#lip gallagher

Maybe

I don’t know how to stop thinking about you

I don’t know how to stop thinking about you

Summary: Meeting Fiona was a whirl wind of emotions. Leaving her was something you regretted but didn’t have a choice in doing. When an injury sends you back home you are reluctant to see her again. Especially with Steve/Jimmy back in the picture. You cannot guarantee her happiness so why ruin it by coming back into her life? Loving from afar is all you can do…

Warning: Illusions to Suicide, Past Violence Resulting in Injury, A lot of angst

A/N:I am unsure if I want to continue this, or what to call it but I hope you enjoy!

Meeting Fiona Gallagher was something else. She was so bold and out there. Especially when it came to her family. She was protective and steadfast. She was everything you loved and leaving her was the hardest thing you ever could have done. 

You met Fiona when you were in boot camp she was still with Steve/Jimmy. She was working at some bar in some short skirt and a skimpy top. Not that you didn’t hate the sight. You hated the men who looked at her as if she was a piece of ass that they can hit an quit the next day. Not to sound creepy, but you always visited on her shift, made sure to get seated in her section, and left a big tip. As much as you could afford at least. You weren’t that well off. She started talking to you after you got kicked out of the place. A group of guys were catcalling her and even  though you wanted to step in you knew she could take care of herself. That was until they touched her. Slipped dollar bills into her pants and stroked her stomach and thighs. She was obviously uncomfortable but couldn’t do anything without losing her job. You ended up breaking that mans finger and another mans’ nose. After that all of you were tossed out but those guys didn’t walk away with out a fight. Despite being a woman you held your own against the four for a bit. What you didn’t take for account was the amount of rings one of the guys had on. They beat you to a pulp and left you by a dumpster.

When you come to your senses you saw her beautiful brown eyes and you smiled. “Hey… Hey!” You finally hear her. “Hey… Beautiful…” You say in a haze. “What you did was really stupid…. You okay?” She asks holding out her hand. You nod and grab it as she hoists you up. “As good as I’ll ever be-” You are cut off by bile rising to your throat and quickly turn away into a garbage bag and throw up. “Jesus!” She exclaims as you wipe your mouth with the back of your hand. “You are really fucking stupid you know that?!” She says grabbing your chin and looking into your eyes. “You got a hell of a concussion…” You just smile and gently move her hand away. “It was worth it…” She rolls her eyes. “You got a place?” She asks and you chuckle. “Trying to take me home?” You ask and she sighs as well. “I don’t swing that way.” She says and you nod lifting your hands in surrender. “Sorry I didn’t mean to over s-ste-” You turn around and barf into the trashcan again. “J-Jesus this was not how I wanted to meet you…” You say solemnly. “You wanted to meet me?” She asks shocked. You nod “Uh huh… I have been sitting in your section a-” “And giving me big tips. Yeah thanks for that. You tryin’ to butter me up?” She sounds angry and you sigh. “Look I’m sorry… I didn’t know how to talk to you. You’re a pretty girl an- Jesus No one knows I’m gay… But I wanted to shoot my shot…” She sighs and nods. “You have anyone waiting at home for you?” She asks and you shake your head. “Uh no… I live alone… Kind of…” You mumble and she looks at you confused. “Look it’s fine I will leave you alone… I didn’t mean to cause trouble… I just know how it is like to be objectified and I couldn’t stand by and  let it happen to you.” You say and begin to stumble away when she catches your wrist. “Look… I can’t have it on my conscience that someone died defending my honor. Which you will never do again I might add!” She says in a scolding tone. She ended up taking you to her house that night. She stayed up to make sure you didn’t fall asleep again, held your hair when you were throwing up, and listened to your nervous rambling. From then on you had a friendship that blossomed into something more. When she found out that you were to be shipped off in a few months she was heart broken but she pushed through for a while. Sent care packages when she could, sent letters, sometimes nudes which you enjoyed sometimes, but you always told her that you loved her. In every letter, package, hell you would spell it out on your tits when you had the time to send a polaroid. Through her letters she said it would always make her laugh. That was until your third tour. You guys got into a big argument.  

“Your fucking leaving?! You just got back a month ago!” Fiona exclaims. “Fiona you know how this works baby… I didn’t know until today and It took me a lot to get this much time with you already. Let’s ju-” “No! You can’t just come here and let us get use to you and take off again!” “Fiona she c-” “Zip it Ian!” You sigh. “Baby I know you are tired of this long distance thing but if you can just wait a little lon-” “No! I am done waiting! I am tired of waiting!” You walk up to her and cup her shoulders. “Fi please… Let’s not spend the last two nights together angry we can ju-” “No! I am not going to wait around for you to get yourself killed! You should-” “I didn’t have a choice Fiona!” You exclaim. “I didn’t have a choice! I was in a shitty situation and I needed an out!” Fiona lets out a sarcastic laugh. “Oh we all are in shitty situations and w-” “This was all I could get! If I knew I was going to meet you I wouldn’t have joined in the first place!” You say as tears start streaming down your face. “I love you so much Fiona Gallagher. Please… Just wait for me…” “No I am done waiting! The last time I waited for someone they never came back!” You cup her face and look at her in the eyes. “I am not Steve… It hurts that you think I am…” You lean into kiss her but she pushes you away. “Just leave…” She says quietly. “Fi…” “Just get out! I am done! I can’t take this bullshit any longer!” She says and walks into the kitchen. “Fi I can’t do that! I live here and I love the family we have!” You say following her into the kitchen. “I do-” “Just leave! We don’t want you here! We don’t need you….” Your heart feels like it stops. “If you want me to go I will but please Fiona… I love you…” Fiona turns around and stays silent. “Please just say it back… Say it back to me please…” You say with a sniffle but she stays silent. You know she is just angry and she will come to her senses soon but it doesn’t make it hurt less. You turn around and walk up the stairs. You hear a couple pairs of foot steps behind you as you exit Fiona’s room with your stuff. “Are you really leaving?” Debbie asks and you let out a quivering sigh and nod. “Yeah my loves I’m leaving… But I promise I will be back as soon as I can.” You say and Debbie runs into you with a hug followed by Carl who you can see now. You kiss the top of their heads and give them a tearful smile. You hear two more pairs and look up to see Ian and Lip. “I know you both are pissed at me… They cut my leave short… I didn’t expect it…” You say as you walk toward them and open your arms. Ian immediately hugs you “She is just angry she will snap out of it.” He says as he pulls away. Lip walks up and gives you a side hug and nods in agreement. You kissed all their foreheads including Liam’s before heading down stairs. “Baby?” You call out but it is left unanswered. “I love you Fi…” You say and wait a few seconds. When there is no response you sigh and walk out the door.

“(Y/N) What are you doing here? When did you get back?” Kevin asks shocked and almost excited. “And Je- What the fuck happened to you!” He says gesturing to your left arm or lack there of. You have tears in your eyes as you look at him. “Missed you Kev…” You say with a sniffle. Kevin knocks on the bar before saying “Alright dipshits! I’m closing early!” There was a sound of groans and they all left after about five minutes. Kevin locks the door from the inside and immediately comes to sit next to you. “What happened? When did you get back?” You hug him as tight as you can and let out a small sob. Kevin gently surrounds you in a brotherly embrace. “I missed you all s-so much!” You cry. “Have you called Fi-” “No.” “What why?” You pull away and sniff again. “She doesn’t want anything to do with me…” Kevin looks at you as if you shot his dog. “You know that isn’t true right?” He asks and you shake your head. “It is… You know about our argument before I left… I get letters from Debbie and she says Steve is back…” Kevin’s face drops. You know that he knows but you aren’t mad at him for it. “Does anyone know you are home?” He asks and you shake your head. “I came here first… You are the only person who knows and it is going to stay that way.” You say sternly. “(Y/-” “I need a favor.” Kevin stands up waving his hands. “Woah, woah, woah!” He says and paces for a second. “At least tell me what happened that caused that…” He says gesturing to your missing arm. You chuckle before removing your hat to show that you also have an ear missing. “Jesus fuck (Y/N)!” He exclaims. “I uh… I attempted to throw back an explosive…” Kevin’s face seems to grow even more shocked by the second. “Wh-” “My whole squad were in a fucked position… I had to do something and this was the aftermath…” Kevin takes a breath and sits next to you again. “It was always you who would play the hero…” Kevin says with a small laugh. “What is the favor?” He asks sadly. “And why does it seem like I am never going to see you again?” You sigh and wipe your eyes before setting down your duffle bag and rifling through it. You take out an envelope that hasn’t been sealed so he can look at it and set it on the bar. He pauses for a moment but then picks it up to look at it. “A check?” He asks.

You nod. “Yeah… My compensation… I placed you as the home address. I would have done Fi’s but I wasn’t sure if Frank was still around.” You say as you place your hand in your lap gripping your pants leg. “I did the math and both you and V are included. It’s not much but it can pay bills, Help the kids get better clothes, and may-” “You can’t give us this!” Kevin exclaims. “What about you? Where is your cut?” He asks and you shake your head. “I don’t need it.” “Like hell you don’t need it have you looked at yourself!” He says his voice rising. “I’ll be fine! I ca-” “What about medicine? O-Or clothes! Painkillers! You must be hurting!” He says shoving the check toward you but you shove it back. “I’m fine! Kevin Ple-” “No Yo-” “KEVIN LISTEN TO ME!” You scream and this shuts him up. “You are going to take this money, buy clothes, food, hell even Christmas presents for that household!” “We don’t ne-” “I know you don’t but I want to! Please just do this for me!” You plead.  Kevin pauses. “Why? Why give this to us?” You sigh and look away. “I’m going to end up dead in a ditch anyway so why take the money with me?” You say before standing up and walking behind the bar. “Which is why we need to help you!” Kevin says. “I am not going to be some other burden for all of you to carry!” You shout. “You aren’t a burden… There are people who love you!” He says standing up and going behind the bar helping you open a beer. “I don’t want help.” You say blinking back tears. “I’m sure Fi-” “She has Steve and his money… I just want to do this last thing for her and that family…” A few tears slip down your cheeks as you take a swig. “I love her. I love Fiona and the kids! I love both you and Veronica!” You say turning toward him. “I just want to do one last thing and then I will be happy.” You say setting down the beer and wiping your eyes before picking it back up again and taking a sip. “Then at least come with me. You can give it to them yourself!” He says trying to convince you to stay. “I am not going to ruin their dynamic… They have Steve to take care of them… They don’t need me messing it all up…” You say. “She would drop Steve the minute she saw you…” Kevin says and you shake your head. “No… I wouldn’t want her to. She deserves better then me. Better then him… But he makes her happy and I am not going to stand in the way of that… I am not going to be a burden…” You say chugging the rest of your drink and tossing it in the trash behind the bar. You scoot by him and grab your hat. “Don’t tell anyone about it. Say you made extra cash at the bar or something.” You say as you put it on and lean down with a grunt to grab your duffle. “Are you really doing this?” Kevin asks defeated and you nod. “I love you all…” You say and quickly duck out of the establishment.

Debbie is in her room looking through the letters she recently received. They weren’t from you as they usually were they were from some military officer. It had a first class stamp on it and everything. It was well into the night but she needed to understand what this is. Everyone other then Fiona knew that they still got letters. Before you left on your third tour you and Fiona had a bad fight and for a while Fiona would just burn your letters before even opening them so Debbie and some of the others started checking the mail before she could and hide them. It became a routine. Debbie and everyone would send you letters back on occasion so you would know that they are still thinking about you but now this military jargon is messing with her head. Since letters like this have been coming for a week now. Debbie quietly slips out of her room and makes her way to the boys room. While doing this she can hear Fiona and some of her friends downstairs. When she gets there she goes up to Ian’s bed and shakes him while whispering. “psst Ian!” Ian is startled awake and looks at her. “What do you want Debs?” He asks rubbing his eyes. “It’s a letter! From (Y/N) it makes absolutely no sense!” She says and Ian sits up and turns on a lamp. He looks through the letter as his face turns from tired to serious. “Wake up Carl and Lip… We need to tell Fiona.” Debbie’s eyes widen. “What?! No! She will try and burn it before we can figure out what this means!” Debbie says her voice rising. This rouses Lip from his sleep. “What the fuck are you two doing up?” He asks and Debbie sighs. “There is a letter from some Military Officer and not from (Y/N)…” Lip hops down and walks over to look at it.

Meanwhile downstairs in the living room Fiona, Steve, and Veronica are sitting and laughing while drinking a few beers. “So where is Kevin? He should be here!” Fiona says and Veronica shrugs. “I don’t know he says he has been taking extra shifts at The Alibi.” Right as she says that Kevin walks through the door. “Delivery!” He says as he walks to Fiona and Veronica handing them their own envelope and Veronica squeals and takes it to count but Fiona is still reluctant. “You should save all this money for the baby…” “You say that every time Fi I told you it’s fine!” he says with a forced smile on his face. Fiona notices this and raises a brow. “Where do you get this money again?” She asks and Kevin Shrugs. “The Alibi! Don’t worry about it!” He says when Steve chimes in. “Who cares where it’s from! It’s money and that’s all that matters!” He says with a smirk and Fiona sighs rolling her shoulders out. That is when Debbie, Lip, Ian, and Carl comes down stairs somewhat in a rush. “What are you guys doing down here?” Veronica asks. “We have something for you Fiona…” Ian says slowly. “Can’t it wait till morning? It’s a school night.” But Debbie shakes her head, seemingly close to tears. “What is Debs?” She asks and Lip responds. “It’s about (Y/N)…” Fiona tenses up and Steve asks. “Who is (Y/N)?” “It doesn’t matter who she is she isn’t important.” She says flatly. “You know that’s not true!” Debbie exclaims. “She is important to all of us! We all love her and so do you!” Debbie says nearly screaming. “Debbie!” Fiona says shocked. “She’s back!” Debbie says and Kevin slowly makes his way out of the room which doesn’t go unnoticed by Veronica so she follows him. “Kev?” She asks and He tenses up. “Uh yeah V?” He says nervously. “What are you hiding?” She asks sternly. “Hiding? I’m not hiding!” He says and Veronica storms up to him where they are practically chest to chest. “I know when you are lying now tell me!” “Then I might as well tell everyone…” He says walking back into the living room where Debbie is bawling her eyes out, The boys trying to get through to Fiona and Fiona seems to be hyperventilating. “Guys…” Kevin says but they don’t seem to be listening. That is when Veronica speaks up. “GUYS!” They all pause their arguing  and look at Kevin.

Kevin takes a deep breath before speaking. “I saw (Y/N)… She came to The Alibi a month ago…” They all in unison scream. “What?!” He nods his head. “She didn’t want to see everyone because of… What was the word… Dynamic I think. She said that since Steve is here she didn’t want to ruin it… She didn’t even want me to tell you.” He says sighing. “And the money… That’s from her. Sh-” “We aren’t a fucking charity case you find her and take this shit back!” Fiona says standing up and handing her envelope to him. “If you saw her you would think it was the other way around?” Kevin says and Fiona looks confused. “What does that mean?” She asks and that is when Lip speaks up. “She was medically discharged a few months ago… Came back to the states a month and a half ago…” Fiona looks over at Lip. “Medically discharge? Is she hurt what does it say?” She asks walking over and taking the letter from him. “It talks about her compensation and the address to find her but she listed Kevin and Veronicas address…” Ian says looking down at his hands. “How did you get this letter?” She asks. “Well…” Debbie speaks up. “I send her letters…” Fiona looks shocked. “What?” “You started burning (Y/N)’s letters so we all made sure to look through the mail before you got to it…” Carl says. “I… I thought she stopped sending them…” Fiona says  as tears well up in her eyes. “Where is she now?” She asks Kevin and he shrugs. “I don’t know… She said that it was going to be the last time I saw her…” Veronica hits his shoulder. “So you just let her go!” “She was adamant! I wasn’t going to turn my back on her!” Kevin exclaimed. “When was the last time you saw her?” Debbie asks. “A month ago but I have guys keeping tabs on her. She is still in Chicago. That’s all I know…” He says quietly. “Okay, okay guys. Lip you and Carl go to all the homeless shelters in the Area. Ian you and Debbie check every hospital! V and Kev you guys ask around… I might know where she is…” Steve stands up from the couch. “What about me?” He asks and Fiona gets an unpleasant shiver. “Uh… You stay with Liam…” She says and then goes to get ready.

also i’m thinking of writing fics for lip gallagher so if you’re interested let me know and send me some ideas :)

milkovetti:

—

“Fuck, man, lift me up a little higher, would you?”

The lower half of your spine was rubbing up against the edge of counter and it was not a comfortable position to say the least.

“Sorry, if your counter wasn’t so fucking high I’d hoist you up on it,” Lip muttered, cigarette between his teeth.

Instead, you pushed off the counter and the two of you nearly crashed into the refrigerator, and you ended up holding onto his shoulders while he continued to fuck you against the wall. As you glanced up to the picture frames rattling against the wall, you could practically see your nana’s face of disappointment boring down on you.

She’d understand, you told yourself. If she were ever in your goddamn situation.

It was no-kiss sex. You had clarified that as soon as the two of you had made it into the door of your grandmother’s house, which, since she was dead, was now yours. It was an old, classic granny house, with what looked like 18th century wallpaper lining the walls and old rugs lying around that practically screamed knitting and fifty stray cats. Even if your nana wasn’t like that.

His arms gripped your legs, one in each and kept you solidly in that spot on the wall.

“Christ, Lip,” you moaned when he hit the spot just right. Even if he didn’t particularly look it, the boy knew how to give it to you.

You reached for the cigarette, plucking it from his lips and taking a long drag. Just because you couldn’t drink didn’t mean you couldn’t try to drain your lungs out. Exhaling, you let your head hit the back of the wall and stuck the cigarette back in your mouth.

God, you could really use a drink right now.

“Shit, hold on,” he grunted and slowed for a second to switch positions. Your feet finally touched the ground and you felt like they could nearly buckle under you. He grabbed you by the hips and turned you around so you were facing the wall.

Great. Now you were looking at your grandmother. Big turn-off.

But you closed your eyes and could quickly get your head back in it. Focusing on feeling good. You heard his groans as he picked up the pace, and you were getting close. His hips, hitting yours, sending you into near orgasm each time.

“Ah, fuck—wait, stand up a little bit.”

You didn’t even realize your knees were giving from underneath you. Straightening up, you shifted so your hips stuck out way back, and—damn was he good.

“That’s good, right there,” he murmured, and moved his hands up from your ass to your shoulders, stabilizing his position. He was hitting the exact right spot. Dear god.

As he pushed in and out, the walls shook, partly due to how crap the drywall was and you were sure the neighbors were getting ready to file a complaint any minute. They were an old, crabby couple, who couldn’t even stand you saying hello to them without throwing something across the yard. You figured they could stand to be a little more generous.

Your thoughts snapped back into place as he thrust his hips into you once more, then twice, bringing you to full orgasm and left you speechless with sheer and utter pleasure. So much so that he practically had to hold you up by the waist as your legs shook, and you used your hand to mask your moans that otherwise would’ve been way more audible than you felt comfortable with.

“Shit, fuck…” He grunted as his hips bucked a few last times, collapsing over you and groaning in your ear, and you almost had to remind yourself about your no-kissing policy. Even if in the moment you thought it was a stupid fucking policy.

His chest heaved, and he panted just as hard as you when he slid off the condom and went into the bathroom to toss it. Meanwhile, you clung to the wall, trying to catch your breath and your footing. Definitely had to wait for both.

After a few moments when you considered yourself relieved enough, you turned and fished out your underwear from behind the kitchen table before slipping them on. You found your shirt near the sink, your dad’s old AC/DC print, and pulled that over your head.

Lip emerged in a pair of boxers as you sank onto the couch in the living room, making quick work of tying your hair up in a bun over your head. He joined you, plopping down on the cushions with a sigh.

“So, you know, you never answered my question,” he responded to the silence that overtook the room.

You paused for a moment. “I just don’t get why you need to know.”

“I mean,” he frowned, “I don’t, but it just feels like the kind of thing I should know about you. Like, you know, knowing when your brother’s birthday is, is your gas tank at least a quarter full, why’d you decide to go to an AA meeting?”

You pursed your lips together in response, since you didn’t exactly want to give away sensitive information to someone you pretty much just met, but then again, he was on your living room couch. Your eyes just stared into the corner near the fireplace, an empty corner with little but dust and what looked to be some feathering from an old pillow.

“Not sure what to say,” you replied with a shrug. “Maybe ‘cause I’m a fucking alcoholic?” You could sense yourself closing up, your chest dragging itself deeper into a black hole. But from the way he was looking at you, out of the corner of your eye, you could clearly tell that wasn’t a satisfactory answer.

You knew you were fucked. Without a doubt, and that was the simplest way you could put it. You just knew, not when you barely had enough gas to pull up to the brown building in your shitty Toyota. Not even when you found out how many fucking people were there.

You could admit, out of all the kids you grew up with in the cruddy neighborhood you did, you were the one to be tough as nails in any situation. Be it fist fights in the schoolyard, killing the remaining wounded soldiers at a drinking party, or knowing how to make a buck or two without lifting a finger, you were known about as equally for your street smarts as you were for hardly blinking at some of the worst crap anyone could possibly imagine.

But it seemed your past caught up with you. Maybe it was ‘cause you were poor. You figured drinking all the wounded soldiers at a party probably wasn’t the best for your health. You couldn’t really figure out why, but alcohol just made you feel strong. It made you feel good about yourself, even when you knew you were doing something stupid or silly. Made you have an actual personality, other than just the sad girl who had an issue with the law.

Regardless of why, you stopped drinking primarily at parties and started grabbing a beer in the evenings to mellow out. Time seemed to switch, and soon you were day drinking. Afternoons turned to mornings, and believe or not pretty soon you were downing shots at the bar just to avoid the shame of getting idiotic drunk the day before.

“I woke up on a curb on the Lord’s day, and I was half-naked. No clue how I got there. Was fucking scary,” you let out a bitter laugh, leaning back onto the couch, eyes remaining locked to the spot it was on.

It was at that point when you realized just how fucked you were. The fact that it made you actually go to church that day was a miracle in itself. Even prayed and shit. After confessing, the pastor handed you a flier.

And now here you were. Talking your heart out with some guy who was just as low as you. Fucking incredible.

Surprisingly, when you finally tore your eyes off the spot, you saw that Lip looked… Concerned. There was some level of sympathy in his eyes. Like he actually cared to hear what you had to say. It made you just as confused as you felt uncomfortable with the situation.

So you switched it over to him.

You rolled your eyes. “Okay, soft guy, what’s your reason for coming to bible study, huh?” It was meant to sound joking, even if it didn’t play off as well. Your voice fell flat, but at this point who cared.

He seemed just as enthusiastic to answer his own question, “Runs in the family. Guess you could compare it to a bunch of King Henry’s, minus the inbreeding.” His nonchalance seemed to mask an awful truth that the two of you shared.

Well, at least the one that you knew: both your families were fucked. And God, you could use a drink right about now.