gesture, his deep voice no longer intimidating. “I am the woman he sent, yes. You’re the man Lionel tells me needs this win to get back in his stupid little gang?”
“It’s not stupid it’s–never mind.”
The man looked her up and down before peaking his head out the door to check her surroundings, and she caught an unwanted glance at the beads of sweat on his bald head. He looked familiar and she couldn’t quite place a name on him.
“Alright, I’m Aemon. Nice to meet ya. Now get inside, we don’t have long.”
|||
A member of the Merchant Council was holding an auction tonight at midnight in a place deep in the city. It was private and while there would be hundreds of people there, it was a whisper among the community according to Aemon.
Word got around that this member of the council was going to be assassinated and it was going to be her job to stop the crew trying to do that.
YN’s father was on the council once upon a time, which made this job a little difficult, but with the way Aemon’s “friends” from the nearby brothel dressed her up for this evening, she imagined no one would recognize her anyway.
Aemon gave her an invitation that one of the girls from the brothel stole from a man. Luckily for her, it had no name, just a white card with an emerald green print of feral cat curled into a crown.
She scoffed when she read it, shaking her head as she stuffed it away, now realizing where she remembered this man from.
It made her sick to pretend she was a Dime Lion, the same group that caused her and Kaz so much trouble as a child. But she would be five hundred thousand coins richer before sunrise and that’s all that mattered.
Dressed in a sleek black gown she assumed was also stolen, YN’s weapon was tucked underneath the slit in her dress. She was used to such extravagant clothing from home, but nothing was as revealing and daunting as what she wore now, leaving her exposed and more nervous than she would have hoped to be upon arriving in the financial district.
With a black hooded shawl over her shoulders, YN slipped into the building with ease like a shadow, her invitation putting her in the clear.
Now that the second hardest part was over, she was given a description of the man they know as Dirty Hands, notorious for his cane. Aemon warned her that he most likely would not be alone though.
The mansion seemed out of place for the parts of Ketterdam she knew best with its gleaming marble floors the dim chandelier reflected off of, making her feel as if she was walking on liquid gold among those who wore real gold and other jewels she only dreamed of. Every man and woman turned a blind eye to her to her relief as she blended with the crowd, all heading to a large ballroom where the auction was to be held.
YN kept her face forward and eyes moving, scanning out the various security guards every several feet down the long, gaping hallway. Every exit was noted as well in case things went sour.
Whispers of Grisha that were meant to be auctioned off were heard among the crowd, people speaking of them with excitement like they were exotic animals.
Maybe this Dirty Hands had a point in killing this member of the Merchant Council, but she swallowed her distaste and kept on forward into the room.
As the crowd grew, YN hung back, scanning around every so often for the people who looked out of place, none of whom had a cane to her disappointment. Glancing at the small watch on her wrist, she saw there was still plenty of time til the auction started which gave her a window to make sure the man would be safe at least until he made it on stage.
YN backed out of the room, happily watching how the security guards started pouring in and giving her the clear. But the weak link of them all that she spotted would be her key.
“Excuse me, where can I find a ladies room?” YN asked softly, a degree of urgency under her charming smile.
The tall young man, most likely a Zemeni boy, looked slightly taken back by her question, as if he were wondering where that would be as well.
“Uh, it’s my first night on the job, my best guess is somewhere that way?”
Internally, YN was sighing with exasperation but she kept her guise. “I’ll find someone else along the way to ask. Thank you, though!”
Finally, when she was on her own in the hall, she let her face drop into a frown, rolling her eyes as she quickened her pace to the room where the council member would be waiting in before his appearance. Aemon gave her a small map drawn out on paper, but as she looked down at it now, it seemed impossible to navigate.
There was nothing but the silence of her heels clicking on the floor so as she neared her destination, she began to slow her steps, walking on her toes as much as she could to soften the noise. The upstairs of the mansion was just as extravagant as the first, except this had more doorways and less prying eyes to her relief.
The job still was growing more irritating and difficult by the second though, until she heard a pair of voices up around the corner of the long hallway. YN’s heart leaped to her throat and she swiftly moved behind a column wide enough to cover her, waiting for the voices to pass.
“Change of plans, we wait until after the auction.” a man said, a deep rasp to his voice.
“Are you crazy?” a woman hissed at him.
Listening closely, tuning out the sound of the heartbeat that pounded in her ears, YN heard an extra step as they walked: a cane.
“Jesper was able to sneak down to the cellar while the rest of the guards were being assigned their positions. One of the Grisha he found was talking about how she was going to kill the council member herself.”
“Are you seriously going to rely on that?” the woman scoffed.
“No, but it gives us more time to readjust. Watch the councilman, I’ll blend with the crowd and you will follow my lead. We will rendezvous at the church.”
The woman’s footsteps could be heard going the opposite direction, and YN turned her attention to the man with the cane, slowly rounding the column to watch him make his way back to the auction room. In that moment, her mind shifted else whereas her body went completely reliant on her instincts, and her footsteps silently treaded behind the man.
He wore a fedora and a long coat, and YN imagined he would have something up his sleeve, perhaps even use his cane as a weapon.
But YN was only a yard away when she slipped the dagger out from her dress, only to find that the man caught on and abruptly turned around with his cane swinging.
YN instantly ducked, charging at the man with a force that knocked his one weapon from his hand and pinning him down while he was still on the floor, the adrenaline pumping through her blood fueling every move she made.
The second she drew up the dagger though, YN caught sight of his true face, locking in those shining blue eyes, and instantly froze like she had run straight into a door.
It seems the man beneath her did too.
“Kaz?” YN croaked out.
The air was being drawn from her now, staring down at a ghost and the very sight of it leaving her dizzy. Had she not locked up in this moment, she was sure that the numbness taking over her limbs would have made her drop the dagger.
“You?” he breathlessly stammered, brows furrowing in confusion.
His voice made sense now, and the longer she studied his sharp features the more she began to piece it together to the memory of the boy she once knew.
It wasn’t real. It couldn’t be him.
YN staggered back off of him like she were crawling away from a cruel joke, unable to pick herself up from the ground, and Kaz couldn’t either as they stared each other down like the two fools they were on the floor, unable to tear their eyes from each other.
But they looked at each other with a mix of fear, no nostalgia or a welcoming glance at all.
Out of the corner of her eye though, the Zemeni boy from earlier had snuck up on them, a pistol in his hands.
“Jesper, don’t!”
Any other time, YN would have been quick enough to react, but this time, she couldn’t.
But before either of them could move, the back of the gun came swinging down on her head, sending YN into oblivion.
—
Tagging those who voted for this story! Hope you all enjoy
so do we wanna read kaz brekker and a shadow summoner hiding her powers or do we wanna read sappy long lost childhood friends to lovers in ketterdam people?
(I haven’t read the books in forever and left them all at home and currently living at my apartment at school so I’m absolutely screwed lol)
A/N: Continuation parts are always a bit difficult and I don’t like this, but I hope this doesn’t suck to you and it’s a satisfying ending for this twoshot And let’s hope the situation is better when that Kaz series finally comes out, me being happy with part two, part three, part four etc and not feeling like their quality decreases as the story goes on
Word count:1.2k
A few days passed, and Y/N was clearly avoiding Kaz. She walked away with a huff if Kaz approached, and gave him dirty looks. Kaz understood why she did that, but he pretended not to care.
He had wondered why Y/N hadn’t left the Slat, but Inej told him that she has nowhere else to go. She had told the other Crows everything, and Kaz had been slightly pissed about it since he didn’t like it when his past was scattered around - but fortunately he knew that his Crows wouldn’t scatter it further. And it’s Y/N’s past too, his heart reminded him.
Inej had tried to talk to Kaz, told him that he should apologize. Bastard of the Barrel never apologized, but with Y/N, it was different. He even wanted to apologize, but the thought of stepping down and humble himself in front of Y/N still felt uncharacteristic for him. He had built up his ruthless picture for years, and now he was expected to step down and admit he did wrong? Some time ago, he’d sooner be hung as the most infamous thief in Ketterdam than apologize to anyone for anything he had done, but this was his sister.
He pretended to dismiss Inej’s advice and her telling him how miserable Y/N had been ever since she had fought with Kaz, even when he masks it as anger when Kaz looks at her, but he actually listened. And Inej knew he listened. She knew Kaz wanted to keep his sister near, to know she’s safe, even when he pretended not to care. He had grown a lot during her knowing him, but she knew that he thought he’d never have to face his past again like that. Y/N had told her everything, filled out the parts Kaz had left out when he had told about Jordie to Inej.
He had never once mentioned about his sister, and Inej knew it was because he was ashamed of how he once had abandoned her. He tried to act like he didn’t care and had never cared, to bury his shame behind all those walls he erected so high - and yet, Inej could feel it on him anyway. Even if he didn’t want to admit it or talk about it, Inej sensed that it made him uncomfortable every time he looked at Y/N, he could almost see memories flashing by in his eyes.
So she kept talking about the grief Y/N felt about not connecting with her brother again, even after that fight that had hurt her. They needed each other, and Kaz wanted to keep Y/N near, to know she’s safe. He cared, even though he was trying to hide it and pretend otherwise. Kaz deserved to be happy, even when he insisted that he needs to be feared, and sentimental bonds didn’t fit the picture. But he still shut up when Inej reminded him about them holding hands, and the Bastard of the Barrel, the feared king of Ketterdam with sharp teeth and claws as his hands wouldn’t have been able to do that.
She made Kaz think, made him question if his reputation was really so important to him that he wanted to push his sister away. And, Kaz’s heart reminded him, you kind of owe it to her after what you did. You owe her to come down, to apologize. You broke her trust that day when you made her lose you into the crowd, she has a reason to be angry. You could have killed her when you did that.
Eventually, Inej succeeded and Kaz made his way to Y/N’s door. He stood behind it for some moments, squeezing his cane so hard he was sure he bended the crow head. Then, he knocked. When Y/N opened the door, she immediately scowled and tried to close the door, but Kaz was faster, pushing past her and walking inside without any invitation. She groaned and Kaz heard a thud as the door collided with the wall.
“Get out,” she said angrily, stepping forward. “I’m not doing this.”
Kaz ignored her and made his way further into the room, turning around to look at her from the corner of his eye. Her eyes were narrowed, and he could tell that she was struggling not to scream insults at him.
“We need to talk,” he began.
Y/N folded her arms across her chest. “No we don’t.”
“Yes we do,” Kaz insisted firmly. “It’s been days of it going like this. You glaring at me, avoiding me, telling about our past to everyone—”
“Oh, so it’s all about you again,” Y/N snapped. “I’m the only one who’s supposed to apologize? Because big bad Dirtyhandshimself doesn’t apologize, huh?”
Kaz ground his teeth together, trying to hold his Dirtyhands side from snapping back. He clenched his fist tight against his thigh and spoke before he had another urge to stop himself. “I am sorry I left you alone in that crowd. And I will apologize for everything what happened after that day. I’ve regretted leaving you there for years, I’ve been beating myself over…” His voice died away as he turned and faced her directly, dropping his gaze briefly and then looked her back straight in the face.
The anger and loathing on her face slowly started fading away and the hurt was replaced with something else: confusion. She let her arms fall limp by her sides, shoulders dropping as they lost their tension, and her lips parted slightly.
She definitely hadn’t expected him to say that. Kaz felt a little surprised himself - it wasn’t an easy thing to admit to. And Y/N seemed to know that too. She stared at him, wide-eyed. “Kaz… you really are sorry?”
Kaz gave a slow nod of his head, biting his tongue until he could speak again. “Yes.”
“You mean it?” she whispered. “I thought maybe I imagined it or made it up in my head.” Her hands rose tentatively, hesitantly as she took a step towards him, reaching out to touch his arm. But she hesitated there, stopped herself midway and withdrew them again, probably remembering Kaz didn’t like to be touched. Her hand dropped down again to her side, and she turned to look out from the window, leaning on the windowsill. Kaz slowly made his way beside her, careful not to step across any boundaries either. He still wasn’t sure what was going through her mind right now, if she would forgive him. But maybe this was a start of it if not else. Y/N gave him a side glance and leaned towards him slightly, which made Kaz take in a deep breath and shuffle closer to her, letting her rest her head against his shoulder.
They watched the darkening night of Ketterdam together, taking their first, careful step towards their newly found relationship as siblings. It would probably never be the same anymore and it would need a lot of talks and building their trust and love back up, but one thing was clear:
Also@ledaisyy asked to be tagged on this one Let me know if you wanna be tagged on the rest of my Kaz pieces during this event or general SaB taglist so you’d catch the post-event Kaz pieces as well!
Summary: With eyes filled with unshed tears she said, “Thats the thing. I don’t want to. I-“ She stopped herself for a moment, realizing that what she is about to say, might change everything. “I would die for you, but you wouldn’t even cry.” and left.
warnings:mentions of death, fighting, my bad english and shitty writing.
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One hour, twenty seven minutes. That’s how long they’ve being fighting for if you ask Kaz.
“Y/N, that’s enough. Stop being so fucking stubborn.” He banged his desk so hard Y/N was surprised it didn’t crack open.
“I might be stubborn,” acknowledged Y/N, “but I’m not the only one and I’m always right.” She said jokingly to try and ease the tension. But when she saw that it was only making it worse, with a sigh she said “I won’t stop until you start listening to me.”
“I am listening. I’ve been listening for the past hour.” muttered Kaz.
“You are not thinking straight. Every time Rollins is involved in a job, you act different. You become more reckless and take more risks.” She looked up, hoping that Kaz was looking at her. And he was. For the fist time since they started fighting he was listening. “I don’t know what Pekka did to you, and I don’t want to know either. When I said that I would support you with anything, I meant it. I still do, but talk to us. Talk to me. This job is careless.”
“If you don’t want to go to the heist, then stay but leave me alone.”
Well, seems like he wasn’t listening after all. “Sometimes I wonder if you need me at all, cause it sure as hell doesn’t look like it.”
“You can leave whenever you want to. You don’t owe me anything, Y/N. Nothing is stopping you.”
With eyes filled with unshed tears she said, “Thats the thing. I don’t want to. I-“ She stopped herself for a moment, realizing that what she is about to say, might change everything. “I would die for you, but you wouldn’t even cry.” and left.
Should she look back? See if he cares? Deep down she knew he would never care as much as her to even bother to look back at her, so why should she?
But she did. She did look back and as always, she was right. He wasn’t looking at her. He didn’t care.
“We’re leaving at 11 bells. Come if you want, or don’t. Tell the others to get ready.”
Fucking great.
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Everything that could’ve gone wrong, went wrong.
Jesper’s timing has never been so perfect. He’s never been on time before, and the day they need him to be late, he decides to be responsible and shoot the first target on time.
Obviously, the shot rang out in the silence of the station and attracted the rest of the gang. Fucking Jesper.
Before Kaz had time to formulate another plan, they were being attacked from left, right, up and even down.
The thing is, as always, you were right. Kaz had being so blinded that even his calculations of how many enemies there would be were far off.
“Tell me you have a plan! Tell me you have a plan! Oh Saints, please tell me you have a plan!” Desperately Jesper shouted from across the station. “Shut up and let me think.” Kaz knew- They all knew that there was no way they would survive this, but he still wanted to try.
“Wylan, that new bomb you were creating, use it! NOW!”
“Kaz, I didn’t even get to test it!”
“Did I ask if you did or did I tell you to use it? Stop complaining there’s no time left.”
Another mistake was not testing the bomb. It did make some damage, but not just to the enemies. The bomb sent them all flying away. Some landed more gracefully than others. But still, it hurt.
“What kind of explosive was that, love?” asked Jesper while groaning. “That is gonna leave bruises.”
What they failed to notice was that, just like they had gotten up from the explosion, so had someone else.
Before anyone had time to react, they hear a shot rang out. And before Kaz had time to react, he was pushed to the side.
“Y/N!”
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He should’ve listened. He wanted to. But the rage, the hate towards Pekka blinded him. Brick by brick. Oh but how much he wanted to tear one of those dumb imaginary bricks apart with this stupid job. And he did. But now that he’s sitting alone by her window he realized that, that brick should’ve stayed where it was.
Untouched.
She was way too bright for his dark soul and he knew. He knew that even if stars shined in the dark skies, they would never shine as bright as the sun did during the day.
She could’ve burn as bright as the sun down here, but now she was a star. “No, not just a star. The brightest star there is.” Kaz corrected his own thoughts as a single teardrop fell from his eye.
She was never wrong- well, she was when it came to him.
He did look back when she wasn’t looking. Even when there wasn’t a reason to, he did. He did care, and he did cry. And while he did, he wished she had been right because then it would not hurt as much as it did, but alas, you were almost always right.
A/N felt like coming back to writing here now that it’s summer and i’m working on rediscovering myself in order to deal with some mental health stuff. What’s a better thing to come back with than my roots?
Pairing: Kaz Brekker x reader
Background: This is very much inspired by the main relationship dynamic in the Hulu show ‘The Great’ (if you haven’t watched it and have a hulu subscription and are old enough I’d def recommend it). Basically this is just playing into the ‘i love you, but i’m supposed to want to kill you’ trope. Also inspired by Taylor Swift’s ‘My Tears Ricochet’ (i’m obsessed with the line ‘you had to kill me, but it killed you just the same’)
Summary: Y/n has been groomed her entire life to take over as head of a major gang. Recently, she’s been working with the Crows. Tonight, though, she’s being put to the ultimate test of loyalty. No longer is this a game of cat and unaware mouse, because now she’s supposed to kill Kaz Brekker.
this ends on a cliffhanger bc i wanted to do a two-part thing, so let me know if you’d be interested in that or want to be tagged :))
I was first exposed to the concept of taking someone’s life when I was about seven. I don’t remember what happened, but I remember that Cassandra hadn’t meant for me to find out about it. She didn’t take any care to keep it from me, but she didn’t exactly want me walking into her office after she slit the throat of the merchant that tried taking advantage of her.
She had blinked at me, then, before telling me that forcing death was just a part of life. She didn’t react when I ran out into the hall to throw up after the man’s blood soaked into my socks. She rubbed my back gently and told me that soon I’d learn how to kill efficiently so that I wouldn’t have to stomach much.
I was ten when Cassandra made good on that promise. I still remember the day she taught me how to kill with calculation. We spent the day together, plunging blades into foam mannequins. She presented me with my first dagger that day.
That was years ago, and somehow, by some kind of miracle, I had avoided ever having to kill someone. Cassandra raised me, meaning that there’s always been someone else around to do the dirty work. Either Cassandra would do the ugly part of a job for me or one of her upper ranking underlings would be around in order to spare me.
But today is the day where all of that changes. Not only do I have to kill someone, but I have to kill Kaz Brekker. The pit in my stomach should only exist because of my fear of retaliation. I should only be concerned about what the Bastard of the Barrel will do if he realizes my betrayal, but that’s not why I’ve felt sick all day.
When I first started playing double agent, I didn’t think it’d end like this for so many reasons. Cassandra never told me that her overall goal was to have Kaz Brekker killed. I also really, really didn’t expect to see Kaz as a person, let alone…
I don’t even know. I just–I hated him. I was supposed to hate him and being exposed to his cruelty and lack of regard for life made it easy. And then–then one day it started to seem like maybe he isn’t made of darkness. Maybe he’s only touched by it, maybe he only wears it because he needs to. Maybe he’s more like Cassandra than I was supposed to realize.
“You alright, dovey?”
I should roll my eyes at Jesper’s question and relax into my seat. I should act normal so that no one will suspect anything of me. All I can manage to do is slump into my seat. “A bit of a headache,” I mumble, “You know it happens from time to time.” My dagger is sheathed beneath layers of fabric but somehow I still feel the coldness of the metal. It forces a chill through me. “And don’t call me ‘Dovey’, we’ve talked about nicknames.”
Jesper lets his head fall to the side dramatically. My eyes move to the glass in his hand. The amber liquid sloshes with Jesper’s movements. “You’re no fun when you’re in a mood.” I open my mouth to comment on how dramatic he’s being and the fact that I’m feeling perfectly fine, but he beats me to it. “Then again, with what boss-man said, I’d be in a mood, too.”
What–what Kaz said? “With what whosaid?”
Sobriety attempts to grasp Jesper, but he quickly dodges it. His eyes briefly shut as he takes a sharp inhale. “You don’t know.”
Something in my stomach knots. Did Kaz find out who I am? “Know what?” He brings a finger up to his lips, signaling that it’s a secret. “Jesper.”
“Y/n,” he copies the sharpness of my tone. I continue to glare at him. “C’mon, don’t put me in this position, today’s been hard enough. Our job went off without an issue, don’t drag–” I don’t stop glowering. “Y/n–” He sighs once. “Fine–I don’t–I didn’t hear much, just that your name–” Jesper pauses, struggling to arrange his sentence. “Your name came up during a deal. I couldn’t quite hear everything.”
“Well, what did you hear?”
Jesper hesitates again, eyebrows pinching together in an unsettlingly pitiful way. “Some kind of contingency thing–something that would’ve–would’ve given the other man the rights to you.”
Something in me bursts into flame. The ice of the knife strapped to my skin is suddenly welcome. An old instinct in my chest understands the meaning of Jesper’s slurred words before the rest of me does. “The rights to me?”
Jesper shifts uneasily. “If your headache’s not going away, maybe you should just have a drink for your nerves and go to bed.” I don’t move.
“How can someone have ‘the rights’ to me? I’m not indentured–”
“Kaz knows how to run with an assumption when it’s convenient.”
Something in my chest turns to stone. Jesper’s drunken testimony has left gaps in the story, but it’s not exactly hard to fill in. For whatever reason, Kaz put me on the line for a deal. It wouldn’t have been hard for him to make good on his promise. Kaz could slip something into my drink. He could overpower me or have someone do it for him. He could force me into something at gunpoint. He could–he could have sold me.
I swallow once, wiping my eyes with my palm. “Listen, y/n, Kaz says whatever he needs to–”
“His word means something, Jesper, you know that.”
My voice must reflect how hollow I feel inside because Jesper sighs once. “Y/n-”
I swallow once, “I’m fine, Jesper. You didn’t hear everything, and you’re drunk, and nothing happened. Everything’s fine.”
Something in my chest has stopped. He was willing to sell me. I was wagered like the gambling chips from the Crow Club. Everything Cassandra said was right. Kaz Brekker may be a criminal like the woman that raised me, but he lacks Cassandra’s one redeeming quality. He lives without humanity.
I have heard the stories, I have seen what becomes of women sold and bartered. Cassandra has stolen so many women that were owned by men like the man Kaz just did business with. The man he was willing to sell me to just to get an edge on Pekka Rollins.
Thousands of images reflect in my mind. I can see them now, their empty eyes offset only by the litter of bruises against their skin.
“Y/n–”
“I said I’m fine, Jesper. I know how Brekker is.” I repeat, voice stern. “I just need to go to bed.” He looks like he wants to say something. “I’ll sleep it all off.” I stand, staring at a blank spot on the wall. “Don’t drink too much, alright? Just make sure you eventually find your way to a safe bed. It doesn’t even have to be yours.”
Jesper grins, “You get me.” He sighs, adjusting his hold on his glass. “Will do, Doves, make sure to take something to make sleeping off that headache a little easier.”
No matter how tonight goes, if I survive, I’m going to need to drink something strong. “Yeah, Jes, I’ll take care of my headache.”
I am a phantom as I approach the stairwell. In another life, another version of events, I never entertained the idea of being Jesper’s company as he drank in celebration of our success. In that reality, what I need to do is less possible.
With shaking hands I reach towards the pocket of my dark pants. In a single slash, the blade my fingers are touching can take a life. I can extinguish a flame of destruction and Cassandra will be proud of me. She’ll realize that the child she took in was worth it.
“Y/n–”
I turn, trying to hide how ambushed I feel. Okay…there’s nothing weird about jumping about someone’s sudden appearance. “Kaz.”
His name stumbles awkwardly from me. Act normal. “I need to speak to you.” Speak to me, how kind of him to waste his valuable time communicating with someone who’s basically cattle. “I have some business to attend to first. Meet me in my office before the hour ends?”
Why, is my purchaser going to be expecting me? The urge to lash out pulses through me, but that will get me nothing. Kaz is beyond reason. If I could change him, if I could spare him, I would. So I swallow the lump in my throat and nod.
“The color’s drained from your face.” His observation is a blow to the chest. “You’re not ill. Does Nina–”
“I’m fine.” His concern is only practical. Illness would only slow me down or make me less valuable. “Just a migraine. I’ll sleep it off tonight.”
His eyebrows draw together for a moment. “Hm.” Please let that be the dismissal I’m looking for. “If you’re feeling uneasy, you don’t need to over concern yourself. That’s what I wanted to meet with you about.” Kaz pauses, an odd affliction crossing his features briefly. “You did good work today.”
An unnamed feeling wedges itself between my hurt and fury. Grief–crushing, undeniable grief has found itself in me. “Thank you.”
Kaz won’t stop looking at me directly in the eye. “I know that you’re adverse to killing and much of what I do, but you never let that translate into weakness.”
His voice is low and uneasily patient. My chest flutters, all of my emotions curdling in my chest. Even on a normal day I wouldn’t be able to think of a good response to that. “I’ll see you before the end fo the hour.” He nods once and I turn. “Kaz,” his name comes from me without my permission, “I appreciate your acknowledgement of my lack of weakness.”
For a second, I think he might smile. “I never said you lack weakness.”
“I know, but your gushing approval made your true feelings clear.”
“Dear, y/n, light of my existence,” Kaz approaches me, extending a hand slowly. I become perfectly still as his pinky latches onto mine for a brief moment. My heart stops. “I have never once ‘gushed approval’.” His sarcasm seems to settle me. The corner of my mouth turns upwards. “Now, get out of my way, I have some business to deal with downstairs.”
“Doubt I could get you to ask more nicely.”
He takes a single step forward. “Please, excuse me.”
A final good moment with Kaz. My chest swells as I step to the side. “That’s more like it.”
He disappears down the stairs. Okay–within the hour. I have time to-to think and to–I don’t even know. Cassandra sent me here to ruin him, to work against him so that our gang could do better. I’m a mole, not a killer. But I should have known that one day our relationship would end like this–the knife of one buried in the back of the other.
That final thought echoes in my chest, shattering me. I make it to my room, lock the door, and sink against the wall, suppressing a sob.
I stay like that for as long as I can justify it, but there is no putting off the inevitable. Kaz Brekker will die at my hand, and it is deserved. I wipe at my tears with the back of my palm and wash my face in the sink. Once I’m convinced that I’m presentable, I leave my room, checking for the blade secured to my thigh. It hasn’t been that long, so there’s a good chance I will have the element of surprise. That’s the only way to end this. I’ll be efficient, just like Cassandra taught me. He will not suffer, and it will not be personal.
I walk to his office, my steps methodical. He would have sold me. He would have sold me. He would have sold me. I take a deep breath, reaching for the handle of the door to his office. I pull the dagger from its place, squeezing the hilt. He would have ruined me.
Pushing the door open silently, I stop breathing. His tall figure is turned away from the door. Good, this way he won’t have to see me and I won’t have to feel his reaction. My steps are even until I’m within arms reach of him. Think of Cassandra, think of all he’s done.
My blade plunges into his back. The world stops. I pull my knife out before pushing it back in. Tears swell in my eyes. Again and again, I stab him. He takes two unsteady steps before falling to his knees. I yank the knife out one final time. He collapses in front of me.
Everything in my body shatters. Dead–Kaz Brekker, Dirtyhands, the boy who stayed up with me after an injury left me too sore to sleep, the man who would have sold me. He used me as currency, he has disrespected and threatened me so many times, and he linked his gloved pinky with mine in order to ease me.
I stare at his body, forcing the hurt to crash into me like violent waves. All of my fury, all of my desire to win Cassandra over, vanishes. Now all that’s left is a burning agony.
What have I done?
The question is screamed so loudly in my head that it feels silent. I tear my gaze from the body–his body–and stare at my knife. The end of it is coated in so much sticky, red liquid I could throw up. My hands and clothing are covered in the same thing. I drop to my knees, letting everything I’m wearing soak into his blood. My free hand covers my mouth in hopes of silencing the sound that is ripped from my throat. The urge to touch him, to feel him while he’s still warm, pours through me. But the one thing I can still offer him is the protection of his will. I will respect his wishes. So instead of dropping over him, I just stare, my fingers still gripping the damn knife.
What have I done?
Collected footsteps snap me out of the trans I’ve fallen into. I take two deep breaths before turning my head. If I have been caught, I deserve whatever fate I will be met with. Blinking twice, I force my eyes to adjust on the person who has found me. There is no energy in me for fear for myself, there is only heartbreak.
Kaz. It’s–he’s alive. By some Saint granted miracle, he’s alive!
He’s standing there, watching me with the blankest expression I’ve ever seen him wear. I don’t care. I don’t care. I jump to my feet, disregarding the only man I’ve ever killed. Whoever he was, that’s something for me to feel guilty about later. Eventually, the relief will become a feeling I can manage and I’ll be able to regret the life I just took, but right now all that matters is Kaz.
I drop the dagger, letting it clatter against the hardwood floor. I run towards him, desperate to be close enough to see his open eyes and to be aware of the rise and fall of his chest. “Kaz,” a lament, a prayer, a lifeline.
My hand moves forward without a second thought. I link my pinky with his, the same way he did earlier. I squeeze his finger as tightly as possible, desperate to feel the fact that he’s alive. Kaz owes me nothing, but he gives me what I need. His pinky squeezes mine back, his eyes holding mine.
I think we could have stayed like that forever. But the man that I attacked shattered our silence with a pained, exhausted groan. Our hands fall apart.
