Inspired by the last and most famous work by The Caretaker, Everywhere At The End Of Time, a multi-album series of dark ambient music representing the human mind through the various stages of dementia. I listened to the whole thing and like many folks who did the same, it was a gut-wrenching but altogether beautiful experience that made me reflect on life, mortality, and how precious memories really are. I’ve seen a lot of people make humanized versions of EATEOT’s six album covers, but I decided to do something a little different and make ponified versions of them instead.
Why take something as melancholy and serious as this album and turn them into cartoon ponies? I’m not sure myself; I guess I’ve always used humor as a means of coping with negative thoughts and MLP was a great source of joy in my life at a time I needed it most. Mostly this was just an exercise in creativity to see how well i could translate such abstract images into more recognizable characters.
I want more villains who care about their henchmen. I wanna see the bad guy fly into a rage because the hero hurt their very favorite bungling goon and it was nearly his birthday.
“how dare you fail me you miserable oafs!!” should be retired. “How DARE they bully my adorable oafs!!!” should be industry standard.
Underlings having to hold back their dark lord like an overprotective parent because they don’t really want a famous hero to get outright murdered just on their behalf.
The lovable mascot of Jolly’s toy store, Jolly here loves to play in every which way! But every now and then, grownups will stumble into Jolly’s Junction, the happy home of Jolly and his pals! In Jolly’s Junction, there’s no homework or chores or bedtimes, just kids and toys… oh, you’re not a kid? Well then you must be a toy, just like Jolly! At least, that’s what’s Jolly thinks. unfortunately for the adults who end up playing with Jolly, he doesn’t seem to grasp that human beings are not at all like toys, in that their joints can only bend so far, or that they don’t bounce when dropped from thirty feet in the air, or they need to eat actual food instead of candy, plastic, or Play-Doh, or that you can’t fix a severed limb with a glue stick and a sewing machine, or that they need to breathe… but even when his new toy friends end up breaking and don’t want to play anymore, there will always be new friends to play with eventually! And Jolly will be there to greet them with a big smile and open suction-cup hooves.
How people end up in Jolly’s Junction is unclear- sometimes its as simple as making the wrong turn from a certain aisle in the store, or an employee will lock the place up for tonight only to find the exit leads somewhere totally different, or someone stumbles and falls into the ball pit but doesn’t come back up… whatever the case, the number of disappearances around Jolly’s toy store locations has been noted by local authorities, but investigations turn up nothing… though employees of Jolly’s toy store have noted that every now and then in the storeroom, they momentarily catch a whiff of what smells like rotten flesh.
—
After listening to The Stupendium’s latest song “Toybox”, I was hit with a sudden rush of inspiration and came up with this new horror character, Jolly Giraffe. I’ve always like the horror concept of taking something innocent and child-friendly and twisting it into something horrifying, such as Five Nights at Freddy’s,Bendy and the Ink Machine, or indeed, Poppy’s Playtime. Although, I wanted to take a different approach to it- my biggest issue with a lot of “childhood horror” creatures is that too often they seem like they were deliberately made to be creepy and unsettling, when in real life, while we may find old dolls, clowns, or animatronics creepy or unsettling, they weren’t made to be that way intentionally. They were made to be appealing to children, but because something about them is just a little “off”, their unreal nature becomes all the more obvious.
“Well howdy-doody there friend! I’m Jolly, and welcome to Jolly Junction, the bestest and most funnest place in the whole wide world! We got games and toys and candy and rides and everything else that’s fun to play with! There’s no homework, no chores, and no naptimes, just fun, fun, FUN! It’s been so long since I’ve met another toy like me, you’re gonna LOVE it here! Huh? Whatcha mean you’re not a toy? Of COURSE you’re a toy! Only kids and toys live in Jolly Junction, and you’re not a kid, sooooooo… you must be a toy, like me! Ha ha ha, you’re funny!”
“Come on, let’s go play! We got the biggest and deepest ball pit in the world over here! I’ll bet you can’t beat the diving record! The last toy who went in is still down there, and she went in a whole month ago! Oooh, or we could ride the roller coaster! The best part is where it goes up super-duper fast and you fly off into the air! Just be sure to bounce when you hit the ground- a lotta toys forget to do that and end up breaking n’ making a big mess. They musta eaten a lotta cherry pie before they got on, cuz they were full of a lotta red gooey stuff! Oh, speaking of which, you want some snacks? We got cotton candy n’ ice cream n’ soda pop n’ milkshakes n’ chocolate bars n’ lotsa lotsa jellybeans! Huh? Well of course we don’t ONLY eat sweets here, silly billy! They make the bestest burgers n’ pizza n’ spaghetti over there, all made from fresh n’ tasty Play-Doh!”
“Oh wait- where are my manners? I got so excited meeting you that I forgot to give you one of my world-famous welcome hugs! Aww, don’t be shy, c'mere! I’ll wrap ya up all nice n’ tight in my legs so’s you can get the biggest, bestest, tightest hug ever! Just please don’t spit up any fruit punch when I squeeze ya- the last toy who did that got it all over me and it took for-EVER to wash out!”
Here’s a transcript of all the pages for those who either can’t or don’t want to look:
TRANSCRIPT
-First Page-
Image desc: Two images of Sweet Tooth peering at the viewer from around a corner, first illustration shows them growing several bony clawed arms. Text is written in black while Sweet Tooth’s comments are scrawled in red, scratchy letters.
Text:
“SWEET TOOTH”
(Not their true name; true name is unpronounceable)
-Resides in the realm of nightmares, hunting humans while they sleep
-Chases people until they wake up
-Enjoys toying with their prey, hunts for both food and pleasure
-Can take many forms, depending on the setting of the dream they are hunting in
-Highly malleable, can squeeze thru thin gaps and cracks, or increase/decrease in size and number of limbs
-Full shape is never seen
-Can mimic voices - they especially enjoy mimicking voices of dead loved ones.
ST: THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES IS PRICELESS!
NEVER TRUST THEM.
ST: I JUST WANT TO PLAY WITH YOU
-Second Page-
Image desc: Upper image depicts Sweet Tooth messily eating a severed human leg. Lower image depicts Sweet Tooth holding a severed head and pulling their jaw apart to pluck out their teeth. One of their hands holds a single tooth as Sweet Tooth stares at it hungrily.
Text:
(next to first image) ST: SUCH PATHETIC LITTLE LEGS! IT’S A WONDER ANY OF YOUR KIND MANAGES TO ESCAPE
-Exclusively feeds on humans’ “dream selves”, including bones and organs
-They refer to this meat, and humans in general, as “sweetbread”
-Typically snags a piece off of someone just before they awaken. This does not harm the person in the waking world, (ST: IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK?) nor does it linger into the next dream that person has, though it does give Sweet Tooth a “taste” that allows thrm to find you easier next time
-Extremely messy eater, loves to feel warm blood on their face and hands as much as they love the taste. They seem to take sick pride in how much blood they spill.
ST: WHAT CAN I SAY? YOUR KIND ARE SO DELIGHTFULLY JUICY.
-Teeth are their favorite part. They collect them and save them for later
(next to second image) ST: SO SMALL YET SO SWEET
-Third Page-
Image Desc: First image depicts Sweet Tooth sitting at a table, feasting on a naked and helpless human, whose left arm is severed and their belly torn open. Sweet Tooth has five arms- two are holding the human down, a third is pulling their intestines out with a giant fork, a fourth is holding the severed arm up to their mouth, and a fifth arm is holding up a goblet. Second image depicts Sweet Tooth opening their jaws fully, showing off their back rows of teeth while stretching out three long, slimy tongues saturated in saliva.
Text:
-If someone stumbles, stalls, or stops while running from Sweet Tooth in a dream, they are vulnerable to being caught.
-When Sweet Tooth captured someone, whole and alive, they don’t wake up. Instead, they are dragged back to Sweet Tooth’s lair to be devoured completely, bones and all.
-This is a rare treat for Sweet Tooth, so they take their time savoring and disemboweling their catch, who remains awake, aware, and in agony during the entire meal.
-Always saves the teeth for last, and finishes with a goblet of blood aged in their larder
ST:THEY SCREAM AND CRY TO THE VERY END, ALL THE WAY DOWN. SOMETIMES, I CAN STILL HEAR THEM.
-When someone is caught and devoured, they are erased from all history in the physical world, along with any and all evidence that they existed, including children.
ST: PARENTS ARE ESPECIALLY FILLING FOR THAT REASON!
-Are those caught and consumed by Sweet Tooth truly gone, or does some part of them still exist somewhere?
ST: WHY DON’T YOU COME CLOSER AND FIND OUT, LITTLE MORSEL? I WON’T BITE!
If you went to a bar and the bartender was a mousegirl you could ask for a drink and she would balance it on her head and say “for you, it’s on the mouse”
WHERE ARE HER FAT MOUSE TITS, COWARD?
UR RIGHT HOW COULD I FORGET
She tries to keep her employees abreast of keeping the place squeaky clean
If you went to a bar and the bartender was a mousegirl you could ask for a drink and she would balance it on her head and say “for you, it’s on the mouse”
WHERE ARE HER FAT MOUSE TITS, COWARD?
UR RIGHT HOW COULD I FORGET
She tries to keep her employees abreast of keeping the place squeaky clean
If you went to a bar and the bartender was a mousegirl you could ask for a drink and she would balance it on her head and say “for you, it’s on the mouse”
If you went to a bar and the bartender was a mousegirl you could ask for a drink and she would balance it on her head and say “for you, it’s on the mouse”
Observance: In spite of increased variation in enrichment as directed by the Grand Matriarchs, subject’s demeanor has only worsened. When previously they would eagerly demonstrate their anomalous abilities (see Report 1210-4-B #12, “Anti-fiction Manifestation” for further details), subject instead refuses to cooperate or even interact with researchers or handlers, with the exception of violently lashing out when touched, and responding to verbal discipline with crude insults and/or spitting. Subject instead spends the majority of its time either sleeping or with its head pressed tightly to one corner of its containment chamber, quietly muttering incomprehensibly to itself while rhythmically scratching at the wall with one appendage. On occasion it will pause to suckle on another appendage in an infantile manner, a habit that it was previously thought to have broken.
When it doesn’t outright refuse to eat, Subject will only consume a small amount of food before either leaving to go back to sleep, or spending up to half an hour playing with the remainder of their meal, throwing, chasing, or simply rubbing its food roughly against the floor for no discernible reason. This has resulted in noticeable weight loss in the Subject. Increasing the size and variety of meals has been met with little success in changing this behavior.
Though it has inflicted minor damage to its containment chamber and enrichment devices, no injuries have been reported from staff due to Subject’s inability to harm biological lifeforms (see Report 1210-4-B #36: “Effects Of Anti-Fiction Resonance On Humans”). As of time of writing, Subject has attempted self-termination twelve times in the last month. Thus far only three attempts were successful.
Notes:We were trying to approach this delicately before, but the Matriarchs’ patience is wearing thin and our time is running out. We can’t force it to use its Anti-Fiction abilities- we all know what happened last time- so we need to make this thing happy again or else this will all be for nothing.
I know what the director said about the budget, but we can worry about footing the bill after Valentine’s Day- money won’t matter if we don’t get the False Valentine to cooperate. Give it whatever it wants, toys, food, a bedtime story, human sacrifice, I don’t care what it takes, just get it done!
Last night I dreamed that Pixar had made a sequel to Ratatouille. My point of view wavered between watching the film and actually being in the film looking through the perspective of Linguini. He now worked at a new restaurant at some kind of tropical resort, a nice looking place built of dark wood and stone with a lot of decorative plants, soft lighting, and a few fountains. Anton Ego arrived- he didn’t look or act any different than he did before the climax of the first film, still grim and gaunt as before. He told Linguini he was going to review this restaurant tomorrow, and did not have high hopes for it; not only that, but he admitted he didn’t even remember liking or even tasting anything from Gusteau’s, a (rather weak) excuse for the reset in his personality.
Panicking, Linguini ran off to another restaurant, where Remy was the head chef. He yelled out for Remy through the kitchen doors, explaining that he desperately needed Remy to sit on his head and make the food for Ego tomorrow. But when the doors opened, out came Remy, now freakishly obese due to eating so much of his own gourmet cooking, literally rolling across the floor like that one raccoon video. Remy was happy to see Linguini but was otherwise very lethargic and unfocused. Linguini, meanwhile, was distraught at the sight of Remy, remarking that they couldn’t do their hair-puppeting technique now that Remy was the size and weight of a bowling ball. He lifted the massive rat up and started running out the door, but I woke up before they could find a solution.
