(A post by someone who is currently going through this.)
note: this is just from my experience. These tips may not help everyone, as privacy-invading abusive parents have so many different tactics and i probably won’t be able to cover all of them.
Here are some tips and tricks.
never fucking do anything in a public browser. You don’t know how many times I’ve gotten in trouble and they’ve found out shit bc they installed a tracker I didn’t know about. Private browsers block most trackers and make me feel more secure in what I’m doing.
If youre forbidden to use apps but can still download them, make sure to hide your tracks. Redownloading apps at night to use is a lifesaver.
If you can’t download apps without your parents’ permission (through some sort of parental controls on your device), most social medias can be accessed through a web browser. You can use Tumblr, Reddit, Twitter and Instagram through browsers. If you can’t download the app, it’ll work just as well.
Turn notifications for forbidden apps off. This will make sure you won’t get random pings from your phone, because if you do, it’s likely these types of parents will ask where that’s from/who’s texting you/etc.
If you’re on social media that they don’t follow/alt accounts/etc, never use your real/legal name on them, ESPECIALLY not your last name. They can search you online by searching your name, and they can find you. This is one of the easiest ways that they can get access to your accounts that you cant have them see.
If you’re texting people you shouldn’t, like online friends or people your parents don’t know you know, change their contact name to someone “safe”. I don’t have many irl friends now, so I change most of my contacts, which are online friends, to people I used to be friends with. This helps because its a foolproof way to tell your parents “no, I’m really texting [insert known friend here]”, and they can’t question you because you can literally show them the contact name. They have no way to prove it’s a lie.
Delete all messages that could make them suspicious. Even if you think your parents don’t go as far as reading your texts, they might without telling you. Delete anything that they could deem “bad” or “suspicious” ESPECIALLY messages about their abuse or your mental illness you may suffer because of their abuse.
Adding on to that, if youre talking to online friends and have set their contact name as something else, make sure to add ”filler messages”. For example, I made one of my close online friend’s contact name someone who I go to a DnD club at school with, so I added a filler message of “Hey are you coming to Dungeons and Dragons?” and told him to respond with “Yeah”. This way, you’ll have covered your tracks even more, and they’ll have every reason to think youre just talking to this guy from DnD, or an old friend, or someone you’ve met at school.
If you have irl friends who follow your social media, never post anything concerning. This includes venting, details of past trauma, mental illness things, anything that would make them go “Oh wow, I need to tell an adult.” Because guess what they’ll do? They’ll tell their parents, who will tell yours. That means: you get hurt.
Never fucking leave your device out in the open!!!I added the exclamation points because this is something that can very much fuck you up so easily. Make sure your device is on you at all times, or you have view of it. As much as you’re being sneaky to get around your parents, abusive parents, especially this type, can get very sneaky as well. Privacy invasion is usually something done without you knowing. They could even quickly grab your device and look at it while you’re in the bathroom or taking a shower! I promise this tip is one of the most important. Unless they have a tracker on your device that they can use without seeing your device/having it close by, this is how you avoid them searching your device without you knowing.
Lastly, don’t ever believe you are safe here. You’re looking at this post for a reason. Privacy-invading parents are often very fucking sneaky and snake-like about what they do. You may not even know it’s happening. They create an illusion of a safe, trusting environment with no invasion, but there could be so much more they are doing behind your back. Always have your guard up. Always be ready for a search.
These are my tips, as someone whose blog is a whole secret from my parents. I’m so sorry if this doesn’t work… this situation of no privacy is incredibly hard to be in, and I’m proud of you for making it this far.
How do you protect yourself from being stalked online by your parents?
I often get messages from teens living with their abusive parents telling me about how terrifying it is for them to even look at my blog in case their parent finds out. I was a teenager before social networking on the internet. Honestly, when I was a teenager there was barely an internet yet. So, I don’t know how people protect themselves but I feel like probably there are ways. If you know please do share! A lot of people would find it helpful.
Advice for keeping your phone safe in toxic environments:
Keep things in google apps
Everything is saved to your account, ex. you can delete google photos when your phone is checked, and download it again afterwards and get all your photos back
Also because it’s on your account you can log into google on a friend’s computer or a library computer or something if you need to
I’m not sure about other apps but I know you can put a password on google docs
People are more likely to check notes but assume you have google docs for school assignments and not check that
A lot of people monitor texts/use programs that monitor texts, but who’s going to remember to check Google Hangouts?
Use the internet on apps that aren’t Safari
Download another browser and put it in a different folder, because most people can check your safari history but won’t find another app and then figure out how to check the search history of that app
Also use the internet when you click the link in social media ex. If you click a link on a Pinterest pin it can take you to that link on the internet but stay in Pinterest, so it won’t show up in search histories
Inform your friends and if you want to be really sneaky use code when texting
Sending messages as code helps. Ending sentences with certain letters can work. Need something? Definitely use code. Friends can help you. Or other family. Or teachers. Don’t hesitate to reach out. (the first letter of every sentence spelled out SEND FOOD)
Literally just google pigpen code or ceasarian cipher or whatever you want and you can find a way to talk that most people wouldn’t understand
Awesome info. Thank you!
There are more responses too that I can’t reblog. Check out the notes to see them.
I was in this situation a while ago, another thing to do is you can make second accounts on your social media and block your parents account so they don’t find it
For social media, I either go by a different name/photo w/e and block my family or I just make a second account and block them all again.
And I’ve always had a password on everything, so they can’t go through it and I won’t let them.
no one is coming after me but still reblogging because other people definitely need this info
Thank you! Yes. Please, everyone boost. So many need this info.
Fake/second accounts are great for this, as long as you still use your other accounts for safe messages and websites, etc so they don’t get suspicious when they check it. Also, only deleting the parts of your search history that your parents would object to is less suspect than deleting the whole thing.
If they’re being sneaky and checking things while you’re not around, make sure to log out of all social media after using it and try to have a slightly different password for each one.
Let your friends and other people know so that they don’t accidentally send unsafe messages to your main account.
(Stay safe,guys.Reblog to help each other out.)
If your parents look through the apps on your phone to make sure you aren’t using anything like tumblr or a messaging app, you can create a folder filled with boring stuff like settings, the notes app, general shit like that and give it a name like “utilities” or “general” or something like that. Fill up the first page with those apps, and then put the ones you’re trying to hide on the second or third pages. Your parents will see the app icons from the homescreen and ignore it as they can tell what’s inside, but only if they arent that tech savvy. Only do this if you know that they wouldn’t open the folder and click to other pages
Download duck duck go. It’s a search engine thats similar to google, but it has a much more thorough and easier way of deleting search history. Your parents might even think its a game, as the logo is literally just a happy duck, which would decrease the odds of them actually looking at the app properly
I just discovered Hide It Pro. It looks like an audio manager but it’s actually a secret vault where you can store apps your abusive parents will lose their minds over. Anyone ever use this?
I have like 5 active followers but in case anyone ever needs this
A search engine/ browser that my parents literally NEVER CHECK is called puffin- it seems like nobody knows about it but it’s pretty standard and similar to google chrome. It lets you use everything in desktop mode, only it no longer works for iOS devices. Android users, however, are in the clear.
Hide It Pro is AMAZING, if you’re on the fence about getting it please do.
First of all, sharing to save a life yo.
Secondly, this might seem counterproductive, but it seems like an appropriate time to raise awareness of Noonlight for more extreme cases of abusive parents. It’s an app that can alert a list of people of your choosing when you are in danger, or summon the police in an emergency. Works at home, school, work, or anywhere in-between.
I’ll always signal boost this stuff until it’s no longer needed.
thank you guys
also of you need to store things on notes you dont want your parents finding, search calculator diary into the appstore or google play and theres a tonne of secret diary things disguised as calculators which only open if a code is typed in, do even of they do check it they probably womt be able to do anything with it
Most of this is advice from someone who had an iPod and then an iPhone -
Be wary of the ones disguised as calculators cause when I was a teen (2015 or so) those came out in the news as being hidden apps and then my mom started checking my (real) calculator app
Ive been using private tumblr blogs (password locked, only restricted to people logged in on tumblr who have my blog password) to store photos, diary entries, important info. Google apps are fine but be extremely careful and be aware where/if they sync to anywhere else.
If you have an iPhone and share an iCloud backup with your family, turn off iCloud sync to avoid any accidental sharing of photos/other things you don’t want shared
Most text tracking software does not know how to work with free texting apps over WiFi - I used textfree as a teen but there’s plenty of others.
Make accounts your parents don’t know about. I have a second email where I take care of riskier things and a first email they used to check that has nothing suspicious. Email is a big one you’ll need esp as you get older.
Seconding the keep things in code - a friend of mine used to text a single period to indicate that I shouldn’t respond or acknowledge anything until she got back - this is good to prevent the accidental “I deleted my messages but then they responded”
When in doubt, go old fashioned and niche. Keep important things on flash drives and keep those flash drives hidden. Older versions of apps and iOS software are less easily restricted and tracked by software because most tracking software came in later versions and become more efficient with every version (ex my mom blocked tumblr.com on my phone but an older iOS would still allow me to visit some individual blogs whereas later versions blocked every blog). Use browsers and search engines that aren’t mainstream - I used to use Bing quite a bit. DuckDuckGo is pretty good but catching on in popularity, I used to use Ruby and IE. At my job last summer we had a niche version of Google Apps by another company (we weren’t allowed to use google since it owned the data - I can’t remember the name but hardly anyone would think to look there). Cisco Jabber was also a good IM app at the office but can be used for personal use as well.
As technology advances, people will be expecting you to keep trying to hide things using the latest and greatest tech. All tracking software will be updated to try and keep up. People forget about old versions and assume that no one wants to use them anymore. Use this to your advantage. People don’t know about the more niche versions of things, or don’t think you’ll use them, or just don’t think to check them. Use the tech that falls through the cracks.
Most importantly, be safe and careful. I lost years worth of things that were important to me when my parents went through my phone one day - if I’d been more careful about deleting things, I would’ve been in far less trouble. It‘s painful to lose memories, connections, any of these things you store privately. But the most important thing while you live with them is your safety. The things you cherish will never really be lost, no matter what your parents do to your phone or whatever steps you have to take (or things you have to delete) to protect yourself.
It does get better. I spent my teen years afraid for my life but now I’m in college and have privacy that I never dreamed of having. You will make it out. You can do it
For an encrypted free over Wifi texting app, try Signal. You can also set it to automatically delete messages after a certain period of time so that you don’t have to go through and remember to clear your text history.
Ever wondered what sort of work goes into making web communities safe and approachable? This week, we’re interviewing @giantbombdotcom moderator Gino Grieco to discuss the different ways to promote kindness and friendliness within a gaming community.
ok but legitimately i think the reason why kids aren’t taking internet safety seriously is because the people who are telling us not to put our personal information out seem so out of touch. no one acknowledges the possibility of meeting very real teenaged friends online, they always say that everyone you meet is a 40 year old white man in disguise. because they aren’t acknowledging things we know are true, it becomes a lot easier to dismiss the rest of what they’re saying as well. internet safety lessons absolutely must keep up with the times and acknowledge the internet’s capacity for good if you want kids to take to heart warnings about its capacity for bad.
Some actual safety tips for teenagers:
1. Have proof they’re a teenager first. More than just a picture, have a video call with them.
2. If you want to meet up with them, have your parents or a trusted adult come with you. Even if they are a proven teenager, its still good to have supervision in case any issues happen.
3. If you are talking to an adult, and they start being sexual in any way, you run the fuck away. It doesn’t matter if they’re 40 or 20. An adult inherently has a power dynamic that teenagers do not. And its up to the adult to act responsible about it. There’s exceptions of course, if you’re 16 and dating an 18 year old, that’s not a problem, we’re not talking about that.
4. Being in a server with adults or ran by adults is not inherently bad. Talking to adults is not inherently a problem, and will likely happen in any number of Discord servers. It is only an issue when they are acting sexual and show predatory behavior.
5. Look out for grooming behavior. It can be difficult, because at first it seems like innocuous behavior, like complimenting or giving gifts. Especially if you feel lonely and have low self esteem. And groomers actively target people like that.
If they start trying to isolate you, talk sexual with you, state they depend on you for emotional needs, blame you for their own actions, try to be secretive about the relationship- Then you need to talk to people you trust, block the perpetrator, and call the police on them.
6. If this does happen to you, remember this: It is not your fault. Even if you didn’t listen to a single thing listed here, it is not your fault. It is the fault of the adults who knew better, and didn’t care. It’s not your fault.
To my followers: if any of you guys are underaged, please be very VERY careful on here, and don’t fall for any of the tricks the groomer would use on you, just block them and report them.
What is “grooming”
All I picture is A pet salon. But given the context I know it probably is not that.
