They don’t hate you. They don’t hate you. They don’t hate you.
Probably. I think. Perhaps. Maybe.
Probably have stuck around all these years Out of obligation. As if they signed a legally binding contract When they entered the friendship Breaking it is punishable by death!
I found myself waiting to be told to begin this assignment. When I heard that we should have already been starting this assignment, I immediately felt overwhelmed. I am behind. I am going to fail this entire class. You know, the usual anxious anxiety thoughts of anxiousness. I wonder what it’s like to not immediately spiral into anxiety lol. I wish I had tea, but I’m stuck in this lab since I didn’t have time to go home. This hard, stiff chair isn’t exactly the epitome of comfort. I guess I just have to do my best to make do with what I’ve got.
For those who are seeking diagnosis, think they might be autistic or are already diagnosed/self-diagnosed but just confused
Routines/rituals aren’t just getting up at the same time every day.
What can routines look like for an autistic (just general examples, not an exhaustive list):
Getting dressed in the same order. A change of this feels very upsetting.
Eating your food in a particular way. This may be eating each food individually, combining food in certain ways, not letting foods touch etc .
Getting ready for the day in a very particular way, specifically the order and time given to each activity. Being forced to rush or skip an activity is very upsetting.
Only going to certain shops, even if they are out of your way, because you’ve been there before. The same shop in a different suburb is too distressing.
Driving the same route to places. Suggested short cuts, or lane changing without mental preparation etc is very distressing. You would rather stay in the slow lane you 100% know takes you home than go down a new street.
Showering/bathing in the same order.
Stacking dishes or cleaning in a very specific order such as sink first, then counters, then stove etc. This order feels important but you cannot state why.
Work plans or school plans are day specific. You struggle to do banking on a Thursday, because that’s a Friday activity, even though Thursday is just fine. But it’s a Friday activity…so can’t do it today.
To outsiders these routines/rituals seem to have no purpose but they are sacrosanct to the autistic individual. Changes must be given time, with lots of notifications and check-ups to ensure we’re accepting the changes.
I feel like a thing which doesn’t get brought up enough with autism is how autism affects eating habits. I want to shine some light on the subject of autism and eating!
AUTISM AND EATING HABITS
Many autistic people are hypersensitive to textures and tastes (especially textures). Due to sensory sensitivity and the desire to have routine being common traits of autism, many autistic folks are very specific eaters. Some autistic people will have a very strict diet consisting of a small variety of foods. (Quick note: not all autistic people are picky eaters and some do enjoy a large variety of food.) Some autistic people have what they call safe foods and unsafe foods. These classifications are used very often in discussions of autistic eating habits. Here are definitions for safe and unsafe foods.
Safe foods: foods which an autistic person finds comforting. Basically foods which are safe to eat.
Unsafe foods: foods which are repulsive and gross. Unpleasant textures usually make foods unsafe.
MY OWN EATING HABITS ON THE AUTISM SPECTRUM:
I myself am somewhat of a picky eater but I’m also adventurous too with foods. I have specific foods I’ll happily eat, but am willing to try new dishes too. I’ll either have the strong desire to try new foods from new countries or I will be unable to eat something if it is cooked slightly different or with an ingredient I can’t handle. Since I am vegetarian I do need to be more open minded about what I eat. After all, I need to get all my nutrients so I can stay healthy.
I will write now a list of my safe foods and unsafe foods…
MY SAFE FOODS:
-Paneer Makhani (a super delicious tomato based Indian curry with delicious soft cheese in it)
-Starbucks Pink Drink (a nice cold strawberry beverage that I’ve been drinking consistently every morning since 2018. It can’t be too sweet though so I usually ask for extra coconut milk in it.)
-Majority of spicy dishes (I love the sensation of spicy peppers)
-Tofu especially of the silken variety
-A pizza with goat cheese and pineapples on it that I get at a specific pizza chain
-The Kraft mac n cheese they make at certain restaurants
-Water that is very cold
-Grapes, watermelon, strawberries, and apples that are nice and firm
UNSAFE FOODS (FOOD THAT REPULSES ME:)
-Beverages with pulp in them
-Mushy foods like avocados or bananas
-Soggy foods
-Yogurt that hasn’t been stirred properly (I dislike the lumpy texture)
-The skin of fruits and vegetables
-Squishy fruits and vegetables
-Room temperature water
-The seeds of tomatoes (I love tomatoes, but have to scoop out the seeds in order to enjoy the tomato)
-Sparkling water (it makes me gag)
-Greasy foods (if pizza is soggy it’ll make me nauseous)
-Pasta that is too soft
-Cheese that is too melted (cheese that has bubbled)
***
Feel free to reblog! If you’re autistic and willing to share your safe/unsafe foods, feel free to add on to this post with your safe/unsafe foods.
(I’ll do a more comprehensive post on autism and food later)
-Your special interests are wonderful and I hope you get the opportunity to share them!
-Your stims are all amazing! Keep flapping, rocking, using stim toys, or stimming in the ways you naturally do!
-If you don’t like being touched, making eye contact, or dislike certain sensory sensations, that is valid! No one can fault you for that!
-Neurotypical rules can definitely get verrrrryyyy confusing at times so it’s ok to have times where you don’t understand them!
-You are not a burden for being autistic! The real burdens are ignorance and ableism, not you.
-Your autism is valid regardless of its traits! Autism appears differently in everyone! Neurotypicals don’t police your autism.
-If you feel alone in this neurotypical world, just know that there is a whole community of autistic & neurodiverse people who can empathize with you and stand by you!
A very common misconception that many neurotypicals have is that autistic people do not experience ANY sexual or romantic attraction. This often stems from the rather ableist practice of infantilizing autistic people/treating autistic people like they’re children. To clear up one thing, plenty of autistic folks are asexual and/or aromantic. Ace, aro, and aroace autistics are wonderful and valid. The main thing is that not all autistic people are asexual/aromantic or incapable of feeling romantic or sexual attraction and plenty of autistic people would like to date or have sex.
Due to a lot of narratives pushed by many neurotypicals, organisations like Autism $peaks, and Hollywood, many people think autistic people are either unfeeling robots or heavily incapable of taking care of themselves. Because of these ignorant stereotypes as well as the emotional maturity/feelings that sex and romance requires, people become squeamish at the thoughts of autistic people feeling romantic or sexual desire.
Contrary to what has been pushed on many people, autistic sexuality is complex and multidimensional. Autistic people can be straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, asexual etc. I am an autistic lesbian and I experience both intense feelings of romantic and sexual attraction. Many of my autistic friends experience romantic and/or sexual attraction too. Autistic sexuality much like autism itself isn’t just black and white, instead a whole scale of color. Some autistic people are hypersexual. Others are sex repulsed. Others feel occasional romantic/sexual feelings, but not too strongly.
The belief that autistic people are incapable of feeling romantic or sexual attraction is an inaccurate one which hopefully will fade away as the years go on and society’s understanding of autism increases.
Hyper-focus is very common trait in autism and is both a blessing and a curse. Hyper-focus can best be described as feeling intense passion towards something. Examples of hyper-focusing include spending large quantities of time doing the thing you’re hyper-focused on, thinking about your special interest/subject of hyper-focusing often, wanting to discuss your interest, or feeling strong emotions regarding what you’re hyper-focusing on.
THE DRAWBACKS:
Hyper-focusing has a few major drawbacks to it. Examples of the drawbacks are becoming fixated on unproductive things like browsing social media, becoming irate when someone interrupts you in the middle of your hyper-focusing, pushing aside important things/obligations, being unable to switch gears, or getting so deep into what you’re fixated on that you forget even the most basic necessities.
I’d say in my own experience as an autistic person who hyper-focuses, the biggest issue I face is neglecting my obligations and even taking care of myself to pursue what I’m fixated on. Right now, I should be finishing the 14 assignments in my to-do list for school, but I’m so eager to write this blog post that doing the mountain of homework assigned to me has been pushed to the back of my mind. The amount of times that I’ve come into class and had to explain to my teacher that I did not complete my homework probably exceeds 300. I’ve forgotten to brush my teeth, forgotten to shower, been late for class, stayed up beyond reasonable hours, or forgotten to even eat or drink when I’m hungry/thirsty plenty of times. I typically forget one or more of these things per day. Often, my mom and dad or others need to remind me to do basic tasks such as the aforementioned ones. Also, plenty of times I find myself getting hyper-focused on unproductive things like reading the Attack on Titan shipping wiki.
THE BENEFITS:
Despite the drawbacks, there are plenty of positives surrounding hyper-focus. Some benefits of hyper-focus are when hyper-focusing, an autistic person may be practically unstoppable and very motivated. Hyper-focus can lead to an autistic person achieving seemingly impossible/impressive goals. When hyper-focusing on a positive or productive subject, it can lead to a plethora of positive outcomes and make one seem very diligent and motivated in the eyes of others.
My own hyper-focus has helped me out in many ways. It has granted me the ability to do things which seem impressive to a lot of neurotypicals, increased my enthusiasm for life, given me escapes from hardships, and helped me become who I am today. My favorite example of how my hyper-focus benefitted me was in 6th and 7th grade. I had a major World War II special interest throughout that period of time. Because of this, I decided to write a story about children growing up in Germany during the war. I was able to write about 50,000 words in the project because I was so fixated on the topic. I never finished the story simply because my World War II special interest faded out around 8th grade, but my World War II novel stands as one of my proudest achievements.
CONCLUSION:
Overall, hyper-focus has its benefits as well as its drawbacks.
1. Being hyperfocused on something, but suddenly getting interested in some other thing so you forget what you’re hyperfocused on
2. Being unable to focus on the conversation you’re having while simultaneously being able to detect every single sound or bit of sensory information around you
3. Wanting rigid order and structure in life, but being too disorganized to make the structure into reality
4. Craving stimulation because you’re bored, but getting o v e r s t i m u l a t e d because it’s too much
5. Forgetting that you have homework a minute after the teacher tells you you have it while being able to remember every single element of your special interest
I have many special interests and always have. Some special interests are only temporary but some of them have been long running.
**MY SPECIAL INTERESTS LOG: 1/30/21**
-Attack On Titan, Cells At Work, Corpse Party, Danganronpa, My Hero Academia, DOOM, the SCP Foundation, gaming, Vocaloid, soundtracks, anime, manga, drawing, writing and world building, composing music, dogs, and the human body
ABOUT ME: MY AUTISM, MY AUTISTIC JOURNEY, AND MY AUTISTIC TESTIMONY
I am technically what some call a “high-functioning” autistic, but I dislike the term high functioning since it is a term dismissive of my struggles. I can blend in with neurotypicals if I try, but quite frankly, it is very hard and draining to do so. I am verbal and don’t have too many struggles with motor skills or socializing, but I am very sensory sensitive, I have many special interests, I make various vocalizations, and I stim a lot.
I found out I was autistic around seventh grade. Initially I was very surprised by this and was scared due to my own misconceptions on autism. I was a bit reluctant to believe it at first, but soon enough I began to realize how autistic I really was. I was always a bit of an oddball, I hated loud noises or bad textures, would often fixate on things like security cameras, and I also had plenty of challenges with socializing with my neurotypical peers. I was considered a gifted kid due to my skills in the creative arts like writing, playing piano, composing music, and drawing, but my skills in the regions I wasn’t hyperfocused on were very mediocre or poor.
After finding out that I was autistic, I began to read up on autism and follow a lot of accounts by autistic folks for autistic folks. I learned all about traits common in autism, how to manage sensory overload, and many other things. Most importantly how my autism isn’t a curse but a blessing that has made me who I am.
My name is Gwyn, short for Gwyndolyn. I use she/her pronouns. I am autistic, have ADHD, and have anxiety. I am a lesbian and consider myself to be masculine of center/butch/gender nonconforming.
I love to do art, compose music, and write stories. I enjoy working out and going to the gym. I am vegetarian and have been so since September 2017. I love animals and the outdoors and have gone on many hikes as well as gone camping on multiple occasions. I consider myself extraverted, but I do get overstimulated if I have to socialize for too long. I have a sweet dog named Darcy. I’m a huge weeb and a gamer too.
ALT
