#major monogram

marauders4evr:

BONUS: Doofenshmirtz around children he literally just met who wrecked his ‘inator’.

Literally I could go on and on with examples but my computer’s starting to crash from the amount of images.

The point is that Heinz Doofenshmirtz is the greatest fictional father out there and anyone who says otherwise was hit by a Lie-inator.

I’ve gotta hand it to Doof, if there’s one thing he got right it’s his parenting skills. Minus the fact that Vanessa and MY SON went on a date once.

Great googly moogely, I make an appearance here!

I remember this. My legs fell asleep.

I run investigations on all my employees (Carl, the animals). Not because I’m concerned they’ve been wrong-doing without permission.

I just want to know what’s going on in their lives and using tech savvy stalking devices is easier and more efficient than carrying on a conversation.

Not sure who this “Loki” guy is that everyone’s talking about, but whoever he is, Perry could definitely beat him in a fight.

Absolutely not, scam bot! I have a wife!

Agent P, find this menace immediately. It’s definitely Doofenshmirtz trying to trick me.

Heh heh, remember when @shmirtzendoof made that video in high school of him falling into a toilet. Classic.

shmirtzendoof:

heinz-sight is 2020

wishing you and your nemesis a happy new year! (:

Doof this post is an act of evil in itself.

shmirtzendoof:

why is my name not trending worldwide on Tumblr, did none of you see my dynamic performance? i am being overwhelmed with award show nominations and i can’t even get in the top 10 Tumblr topics?

You mean when you fell into a toilet trying to roller skate?

majorfmonogram:

I know that no one has met my wife, but I promise she exists and it’s just a ploy for me to pretend I have a life outside of OWCA

**NOT. NOT JUST A PLOY. she is very real!

shmirtzendoof:

majorfmonogram:

shmirtzendoof:

nearly threw hands with a 9-year-old girl scout

Doof why don’t you have any real friends

at least my friends aren’t unpaid interns with father issues. talk to the hand, francis!

, Heinz, Carl says that everyone in college has “father issues”. (He referred to them with a different term that I don’t care to repeat.) Not that him and I ARE friends or anything.. Any who, rather that than a bunch of little kids and judgmental evil engineer coworkers that have nothing better to do than have their plans foiled by a bunch of animals.

majorfmonogram:

Now that Perry the Platypus has to social distance from doofenshmirtz, crime is running rampant in the streets. And by rampet, I mean the man is watching soap operas and making me cry through the spy camera I installed in his bathroom.

Carl told me this was “sus”. Folks, I’m not up with the lingo, what does this mean?

majorfmonogram:

majorfmonogram:

Hi fellas, it’s Carl filling in here. I’m currently hiding in one of the secret tunnels. The animals are looking for me. Major Monogram found WAP and—

Hajjshwneshehejushwuwuwjsjshsjfurjtnp093!heifi

BahwhensjsjyTshejrieuwgdbskjsnrmekosuwnwjeuehwnzhsjdjdsenrjej Owmwnrbwjeubrjfjfhrhrjsudhe $6283884 &;&&hheuejdjsk

Hdudn

Uwnfnsjwiwjr

Njsiei Hduieur Jdueurh

It’s- still Carl here. They found me. He’s blasting WAP at full volume and dancing to it.

Folks, he found the photo.

Please help.

majorfmonogram:

Hi fellas, it’s Carl filling in here. I’m currently hiding in one of the secret tunnels. The animals are looking for me. Major Monogram found WAP and—

Hajjshwneshehejushwuwuwjsjshsjfurjtnp093!heifi

BahwhensjsjyTshejrieuwgdbskjsnrmekosuwnwjeuehwnzhsjdjdsenrjej Owmwnrbwjeubrjfjfhrhrjsudhe $6283884 &;&&hheuejdjsk

Hdudn

Uwnfnsjwiwjr

Njsiei Hduieur Jdueurh

It’s- still Carl here. They found me. He’s blasting WAP at full volume and dancing to it.

Hi fellas, it’s Carl filling in here. I’m currently hiding in one of the secret tunnels. The animals are looking for me. Major Monogram found WAP and—

Hajjshwneshehejushwuwuwjsjshsjfurjtnp093!heifi

BahwhensjsjyTshejrieuwgdbskjsnrmekosuwnwjeuehwnzhsjdjdsenrjej Owmwnrbwjeubrjfjfhrhrjsudhe $6283884 &;&&hheuejdjsk

Hdudn

Uwnfnsjwiwjr

Njsiei Hduieur Jdueurh

derinthemadscientist:

johnnyfourballs:

rrozeselavy:

rich ppl are like so easily convinced abt ghosts I remember growing up it was near this vacant lot and whenever I broke a toy instead of going to face the wrath of my mother I would fucking bury it in that lot and then sure enough, some dude tried to develop the land and found a ton of buried rotten dolls and shit and told everyone it was haunted

it’s been over a decade and that lot is still vacant 

You single handedly tanked the value of someone’s prime real estate and that makes me happy

As soon as I read this I immediately started thinking of ways to do this on purpose to get cheap land and I was five posts down my dash before I realised I was becoming Scooby Doo villain

OWCA agents, we got one. ☝︎︎☝︎︎☝︎︎☝︎︎☝︎︎

Their location is secure.

generalgrievousdatingsim:

*walks into an antique store* i’d like to see your most evil items, please

Doof? Is that you?

Now that Perry the Platypus has to social distance from doofenshmirtz, crime is running rampant in the streets. And by rampet, I mean the man is watching soap operas and making me cry through the spy camera I installed in his bathroom.

I heard somewhere that you’re supposed to give your employees brea-breaks..? (Carl, did I say that right?)

Is that true?

Someone told me I look like the younger, more rugged version of this fella. I completely agree.

(It was an anon, but I’m 88% sure it was Carl.)

Carl’s been an intern for about 6 years now; I’m kind of concerned. Especially since he’s unpaid.

Been thinking back to my days at

The academy

It’s been a rough couple of lunch breaks, everyone.

shmirtzendoof:

naive of you to think that I’m living with the murphy family solely because the DEI building was destroyed. my home was repaired months ago (with an added infinity pool on the top floor).

the real reason I’m still couch-surfing is that dr. heinz doofenshmirtz is hiding from the IRS, baby! tax season can kiss my a-

Heinz, I will do nothing of the sort.

incorrectphineasandferbquotes:

Doofenshmirtz: Are you serious?

Monogram: Almost always. I was once voted the worst audience participant Cirque Du Soleil ever had.