#lovethelifeyoulive
I have spent most of my days either looking up at the sky or down on myself. We met on a late Friday evening and after all these years have passed I still look at you in complete awe. I always knew I would find a love like this but never did I believe I would be so blessed…
I have grown in so many ways and I thank God for bringing you into my life. You have and continue to act as my confidante, teacher, healer, lover and best friend. I reflect on you and there is a warmth that settles.
I grew weary of praising our love to shield myself in case you left… In case I was too much. In case my love was too much. I misunderstood what it was to love and be loved. You hold me down in moments when I am breaking and lift me up as I spiral down our stairs and onto the street.
I am sorry for the many months and years that I have spent with the cracks as my focal point. I do not know what I have done to deserve a love so huge that I stand back and now let it engulf me.
You are the other part of me. Without ownership or without restriction. We share a light that shines. There are times - when you need someone. You are by my side. There is a light that shines special for you and me.
I never knew a la la la love like this…
This isn’t one of those horribly romantic posts. This one is one that probably won’t be seen for the one that inspired it, not for some time anyway. We past the checking each other’s social ish.. lol well; most of the time.
My heart feels heavy and I feel like the things that offer me so much strength are now making less sense to me.. I look at my mother’s life and the dynamic that rests between her and my father and it breaks my spirit.
She is so accustomed to behaviour that makes me want to scream the house down. I try and be the good Indian daughter, but now my silence seeps out of me in ways I cannot control.
So I sit on a swivel leather chair in the living room, with my aunt and parents and think of you.. I feel calm and I even begin to feel a small smirk turning into a smile hanging from my lips.
I didn’t handle the situation as you would have done; I couldn’t sit and bite my tongue. Not meeing fire with fire, but dousing hatred with water the way you said I should. I didn’t do it, I lashed out and stood my ground and the antlers were coming for me. Reminding me of being young, afraid, without voice.
Things are different now; I feel a slight pang of fear but it subsides. A victory for my spirit and a coat hanger for this ego.
Ego Death has been on repeat in my car, Praise the Lord for an aux output and youtube videos on how to install your own “sounds”. Moving on, writing this I feel lighter. Knowing in a few days I will be back in the sanctuary we made together.
“[Jasmin] All you need in life is love and a cat.”
Aesthetics yes please!