#orgasms

As the result of my shenanigans over the past week, and the orders from lovely dommy men that resulted, my next orgasm will be done with one of the shoes MLAM is having me masturbate with for the next week, it will be inspired by what Boy Genius has done and said  to me, as I start to cum, I have to grab the bite left on my shoulder by C4, and then, per MLAM’s instructions, immediately stop touching myself and stand up, thus ruining the orgasm.

Go play it right now. Breastie started telling me things about it a couple days ago, and I was like “lol wut” and decided I had to download it, considering the fact that this was her initial description.

While we were talking about it yesterday after I’d started playing, Breastie described her experience as below, and it’s a perfect description of my first couple minutes of this game.

Within the first half hour of this thing, I had gone on kik and asked multiple men for permission to orgasm (actually respecting the spirit of that rule, this time) because I could tell I was going to need it, and before two hours had passed, I’d gotten off three times.  All high quality orgasms.

Not only is this game weirdly hot (emphasis on the weird), it’s ridiculously hilarious. Some of my favorite quotes so far:

“Larger breasts will allow you to lactate greater amounts, tit-fuck larger cocks, and generally be a sexy bitch.”

“You awake in your camp feeling dangerous, powerful and fiercely satisfied.”

“She is thoughtful enough to give you space to breathe every few moments, rocking her hips back gently to look down into your eyes, her expression halfway between that of a doting mother and a dominatrix.”

“Being rewarded with sex for buying Cupcakes, what could be better? ”

“Your two rows of tits slide across the slick yet firm vaginal flesh of her surprisingly dexterous cunt, your massive nipples stiffening from the constant teasing massage.”

So, if weirdly hot is your thing, go play this.

After I wrote the last post, I was agitated and horny from my dash (lol complicated feminist feels), so I decided I might as well try to get off. Now, the goal there was definitely to help me fall asleep. I’d fallen asleep on my floor around 11 or midnight, and woke up around 2:30am, and proceeded to be super productive. But it was 6ish before I attempted to go back to bed, and I just really wanted to try to have an orgasm and get an hour or two more sleep.

I opened up Chat Now on kik, hoping I’d be able to message someone on there, not a man I actually know. I got myself close with my reliable bullet, thinking about getting pissed on and verbally degraded, and then flipped a coin. Luckily, it was heads and then tails (once I saw the first heads, I knew I’d be able to go on kik, but MLAM’s instructions were to flip it twice, so I did.). I opened up kik and found two people to respond to. I explained to each of them that I need to ask a man for permission to cum, and that I send nudes as thanks. I was unlucky.

One of them said “Ill give you permission later….. but i think imma have fun with you first” and the other said, “I will give you permission, but not yet (; I like to edge you.. Make you really want it” and when I told him I was edging it, asked me “What’s your naughtiest fantasy?” and ” Do you like to be called dirty names?”

At that point, I was losing the progress I’d made towards getting off. I need to focus to get there, especially if I’m tired. I wouldn’t have been able to stay anywhere close to cumming if I’d been using my hands, which is something I want to do more, just to switch it up. I’m not sure if keeping myself close while I talk to these men is a necessary part of it, but if so, that may not be very possible.

I was ready to give up, so I told the one who said he wanted to have fun with me first, “I’m looking to get off so I can go to sleep. I don’t have time to do anything extended, and I’m on the edge.” and said to the one who was asking questions, “Sigh. Forget it.” I won’t deny that I hoped one would take pity and give me permission/would give me permission so they would get nudes, but I was also prepared to just stop. Ordinarily in would have played a along with the for a little while, but I wanted to get some more sleep.

The question asked told me “cum!” and before I saw it, I said “I’m exhausted and just wanted to get off and go to sleep. :(” He continued, “cum. You can cum. Cum hard” which did kind of bug me, maybe because of his assumption that I’d cum right at his command, like I’d been so close despite him, a stranger, saying he wanted to edge me and asking me questions, like everyone can just cum at the drop of a hat so damn easily. Well, I sent him a photobomb nude and then went to work finishing myself off. I came, thinking about being made to kneel in a bathtub, get myself close to orgasm, being verbally degraded and humiliated and pissed on and then being allowed to cum only when I opened my mouth to be pissed into. (Please don’t do this to me. Don’t throw me in the briar patch!)

I’m not sure about how this went. On the one hand, I don’t think it was necessarily wrong of me to tell those men that I had limited time and wouldn’t be willing to play with them, since even if my pleasure is only at the permission of men, I still have real-world confines to take into consideration, like needing more sleep. On the other hand, I didn’t give them what they wanted, and I acted like my orgasm was about me and what I got from it, even if that was just help sleeping. That’s not true. My orgasms are only available to me because men allow them, because they get some enjoyment from doing that.

Also, I didn’t really feel like a toy or like they were superior to me. I have a hard time getting that with random dudes. I probably should do a better job of putting those interactions in the context MLAM has constructed, but I’m still going to have a hard time.

(Playing with orgasms is on the edge for me because I didn’t have one until freshman year of undergrad (I also didn’t masturbate until, and used to have a hard time getting off (thanks SSRIs). Now I can get off consistently, with the right stimulation, but things like actual orgasm denial or being forbidden to get myself off hold no interest for me. It’s not a challenge to not get off from someone stimulating me, and masturbation is important to me as a sleep aide, and to explore fantasies.)

Early this week, MLAM took all of his orders off me that require time and/or a lot of effort so that I can get my life in order. No more floor sleeping (although I will admit that I fell asleep on the floor while eating snacks twice this week), no more 30 minutes with the dildo, etc. He also said, “If I feel you’re taking advantage of this reprieve - socializing more than you should thereby not getting things done, say - I won’t hesitate to punish you. But I know you and your ability to define and then behave well are incredible so I don’t imagine I’ll need to worry about punishing you.” which is a wonderful compliment to get from the person who owns me. He gave me permission to do my normal weekly socializing, but said that he would shut them down if he felt like they were getting in the way of my productivity. It was all very paternal and sweet, and makes me feel cared for.

I’m to finish getting my shit together by the weekend after this one, or else I can’t go out. I have a list of things I feel I should accomplish before then. I feel a bit bad because I don’t feel like the threat to have to stay in is much of a threat, right now the only person I have around here who treats me the way I ought to be treated is Legolas, and he’ll be out of town next weekend. I am talking to a couple interesting people on okcupid, though. And really, disappointing MLAM is motivation enough on its own.

Also, I made my own life slightly more difficult by telling MLAM during our Skype convo that I felt like the orgasm instructions I’m under were getting too easy. I was getting bunch of permissions from men on kik, during work, say, and then not having to think about it for a week. He asked me how it could be more difficult, and I mentioned having to ask someone I actually know, but also I didn’t want to have to do that every time. He came up with a great compromise, which is that I have to flip a coin twice. If it comes up tails both times, I have to ask a man I actually know. This, I like and think makes it suitably difficult, especially considering that Legolas’ reaction when I asked if I could ask him was to say yes, but that he’d make me pay for it, deny me, or ruin it.

Additionally, I have to get myself up to the edge before I can ask. This part I’m more mixed on. It certainly does make it difficult, but it’s also causing me some not-so-sexy real anxiety about masturbating, and I haven’t done it since this was put on me on Monday. I tend to use orgasms to help me get to sleep, and feeling anxious about masturbation isn’t exactly conducive to that. I’ll try it out this weekend when I have more time and will be doing it when the men I might ask will actually be awake, and I’ll see how it goes.

So, the Monday before last, Legal Lolita and I went to a private rope event at Legolas’ place. We got instructions on what to wear from C4, although really, I would have worn basically the same thing I ended up wearing.

When we got there, I immediately removed my heels because heels make me feel silly a lot of the time. We got introduced to a few people, and chatted a little bit. One of the guys there was introduced to us as “The best rigger in the city…when he’s in the city,” so, basically one of the very best around.

He said he was going to teach people how to do a TK, with a modification he’d made when his bottom had said it wasn’t hard enough. Legolas poked at me to come get tied for this one, and I got up and followed him. We’d texted a bit about what I was looking for, and I said I liked having it be difficult to breathe, painful ties, and being off balance. This fit the bill wonderfully. As he was getting me tied in to the hard point he asked me how it was and I said that it wasn’t too bad. The guy who was teaching commented that that sounded like a challenge. Nope. Not me. Not once, not ever. He had me on my toes, and then tied one of my legs up. I believe I said at that point “not mean enough,” and he pulled me up some more until mmph. It was difficult to breathe and I couldn’t stay stable, and it was not at all comfortable. Mean enough. :D

After Legolas was done with me, I sat around for a while, made an attempt at learning, and ate. After a while, C4 arrived, and asked if he could tie me up. I had to wait and play photographer for Legal Lolita, so we sat for a while talking and him petting me until I was able to snap some shots of her looking lovely in rope. They kept hanging out, and C4 and I went back to the couch. We were talking and he was being dommy and stuff and it was great fun. The only thing that rubbed me the wrong way was when he said something about my pleasure being a mere byproduct of men’s pleasure, and I responded in agreement, saying that my pleasure is an “emergent property” of men’s pleasure. That got me chastised. He’s real big on me not thinking while I’m subbing. Now, don’t get me wrong, part of why I like being in that role is that it lets me give up control and planning to someone else. However, a big part of the reason I like kink is that it makes me think. Not to mention, I’m quite intelligent and can be very entertaining. Intellectual pleasure is just as important as sexual and physical pleasure. If you’re going to use me, use my body AND mind, why dontcha? (Not to be all dualist. You know what I mean.)

C4 tied me and was suitably mean, tightening it around my chest when I said it could be tighter and passed it through my legs and made it fairly uncomfortable to sit. He said some lovely mean things to me, as well.

At some point, Legal Lolita and I swapped men. She and C4 were together on the couch, and I was sitting on the floor. Legolas grabbed my hair and pulled me over to him, which is a move I adore. We spent a little while talking about things, and about him fucking my ass later. After a little while, things started winding down, and when the last person left, Legal Lolita and I definitely give each other looks. I was very interested to see what was going to happen next.

We headed upstairs, to Legolas’ room and the guys discussed what to do with us. Eventually, it was decided, and they tied us back to back against the stripper pole, with our arms up above our heads. Each of them grabbed a Hitachi and went to work. I had Legolas at this point, and he started using the vibrator and his hands on me and being degrading and awful. It was going really well and then all of a sudden I heard Legal Lolita crying. I had no idea what had happened, and Legolas and I stopped for a minute. I could kind of hear them talking, but still wasn’t sure what had happened. Legolas took my arms down from being up over my head, and by the time I finally figured out that C4 had slapped Legal Lolita, I realized that she probably did not want him to be the one comforting her. I almost said something but was still kind of frozen. Finally, I went over to her and asked her if she wanted me. She did, and I put my still tied together wrists over her head and hugged her while she cried. She seemed to be coming out of being upset, and when she blew her nose and it was so very loud, we all laughed, which seemed to break the tension. We went back to playing, which I now know may not have been the best choice, because what had happened wasn’t just that she’d cried from a slap, but that she’d been triggered, and he hadn’t asked about slapping before doing it. It’s not my experience to wrire about, though.

Legal Lolita and I both got back into position, and I asked Legolas to be mean to me for a minute so that I could get back in the right headspace. He told me that he was going to use me and then toss me out into the street without my clothes. “It’s a rough street. You won’t last 20 minutes,” he said. Hhhng. So hot. That got me back in and he continued saying delightfully cruel things to me until I asked him for permission to cum. He gave it to me, and when it was over, he kept the wand on me and asked if I could go for another. I often can’t, and that was the first time I’d ever had an orgasm standing up. But then I realized that I was still crazy turned on, and he got me off a second time. Fuck. Thank you, mister.

We switched the guys again at that point, and C4 told me he wanted what he didn’t get in the bathroom. He started using a Hitachi on me at one point, and tried to force an orgasm out of me. I eventually had to tell him to stop because it was painful and wasn’t going to happen. He apparently hadn’t realized I’d already had two, and understood why I stopped him when I explained. He turned to Legolas and said something like “You took all the fun.” Legolas was all “wevs.”

But he hadn’t taken all the fun! Because then C4 started fucking my cunt, and his cock felt great. I had previously told him I didn’t want to get choked out, but while he was using my hole, I changed my mind and asked him to do it. That was something of a mistake on my part. See, I had a previous boyfriend decide to wake me up with piv when we’d only really discussed waking each other up with hands and mouths. At the time, I was okay, but afterwards, thinking about it, it made me fairly upset. Now I don’t like the idea of waking up to piv in progress. It doesn’t cause me to panic, but it leaves me with a dirty, off kilter feeling to think about it.

I didn’t think things through, but when I came to from being choked, it was akin to waking up to piv. I had to have C4 stop for a minute while I processed things. I think I might be done with being choked out for a while. Except for MLAM. I want him to choke me out, especially now that I know I like it a lot.

C4 and I kept playing, with the sounds of Legal Lolita getting off like whoa in the background. During the play, C4 told me not to apologize, which was a strange thing to me. If I fuck up while I’m in that place, I should apologize, right?.Plus, I apologize too much in real life. It would definitely be an interesting experience to try not to apologize, especially since my reaction to being told “Stop saying you’re sorry” is to say “Oops. I’m sorry!”

After a little while of C4 fucking me, I heard Legolas say something about dping “the stupid one.” (Thats me!) C4 agreed, and Legolas checked in with me and asked if I was up for it, and I somewhat nervously/hesitantly said I was up for trying. They both instantly reassured me that I could say red at any time, and they wouldn’t be grumps about it. C4 asked what Legal Lolita was going to do while this was happening. He suggested she put them in me, and she started to hesitantly agree when I jumped in. I couldn’t tell for sure how she felt about it, but I sure as hell knew how I felt. “No!” Legal Lolita said she’d watch, “for science.”

People shuffled around and I was on top of C4 with his cock in my pussy. Legolas asked if I I was ready, and I said yes. He paused and then asked “Is your ass ready, or are you stupid enough to have me fuck you dry?” I am not that stupid. C4 told me to ask nicely to have Legolas get me ready, and I did. I was all prepared to have two cocks in me, but it didn’t happen. My ass was too tight, and things were just not cooperating. C4 kept fucking me for a while, and at one point Legolas was using my mouth and C4 was using my cunt, which was an interesting experience.

Eventually, Legolas wanted my ass. He roughly pushed me around the bed, and had me lay sideways  and prepare myself. Goddamn. He always reminds me that I love anal. His cock felt great going in and in and this time, in this position, I did manage to take all of it. I’m pretty happy with myself for that. I still need work, though.

He fucked me hard and rough and it was fantastic. At one point, he pushed in and it was a bit much and his response to my reaction was, “Ask me to fuck you harder.” So I did. Jesus fuck that was hot. It did hurt somewhat towards the end, and although I made some sounds, when he asked if they were complaints, I said no. He responded that was good, because he doesn’t care. At one point be told me, “Shut. Up. This isn’t about you.” I fucking loved that. While he was using my hole, he was making some very sexy noises, too. When he was about to cum, he pulled out and gave me the promised facial.

While he was stroking his cock, he looked me in the eyes and told me that he hated me. That he didn’t respect me. That I was just a traitor to my gender. He said very mean, harsh things, and it turned me on so fucking much. I absolutely loved it. He came all over my face. A lot.

He got up and said, “How do you feel?” I could only respond “Used.” He told me, “Well, you look used.”  I was just completely spent from the rope and the orgasms and the piv and the anal and the things he’d said and I just laid there, used up.

Legolas tossed a towel at me, and I was going to ask C4 to cum on my face as well, since that’s what I’d offered MLAM. But then I wanted to make sure C4 knew why I was asking. I started to say something, but there was cum all over my face and getting in my nose and it bubbled on my lips when I tried to talk, and I just lost it. I buried my face in the towel and cracked the fuck up. It felt fan-fucking-tastic.

Earlier, after he was done using my hole, Legolas had said something along the lines of “Barely adequate.” Later, he came back over and was being nice, and told me I did great. I grinned at him and said, “Not just adequate?” He was supes adorbs and pretended to whisper that I’d done great so  the others wouldn’t hear. IIRC, he said I made him cum hard. What a good slut I can be.

C4 left, and Legal Lolita asked if I needed cuddles. I didn’t really need a lot of aftercare, exactly. Her presence didn’t ruin anything by any means, but it did keep me from getting super into the headspace for the most part. I was thinking about her and wanting her to be happy and feel good about what was happening, so I kept more of the intelligent, analyzing Little Feminist Bitch at the front of my mind than I usually do. As a result, I didn’t let the things that were said and done hit me as hard or as fully as usual. I did want cuddles, though, plus, I wasn’t sure if I might  get upset later, so having them preemptively seemed like a good idea.

I invited Legal Lolita to join us cuddling, as well, and we chatted and giggled and I felt great. We left after not too long, because Legolas usually goes to bed pretty early, and because I had plenty of driving still to do. I ended up getting home pretty damn late, but I really enjoyed the evening, excepting, of course,  the problems with poor consent practices, and Legal Lolita getting triggered. I’m looking forward to the next one, which will probably involve more getting tied up and learning, and less sex and bad things. 

The year ends and we prepare for 2017. Since June 6th to the end of December, my wife has had 217 orgasms. I have had 4. My for 2017 is to give her at least 365 orgasms. What I experience is totally up to her! Thanks for following me.

I came across this picture and really wanted to share it. It’s not mine but I don’t know the source. If anyone knows who I can give credit to let me know!