#musings

it’s elections day in the philippines and it’s so hot outside 

(Whenever I ask “What is love” someone always responds by referencing the song. And it irritates me. So please don’t.)

One of the lovely things this class has tried to do is get us to examine our own and others ideas about love, sex, and intimacy and challenge us to recognize that there are many different viable scripts for love. To me, love is often a choice: a conscious decision made once or continuously to behave in a certain manner to someone. A connection built up over time. This term though, I discovered that love also really is an emotion.

I had rejected the idea of love as an emotion because when most people use the term “love” as an emotional verb, they often refer to what I call the “superficial” fluff of initial attraction. Passion is important to a relationship. So is attraction. But the “googoo-gaga I’m so crazy about this person” crush that fangirls get over popstar icons is not love. Neither is the over-the-top, shallow portrayal by most love songs that are popular are the radio today (notable exceptions being “All of Me” by John Legend, “True Love” by P!nk, “I Choose You” by Sara Bareilles - “Marry You” by Bruno Mars, “Love Song” by Taylor Swift, etc. are awful portrayals of ‘real love.’).

The first person who “loved me” didn’t tell me so until two years after the fact, because he had decided for himself that the relationship could never work (we were friends at the time). The second person is now my fiancé.

I’ve said “I love you” to friends, family, and of course, to my significant other, but most of the time, it’s been motivated not by the moment but more the lasting relationship, in the sense that if my best friend does something for me, I might say “I love you” but it’s not because of what she just did, but more because it’s one in a series of loving gestures.

Recently though, there have been times with my fiancé where I just say, “I love you” because that’s the only word that really describes how I'm feeling. And I’d never experienced that before. I’m happy, but it’s not just happy. It’s not just contentment. It’s a feeling of, “I’m so happy that I get to spend the rest of my life with you, this moment is so perfect I wish I could just freeze it, but I don’t need to because something about this, the two of us, just feels so right. A lot of people I’ve asked about "how do you know when you’ve met 'the One’” frequently answer, “you just know.” “It’s something you’ll know when you know.” And I’ve always thought that was the most bogus answer ever. It doesn’t say anything! But now… I don’t know… I really do feel like it’s something you have to experience. But for me, this really is the definition of love - at least, as an emotion. Certainly I still retain all my other ideas & ideals about love, but this feeling, that I think is innate and natural and universal, I really do believe this is love. And it’s really exciting for me to see that.

Because if this is what love feels like, this intimate, deep connection with another individual, then it really can’t be bound by gender or number of times, because you don’t stop feeling sad or happy just because you think you should, it doesn’t stop being happy or sad because things change. In that moment, when you feel this strange union of souls, when you look at the other person and the only words in our American English language that can describe it is “I love you” then that is love. And for me, it answers the question of “can you feel love multiple times” because if love is that emotion, then obviously, yes you can.

And maybe this isn’t “love” and this is only “my definition” but given what people have said across many cultures and stories, I think I have fairly good corroboration.

It’s just funny, because this has been an unanswered question for so long, but for me, this term, I’ve finally found my answer. And that is pretty neat.  =)

what do u guys do when ur understimulated . im trying so hard 2 fix it but my brain wont let me dO ANYTHING

people who r taller than me ……… stop that !!!!!!!!

nikkitajiri:

Nine Types of Rest

1. Time away
2. Permission not to be helpful
3. Something “unproductive”
4. Connection to art and nature
5. Solitude to recharge
6. A break from responsibility
7. Stillness to decompress
8. Safe space
9. Alone time at home

By Christine Scott-Hudson, Creative Wellness Expert

I love the analogy of the sun as consciousness. Consciousness is the sun, and we are all rays of the sun. Some rays might shine a little brighter, but it doesn’t matter! It’s not a competition because we are part of the same sun.

And maybe some rays awaken and realize, holy crap guys, we are sun, and some rays might be like, I don’t believe in the sun. Doesn’t matter. The sun has infinite patience. But someday when we all realize we are part of the sun, we might realize how powerful we really are.

Shine on like the beautiful rays of sunlight that you are. ☀️ xoxo Nikki

Art found on Pinterest - Retro Starburst from Art.com

I have been going through some health struggles, and it’s been extra hard for me because I really identify with being a person who prioritizes her health.

I have a lot of unhelpful thoughts about why or how or when, but I can think about it all I want, and it really doesn’t matter. All those thoughts are just either negative judgments about the situation or endless chatter that distract me from the task at hand.

When I reflect on it, I’m proud of myself. I accepted the situation, I learned a lot, I’ve asked for help, I’ve gone through a lot of healing and detox already…. I have realized that I have this attachment to “Healthy Person” ego identity. And I haven’t gone the other way to attach to the “Disease Warrior” ego identity either. That’s a lot of growth in the past few months.

Our bodies are both incredibly fragile, and startlingly resilient. I think we might look back in 100 years and wondered how we survived in this toxic mess we currently live in. I’m wondering that now. If you’re going through health troubles, I’m wishing you speedy acceptance, healing, and growth as a person.

Namaste, Nikki

themusewhomuses:

                                              I’m tired of your excuses
                                              I’m sick of your lies
                                              Your deceit has no place here

liveslikeadisaster:

,

 

, 

rpmusings-galore:

                       Don’t get too close…
                                             It’s  DARK  inside…

themusewhomuses:

Your eyes no longer has its beauty
Your voice no longer enchants me
You’re no longer beautiful

                           ——all I see is a heart breaker

rpmusings-galore:

I ＤＩＥＤ

        So many yearsago

But  ｙｏｕ can make me feel

            Like it isn’t so

themusewhomuses:

                                         Prove it to me you don’t care!
                       Look me in the eye and show me I am N O T H I N G

themusewhomuses:

I tell myself it wasn’t my fault
         But I find my way down to memory lane…

                                        it’s my fault
                                        it’s my fault
                                        it’s my fault

themusewhomuses:

I’ve been beaten
I’ve been pushed
I’ve been spit

                                                ( ^{“No more ! !”})

okonomiyakis:

It hurts

Itfuckingh̓ͩ́̓͗̏͋ͣ͑ūͤͧ͆ͨ̏̀ͣ̿̽ͩ̚ř͊̔͌͌ͩ͂̍̔͆͌̆̒t͂͗̽̓͊̀̓ͦ͑̓̋̚s̅ͧ̎́̓
̇̈́̐̔ͬͯͮͭ̓͂̊͊ͣͣ̚

coldofflesh:

I AM NOT A HERO

                and your heart is not minetoSAVE

ιғ yoυ coυld only ѕee тнe yoυ’ve мade oғ мe

ι нeld ιт ιn вυт now ιт ѕeeмѕ yoυ’ve ѕeт ιт rυnnιng ғree …

                                       , ,
                                      ᶜᵃⁿᶜᵉʳ
                                     
                                     

                                      ʷᵒʳᵈˢʳᵃⁱⁿᵈʳᵒᵖˢ
                                      ˢⁱˡᵉⁿᶜᵉ

                                                                            ¨

 
  , … ♰