Hello everyone! This is my first official guide, and I’m very excited to post part 1 of this series! (I devoted a lot of love to this post please help me spread this to a student in need!) I may also make another study post guide as I compile and discover more effective study methods ^^ This is very motivationally dense but I intended for it to be that way and I hope someone out there finds it helpful!
used to be a student who excelled and got away with poor work ethic, but are now academically and emotionally suffering from said work ethic
have absolutely no idea how to organize or discipline yourself
are all of the above
Though I am no professional, I speak from both personal experience and from the voices of similar students. You are not alone in the the quest for self improvement, nor are you a helpless case.
The first thing you must realize:
Everything that is within your power is something that you must try to control. Everything from how you wake up to the way you sleep is an external factor that must be regulated, because if you find it difficult to grapple with inattentiveness or disorganization, then you have to at least keep every other variable in check.
Just trying is not enough. Blindly working hard is not enough. To eradicate years of poor work ethic means that you must implement deliberate and careful practice into almost every aspect of your life. It’s an intimidating thought, but the reward of it is so great, I promise you! It is so possible, you just have to want it enough.
Not too long ago, I was struggling with the most daunting task of starting to confront my issues. I was the poster child of inattentive AD/HD, struggling with other illnesses and a severe lack of understanding about my purpose in my life. I was a demoralized, depressed individual with no hold on any aspect of my life. Through discovering art and creating my studyblr, I’ve really begun to throw myself into a pendulum of constant work and self improvement! I have off days, obviously, but the fact that not every day is an off day is already miraculous to me!
And, by no means am I completely perfect now. I’m not even close! But perfection is not the goal, it is continued hard work and perseverance that will get you places.
I won’t ever have a cumulative high school 4.0 GPA. My stress is still monumental even when it deosn’t need to be. I’m still as anxious as ever, and some parts of my life are still horrendously disorganized (I’m getting there, and that concept is diminishing rapidly!) However, I can physically see the improvement every single day, and that is a feeling that just cannot be beat.
The little things count, guys; I don’t lose my headphone twice a day anymore! I don’t forget weekly homework assignments nearly as often as before. I’ve finally begun the process of eliminating every single terrible habit I accumulated, and I’m here, telling you that I am by far not the only one.
That being said, Here are some study tips specific for the students who lose things twice a day and sometimes forgets to bring their binders to school *guilty.* Shoutout to you guys, we’re not alone. We are every bit as capable and intelligent as anyone else. We are stronger than we realize, but the primary thing obstructing our success is a fundamental trait we sorely lack–
Discipline.
Especially for the kids with AD/HD, the lack of attention regulation makes it nearly impossible to develop these skills as a kid, but I promise that you can. It’s not really your fault; it only becomes your fault when you recognize the issue later and don’t deliberatelywork toward improving it.
We must learn how to work hard, because nobody is behind us to cushion our falls anymore. We must grind everyday to reform ourselves. No matter who you are, somethingwill work for you. You just have to want it enough to search for it.
READ THIS ARTICLE BEFORE PROCEEDING. MARK IT, READ IT, LIVE BY IT, LOVE IT.
I talk about this more in part two with calendars and apps, but trust me when I say that if you’re a mess, you have to write or type everything down.
Start a bullet journal, grab an old notebook, do anything, but make sure you write down any valuable semblance of information that ever crosses your mind, or else you will forget. I am a genuine advocate for believing in yourself but believe mewhen I say that you cannot believe you will remember everything, because you will not. You are a human and you forget things.
If you’re interested in starting a bullet journal, here are some posts to refer to :
Remember that a bullet journal does not have to be prompt-heavy or laden with aesthetic typography in order for it to be effective. It can be as straightforward as you need it to be so please do not get caught up in the frills of social media if it does not suit you! Use it as everything and anything you need it to be.
If the item requires a remote, STICK THE REMOTE ONTO THE WALL SO YOU DON’T LOSE THE REMOTE.
If you don’t wish to buy an item finder, that’s fine!
Whether or not you buy an electronic aid, you must get into the habit of putting things back EXACTLY where you want them to be. Not one meter away, not somewhere in its general vicinity, but exactly where it needs to be.
I force myself to put my earphones back into my backpack the minute I get home, because I used to have to spend ten minutes to find them,
every.
single.
day.
Practice this and don’t cheat! If you’re tired, too bad–get up and place things back where they belong. You can no longer swim in a litany of excuses. Don’t cheat yourself, or else the only person who is at fault is you.
ESTABLISH A ROUTINE
This is vital. Sleep and wake at about the same time everyday, unless exceptions force you to do otherwise. (Procrastination is not a viable excuse.)
Do not make it a habit to start homework in the late morning. Do not think that since it’s 2am, you have 4 hours to finish your homework before class starts. This kind of passive thinking will virtually destroy every other hope at reverting your work ethic and discipline. Remember, you have no right to complain about being tired if you’re the one perpetuating this poor lifestyle! Not only is this making you feel lethargic and unmotivated during the day, but it will sustain that lifelong habit of procrastination.
Try to use sleepyti.meto determine an optimal time to wake up based on the time you go to sleep (natural circadian cycles.) You must force yourself to adopt a healthy sleep cycle if you want to feel physically and mentally better!
Pick out your clothing the night before. Force yourself (key word being force) to print all of the papers you need and put all of your supplies into your backpack before you go to sleep.
Wash your face, drink a lot of water, and make it a habit!
GET A WATCH AND CLOCK.
Purchase a watch that you like, and keep it for as long as it still ticks. Using your phone for the time will often shift from “What time do I need to turn this in?” to “Why hasn’t DiCaprio won an Oscar yet?!!” Don’t be that person. Buy a watch and wear it. put a tiny clock on your table or one on your wall!
COLOR CODE EVERYTHING!
OH MY GOODNESS When I started doing this, my focus sharpened ten fold, I swear to you. I color code every school subject and item on my calendar because if I do not, I get distracted. Determine a color for everything (Red for psych, pink for math, blue for history, etc…) Use that color in your planners and bullet journals and color code your textbook covers if you need to! The less you have to think about menial correspondence, the more mental capacity you have to focus on more important issues (like being on time to class and actually studying.) For example, if I see a book with a pink sticker and pink text in my bullet journal, I then immediately know it’s for English.
Meditation will not only promote self control and serenity, but it will strengthen your mental health. At first, it will seem nearly impossible to sit through the given time periods, but force yourself to keep doing it for a while, even if you don’t think it’s for you.
If meditation doesn’t work, then congratulations, anyway! You’ve still achieved the practice of disciplining yourself and forcing yourself to sit through something you don’t like (this will be imperative for classes that you don’t like, projects you hate, or boring part time jobs.)
If meditation really doesn’t help, however, even after a month or two of CONSISTENT trial, then turn to exercise.
Exercise never fails. If you’re lazy, fix it. If you’re un-athletic, walk a little bit, do the seven minute exercise, pace around the house 10 times, walk briskly for 30 minutes a day, try some stretching. Go to the gym or track, or walk two miles around your neighborhood. It is scientifically proven that exercise will promote chemical balance in your brain.
Ever since I quit swim team in freshman year, I’ve been trying to work out consistently. However, I too, am just like you and I’ve failed to make it a habit. For every week I don’t exercise, I feel more and more tired. This is especially helpful if you’re a hyperactive kid; it will make you more mellow!
HEALTHIER DIET
I am certain that many of us are not living on a very healthy diet right now. if we’re in high school, we’re lazy, and if we’re in college, we’re probably poor. But we have to make both mental and physical health a priority, since they’re so closely interlinked.
Example: the Ketogenic diet was designed to aid patients with epilepsy but future studies it effective for other illnesses, AD/HD included. Results show that it works for most patients and poses no short or long term effects.
Disclaimer: I AM IN NO WAY TELLING YOU TO IMPLEMENT THIS DIET. THIS IS MERELY INFORMING EVERYBODY THAT SOME FORM OF DIET CHANGE IS CLINICALLY HELPFUL.
I’m thinking of going in depth about foods that promote focus and energy in a separate guide. I’ll update you guys when I do that!
STUDY WITH FRIEND
You may have noticed that “friend” is singular. Study groups genuinely do not help everyone, especially if you are extremely disorganized and/or have AD/HD. The reason you’re disorganized is because you’re scatterbrained, and if you’re scatterbrained then groups of people will likely distract you. Study with a friend but find a friend/classmate who will motivate you to work hard and refuse to be distracted by side conversation, but is kind enough to help propel you toward understanding and finishing your work.
WHERE AND HOW DO YOU STUDY?
Do you feel cramped in your room? Try moving to the living room, or a cafe. What kind of lighting do you prefer? In what clothes do you feel most comfortable studying? These are all external factors that, unsurprisingly, matter a lot when it comes to studying.
Personally, I have to change into baggy clothes the minute I get home because I feel restricted in my day clothes. My room makes me feel claustrophobic so I try to finish the bulk of my work after school in the classroom. Comfort (or lack thereof) and environment matters so much when you’re trying to study.
PRO TIP: Remember to get up every once in a while, stretch and walk so that you don’t feel fatigued while studying.
Use the pomodoro method, or something similar for study sessions. This is so useful for a lot of disorganized kids and students with AD/HD. Try it out! During the short breaks, make sure you don’t check your phone or look at anything distracting. Again, practice discipline and force yourself to look away. Do some stretches, drink some water, and walk a couple laps around the house!
FINISH EVERYTHING.
You probably don’t have a habit of finishing things. Fix it. Get in the habit of finishing everything you do. Start with a morning routine, try to finish a workout, three bottles of water, etc etc…
Think of bad habits as a broken leg; even if time and care helps it to heal, you still have a weak leg that you need to put through physical training. You NEED to put in the maximum effort and fight your natural urges to give up halfway through. Just because your leg has improved doesn’t mean you can walk again.
Example: Do you have a lenient teacher who doesn’t check that you’ve completed homework?
Don’t cheat yourself; finish it anyway! If you think you got lucky getting a teacher who doesn’t care, think again. Your careless habits will only then be further perpetuated by you, and that shows that you don’t truly want to get better no matter what type of issue you have.
If you fail to always do this, that’s ok! It’s a learning process. I am still trying to perfect this. If you succeeded Monday through Thursday and mess up on Friday, redeem yourself on Monday. You’re not going to run out of chances anytime soon! Be proactive in your self improvement, don’t wait for someone to give it to you.
Force yourself to work honestly. Every lazy, dishonest move you make is a step back for routine success. I know that the minute I excuse myself from completing an assignment, I’ll do it again and again and again. However, keep in mind that if you’ve failed to do something right, you are not automatically a failure. You simply have to keep rolling the dice to move forward!
NOTEBOOKS/SUPPLIES
For the disorganized student, TRY NOT TO USE loose leaf paper. You’re probably going to lose it. Instead,
You can buy two notebooks, one for homework and one for notes
keep one notebook for both
KEEP AN INDEX FOR YOUR NOTES AND HOMEWORK NO MATTER HOW YOU ORGANIZE THEM. Create an actual index, use sticky flags or post its, anything you need!
If you must turn them in for points, buy folders to store them when you get them back.
DO NOT LET YOURSELF SLIDE ON THIS ONE. Make sure you do not lose anything.
If you work better with ringed notebooks, buy those. If you like bound notebooks, that’s fine, too! Find out what works the best for you.
Additionally,
Buy a hole puncher for home, and optionally, a portable hole puncher. Make sure you don’t give yourself any excuses to shove everything into the left pocket of your binder until it tears (*cries*). Most teachers have hole punchers in their room! Take advantage of that.
Keep old (but relevant) work in category specific folders, and refer back to them if you need to review, but whatever you do, do NOT hoard everything in your binder.
About once a month, look through these folders and throw out anything you do not need.
Color code everything if you wish!
MUSIC
Usually, music you cannot sing along to is ideal. However, this is not a steadfast rule.
Example: I don’t listen to Halsey on a daily basis, but her music is perfect for my study sessions (that and Troye Sivan but I listen to Troye Sivan all of the time).
For me, the lazy alt pop beats of both artists are very effective study songs, but your tastes may vary.
Sit down and read it aloud, as though you’re trying to teach it to a kid. Talk to yourself, ask yourself questions and answer them as though you’re both student and teacher; strike up conversation with yourself. Have dual personalities. Play devil’s advocate and ask stupid questions until you get to the root of the issue.
You’re not weird or crazy for doing this! It’s a proven, popular method of proofreading code in the programming world, known as rubber duck debugging.
CAN’T REMEMBER THINGS?
Assign weird mental images, acronyms, or pictures to everything you need to remember.
Example: For historical figures, I used to create stories for them noting their accomplishments in almost slang-like. humorous language, and that would help me to remember what they did on the test. It works, I swear by it!
Remember, you’re impulsive and you hate boring things. Stop trying to study like everyone else.
MAKE PLANS AND BE A REAL PERSON.
This sounds “counterintuitive,” but a lot of my tips that sound counterintuitive work the best. Please do not think that being a recluse and trying to study all day is going to work.
Establish a routine, and do the routine like clockwork. Don’t sleep in late unless you’ve pulled all nighters for finals and you need sleep.
Even on weekends?
Especially on weekends. You must adhere to a schedule constantly! This doesn’t mean you have to study 24/7, but you need to solidify a daily routine. You can certainly wake up later on weekends, but you must wake up around the same time on a consistent basis anyway.
The weekends were a black hole for me. I’d wake up, stay in bed for hours and lounge until 5, and then tell myself “I still have time to do homework” before bed. NO. DON’T DO THIS. YOU WILL FAIL EVERY SINGLE TIME.
If you have plans at 6pm, then you now have a deadline. Be tough on yourself to continue your daily routine, even if nobody is watching. Wake up at 9 or 10, brush your teeth, eat some breakfast, do homework until whenever, and then be human for a couple hours. If you don’t finish, you’re screwed, simple as that. Don’t give yourself excuses. Stop trying to baby yourself and extend your own deadlines, because you’re only making matters worse, my friends!
If you don’t go out with friends often, I recommend either pacing or going outside anyway for a short period of time. Try doing this during sunrise/sunset; the serenity and fresh air during these times will provide clarity for your mind and de-stress you!
HAVING STRUCTURE IS ABSOLUTELY VITAL. If you don’t do anything in this series, DO THIS.
Because you need structure, joining extracurriculars or clubs is also very helpful. Deadlines, outings, and responsibilities will train you immediately to adopt a stricter sense of discipline, especially when you’re afraid of letting other people down. I wasn’t kidding when I said that successful students who have AD/HD or were horribly disorganized in the past are often some of the most structured individuals you’ll ever meet.
Trying to improve your lifestyle now will help you ten fold in the future. You will feel stronger mentally, physically, and emotionally by adhering to structure. It will be worth it!
Don’t get me wrong. This is extremely difficult, and it goes against everything we’ve inadvertently trained our brains to do. If we could have easily done it, we would have been perfect students this entire time. However, it’s nowhere near impossible, and with great effort and deliberate training (Reference the article I asked everyone to read) youwillbecome great. This is not wishful thinking, this is a fact. You must rewire your perception of what “working toward a goal” actually means before you can start to truly make some progress.
The feeling of self improvement and success is paramount to anything else, especially when you start seeing significant results. You’ll become happier with yourself, and you’ll start to see that your true potential was only muddled by poor work ethic and confusion, not by a lack of ability, because you arecapable.
These are merely suggestions based on my own suggestions and based on other students with nearly identical stories. Thesehavebeen proven in the past to help tremendously to those who genuinely try to implement and adhere to them.
I love you guys! Until next time, my loves <3
LOOK OUT FOR PART TWO (more tips, apps and technology) to be updated soon if this post is received well!
Hi everyone, as some of you know I’ve been playing around with combining the teachings of Neville, Alan Watts and Joe Dispenza, so I rediscovered a “new method” inspired by them, the I am state and the energy centers perceived in our body in order to get into the knowing, wish fulfilled and feelings of bliss faster in a simple way to concentrate your intentions!
I am calling this the Omnipotent Light method because it comes from a combination of being in God state per say, along with the visualization of a light field. This tends to work pretty fast for me!
Get into a focused inner state. By this I don’t necessarily mean to lay down. You can be walking, at your class, at a coffee shop, whatever. All it takes is focusing in your inner I am, you don’t literally need to be in the void like when you affirm for it before sleep paralysis. You can just close your eyes and visualize yourself being in a dark void. Hell, you can even do it with your eyes open as long as you’re a good visualizer. Try to focus also on your heart or pineal gland centers.
As you are in this dark place, or in a visualization end scene, I want you to imagine a powerful and well intentioned bright light that will do the job for you, even though you are also that light and everything that exists. That light will “possess” or surround the object, individual or situation you want to inject the desired intention in.
I’ll give a few examples:
I am manifesting white teeth, or super long hair. I will visualize a scene of myself looking in the mirror as my teeth or my hair light up as a body of white light (that’s always the color I chose for mine but you can pick whatever color you resonate with most) and as that light is there I assume and feel the fulfillment of my hair having grown a lot to my desired result, or that the light also makes my teeth ridiculously and instantly white.
Another way of doing this can be just imagine yourself in the void, but your body is a translucent outline, everything else in you basically being transparent. Then you have your energy centers with that powerful bright light and charged with an “elevated emotion” as Dispenza tends to call it, but for the sake of this being a Law of Assumption blog, just assume the centers to be in balance, coherence, basically working well and being strong. Basically you see your outlines and you are transparent but you see the centers. After lighting them all up, feel the space around you as in, an extended energy field of yourself that can be as wide as you want (wider meaning the energy in your body is stronger, aka you are doing well spiritually and in health) and that equally has that light in the same color, but a bit more translucent than the focused centers. After that you can focus on for example, as before your teeth, your hair, your skin. Another thing I did with this “almost void” place was focusing the white light on my face and intend clear skin. Next day, everything is pretty much gone.
You can also do this for specific people. You can imagine them in that dark place or in an end scene, or just focus on them in general. Then make their body glow with the light and set your intention, in which the light is transforming them permanently. Can be that they are the desired version of them that you want, that they love you even more than you love them, that they make a decision that you want… etc. Any intention should work. I use white light because it makes me feel like it acts with speed, efficiency and safely for everyone involved.
3.Open your eyes or comeback to the 3D and know it is done! But you can do it as often as you like, and it should produce the feeling of relief as many other methods.
Have fun :D Hope it works for others as well as it does for me!
I don’t really know what people generally call this method of sigil making, so I’m just calling it “Letter Shaping” because you’re using the basic shapes from certain letters. This is the most common form of sigil making, and it allows the most creative influence. As you see above the sigils are for nearly the same thing, yet the sigils came out completely different. Not because the purpose was different, but because I approached them both a different creative way, and that’s what I like so much about this method. There’s a lot of freedom and personalization involved.
In August, a widely read Associated Press report suggested that, contrary to the advice of dentists everywhere, flossing didn’t necessarily foster good oral health. The report looked at 25 studies that had generally compared toothbrushing and flossing with toothbrushing alone and concluded that the evidence for the benefits of flossing was weak.
…Dentists know from a range of evidence, including clinical experience, that interdental cleaning is critical to oral health and that flossing, properly done, works. Yet the notion has taken hold that such expertise is fatally subjective and that only randomized controlled trials provide real knowledge.
The Duolingo Japanese was finally launched for Android Users and Japanese is in my “Languages to learn list”, so I decided to start learning it, but as you can notice for the scarcity of posts, despite loving languages, I’m not having time to study them right now.
The Cornell method provides a systematic format for condensing and organizing notes without laborious recopying. After writing the notes in the main space, use the left-hand space to label each idea and detail with a key word or “cue.”
Method
Rule your paper with a 2 ½ inch margin on the left leaving a six-inch area on the right in which to make notes. During class, take down information in the six-inch area. When the instructor moves to a new point, skip a few lines. After class, complete phrases and sentences as much as possible. For every significant bit of information, write a cue in the left margin. To review, cover your notes with a card, leaving the cues exposed. Say the cue out loud, then say as much as you can of the material underneath the card. When you have said as much as you can, move the card and see if what you said matches what is written. If you can say it, you know it.
Advantages
Organized and systematic for recording and reviewing notes. Easy format for pulling out major concept and ideas. Simple and efficient. Saves time and effort. “Do-it-right-in-the-first-place” system.
Disadvantages
None
When to Use
In any lecture situation.
The Outlining Method
Dash or indented outlining is usually best except for some science classes such as physics or math.
The information which is most general begins at the left with each more specific group of facts indented with spaces to the right.
The relationships between the different parts is carried out through indenting.
No numbers, letters, or Roman numerals are needed.
Method
Listening and then write in points in an organized pattern based on space indention. Place major points farthest to the left. Indent each more specific point to the right. Levels of importance will be indicated by distance away from the major point. Indention can be as simple as or as complex as labeling the indentations with Roman numerals or decimals. Markings are not necessary as space relationships will indicate the major/minor points.
Advantages
Well-organized system if done right. Outlining records content as well as relationships. It also reduces editing and is easy to review by turning main points into questions.
Disadvantages
Requires more thought in class for accurate organization. This system may not show relationships by sequence when needed. It doesn’t lend to diversity of a review attach for maximum learning and question application. This system cannot be used if the lecture is too fast.
When to Use
The outline format can be used if the lecture is presented in outline organization. This may be either deductive (regular outline) or inductive (reverse outline where minor points start building to a major point). Use this format when there is enough time in the lecture to think about and make organization decisions when they are needed. This format can be most effective when your note taking skills are super sharp and you can handle the outlining regardless of the note taking situation.
Example:
Extrasensory perception
definition: means of perceiving without use of sense organs.
three kinds
telepathy: sending messages
clairvoyance: forecasting the future
psychokinesis: perceiving events external to situation
current status
no current research to support or refute
few psychologists say impossible
door open to future
The Mapping Method
Mapping is a method that uses comprehension/concentration skills and evolves in a note taking form which relates each fact or idea to every other fact or idea. Mapping is a graphic representation of the content of a lecture. It is a method that maximizes active participation, affords immediate knowledge as to its understanding, and emphasizes critical thinking.
Advantages
This format helps you to visually track your lecture regardless of conditions. Little thinking is needed and relationships can easily be seen. It is also easy to edit your notes by adding numbers, marks, and color coding. Review will call for you to restructure thought processes which will force you to check understanding. Review by covering lines for memory drill and relationships. Main points can be written on flash or note cards and pieced together into a table or larger structure at a later date.
Disadvantages
You may not hear changes in content from major points to facts.
When to Use
Use when the lecture content is heavy and well-organized. May also be used effectively when you have a guest lecturer and have no idea how the lecture is going to be presented.
Example:
The Charting Method
If the lecture format is distinct (such as chronological), you may set up your paper by drawing columns and labeling appropriate headings in a table.
Method
Determine the categories to be covered in the lecture. Set up your paper in advance by columns headed by these categories. As you listen to the lecture, record information (words, phrases, main ideas, etc.) into the appropriate category.
Advantages
Helps you track conversation and dialogues where you would normally be confused and lose out on relevant content. Reduces amount of writing necessary. Provides easy review mechanism for both memorization of facts and study of comparisons and relationships.
Disadvantages
Few disadvantages except learning how to use the system and locating the appropriate categories. You must be able to understand what’s happening in the lecture
When to Use
Test will focus on both facts and relationships. Content is heavy and presented fast. You want to reduce the amount of time you spend editing and reviewing at test time. You want to get an overview of the whole course on one big paper sequence.
Example:
The Sentence Method
Method
Write every new thought, fact or topic on a separate line, numbering as you progress.
Advantages
Slightly more organized than the paragraph. Gets more or all of the information. Thinking to tract content is still limited.
Disadvantages
Can’t determine major/minor points from the numbered sequence. Difficult to edit without having to rewrite by clustering points which are related. Difficult to review unless editing cleans up relationship.
When to Use
Use when the lecture is somewhat organized, but heavy with content which comes fast. You can hear the different points, but you don’t know how they fit together. The instructor tends to present in point fashion, but not in grouping such as “three related points.”
Three Examples:
Example 1:
A revolution is any occurrence that affects other aspects of life, such as economic life, social life, and so forth. Therefore revolutions cause change. (See page 29 to 30 in your text about this.)
Sample Notes:
Revolution - occurrence that affects other aspects of life: e.g., econ., socl., etc. C.f. text, pp. 29-30
Example 2:
Melville did not try to represent life as it really was. The language of Ahab, Starbuck, and Ishmael, for instance, was not that of real life.
Sample Notes:
Mel didn’t repr. life as was; e.g., lang. of Ahab, etc. not of real life.
Example 3:
At first, Freud tried conventional, physical methods of treatment such as giving baths, massages, rest cures, and similar aids. But when these failed, he tried techniques of hypnosis that he had seen used by Jean-Martin Charcot. Finally, he borrowed an idea from Jean Breuer and used direct verbal communication to get an unhypnotized patient to reveal unconscious thoughts.
Sample Notes:
Freud 1st – used phys. trtment; e.g., baths, etc. This fld. 2nd – used hypnosis (fr. Charcot) Finally – used dirct vrb. commun. (fr. Breuer) - got unhynop, patnt to reveal uncons. thoughts.
I am a brand new daddy dom (as in 5 months ago I was completely “vanilla”) I’m planning to marry my little girl BUT I am having many problems and it may be just my inexperience but my little has asked me to treat he as a little/cat/slave… and I cannot figure out how to work this for her because when I treat her as a little she says I don’t treat her enough as a slave and when I treat her as a slave she says that I’m mean and I shouldn’t be treating her this way. My little is a manic depressive and I have caught her trying to self hurt and I am desperate to figure out what I can do. To support both of us as well as my son and her daughter ( my future stepdaughter)… I work a lot in order to make the money so I don’t have time or options for a constant scenes and that’s what she says she needs.. I’m confused and lost and I do not know what to do but all I want is to make her happy… HELP PLEASE!!!
——————————– __________________________________
Greetings!
My friend, I have some questions for you, a little advice and few blunt opinions. You may take or leave them as you will.
Question: Are you a Dominant?
Seems simple but it’s not. You say as of 5 months ago you were “vanilla” so I can take a leap and say moving to a D/s dynamic was not your idea. So I must ask if you “feel” you are a dominant or are you putting on that role to please your sub?
If it is not your nature to be dominant, I must warn you that you will burn out trying to do it. You have to want it, it has to be who you are or it won’t be fair to either of you.
Ok so let’s say YES you are a D-type and you are now discovering what that means….
BE DOMINANT. She has made you aware that she has several sides to her submissive nature. As well a some distinct kinks (pet play). That’s great! She also has named you her Dom. You ARE in charge. She put you in charge. Unless she takes her submission from you she is to yield to your idea of when a where and how her needs are being met. You certainly should meet those needs but she does not get to decide in the middle of you tending to her little needs that she would now like to be humiliated and tied up and spanked. YOU DECIDE WHEN AND WHERE. That is the nature of the power exchange. You need to be aware of her moods and try to meet the need she has at a given time but by no means does that mean she get decide that you are not doing the “right thing at the right time”. If she has submitted she has submitted. If you need to fine tune things with “meta talks” ™ then by all means do so. Take control. In the end that is what is being asked for.
Ok, so now here’s what I recommend. You both need to have a clearly stated WRITTEN description of your dynamic. With EXACTLY what the nature of your power exchange will be. Every limit. Every expectation. No vague areas. Part of your frustration is coming from the rapid switching between expectations and this will help.
NONE OF THIS MATTERS, not even a little if she is not properly managing her mental illness. You can not “fix” mental illness with Doming. She needs to be working with professionals and treating her needs.
You are either her Dom or you are not. She is either your sub or she is not. Be good to her look out for her but Dom her. Not the other way around.
