#obey me sad

Obey Me Mammon Angst Skits: Angstober 2021 Edition

Day 2 (Late): Delusions

Warnings!

• Delusions are usually linked or associated with Mental Disorders, or other sensitive topics that can often/usually get intentionally/unintentionally misrepresented in media. 
• I am warning everyone reading that I am not too familiar with the concept of experiencing, or prolonged research behind the causes of, behind, or surrounding stuff that surrounds ‘delusions’. 
• I did a little research before I actually started writing.I am not saying that it makes my information correct. However, I am saying that I did try to look into it, because I know stuf flike this can be a sensitive topic sometimes. 
• The specific kind of ‘delusion’ or ‘category’ of the delusion spectrum I am going to be writing with is the ‘Somatic Delusions’.
• From what I gathered on the internet, ‘Somatic Delusions’ are usually ones that have to do with perception on appearance, or a means of personal perceptions of things to do with one-self in one way or another. 
• ‘’A somatic delusion is a false belief that a person’s internal or external bodily functions are abnormal. This belief may also extend to viewing one’s physical appearance as very irregular.’’ - This bolded statement is one I copied and pasted from the internet as a reference. and the following bullet below will be a copied reference of ‘examples’ of said delusion type. 
  
• ‘’Common somatic delusions are that the person is infested by insects or parasites, that he or she is emitting a foul odor, that parts of the body are not functioning, or that certain parts of the body are misshapen and ugly even in the absence of objective evidence.’’
  
• -
• Lastly, of course, there will be mentions of depression, and what can be considered emotional abuse from Mammon’s siblings. If you do not want to read this, and understand, feel free to continue. If not- please don’t. 
• I don’t want to upset anyone, and if I accidentally represent this ‘delusion’ in a way that is extremely harmful to the community that may suffer from some of these things- don’t hesitate to let me know. 
• I will apologize in advance. 
• -
• Thank you for understanding and have a safe read. 

Mammon stood in the bathroom, looking at his reflection. 

It was him…

Himself. 

He had been getting more and more anxious as years went on. He knew he was. However, he wouldn’t ask for help, as he would likely be denied what he needed anyhow. 

The white haired man brought his hands up to his hair, and his eyes. He hated them. 

He brought his trembling fingers through his slightly knotted hair, unable to find peace, even in sleep. His own looks haunted him sometimes. He just looked so… wrong. Why couldn’t he look more… like his broters?  Why did he have to look so different? 

He then started to feel his own skin- shivering… one of the biggest things that made him look different. His tan. He didn’t look like he resembled them at all.. 

He once read on the internet, that sometimes, those that people are close to- will often gravitate toward those that they are more familiar with. They look for comfort in familiarity. They look for kindness in common-ground. Mammon was quite different in comparison to his siblings for many reasons. 

They all had their differences, but… somehow… he was still the ugly duckling. 

That was because his stupid body was just… wrong. 

It had been wrong from the start… and yet… he had only started to realize it in recent years. His white hair… all of his brothers had either dark hair.. or some kind of color within it… the only one who had a bit of white was Belphegor… 

His eyes… he always got comments about how these stupid eyes of his looked angelic… how they looked unnatrual, for a demon to possess. They didn’t look the way they should. They were insufficient. 

Mocking him every single time he looked at himself.

He hated it. 

He wanted nothing more than to close his eyes, and look away, most days…

Then, his skin. 

The biggest organ in connection to the body. One of the other many things he just cannot hide. 

Mammon grit his teeth in frustration. The anger had been building up for a long, long time. He couldn’t take it. The frustrated demon of Greed balled up his fists, and he shook his head. He felt so gross. He felt so unnatural, looking at his reflection. 

That wasn’t really HIM. It didn’t deserve to be. It didn’t need to be. 

The demon of greed soon punched the mirror in the bathroom, yelling out in frustration as his negative emotions lead to his outburst. The man continued to shout obscenities at himself, punching the ground, far past the point where his knuckles bled. 

His brothers wouldn’t hear him… it would be a while before they got home. 

Mammon had been sent home because of a freakout at RAD, and his items were confiscated by Lucifer on his way out the door Though, it wasn’t the black haired man he was frustrated with right now. It was himself. 

He did everything wrong, and it wasn’t hard to realize that. 

Maybe if he could just change himself. Make himself feel better about everything that his genes denied him, he could finally start to improve himself as an indevidual. Maybe changing himself, would finally be a solution to his internal aching, and constant contemplations. 

Finally finding an idea, Mammon scrambled to his feet, before going to run around the house. 

He was going to steal. He was good for nothing for it… maybe… just maybe… this would be the last time…?

He found deep red hair dye, a set of gray contacts, and some special foundation, that would make his tan at least lighter… hopefully..

An hour of preperations, and changing later- and Mammon looked in the mirror in the hallway- since he had broken the mirror in his own bathroom.

He stared at himself. 

Him. 

The new him…

Deep brown hair, and dark gray eyes. Lighter skin, and a beauty mark or two… 

Mammon smiled at himself, before feeling a tightness in his chest. 

Did he finally do it?! Did he finally fix his problems? All of the mistakes that his genetics had made him? Was he finally going to be better? Or maybe feel better about himself?

“I… I…” he started to say to himself, before bringing his hands to his face.The smile was genuine… only for a couple seconds. 

No. 

This new look. 

This new style…

It was him..

No matter what he did… it was still him. 

It wasn’t natural. 

It didn’t fit. 

Because.. no matter what he did…. he couldn’t shed his own skin. His own abdnormailies and flaws. He couldn’t cover up what his genetics had given him forever.. his own natural appearance was going to always haunt him… it was showing through the disguise he put in. 

The stupid white hair… and those ugly gold and blue eyes…

His dumbass tan, and stupid fucking messy mop…

No matter what he did, he would be flawed. 

He was always going to be an eyesore. 

In frustration, Mammon pulled at his hair again, before also punching the hallway mirror, and in the end… it all had been worth nothing. 

The avatar of greed covered his face, and started to cry, his emotions building up in his chest. He would never be able to make himself tolerable… if not perfect. 

He was always going to be himself…

and….

that was the problem. 

He was Mammon. 

He WAS the abdnormailty…

All of his flaws her HIS. 

HE stared back at HIMSELF. 

because that… is the one thing… that he can’t change with some die, makeup, and a pair of contacts….

He would forever be a flaw. 

He would forever be burdened. 

He would burden others. 

Eventually- he gave up. He just leans against the rail of the stairs, covering his eyes, and refusing to look to the shards of glass on the floor nearby, because the only thing he would see staring back at him, was the very thing he didn’t want to see. 

He rested, and let his tormented thoughts trample him.

//Someone said that they would be interested in this AU being turned into a fanfiction. If you know who you are, well, here you go, dear reader.//

-

It was funny. 

The cost of not abiding by one’s own nature was usually dissatisfaction. It usually was a sense of emptiness. Lack of self identity, if their nature was that big of a part of themselves. However, with time, you will either get eaten alive by it, or you will surpress, and control it. It depended on determination and the will or drive to accomplish such a difficult task. 

Try as he might, Mammon usually failed at self control. 

He had a hard time controlling his sin, because he was too busy trying to help his siblings with what they needed. 

The sin rested within him, and was acted on as it started to set the buzzing off in his mind that he wanted something. ‘That flower looks so pretty. Take it. Take it for yourself, no one is looking.’ It almost always resulted in theft. 

It started out so small at first. So seemingly insignificant.

So miniscule and laughable. 

Like most things, though- flowers became objects of value. Objects of value became actual money. He tried. Really he did. He tried so hard to make the urges go away, but even so, he doesn’t have time to try and seek help to slow his sin down. 

He doesn’t help, or the patience, or the energy for it. 

That brought him to the pit of constant annoyance he was within now. He had pulled himself to a hault. Trying desperately to ignore his sin as he barracaded himself in his room, covered himself in blankets, and blocked his view from anything other than the dakrness. 

The darkness, though, didn’t stop his yearning imagination. 

Gold. Gold and jewels, and glimmering objects. Love, and affection, and attention. There were so many things he was greedy for. Physically, and emotionally. No matter what he did, he wasn’t satisfied in life. Both because he was incompetant, and because of his constant yearning for MORE. He can’t be happy with 'some’ or 'enough’. He can’t be happy with 'for now’ or 'later’. 

He wants it. 

He longs for it.

He does his damndest to acquire it, at the cost of his brothers and sometimes his friends’ patience. He tried to gain what he yearns for any way he knows how, because that is the only way he will get it. 

Stopping these sensations feel worse that being caste down to the depths of the devildom by his father, and the angels of which serve him. He will always say that he doesn’t regret following Lucifer down here. Lucifer is his brother. They are all his brothers. He would do it again, even if he had a chance at a better life, and better treatment. 

He knew damn well that the way he was treat in his family was not fair. 

However, he has no room to complain… does he? 

He would have to endure whatever pain he could so he could better himself. Even if it meant that he would suffer. He could do it for them. He WOULD do it for them. 

Closing his eyes, he made a silent promise to himself, and he clenched his hands together. He wasn’t going to act on his greed anymore. If he did… he would severely punish himself. 

No matter what.

-

Resting under the covers of his bed, Mammon kept his hands under his rump, the tingling in his fingers had not ceased and it had been over a month. They twitched and jolted. He desperately wanted to take anything that wasn’t his. The gnawing in his mind from the sin that was a part of him mocked his every move. It tried to nag on him, and persuade him to give up. 

He felt cold. 

Too cold. 

Everything hurt. 

It spun, and made him feel nauseus.

'Come on, steal something. You know you want to. Treat yourself, for working so hard… there is a snack cake in the freezer Beel got. Don’t you think it looked good?’ a small voice coaxed in his mind. 'Go and take it for yourself, It’s not like he doesn’t have anything else to eat~' 

Mammon shivered, and bit his lip, before digging his nails into the mattress under him. He shook his head no, which only agitated him. The buzzing getting louder and louder. 

As his internal turmoil continued- the man only knit his eyebrows closer together, and grunted. Any and all thoughts he was having before that point were halted for a mere few seconds as he heard a voice calling out to him from the hallway. 

“Mammon, get out here. Lucifer is complaining about you not doing something and it’s getting annoying. Get it done so he will shut up.” Good to hear from you too, Satan. 

The second eldest brother merely dug his nails into his mattress again, and bit back a groan- before pulling the blankets off of his head, and inching his way toward the door of his room. He stood in front of it, just staring for a few seconds as he fidgets his hands in his pants pockets. Tapping his fingers on his legs, grasping ot the cloth- anything to keep them from being out in the open, where he could just grab whatever was in the open. 

He quickly took his right hand out of his pocket, opened the door, and put it back in his pocket, before using his foot to push it open the rest of the way. He didn’t bother acknowleding the blonde sibling, who stood there looking at him in annoyance. 

he just walked past, and started to make his way to Lucifer’s office. Sadly, that was one of the biggest broblem areas for him. On top of that… his chest was starting to feel funny. 

There was a small burst of what could be described as congestion..? But then it subsided again. Mammon’s fingers were grasping at the cloth in his pockets again, trembling not out of fear, but still out of self restraint. 

He opened the door to Lucifer’s office, and walked into the room, keeping his eyes on the floor as he avoided looking around the well decorated space. He could almost hear the subconscious voice within him again, the buzzing in his head spiking as he just knew how much cool and pretty stuff was in this room. 

'Stop thinking about it… stop… stop… no.. don’t look around.’ he was talking down to himself mentally, profusely sweating as his nails dug at his protected flesh

“Mammon. I asked you to go and get something earlier today. Care to tell me why you didn’t get what I asked of you completed?” the man glared to his younger sibling, who, in turn, kept staring at the ground. 

“S-sorry. I forgot…” he tried to leave the excuse brief. He felt like he was going to throw up. 

His chest was starting to hurt again. 

'Come on, steal something. Take it. He has all of these cool things, you need to treat yourself too, you know. It’s not like your brother is going to.’ the idea coaxed. It mocked him. 

The white haired demon leans forward, feeling pressure in his throat, and a splitting pain pulsate through his head as he bit back a bit of a yelp. He shook his head, and kept his hands in his pockets, feeling it was getting harder and harder to breathe. 

“Mammon! Answer my question!” a stern, annoyed voice interjected. It slashed through his thoughts with a mighty tone, and made the white haired demon flinch. That, though, was a mistake. The second he leans forward from flinching, he felt as thought he was choking. There was something in his thraot- he could feel it there. 

But how? He wasn’t getting sick. He didn’t eat anything recently..! 

He quickly looks up to the red eyed demon with teary eyes, not willing to try and ask him for help. Instead, he dashed out of the room, and slammed the door behind himself- before making a b-line to the bathroom that rested in the hallway between a closet, and another room that was hardly used. 

Locking the door  behind himself, and falling to his knees, Mammon started to gag, and wheeze, trying to get his air back. His face had darkened, and his eyes wouldn’t stop watering from the lack of desired oxygen. His head was pounding, and he coudl feel his heart racing. It hurt. It really fucking hurt. Fuck!

He struggled, and struggled, gagging, and choking on the slightest bits of air that were coming through. 

Eventually, he coughed up a mass of blood into the toilet, and something heavier made a firm 'tinkk’ noise as it hit the whitened porcelain. 

After taking about half a minute to breathe, and clear his clouded vision- Mammon concentrated on the bloodied water of the toilet, and spots what had made such a heavy noise. 

There, resting int the water, and washed of the blood that had followed it from the ailing demon’s throat- was a brilliant golden pearl. 

((To Be Continued))

Warning: 

• This is an AU Apocalyptic Scenario
• There will be mentions of death, but no major descriptions of it. 
• This is mainly angst, but then again, when is it not, lmfao’
• There is referenced self oof in here.
• IDK why I exist sometimes,
• Did you know that I love you? Platonically, I mean. I am not much, but I do thank you for coming by and reading when you do. I like hearing your thoughts, or just seeing people enjoy my writing. 
• I hope you have a good day today. 
• - 
• To the MiniFic

The Devildom was gone… 

Reduced to ruins as unknown creatures roamed the lands; the once grand kingdom was nothing more than a playground of snow, ice, and deadly traps. The kingdom had sunken into nothing, save for the few that remained in the tarnished, useless lands. 

It seems that nature was cruel. She was always waving around her wand of fate, enjoying tempting the lives of those that lie under it. 

The Angels had Destroyed everything. They had tarnished the safety of the devildom, by seeking help from the greater evils. Evils that even Diavolo himself would never permiss, let alone the estranged, former Demon King. 

Mammon looked over the desolate landscape, holding Lucifer’s coat over his shoulders. He held several weapons, and his demon form was showing. 

It was cold. 

The bitter wind surrounded his body with no second thought. He was just an obtrusion He thought back to the olden days. Closing his eyes at the memories of the warmth of the hell that he had been familiar with before the great collapse. 

Diavolo was dethroned, and subsequestially- somehow- killed. 

Whatever happened seemed to evade Barbatos’s visions… then again… if Diavolo could be dethroned… what bit of powers Barbatos had weren’t going to mean much. The green haired demon disappeared. This world was orderless. You were killed, or you killed others. 

Mammon learned that the hard way when his brothers all died off one by one. Lucifer went out first. That was no surprised. He was the strongest of the demon kin. He was prideful to the very end, no matter what happened. He had went off on his own, without the other siblings knowing- and died trying to take out as many enemies as possible, so they could find a safer place to call home. 

Beelzebub was next. With the collapse of demon Society- he was doomed from the get go… as the avatar of gluttony, he was in constant pain from the lack of nourishment. Eventually- he starved to death… it didn’t take long. His own sin ate him alive- and at the end of it… he was no bigger than a skeleton when his body took it’s toll. 

Belphegor, naturally went out next. The sibling of sloth didn’t have the energy to protect himself, led alone anyone else. The main reason he died, though, was because of the feeling of emptiness after Beel died. Some could say he died of a broken heart. Mammon begged him not to eat that poisoned plant. 

Asmodeus was soon to follow. He went out in battle. He was overwhelmed by other enemies, and Leviathan went out the same way. Both being ambushed by enemies which nearly always consisted of disfigured demonic animals, and strange, sentient plants. Maybe even fellow demons who were just trying to survive the literal snowed-over hellscape their home turned into. 

Satan was the last of kin to bite the bullet. He had also went during battle, but it was from a singular opponent… the brother of wrath was eaten alive, in a snap of greedy, evil jaws, the top half was severed from the bottom- and he became a ghoulish creatures food. 

That was all years ago. Maybe… half a decade? 

Mammon hardly could keep track of the days anymore. 

He had done nothing by survive. Nothing by try to continue in this world that had so greedily taken those he loved from him. There was nothing in this world that he wanted, and yet, somehow, he found himself chasing the concept of life this entire time. 

He avoided death by the skin of his teeth, just to have no family, or friends to go home to. 

Everything had been for nothing. It has been for far too long. 

Looking down the side of the cliff, the demon of greed sighs, and he looks up to the whitened, snow-salted skies, before narrowing his eyes. He hated seeing it. Just another reminder of how their lives were ruined. He could heard the slightest bit of movement from the water below the ice-capped revine. 

It was finally time. 

He had been fighting for long enough. 

It was time to go home. 

He looked down to the several objects he kept with himself at all times- especially after his losses. One of Levi’s old game cartiges, Lucifer’s coat, Beel’s small food-resin keychain decoara- part of a pillowcase that Belphegor used as a bracelet from time to time- asmodeus’s white nailpolish- and Satan’s reading glasses. 

He was ready. 

Closing his eyes, and turning around, Mammon opened them one more time and looked out in the distance. There was a large, aggressive hellscapre creature running right at him. So long for being able to at least enjoy the sight of the land.. 

He closed his eyes again, pulling his arms closer to his chest, before falling backwards off the cliff, and plummettning toward the icy water below. 

It felt like time was moving in slow motion. Everything was so light. 

He reflected on the amazing times he had… as well as the pain, and sorrow he had experienced. For the first time in years, he felt happiness that he never thought he was experience again. 

Soon enough, his body crashed through the cap of the ice that covered the deep revine, and he felt himself become submerged in the chilly depths of the moving current. He felt as though he was choking, but he didnt struggle. There was no point in it. 

He kept his eyes closed, and felt his consciousness drifting. The world aroud him got darker, despite his already blocked vision. even darker black peppered the dark void that rested  behind his eyelids, and he continued to sink down into the revine further. 

He truly was submerged. 

Floating.

He was free.

As his final thoughts began to leave him- he smiled to himself, his body slowly becoming one of the many endless corpses that had fallen because of this oe liveable land. He choked on water, and- just before his conscious thoughts went stagnant- he felt wamth at several hands grabbed his uselessly drifting arms from within the water. 

6 hands. all different. 

His body continued to sink- alone in the water. No one would ever reach it. He would never been seen, or heard again. 

That didn’t stop his smile, though. He could feel them now. He could go where he truly wanted to be all this time. He could escape this hell of a life… finally be happy again.

He was finally… going home.