#neurodivergent journaling

My thoughts are chaos, especially when I am trying to put pen to paper. Writing them down allows me to organize them neatly, but the problem is now that I want to make them perfect. Perfect! Wow, will I ever be over the perfectionism bullshit? Oh wow it’s getting hot, gotta roll up my sleeves. Do I have anything left worth saying? Stop that, your words mean something you dumb fuck. Potato. Well, maybe except that one. I like the flowers on top of my notebook. I hope I don’t ruin the pages. Have I written enough? Should I write more? You’re fine! Oh shoot, it’s still hot. I guess I’ll go to bed. 

I found myself waiting to be told to begin this assignment. When I heard that we should have already been starting this assignment, I immediately felt overwhelmed. I am behind. I am going to fail this entire class. You know, the usual anxious anxiety thoughts of anxiousness. I wonder what it’s like to not immediately spiral into anxiety lol. I wish I had tea, but I’m stuck in this lab since I didn’t have time to go home. This hard, stiff chair isn’t exactly the epitome of comfort. I guess I just have to do my best to make do with what I’ve got.