I… wanna be fucked from behind while someone else sits in front of me, watching me moan and making me blush when they tell me how pretty I look and how well I’m taking this dick
And if I get too loud (which let’s be honest, if I’m having my insides rearranged, I’d probably be quite loud), they’ll put my mouth to work, getting their dick nice and wet for when it’s their turn to destroy me
I don’t mind being quiet about my queerness. I’m quiet about a lot of things, and I’m comfortable with most people not knowing. If they ask, I’ll tell them the truth, but no one asks. All in all, being queer has been a quiet kind of love and joy within myself.
There was, however, a loud respite. It came in the form of a woman in her fourties, who was in the office next to mine. It took only a month before I realized she was a raging bisexual, emphasis on the raging part. She was a ball of fire- not afraid to speak her mind, cursed like a sailor, and told inappropriate stories that would make the Bible burst into flames if it heard. She was the second openly queer adult woman I’ve ever met in my life and we became best friends at once.
We all talk about how representation matters, and I’d never known I needed it until I met her. She was messy and bold and full of a fire that countered my inherent stillness in full force. And I was allowed to be myself. God, can you imagine, speaking freely and being really, truly, heard?
Life happens, however, and nothing is forever. She moved to another job, a better job. And I am quiet again. But I’ll always remember the respite.
I’m really just trying to get through each day now. I barely have a fight left in me. The worst part? Knowing there’s years ahead before I’ll get to the gender identity clinic and even longer before I can start my medical transition.
I have a love hate relationship with the NHS. I love that it exists, I love the people who work in it and I love all the good they do. What I hate? Having to wait literally years to even get an appointment with the one service I need when any other service takes a month or two at most (most services in most areas) in normal times.
I want to go private but I can’t afford it. I hate this. I don’t want to feel like I’m begging for money because I know their are people in worse situations who need more. I made a fundraiser before but I took it down because I felt like I didn’t deserve peoples help. I just want to feel happy again and I can’t even remember the last time I did.
