We are all gathered here today for a quick yet thorough elaboration on one of my previous hot takes: You honestly don’t want me to write an entire essay on how these two have been “platonically” married for the past four seasons. No vows or rings may have been exchanged between the two but they sure as hell have been acting like the most married set of individuals I know. So here I am, writing this small meta on how this has been coming for a long time.
Where to begin… I would say with respect. All well written relationships that I personally enjoy begin with a level of trust and respect and this exactly what they have given the audience. Melinda and Phil have gravitated towards each time and again, like they’re each other’s constant you know? It’s this layer of their relationship that gets them to where they are now. All those times where they’ve had each other’s back and been at their most vulnerable has led for them to quickly prioritize each other and raise each other to a level of importance that is hard to tear down. I mean, THEY HAVE HISTORY to prove it. They have endured so much together (and not just everything they have shown us but also all the implied past missions.) If it begins with this kind of emotional connection, it is easy to see where it might lead to a deeper emotional connotation. It is not a huge leap.
Second of all, I’ve always felt that with Melinda she has always been very clear with regards to her feelings. The fact that she had to make it clear to her husband at the time that she “works” with Phil and is “married” to him speaks volumes. If we were to ever have a confession of love back in season 3, that was it for me. At least on Melinda’s behalf. To me, Melinda’s feelings towards Phil have always been extremely transparent yet never fully divulged where you go “yes, she LOVES him” if that make sense. Melinda was always more of type to demonstrate how actions are louder than words (since she too is also a woman of few words.) It was all in the subtleties with her. I always go back to that scene where Phil is injured in a desert (I think it was the desert) and Melinda rushes off a helicopter and checks his pulse and right there, ever so swiftly, we see a soft and relief smile play upon her lips. See right there? That’s the kind of subtleties this show has been playing with since the earlier seasons. I could listen several but we all know that “You mean a lot to me. A lot.” takes it all. We have Melinda “I Can’t Show Vulnerability At Any Cost” May confess what’s probably already been demonstrated but never articulated to Phil. She was so adamant about it as well, like she had to make him understand how much she cared and how much she valued his trust and that she would never betray him. Never.
As for Phil, a character I enjoy in every scene, this has been the seasons of realization for him. His storyline and the way he has brought himself to this particular phase in his life has been some form of awakening. I think because Melinda May has put barriers all throughout her life, including with Phil, it’s never really been an option to go there for him. I think unconsciously he’s loved her all his life but has shut that particular part away because he never really thought it would happen. He tried finding love elsewhere and it didn’t pan out. It was like he was always drawn back to her or life would draw them together again. Yet, he’s always known how important she is to me. There’s never been anything else to imply the contrary. He’s fallen down some major crisis whenever May leaves him or is emotionally cut off (yes, the “left hand” reference goes nicely right there.) Also, why else would Edward James Olmos’s character take Melinda? Yeah, pretty self explanatory. Anyways, aside from all the side jabs from other characters who reference the closeness and familiarity between the two, there’s the concept of time. They are two grown adults in their prime who have literally died and have quickly reassessed what’s really important in their lives. Nothing quite like death to make you realize what’s really important. This is exactly what’s happened to Phil. He is no longer waiting. There is nothing left to hold them both back. No husband. No past commitments. No emotional baggage. Phil has finally “woken up” to what has laid dormant within him, as cliched as it sounds.
All in all, the sheer level of intimacy between these two throughout all the seasons should make it apparent where the writers were going. I think they have laid a nice framework and are now executing it to perfection because these two were never a huge leap, in terms of narrative. They were going there one way or another.
p.s. Phil Coulson pulling Melinda May as close as possible during that kiss should tell you everything and how long he’s waited to do that. Also, it’s true love if he knows you like tea instead of coffee.
It’s impossible not to feel like we’re slipping back into childhood with a lot of this. It’s the same systems, bubbling up to the surface like so much carbonation, and implemented with all the nonchalant lack of care of people in love. We do it because it feels good, and to hell with whatever consequences that might have.
Hide and seek skirts around the edges while the occasional food fight spurts in the center. Half mumbled comments and strict bedtimes, spontaneous curfews and all those rules. Rules bursting at the seams of your clothes, rules dribbling out of your ears. It’s no wonder that you regress a little bit. It’s no wonder I accelerate through maturity, find myself displaying a flair for the authoritarian keeper, rather than the whimsical twenty something.
But there’s the thing; it’s all just paradigms crashing into each other, and they all fall away like waves anyway. Things rise and fall, and none of them stick around all that long. Sometimes you notice the childishness, and othertimes you’re utterly lost in it. And as much as it might make you uneasy to see your adulthood slip away in the middle of a scene, it’s taking with it all those things you can’t stop fretting about. Your worries and your fears, all the little things that build and build until you’re just about ready to dissolve into a puddle of sex.
Which is handy, as that just so happens to be my line of work.
“Your savior has arrived!” I heard Loki call as we descended upon Asgard, good to know his ego was unharmed and in one piece. I was in at the very back of the group from Sakaar and by the time my feet touched the rainbow bridge, chaos reigned. I whacked my way through Hela’s skeleton army with my trusty staff. Catching a glimpse of the brothers reunion I kept pushing forward trying to make it through. I was hoping to make it off the bridge and attempt to reach Odin’s vault before Loki released Surtur but was cut off by none other than the goddess of death. “Oh shit!” I yelled losing my footing and would have fallen to the ground had she not grabbed my nearly mended hand and steadied me, while immobilizing the hand wielding my staff. “You were with my dear brothers when I first came back.” She mused, staring at me curiously. I flashed her a nervous smile and nodded. “Yeah, just funny little co-ee-ki-dink.” I laughed. “So I don’t suppose you’ll just let me-“ “Hela, release the girl, she has no part in this.” Thor roared over the sounds of battle. Hela threw back her head and laughed loudly, and I had a good idea what her response would be. I dropped my staff and tried pulling myself free only to fall back on my ass in surprise when she let go of me suddenly. “Of course, little brother, here is your little lover.” “Actually I’m-“ I was cut off by one of her spikes piercing me from behind and let out a cry of pain. “FUCK these hurt!” I cried. Hela watched me in amusement for a moment as I tried to pull myself off of her spike, then with a flick of her wrist it receded and I was being gathered into Brunnhilde’s arms. Thor had rushed past us to engage in the ultimate show of sibling rivalry and Loki was no where to be seen. My vision was turning fuzzy as my body fought to heal itself, a shrill ringing blocking out any other sound as I was handed off to someone else and thrown up to the ship. Through my blurry vision I saw a somewhat familiar face appear. “What the fuuu-“ I managed to groan before passing out.
I had slept through the remainder of the destruction of Asgard and woke up only once as the Asgardians set course for Earth. When Loki had come back from causing Ragnarok we had a short discussion about how we would handle Thanos, which was essentially that I would take care of everything. It was after that chat I had been told to sleep and regain my strength so we could put our plan into action whenever the mad titan chose to appear, something the movie wasn’t too clear on when it actually happened. Regaining my strength would be useless, though, if I just slept through the entire thing. The sounds of screaming reached my ears, along with the obnoxious voice belonging to Ebony Maw, spouting out his ridiculous monologue. “Hear me, and rejoice. You have had the privilege of being saved by the Great Titan. You may think this is suffering. No… it is salvation.” I rolled to my feet, and after sparing a quick glance to my “roommate” and holding my fingers to my lips to stay quiet, I slipped past the panel that had been placed before my door to camouflage it. “Universal scales tip toward the balance because of your sacrifice. Smile… for even in death, you have become children of Thanos.” I rolled my eyes, catching a glimpse of Loki standing with the Black Order as I ducked behind some rubble. As Thanos began droning on I began to creep my way across the room to take position behind him, needing to get there before Loki passed on the space stone. Banner had been safely stashed away with the knowledge that the Hulk wouldn’t be able to take the titan on so I knew this ‘scene’ would wrap up faster than it had in the movie. As Thor began to scream in pain my footsteps faltered and I landed ungracefully on my hip a few feet away from Heimdall. Thankfully the guardian was only injured like he was in the movie, so flashing him a sheepish smile I scrambled to my feet as Loki yelled for them to stop. “We don’t have the tesseract. It was destroyed on Asgard.” Thor groaned. “You really are the worst brother.” He added a moment later and I resisted the urge to snicker. “I assure you brother, the sun will shine on us again.” Shit, I’m still too far away. I caught Loki’s eyes and made a face hoping he would be able to stall long enough. “Your optimism is misplaced, Asgardian.” Thanos rumbled, taking the glowing cube and crushing it to reveal the infinity stone. “Well, for one thing; I’m not Asgardian. And for another…” He leapt forward, dagger at the ready to slit the titan’s throat. Exactly what he was not supposed to do! Just as he had in the movie, this move was easily intercepted and Loki’s neck was engulfed in the giants fist. Fuck. Fuck fuckity fuck, fuck, fuck. You idiot I’m not going to make it in time. “You…. Will never… be a god.” Loki gasped. Throwing all caution to the wind I stood and began running across the room, launching myself toward Thanos and his gauntlet. Everything seemed to slow down as I caught Loki’s bloodshot eyes and then the only thing I heard was the sickening crack, as Thanos snapped his neck. “No more resurrections this time.”
Well, that was weird, I wonder if Loki realized the narrative had changed to his point of view… but I’m back now bitches, and so ready to crawl out of this dumpster fire called Sakaar… so long as those assholes don’t try to leave me behind. I watched Brunnhilde and Loki go, covering up a laugh with a cough when I heard the fight break out between them. I was so focused on that I nearly ran into the Grandmaster when he stopped suddenly and whirled around. “Why would he run off with my champion, Daze? Where would he even go?” He asked playing with the end of my hair. “I don’t know Thor very well, so I couldn’t tell you.” I told him honestly… well semi honestly. I seriously didn’t know Thor very well, nor could I tell him where they were at this exact moment. “Are you sure you don’t want me out looking for your champion as well?” I asked. “Uh, no. I actually need you to go back to your room and stay there like a good girl.” He told me absently, waving me off. I’d been expecting an answer to that effect, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t still annoy me. I was followed to my rooms by a guard I didn’t recognize and when I peeked out a few moments later I saw he had taken up a post just outside my door. I was searching for something to bludgeon the guard with and make my escape when the door opened and he was thrown unceremoniously on the floor at my feet. “Lets go Flower Girl.” Brunnhilde grinned. “Did kicking Loki’s ass put you in that good a mood?” Her smile only grew and she puffed out her chest. “You know, it really did. Maybe you should give it a try once we get outta here.” I laughed as I nodded in agreement, following her down the hall. “I’ll go ahead and drop you at my ship and we can meet up with Thor later, just promise you’ll stay there and not do anything stupid. I would really hate for you to get left behind.”
I tried, I really tried to stay put, but then I heard Korg and the others rebelling against the Grandmasters guards and it sounded like so much fun. The scene that met me was one of pure chaos and violence. The captives that had been freed were tearing through the guards with relative ease as they made their way across the large room. I easily slipped into the fray, picking up a staff and beating any obstacles out of my way and covering the backs of my fellow rebels. The revolutionists fought their way up, the guards attempting to stop them, though I saw plenty shed their armor and turn their weapons against their fellows. Just as the guards were of two minds, so were the guests, though I think the Sontaran started shooting just because of the whole ‘Glorious Battle’ mindset they seem to have. Thor and Loki had left the door to the hangar open so our little army easily swarmed into the large space, spotting the bodies of the guards taken care of by the Asgardians. From my spot in the back I wasn’t able to see much but I knew something was going on up front when silence fell over us. “Hey man, we’re about to jump on that ginormous spaceship. You wanna come?” I heard Korg ask, who I assumed to be Loki. “You do seem like you’re in desperate need of leadership.” I rolled my eyes at his cocky tone. “Why thank you.” Korg told him. After that I expected we would just hop on the ship and take off, but the next words out of Loki’s mouth simultaneously shocked and touched me. “There is just one thing I need you to do before we get off of this planet. The Grandmaster has taken my wife and I think I would like her back. While you are doing that I will be relieving the Grandmaster of his head.” The crowd began to part and I saw Loki striding toward the elevator, a steely look in his eyes. “Why don’t we just blow this popsicle stand, stud? I’m sure your meathead brother is gonna need your help saving your people.” I called as he strode past. He stopped so suddenly, Korg crashed into him nearly sending them both toppling to the ground. Once he’d regained his balance his eyes met mine and I could have sworn his cheeks were slightly pink. Was he embarrassed I had heard he apparently wanted me? God, I hope so! “Let’s go sweet cheeks.” I hollered with a grin and spun to the ship I knew would be taking us to Asgard. I had barely made it two feet from where I started before my arm was caught in a vice like grip and I was practically dragged on board by Loki, who shouted orders and coordinates for the pilots. When I tried to pull my arm back, his fingers only dug into my flesh more but he still refused to meet my eyes. Groaning, I let my body go limp, my arm nearly getting pulled from the socket as I dropped to the floor. I let myself dangle there as we got underway, chuckling when Loki told them to fly us through the Devils Anus, and once we were finally through that, Loki heaved me to my feet and once more dragged me through the crowd and to an empty room. We glared at each other in silence, well he glared I resisted the urge to make funny faces. But finally he lowered his head and spoke to me. “What reason did you have to shift your loyalties to the Grandmaster?” He growled. I raised my eyebrow, cause seriously? We have all sorts of other shit going on and this is what you’re choosing to focus on? “He realized I couldn’t die and threatened you. Trust me, being someone’s pet and not being able to act like a brat is no fun. But I didn’t want you to get melted cause I got bored, so…” I shrugged and crossed my arms over my chest. “Why does it really piss you off that I was with the Grandmaster the last couple of months? You’re the one who made it clear there were no feelings between us.” I was trying to remain neutral, uncaring, but the words came out with more venom than I intended. “You abandoned me and didn’t give me the courtesy to explain myself.” He yelled, taking an aggressive step toward me. “I left you BALLS DEEP. IN MY FRIEND. IN MY BED.” I shrieked. The words made him
pause for one moment before he began stalking toward me, his face thunderous as he backed me up until I was pressed firmly into the wall on the other side of the room. “Have you forgotten you fucked her first? Also in your bed?” “Oh, I’m sorry, I must have missed the conversation we had about how I’m not allowed to fuck anyone but you. Maybe you had it when I was asleep, just before you left me all alone.” “Or perhaps it was when-“ “Oh shut up! I know we didn’t talk about monogamy, I’m just mad that you thought it was okay to disappear the morning after and then I don’t know if it was a temper tantrum that I was avoiding you while trying to work through some shit, or if you were just trying to tell me there were no strings. Either way, what you did that morning hurt and… goddammit!” I screamed. Tears pouring down my cheeks, I spun and slammed my fist repeatedly into the wall, ignoring the sickening crack of bones as I let out my anger and frustrations on the cold metal. Loki’s hand grasped my wrist, and no matter how hard I pulled I couldn’t shake him off. “I did not intend to hurt you that morning. I- I was not sure how I was- how I wanted to- I don’t want to hurt you.” He whispered, voice cracking with emotion. “I do, care for you in some way. I do not know how to deal with these emotions, nor can I tell you what those emotions are.” “But you did, and you keep doing it. You got a glimpse of my life before I came here, and the kind of man I was with. He would hurt me, apologize, and I just let him. He beat me, Loki. But you’ve stabbed me, you’ve killed me. I get it, that was before you knew you could trust me, plus I did kinda goad you into it. But I cannot let myself fall into another relationship of any sort, that will involve me repeatedly getting hurt mentally and or physically. Especially after what I just had to endure…” I took a deep breath as he finally released my broken hand and allowed me to cradle it against my chest. “I am glad you weren’t planning on leaving me there, but that was only one small, good thing you’ve done against a multitude of cruel actions.” He recoiled as if my words had physically struck him, but he was quick to cover it with a mask of indifference. “You should take care of your hand before we arrive on Asgard. We will need every available fighter and your knowledge and powers will be invaluable.” He told me before turning on his heel and striding from the room, his head held high. Well, that could have gone better.
My first night as the Grandmasters new pet was… well it was awful. Despite my injuries he had his way with me multiple times, and he wasn’t gentle about it. I thought about stabbing him in his stupid face multiple times but knew if I did it would put Loki in danger and while I was… upset with him I didn’t want him dead. I laid beside the madman until he’d fallen asleep, that was when Topaz nearly dragged me out of bed by my arm. She must have been just outside the door and heard the deep rumbling snores coming from the man beside me, and possibly heard the entire altercation which was creepy as fuck, not gonna lie. She half dragged me, naked, through the large apartments until dumping me unceremoniously on the floor in what looked like a barracks. My arrival had woken a few of the girls who sat up and stared at me, bleary eyed. “Find an empty bed, you can get settled in the morning.” Topaz barked, shutting the door a bit harder than was probably necessary. As I wandered the rows of beds I tried to reassure myself that this was a temporary situation, a couple days at most. Thor just needed to hurry and get his muscly ass down here.
There was a uniform of sorts for the Grandmasters pets, I learned the next morning. I was always to be wearing blue and gold, and only wear clothing and jewelry provided by the Grandmaster himself. The head girl, Azmarin, chose my outfit and ran over a list of rules I only half listened to. “The most important thing you need to remember is you belong to the Grandmaster now, you do not give yourself to anyone without his permission. You should also make sure to keep your distance from your husband.” She stressed over breakfast. Once we had cleared up our mess we were expected to be in whatever party the Grandmaster was throwing at the moment to mingle. This was to be my daily routine for the next couple of months. I hadn’t spoken to Loki since the night I became the Grandmasters toy, though I would catch him glaring at me across the room when I was entertaining the Grandmaster or ‘loaned out’ to one of his guests. Being loaned out were the worst nights, it was exactly what it sounded like, I was a library book you could fuck, and just like a library book some people treated me with care so they wouldn’t damage me while others… well you know how people can be with things they don’t own. I did see Pazit a few times, at first when she was draping herself all over Loki, much to my annoyance. Though a few times she was desperately trying to get the Grandmasters attention, according to Azmarin she had been trying to become one of his pets for a while now. Why she would want this life I would never know. Finally, after two whole months of this personal little hell, I was approached by someone not intent on getting into my pants. “Elskan.” Loki’s rich voice called quietly as I scanned to room, trying to decide where I would go. I tried to hurry away but his damned long legs gave him the advantage and he took hold of my arm, successfully trapping me in place. “If you would rather be the Grandmasters pet,” he spat the word. “that is your business. I just thought you might like to know Thor arrived this morning. He will be facing the beast in battle.” To my annoyance I saw the Grandmaster glaring in our direction so ripped my arm out of his grasp. “Thank you for understanding that my place is at the Grandmasters side;” I told him in a loud, clear voice that would carry back to the psycho. Flipping my ponytail dramatically so it hit his face (I’d always wanted to do that), I disappeared into the crowd hoping I would be able to resist the urge to look for Loki all day. If all went well we should be getting out of this hell hole tomorrow. Hopefully with my meddling Loki wouldn’t have any stupid ideas about trying to take over this place and instead would agree to work with his brother from the start… but I wouldn’t hold my breath.
Dear readers, I know you’re probably thinking I’ve forgotten all about you. But that isn’t true. You might also be wondering when the hell this became an angst fest. I have no idea either, it’s weird how life works out sometimes. I just wanted to reassure you, that I’m fine. I heal quickly and have a hard time staying dead. Okay, I’ll stop rambling and let you get back to the story with a promise that once I get off this shit hole things shouldn’t be so dramatic.
With a fight tonight all the girls were expected to entertain, run drinks, or in my case I would be entertaining the Grandmaster personally… because he wanted to show Loki who’s boss. Apparently after seeing us speak for the first time in a while made him jealous, no sooner had I arrived I was pulled to the floor and my head placed on his lap so he could pet my hair. Halfway through the opening fights my butt began to fall asleep and I was beginning to fidget. “You alright there sweetheart?” The Grandmaster asked, tilting my head up with a gentle finger under my chin. “Of course, just trying to find a more comfortable position.” I responded with a bright smile. “Well why don’t you come sit up here on my lap.” He cooed opening the front of his robes, intending for me to once more impale myself upon him. Thankfully he was content with me just warming his cock as he watched the fights, any hope I’d had to watch Hulk were dashed. There was a mirror situated just across from my line of sight, but it was angled just so that all I could see was the back of Loki and the Grandmasters head. Both of whom were completely engrossed in the two Avengers duking it out. I knew it was nearing the end of the match though when the Grandmaster sat forward and pushed me to the side, it was during this distraction I was able to catch Loki’s eye, hoping to convey that I wasn’t happy about this situation. Unfortunately he was being a salty bitch and only sneered at me before turning back in time to see his brother get his ass knocked out. It was only later, after I’d crawled into my bed that I realized Loki hadn’t cheered when the Hulk used Thor like a ragdoll. I’d have to ask if it had happened, as I had specially requested it.
The cretin known as the Grandmaster had proven himself to be a tad dramatic, so when I first heard him sound the alarm I thought nothing of it. Then I was escorted to him along with another woman I did not recognize. For a few moments we stood in silence as we listened to the Grandmaster rant and rave on the other side of a door before he deigned to grace us with his presence. “I’m upset! I’m very upset. You know what I like about being upset? Blame. Right now that’s the mindset I’m in. And you know who I’m blaming?” He yelled, sounding more like a petulant child than a ruler. From the door he had just entered his main lackey, who shared a name with some precious stone, came in dragging an irate Daisy. “Grandmaster if I may-“ I began only to have him cut me off. “Don’t interrupt me! You will find me my champion or we’re going to see if your wife is able to survive the meltstick.” He whined, slamming his hands on his hips. “My dear friend, if you were to give me twelve hours I-“ “I can do it in two.” The woman he called Scrapper 142 interrupted me. “I could do it in one.” I argued, ignoring the way Daisy rolled her eyes at our antics. “You know what? I woke up this morning thinking about a public execution.” His eyes darted to me. “But for now, I’ll settle for this sweet little ‘who’s going to find him first?’ So you’re on the clock.” And with that the scrapper and I were dismissed, the urge to look back at the infuriating Midgardian as I left was almost too great to ignore.
I read a lot of scripts. A lot. From professionals to aspiring writers to complete newbies. Features and pilots. Specs and treatments.
And 8 times out of 10 the fan fic that I’ve read over the last, oh, 15 years is leagues better than this stuff. It’s more inspired. It’s more compelling. It’s genre bending and creative and heartfelt. It’s well-paced and intense and funny and sexy and meaningful. It’s smart and thoughtful and good. It’s novel-quality. Better than, sometimes.
Rare is the script I don’t want to put down, but how often have we stayed up until 3am to get to the last chapter of a 100k fic? And it’s not even a fan fic author’s day job. This is what they do on the side. In their spare time. For free.
So my point is, fan fic authors, you’re good. You’re good writers and great storytellers. I know it doesn’t always feel like it, especially if you’re one of the authors who’s not a BNF and doesn’t get the notes/hits that a few do. And because some people still view fic as “not real writing.” You guys know the shit that gets made into movies. You’re better than that. So be better than that. If writing is what you think want to do, then just know you’re already doing it. You’ve already started.
