#delusions

The true pandemic challenge is to stay unengaged or unmarried until all of this is over so you can finally decide without being clouded by the thought of being afraid you’ll not find anyone else so you settle for less or just wanting to have something to post about.

Give y’all five years tops. Only @theandysputed would get it. By the end of covid we’re gonna be the only ones staying happily independent lol.

npcdeath:

fyi to yall in quarantine whos grasp on reality is getting a little slippery: isolation, intense boredom, stress and lack of positive routine are absolutely contributing factors to exacerbating psychosis and psychosis-adjacent disorders, even latent ones. im not saying this to fearmonger im saying it so u can recognise it and take steps to handle it especially if it induces your first ever episode.

some warning signs can include

• starting to believe unusual things that you previously did not believe (e.g. living in a simulation / you or others around you not being real / secretly being in hell or dead / otherworldly beings communicating with you somehow / government conspiracies / everyone around you is out to get you and harboring ill intent)
• seeing things youre pretty sure arent there (e.g. shadow people, floating lights, stationary objects moving on their own, animals in a house that doesnt have pets)
• hearing things (e.g. murmured voices, occasional clear and loud voices, faint music, scratching sounds, any without a source)
• feeling a sense of dread or generalised paranoia, a sense that you are being watched or that something terrible is looming on the horizon but you dont know what
• having extra trouble putting your thoughts in order and speaking coherently, cannot concentrate, space out to the point of feeling slightly catatonic

those most at risk are anyone with a family history of this vein of mental illness as well as those using certain drugs to get through the tedium of quarantine - if this is you, its best to research whether the substances youre using have documented links to triggering episodes of psychosis in users. weed is included in this, not just psychoactive drugs.

here are some steps you can take to get a handle on the situation if your grasp on reality is slipping like this and you cant access irl mental health resources.

• have a routine. this is vitally important - you need structure. set an alarm for a specific time every day, even though you have nowhere to be. give yourself a bedtime. eat 2 meals a day, at least, at regular times.
• leave the house. no, i dont mean Go Out, just be outside for a while every day or two. go for a walk if you can. stand outside your house for 15 minutes paying attention to the cars and the birds and the breeze and the clouds if you cant. really observe your surroundings. get sunlight.
• on that note - let as much natural light into your house as possible during waking hours. your circadian rhythm needs it.
• take up some form of hobby that requires physical engagement - whether thats journaling, drawing, making origami, gardening, cooking. the point of this is to ground yourself in your body and the world around you, have an affect on your surroundings, and stimulate your brain.
• dont dwell on your delusions, hallucinations or distressing trains of thought if you can help it. that isnt to say “snap out of it and just dont have symptoms”, but rather accept them without either judging them or overindulging in them. observe them as they happen, accept that they happen, and let it go, if you can. you may not be able to control the experiences, but you can control how you react to them, and the best case scenario is not allowing them to overwhelm your thoughts and your days. this is much easier said than done, especially if the experiences are distressing in nature, but the aim is to sever the feedback loop that causes further stress and thus further bad extrasensory experiences.

this is honestly just a basic surface scratch of advice though bc im by no means an expert, just someone w latent psychosis who used to work in the field for a while. there are tons of resources online by others who have experienced psychosis that can be a huge help if u think you might be at risk due to the stress, boredom and uncertainty of quarantine

An interest in Gothic shit is a sign of creativity, sensitivity and intelligence, not mental illness and I know people can ruffle at that stereotype. Still, there is a notable overlap between gothy people and people dealing with mental illness(es) and this is so well-written and helpful.

starblaster:

starblaster:

i have never met an unpsychotic person who knows what it actually means to “not encourage the delusion” …not a single one

what “don’t encourage the delusion” means:

• don’t argue with or challenge the delusion—attempting to disprove someone’s delusions is not helpful at all and will result in that person not trusting you
• assure the delusional person that they are safe; be open and honest at all times
• encourage them to verbalize their feelings and offer protection to prevent injury to themselves or, possibly, others
• start building a trusting relationship with them rather than acting on a desire to control their symptoms
• do not confirm or feed into the delusion by asking questions about it when the person is not experiencing a psychotic episode
  

what it does not mean:

• insisting to a psychotic person experiencing psychosis that what they’re experiencing isn’t real
  

haikyuute:

my stupid mentally ill brain is always like: if u make it 3 days without sleeping u win

like win what? psychosis? girl chill

[no one told you goodhood was so lonely]

[you were supposed to be above death]

[not this cruel mockery of immortality]

psychosis ≠ schizophrenia

psychosis does not equal schizophrenia

psychosis ≠ schizophrenia

psychosis does not equal schizophrenia

[id: a set of three nearly identical images of a pink hand holding a pink heart, over a pastel purple-to-pink gradient background. they are drawn in a simple, slightly pixellated style. each one has pixellated pink text that reads, “psychotic people deserve love,” “psychotic people deserve comfort,” and “psychotic people deserve safety,” in that order. end id.]

made these because i felt down, this cheered me up <3 i am not very good with words but i hope these might cheer up some other psychotic people too ^^

During A’s recovery, therapy appointments/visits occur like clockwork in order to maintain a memorable routine. 

However, one day A wakes up, and realises they’ve slept past the time the nurse comes to do their rounds. Had they slept through it? They don’t normally… They sit and wait, noting that soon the physical therapist should be arriving. When they don’t, A worries more: even more so when their friend/significant other doesn’t arrive at their scheduled time. 

It’s at this point (running low on painkillers and patience), that A takes it upon themselves to investigate. 

They could find that 1) The friends/doctors/nurses have all been kidnapped and being held hostage in another medical ward and require saving. Or 2) An evil entity roams the halls, chasing after A at every chance they get until A manages to evade their pursuit.

Either way, it all ends when they wake up again… in their bed and surrounded by the medical team and worried friends.

Apparently their condition worsened due to an infection, and they had spent the better part of a week staving off a near deadly fever.

Your whumpee is so tired they start hallucinating figures from their past… as it continues on, recent friends also join the mirages to torment A during their isolation. 

The torturer keeps A awake for as long as possible; delighting in the terrified delusions and erratic behaviour occurring within the cell. 

mylikearchive:

Delusions can be categorized in various ways. The following are not mutually exclusive categories; for example, a delusion may be both bizarre and systematized.

Bizarre delusions-are absurd and factually not possible. They may involve newly discovered gods or supernatural/space creatures.

• feelings that one is dying, is already dead or does not exist (cotard delusion)
  
•  feelings of different people being a single person (fregoli delusion)
  
•  feeling like one’s reflection in a mirror is some other person (mirrored-self delusion)
  
• feeling that family, partners, friends and / or pets have been replaced by identical fakes (capgras delusion)
  
• feeling like the world only exists inside one’s head (solipsism delusion)
  
• feeling that one is living in a reality TV show (Truman show delusion)
  
•  feeling like one has an identical doppelgänger with a different (usually malicious) personality and life (subjective doubles delusion)
  
• feeling like other people swap identities with each other without changing appearance (intermetamorphosis delusion)
  
•  feeling like doesn’t belong to one’s body or doesn’t own parts of one’s body (somatoparaphrenia delusion)
  
• feeling like a person, place, object, or body part has been duplicated or transported somewhere else (reduplicative paramnesia delusion)
  

Grandiose delusions-are beliefs that the individual has exceptional beauty, intelligence or influence.

• feeling that one is a god or deity
  
• feeling that one has magical powers i.e. mind reading, control over the weather etc
  
• feeling that one is indestructible or unimaginably strong
  
• feeling that another person or other people (usually celebrities) are in love with oneself
  

Persecutory (or paranoid) delusions- include that the individual is being harassed, threatened, watched or bugged. They often involve spies, bikies, God, Satan or neighbors.

• feeling that one is constantly being followed / stalked
  
• feeling that one is secretly being spied on by family, partners, friends, others, pets and / or inanimate objects
  
• feelings of fear over being kidnapped. Usually by a stranger.
  
• feeling that one is constantly being watched (by unknown entities or known entities)
  
• feeling that one is being ridiculed by family, partners, friends and / or others
  
• feeling that one is being spied on or monitored by the government, FBI etc.
  
• feeling that family members, partners, friends, others, pets and / or inanimate objects are secretly conspiring to kill oneself
  
• feeling like is being or will be poisoned by others
  

Delusions of reference- are the belief that the everyday actions of others are premeditated and made with special reference to the patient. Commonly patients complain about being talked about on television or the radio. Patients may believe that music played or words spoken on television have been specifically chosen to identify or annoy them. People crossing the street or coughing may be interpreted as making purposeful actions, performed to indicate something to, or about, the patient.

Delusions of control- involve the belief that others are controlling the patient’s thoughts, feelings or actions.

Nihilistic delusions-are the belief that part of the individual or the external world does not exist, or that the individual is dead (Cotard syndrome). Financially comfortable individuals may believe they are destitute, in spite of bank statements to the contrary. Patients who believe they have no head or are dead, are unable to explain how that could be possible, but still hold the belief.

Somatic delusions- are false beliefs about the body. These may be bizarre or non-bizarre. A bizarre example is when the individual believes his nose is made of gold. A nonbizarre example is when the individual believes he has cancer of the rectum, in spite of negative reports from a competent doctor who has examined the rectum.

Delusions of infestation/parasitosis- are not uncommon in dermatological clinics (Hylwa et al, 2011).

Delusions of guilt - that the individual is guilty of purposefully or non-purposefully damaging themselves, other individuals or important property. Individuals may believe they are guilty of causing the cancer of the lady who lives next door, or a drought in Central Africa.

Delusions of jealousy - the belief that the partner is being unfaithful, and may involve checking the partner’s underclothes for stains or foreign pubic hairs.

Erotic delusions (erotomania) - the belief of the patient that another person is in love with him/her (de Clerambault syndrome). This (among others) may be a motivation for stalking, and lead to contact with the unwelcoming central figure of the delusion.

Systematized delusions- are united by a single theme. They are often highly detailed and may remain unchanged for years.

Non-systematized delusions- may change in content and level of concern, from day to day or even from minute to minute.

Obey Me Mammon Angst Skits: Angstober 2021 Edition

Day 2 (Late): Delusions

Warnings!

• Delusions are usually linked or associated with Mental Disorders, or other sensitive topics that can often/usually get intentionally/unintentionally misrepresented in media. 
• I am warning everyone reading that I am not too familiar with the concept of experiencing, or prolonged research behind the causes of, behind, or surrounding stuff that surrounds ‘delusions’. 
• I did a little research before I actually started writing.I am not saying that it makes my information correct. However, I am saying that I did try to look into it, because I know stuf flike this can be a sensitive topic sometimes. 
• The specific kind of ‘delusion’ or ‘category’ of the delusion spectrum I am going to be writing with is the ‘Somatic Delusions’.
• From what I gathered on the internet, ‘Somatic Delusions’ are usually ones that have to do with perception on appearance, or a means of personal perceptions of things to do with one-self in one way or another. 
• ‘’A somatic delusion is a false belief that a person’s internal or external bodily functions are abnormal. This belief may also extend to viewing one’s physical appearance as very irregular.’’ - This bolded statement is one I copied and pasted from the internet as a reference. and the following bullet below will be a copied reference of ‘examples’ of said delusion type. 
  
• ‘’Common somatic delusions are that the person is infested by insects or parasites, that he or she is emitting a foul odor, that parts of the body are not functioning, or that certain parts of the body are misshapen and ugly even in the absence of objective evidence.’’
  
• -
• Lastly, of course, there will be mentions of depression, and what can be considered emotional abuse from Mammon’s siblings. If you do not want to read this, and understand, feel free to continue. If not- please don’t. 
• I don’t want to upset anyone, and if I accidentally represent this ‘delusion’ in a way that is extremely harmful to the community that may suffer from some of these things- don’t hesitate to let me know. 
• I will apologize in advance. 
• -
• Thank you for understanding and have a safe read. 

Mammon stood in the bathroom, looking at his reflection. 

It was him…

Himself. 

He had been getting more and more anxious as years went on. He knew he was. However, he wouldn’t ask for help, as he would likely be denied what he needed anyhow. 

The white haired man brought his hands up to his hair, and his eyes. He hated them. 

He brought his trembling fingers through his slightly knotted hair, unable to find peace, even in sleep. His own looks haunted him sometimes. He just looked so… wrong. Why couldn’t he look more… like his broters?  Why did he have to look so different? 

He then started to feel his own skin- shivering… one of the biggest things that made him look different. His tan. He didn’t look like he resembled them at all.. 

He once read on the internet, that sometimes, those that people are close to- will often gravitate toward those that they are more familiar with. They look for comfort in familiarity. They look for kindness in common-ground. Mammon was quite different in comparison to his siblings for many reasons. 

They all had their differences, but… somehow… he was still the ugly duckling. 

That was because his stupid body was just… wrong. 

It had been wrong from the start… and yet… he had only started to realize it in recent years. His white hair… all of his brothers had either dark hair.. or some kind of color within it… the only one who had a bit of white was Belphegor… 

His eyes… he always got comments about how these stupid eyes of his looked angelic… how they looked unnatrual, for a demon to possess. They didn’t look the way they should. They were insufficient. 

Mocking him every single time he looked at himself.

He hated it. 

He wanted nothing more than to close his eyes, and look away, most days…

Then, his skin. 

The biggest organ in connection to the body. One of the other many things he just cannot hide. 

Mammon grit his teeth in frustration. The anger had been building up for a long, long time. He couldn’t take it. The frustrated demon of Greed balled up his fists, and he shook his head. He felt so gross. He felt so unnatural, looking at his reflection. 

That wasn’t really HIM. It didn’t deserve to be. It didn’t need to be. 

The demon of greed soon punched the mirror in the bathroom, yelling out in frustration as his negative emotions lead to his outburst. The man continued to shout obscenities at himself, punching the ground, far past the point where his knuckles bled. 

His brothers wouldn’t hear him… it would be a while before they got home. 

Mammon had been sent home because of a freakout at RAD, and his items were confiscated by Lucifer on his way out the door Though, it wasn’t the black haired man he was frustrated with right now. It was himself. 

He did everything wrong, and it wasn’t hard to realize that. 

Maybe if he could just change himself. Make himself feel better about everything that his genes denied him, he could finally start to improve himself as an indevidual. Maybe changing himself, would finally be a solution to his internal aching, and constant contemplations. 

Finally finding an idea, Mammon scrambled to his feet, before going to run around the house. 

He was going to steal. He was good for nothing for it… maybe… just maybe… this would be the last time…?

He found deep red hair dye, a set of gray contacts, and some special foundation, that would make his tan at least lighter… hopefully..

An hour of preperations, and changing later- and Mammon looked in the mirror in the hallway- since he had broken the mirror in his own bathroom.

He stared at himself. 

Him. 

The new him…

Deep brown hair, and dark gray eyes. Lighter skin, and a beauty mark or two… 

Mammon smiled at himself, before feeling a tightness in his chest. 

Did he finally do it?! Did he finally fix his problems? All of the mistakes that his genetics had made him? Was he finally going to be better? Or maybe feel better about himself?

“I… I…” he started to say to himself, before bringing his hands to his face.The smile was genuine… only for a couple seconds. 

No. 

This new look. 

This new style…

It was him..

No matter what he did… it was still him. 

It wasn’t natural. 

It didn’t fit. 

Because.. no matter what he did…. he couldn’t shed his own skin. His own abdnormailies and flaws. He couldn’t cover up what his genetics had given him forever.. his own natural appearance was going to always haunt him… it was showing through the disguise he put in. 

The stupid white hair… and those ugly gold and blue eyes…

His dumbass tan, and stupid fucking messy mop…

No matter what he did, he would be flawed. 

He was always going to be an eyesore. 

In frustration, Mammon pulled at his hair again, before also punching the hallway mirror, and in the end… it all had been worth nothing. 

The avatar of greed covered his face, and started to cry, his emotions building up in his chest. He would never be able to make himself tolerable… if not perfect. 

He was always going to be himself…

and….

that was the problem. 

He was Mammon. 

He WAS the abdnormailty…

All of his flaws her HIS. 

HE stared back at HIMSELF. 

because that… is the one thing… that he can’t change with some die, makeup, and a pair of contacts….

He would forever be a flaw. 

He would forever be burdened. 

He would burden others. 

Eventually- he gave up. He just leans against the rail of the stairs, covering his eyes, and refusing to look to the shards of glass on the floor nearby, because the only thing he would see staring back at him, was the very thing he didn’t want to see. 

He rested, and let his tormented thoughts trample him.

“…and for a second there

these silly little delusions

looked to me like

big subtle breakthroughs of truth.”

- d.c.