#orgasms

I’ve made a terrible mistake in getting on tumblr. l have not been very productive and now I’m distractingly horny.

Y'all are terrible. <3

Does someone want to give me permission to have an orgasm so I can focus? Please? I think I still need permission from a man.

Yesterday I saw The Violinist. I went over to his place with the invitation to come over and “talk about things.” I correctly interpreted that as a desire to DTR, which I wanted to do, as well. When I got there, I stripped, per his rules for me, and we lay in bed for a while. Before we could talk, however, we needed to do a few things. He’d been out of town for a couple weeks, so we had to give each other a proper hello.

He hit me, bit me, scratched me and hurt me. I yelped, whimpered, squeaked, and made other delightful pain noises. He’s totally a sadist, which makes me eager to suffer for his pleasure. When he pushed his cock into me, the pain didn’t stop. He continued to hurt me as he fucked me hard. He pushed his fingers hard into my armpits, and the uncomfortable and painful sensation eventually caused me to struggle away. I took a few breaths and turned over onto my knees, which is a position I know he enjoys. He fucked me from behind until he came, slamming into my cunt and making me wince.

He collapsed onto my back, and I collapsed onto the bed. When we recovered enough to cuddle, I asked him if I could get off. He agreed, and I rubbed my clit and fantasized while he hurt and choked me. I came, shuddering and gasping, and lay back, spent. He instructed me that the next time, I was to ask permission right before I got off, and I smiled at the addition of another rule. We showered and headed back to bed to cuddle.

We talked about what our relationship is and what words we’re comfortable using (we’re dating and “partners” works). We made plans to spend more time together outside of kink events and happy hours and talked about what kind of kink relationship we want to develop. Both of us love d/s, and I’m excited to see where that dynamic goes. I asked about honorifics, and he had an interesting response. He likes having his name used. I was somewhat put out at first (I really like the term “Sir”), but when he explained his reasoning, I got into the idea. It’s something you can use in any context and around any people. Besides that, using someone’s name lets them know that you are thinking specifically about them. We also talked about jealousy and discussed how very important we both consider communication to be.

I left his place feeling de-stressed, happy, and ready for bed. Today I had to wear a high necked shirt and put makeup on my neck because he left a bite mark there. I also can’t take off my sweatshirt at work because he darkened the bruises that were there already and left me new scratch marks. DTRing can be fun!

Last night I went over to Legolas’ place. He was sore from a bike ride over the weekend, so I planned on it being a low key night. I offered to make butternut squash mac ‘n cheese and some kale, and he made us baked potatoes. We chatted while we cooked, he groped me a few times, and it was all very pleasant. Eventually, we were just waiting on the pasta to cook. Legolas asked me if that was all that was left, and when I said it was, he said “Get on your knees.” I smiled and complied immediately. He took out his cock and I got to work, wrapping my lips around it and taking it into my mouth. He allowed me to control the pace at first, but then he grabbed my head and used my mouth like the fuckhole it is. I tried not to pull away and be a good hole for him, even when there was spit all over my face and I wanted to wipe it away. Shortly before the pasta was done, he stopped and pulled his cock out of my mouth. He seemed pretty pleased with himself. I know I was happy to get a chance to be doubly useful in the kitchen.

We took the food up to his room and watched a documentary about atheism on Netflix while we ate because obviously. When we finished, he asked if I had to go. I told him I could stay if he wanted, and he asked, “If I fuck your cunt, are you going going to be a whiny little bitch about it?” I smiled, because I love having him hurt my cunt, and told him that no, I would not be. He grabbed me and dragged me by the hair over to the bed and threw me down on it. Before I really knew what was happening, his cock was in my mouth and he was fucking my face. I did my best to just take the abuse as his cock hit the back of my throat with force. He stopped at one point and as I gasped for air, he asked me “Do you want more of that?” I took a breath and told him that I did want more, which he gladly gave me.

When he stopped fucking my face, I didn’t get more than a few seconds before he pulled me by my hair over to the side of the bed. I knew what was coming, but it’s always a little bit of a shock when his cock slips all the way in when he starts throatfucking me. It hurts and I can’t breathe and it’s scary. I always end up crying at least a little bit from the violence and from having my airway blocked. And I love it when he uses me that way.

Tonight was no different, and he pushed his cock all the way in, making me grip the sheets, struggling not to panic and, more importantly, not to jerk away from him. He used my throat hard, pushing almost until I couldn’t handle any more before letting me up to cough and breathe for a moment before pulling my head back down and sliding his cock back into my throat. He did this repeatedly, slapping me and pulling my hair when I wasn’t taking his cock. When I gagged and half-vomited in my mouth a couple times, he just laughed at me. My face was covered in my own sputum, which is one of my least favorite substances to be covered in. Partway through, he opened his bathroom door so I could watch my hole being violated. As he fucked my throat hard, he commented that I’d improved since he’d started doing this to me. I would have smiled at the compliment if I hadn’t been busy fighting my own body’s natural reaction to pull away when something big is shoved down my throat.

Finally, he stopped abusing my throat and pulled me over to the side of the bed. He lay down in the middle of the bed and said we could take a break. I like to think I earned it. Of course, I wasn’t going to get to just sit back and relax. No, I was to continue using my mouth on his cock. He told me, “If you do it good enough this way, we don’t have to go back to the other way.” I took as much of him as I could, pushing myself and using my tongue at the same time. I was focused on what I was doing, so when he asked, “Have you been giving a lot of blowjobs lately?” it surprised me. I told him I hadn’t been and he said, “You’re better at it.” I appreciated the compliment and went back to servicing him with my mouth.

Either I didn’t do quite good enough a job, despite my improvement, or he just felt like fucking my throat again, because Legolas grabbed my hair and pulled me back over the side of the bed. I shied away once or twice, instinct overtaking my brain for a moment, but then gripped the bed. He held my arms down and slid his cock all the way into my throat. I did my best to just accept the violation, wanting to be good for him. He stopped for a moment and told me, “I’m going to do this for a while longer, then I’m going to fuck your cunt, and then I’m going to cum on your face.” I liked the sound of that plan. Not that it mattered, since he wasn’t asking if I was okay with him doing those things, he was telling me what was going to happen.

He fucked my throat for a while longer, and when he finally finished, I coughed and caught my breath for a moment. I took out my tampon and sat back on the bed. “Spread your legs for me.” I opened my legs, hesitating only a little, both looking forward to and dreading the pain I would be getting. “Look how wet you are,” he told me. And I was. I was wet enough for him to get his cock in, just from having my mouth and throat abused. He pushed in, making me wince, and started fucking me hard. He looked down at me, alternating between moaning with pleasure and grimacing from pain and discomfort. “Do you feel like a third wave feminist now?” he asked me. I said “yes,” and I did. I felt like a silly woman who gives men whatever they want under the guise of being “empowered.” In reality, I know I’m just fulfilling my role as a woman, having my holes used for the entertainment and pleasure of men.

In the middle of hurting me with his cock, he slowed and started thrusting less deeply. “See?” he said, “I can make it feel really good.” He pushed a finger in my mouth and started rubbing my clit while he was fucking me. Now I was just getting pleasure, and I started moaning a little, although I was still jumpy, sure that he was going slap me in the face at any moment. He asked me if I was going to get off, and I told him I didn’t have permission. He pointed out that I can always ask him and see what the answer might be. I asked if I could please have permission, and he asked if I was going to get off. I responded that I thought maybe I could, but that I didn’t want to take time from him doing something else. He told me that he was doing exactly what he wanted with me and I shouldn’t worry about it. “Just sit there and look pretty,” he said, making me laugh, “And laugh at my jokes.”

Well, even a dumb cunt like me can do that, so I relaxed as he started working on my clit. “Let’s bring in some help,” he said, and grabbed his Hitachi and put a condom on it. (Ladies, try not to date men who don’t own their own Hitachis.) He pressed the Hitachi against me and started fucking me again. He was giving me the D and the Hitachi. I did get close, and normally I would have been able to get off without much difficulty with treatment like that, but I’ve been having some depression-caused sex drive issues that are accompanied by orgasm difficulties. Eventually, I stopped him and explained that I didn’t think I was going to be able to get off. He was very understanding and told me I had nothing to worry about. “I was going to ruin it anyway,” he told me. What a sweet guy. How did I get so lucky?

He said he’d been getting close and started fucking me again. Looking at me, he asked, “As long as I’ve known you, you’ve given me whatever I want from you. Why?” “Because you give me a little attention,” I responded. That’s the truth. I’m desperate, and I’ll do pretty much anything a man asks of me, just for a bit of the male attention and approval I crave. Legolas commented that getting fucked hurts more when he does it from behind, and made me flip over. He pushed back into me and started fucking me, making it hurt. From behind it’s less of a mix of pleasure and pain, and more just plain suffering. He grabbed my hair and pulled my head up, his cock slamming into my cunt and making me cry out in pain.

He pulled out and tossed me a towel to put under my head. Kneeling over me, he stroked his cock while I licked his balls and rubbed my cunt. He had me stop and instructed, “Beg me not to cum on your face.” I don’t feel like I’m very good at begging, but I wasn’t about to refuse. “Please don’t cum on my face. I don’t want you to. It’s going to be a mess. Please don’t. No, please! Don’t cum on my face!” I pleaded. Legolas grabbed my head and covered my face in his cum as I begged him not to. It was incredibly hot to have him want me to ask him not to do something and then, of course, do it anyway. I really like having my desires ignored and even actively violated.

“I almost believed you didn’t want me to do it,” he said as he wiped himself off. I’m glad my begging was satisfactory, if not prizewinning. We cleaned off ourselves and I got dressed. We took the food downstairs and I did the dishes, like a woman should do. Legolas told me a couple times that he really enjoyed the evening. I did as well. I’d been feeling depressed and mopey and antisocial, and my sex drive has been mostly dead. Obviously I’m not completely fixed, but I feel rejuvenated and more like my old self. Happier.

Sometimes you just need a night of delicious vegan food, being treated like a set of holes, and getting fucked. Hard.

Part 2

I drove The Violinist and myself back to his apartment. We stopped on the way to get food, since I was starving. The first thing he said when we walked through the door was, “Strip.” I smiled, relishing being ordered around. I took off my clothing and we talked and ate. He was sitting in a chair and instructed me to sit at his feet, which I appreciated. When we were done with the food, he grabbed me and tossed me onto the bed to start hurting me. He’s most definitely a sadist, judging by how thoroughly he was enjoying my reactions to the suffering he inflicted on me.

He pushed me over so that I was face up on the bed, and got on top of me. He’s a boney motherfucker, so when he jabbed his knees into my already tender thighs and leaned his weight on me, it hurt like hell. He was slapping my thighs and tits, and then started punching. The thighs I could handle, and, in fact, I like having my thighs punched. But the tits? Oof. I much prefer having them slapped. I felt his fist pounding my flesh and writhed and fought my instincts, trying to stay still.

Throughout all of this, and the rest of the night and the next morning, he would make kissing sounds at me, like you would make to get the attention of a dog or cat, and lean just out of reach. I’d have to stretch up, usually worsening whatever pain he was currently causing, and struggle to kiss him. I don’t like kissing most people most of the time, but I enjoyed both the belittling, degrading nature of the game and the way he kisses.

We have an ongoing joke that he needs to even out my bruises after he spent one night giving all of his attention to my left thigh. I foolishly pointed out the bruises on my upper inner left arm to him. He started to press on the bruise left by The Unknown Quantity’s rope, but I jerked away and told him it was incredibly painful. He was feeling magnanimous, I suppose, because instead of using those bruises against me, he grabbed my upper right arm and dig his thumb in. I thrashed around, but of course I had no hope of stopping him. He left two obvious thumb prints on my arm, which, in combination with the ones from The Unknown Quantity on my left arm, mean that I’m back to constantly wearing a sweater or hoodie at work.

The Violinist wasn’t done yet. Far from it. He started grabbing my sensitive thighs and digging his nails in. I struggled and half-tried to get away, making nosies that were much louder than they should have been. I pressed my face into the bed as The Violinist mercilessly squeezed my thighs. I tried and failed to stifle a half-groan, half-scream, and he pushed my head harder into the mattress. He continued to work at my legs with his hands and I kicked and struggled not to be too loud. As the pain grew, screams turned to whimpers, and whimpers into tears. I’d started crying.

While crying isn’t a safeword for me, upon making someone cry, some people choose to stop of their own volition, especially when the crying wasn’t expected. Although I know crying doesn’t bother him (he seems to enjoy it, in fact), The Violinist allowed me to have a chance to catch my breath and stop crying. When I had recovered, we got back into things, him hurting me, me making pain noises. Eventually, he pushed me towards the bathroom and told me to take out my tampon.

When I returned, I lay down on the bed and spread my legs for him. He pushed his cock into my cunt, and I moaned. He has a nice cock that hurts a bit when he pushes it in the whole way. When he discovered that I made pained expressions and noises when he did that, he was delighted. He fucked me hard, continuing to hurt my tits and slapping me in the face a few times. He motioned for me to flip over, and fucked me from behind until he came, groaning and panting.

When we’d both caught our breath, he let me go get my vibrator. He wouldn’t tell me that I had permission to cum before I got close, so I started masturbating with some trepidation. I hadn’t gotten off since the previous Monday, but this time, the arousal from the party and playing with The Violinist did the trick. Within a few minutes, I was close. “May I please cum?” I panted. He waited a couple of beats before giving me permission, and I came hard, shuddering and moaning. I continued to experience aftershocks from the orgasm for several minutes. We cuddled up and both passed out, exhausted from the evening.

Part 1

Reaction Junkie was much less sleepy after I revealed his surprise present of me starting to learn rope. We got up and ate leftover pancakes. When we finished eating, we got back into bed. As soon as we were there, we started making out and groping each other. At one point, he almost choked me out. That turned me on like crazy, of course. While I was still recovering, he put his hand over my mouth and blocked my nose so I couldn’t breathe. I struggled, but he was on top of me, so there was no chance of breaking free. When he finally let me breathe, he looked down at me and said, “I missed you.” That was exactly what I had been thinking.

Reaction Junkie had never successfully had anal sex before. I decided that day was the perfect time to change that. I went to the bathroom and cleaned myself out. When I went back to the bedroom, I rolled a condom on him, put some lube on it, and fucked my ass with my fingers for half a minute. Then I climbed on top of him and lowered myself onto his cock. I rode him for a while, then we did it from behind. Finally, I lay on my back while he fucked my ass, which is my absolute favorite position for anal. I loved the feeling of his cock inside my ass, which gets unfortunately little use these days. We kept fucking until Reaction Junkie got struck with a wave of exhaustion.

We cuddled up and watched Netflix, alternating How I Met Your Mother and Archer. Not gonna lie, while I got turned on by mentions of choke sex in Archer. Reaction Junkie noticed, and soon enough we were doing some choking of our own. At some point, Reaction Junkie started playing with my cunt. I focused in on it and started fantasizing. I got off. He continued rubbing my clit, and I got off a second time. He was still tired, so I watched a bit more TV and he passed out. I joined him in sleep not too much later. We napped for a couple hours and then headed back to his place.

When we got there, we messed around for a while. I told him I wanted him to get off. Once he started masturbating, I got incredibly turned on, so I joined him. I had one orgasm, and felt like I could go for another, so I went for it. After that one, I thought I’d just relax, but being next to Reaction Junkie as I listened to him and felt him moving turned me on like crazy, so I got myself off again. I was sure I’d be done after that, but I could tell Reaction Junkie was getting close. I felt my cunt clench in response, so I gave myself a fourth orgasm.

When I’d recovered, Reaction Junkie asked, “How many times was that?” “Seven,” I said, “I like that ratio. My other relationships have been too much in the other direction.” His response was, “I like it, too.” Dear god. What a fucking catch. We got ready for bed, but neither of us was tired after sleeping most of the day away, so we stayed up for a couple of hours talking and watching Netflix together.

A perfect reunion.

“No, you may not use the bathroom.” He ignores my desperate pleas as the 5 bottles of water he made me drink before the party quickly catch up with me. He tells me to stop bothering him and let him talk to people. Before I can ask again, he grabs me around the middle and squeezes me against him, continuing his conversation as if nothing is happening. I moan from the pain-tinged arousal that always results from having my full bladder compressed. The other people in the group hide their smiles and stifle their laughter, but I blush anyway, embarrassed for them to know how much this is turning me on. When he lets go, I stand next to him and dance from leg to leg as I try to focus on the conversation.

When it starts to hurt, I say in a quiet voice, “Please let me pee? It’s starting to hurt and I’m worried I’m going to wet myself.” He tells me to speak up, that it’s rude to whisper in a group. I look down at the floor, my cheeks flushed, but there’s no denying the way my cunt feels as I say, loud enough for everyone to hear, “May I please pee? It really hurts and…and I’m worried I’m going to wet myself.” He grins at me, enjoying my distress, and turns to the group, “Should I let her go to the bathroom?” he asks. The others laugh and respond, half kind, half cruel.

He considers for a moment before saying, “Let’s compromise. You may piss, but you may not use the bathroom. Sit on the floor.” He points towards the wall. I stare at him, not understanding. He gives me one of those looks and says more sharply, “Sit on the floor. Back against the wall. And spread your legs so everyone can see.” I slowly walk to the other side of the room, my bladder aching, and position myself as instructed.

The whole party is looking at me now. He walks over to me and says, “Go ahead. You have permission to piss.” “But…but I can’t. Not in front of everyone! You have to let me go to the bathroom, please!” I respond in horror. He grabs my hair, forcing me to look at him, and slaps me in the face. “Did you just refuse? And tell me what I ‘have’ to do? I think you’re forgetting how this works.” He slides his hand under my panties and continues, half turning to the group, “Besides, I can tell how much you want to do this. Your cunt is fucking soaking. You know what? Since this is your birthday party, not only am I going to forgive you for the backtalk, I’m going to be extra nice.” He hands me a vibrator. “Hold this on your clit. In addition to permission to piss, you also have permission to cum.”

Thoroughly embarrassed now, but reminded of my place by his voice and the slap, I turn on the toy and press it against my throbbing clit. I close my eyes, still feeling the pressure of everyone looking at me, and attempt to relax my muscles, trying to focus on the vibrations running through my cunt. After a minute, I’m finally able to let go. As soon as I do, I feel the relief of my emptying bladder as my panties are soaked in warm piss. I look up to see everyone watching, some people amused, some aroused, some disapproving. The humiliation and arousal and release of finally, finally being allowed to pee overwhelm me and I cum hard, legs shaking, body trembling, head pressed back against the wall.

When I’m finally feel able to think again, still shivering with aftershocks, legs gone numb, I slowly open my eyes to see him crouched over me, smiling, “Happy birthday, pisswhore.”

I just spent a day and two nights with The Anarchist Economist, and I’m working on a couple posts about all of the fun we had.

But I wanted to share one of my favorite moments. We stayed up late and played around for a while, and then we were supposedly trying to go to sleep.

But we started talking about this and that, life and experience, politics and ideology. I asked him a few questions, and he answered them thoughtfully and intelligently, and used the kind of words that really appeal to me.

I started getting turned on, so I told him I was going to masturbate and that he was going to be helpful by talking to me. I instructed him to start with fantasies, and if he ran out of ideas, to just start talking about the kinds of things we’d been discussing, or anything, really. His voice is super sexy.

I turned on my vibrator and he started describing a couple of fantasies, but then switched to talking about more academic topics. He commented that he was going to speaking at some conferences, and that he like the idea of me giving him a blowjob or hurting him while he tried to practice.

My hips bucked and I squeezed his leg a little tighter when he said that. The idea of listening to him practice is a huge turn on. Then The Anarchist Economist started describing some of what he might be talking about, and that’s when I realized I totally was going to get off listening to him talk about something academic.

He continued talking for a few minutes, and as he was winding up commentary on problems with intellectual property rights, my whole body tensed. I gasped, moaned, and came.

I immediately felt a little embarrassed, and covered my face, but I was mostly amused and pleased, so I also laughed, as did TAE. I was about to suggest that he make a recording for me, when he told me that I should be able to find videos of him at other conferences. I’m definitely going to make a personal recording of him, but in the meantime, I’m going to have to use those to get off when he isn’t here.

Lest you been concerned that, after a date with Boy Genius where he was super nice to me and then a date with sub-leaning switch Puppy, I might be getting silly ideas about being equal to men or think that what I want matters, I thought I’d share the story of the orgasm after I had my first date with Puppy.

Due to…partner issues, Marxman and I hadn’t been playing for a little while. We’ve still been talking, though, and on Friday night after my date with Puppy, we started Skyping. I told him about my night and cleaned up my living room. When I finished cleaning, we started just talking. I was being obnoxious/annoying in a way that, had we been playing, I would have described as “bratty.” Normally I don’t do that, since I like being a good girl and don’t want punishments, but I figured there wasn’t anything he could do, so I kept going, talking negatively about men, even though they’re clearly my superiors, being stubborn with him, disagreeing in silly ways, teasing him about me being obedient, etc.

At one point, I was emptying my suitcase from when I visited my owner, and I took out a paddle. I think I was teasing hitting myself with it, and he told me, with a bit of that voice, to hit myself on the ass with it. I balked and danced around for a bit, but I’d wanted to do it in the first place (hence the showing it to him), so I whacked myself a few times. It had seemed a bit like playing, but I wasn’t going to tell him what he could and couldn’t do, especially since he’d been able to do more and more things after conversations with his partner.

I went into the bathroom and we started talking about the punishment The Fascist had threatened, which was to lick the inside of the toilet while masturbating. I commented that it was super gross and I definitely didn’t want to do it. Marxman said he’d like to see it if I did, and I jokingly offered to lick the outside for him, since I had no intention of getting punished. He took me up on it, and I licked the outside of my toilet, in a headspace of being amused, not submissive. Then he told me to lick the seat. I laughed and said, “Dude. You can’t play and I’m not in subspace.” “Do you want to be in subspace?,” he asked. My response was immediate, “Always.”

His voice changed and there was a noticeable shift in the dynamic between us. “Lick the seat all the way around three times,” he commanded. I whimpered, but complied. Once, twice, three times I ran my tongue around the toilet seat. When I was done, I sat back on my heels and looked at him, feeling fuzzy and subby, my cunt hot. I waited to see what he would say next. He looked at me and said calmly, “In case you couldn’t tell, [my partner] texted.”

I shivered in a combination of arousal and nervousness. I’m very happy to have him back and able to play. He knows how to treat me, we have pretty compatible kinks, and he’s got an awesome voice and enjoys using it to help me get off. That night, despite my bratty behavior, he was kind enough to use it that way.

I spread my legs and moved the camera so he could see me holding the vibe on my clit. He started to talk to me about an ongoing shared fantasy in which he holds me down and fucks my cunt, cumming in me while I struggle and beg him not to. I told him, a bit impishly, “I wouldn’t let you cum in me.” That just made him laugh. He’s decided he wants to do it, and nothing I say or do is going to stop him, if he gets the chance. He commented about how much bigger he is than I am, about twice my size. It would be nothing for him to hold me down and do whatever he wanted to me.

He pointed out how it would be especially great to cum in me against my will because I’m not on birth control, so I’d actually be risking pregnancy.  He described filling my cunt with cum and sending me out to get EC with it dripping down my leg. He talked about taking it away from me. He said he’d cum in me many times before he’d let me use it. If he let me use it.

I begged him not to cum in me, offered him anything he wanted, tieed to reason with him. None of it changed the inevitable, although he did enjoy my pathetic attempts and whimpers. Eventually, he told me, “Tell me you want it.” I shuddered and moaned out, “Please cum in me. I want you to cum in my cunt. Fill me. I need to feel you cum inside me. I want to feel it dripping down my leg. I want you to be the first person to cum in me.” He continued talking about overpowering me and using my hole and just ignoring everything I want just for his own pleasure.

A few moments later, I had an explosive, mindblowing orgasm, thinking about him forcing me to get off at the same time he was emptying himself into me, looking into his eyes, listening to him mock me for cumming as I’m being violated like that. This orgasm was fucking ridiculous. Besides feeling like I’d gone out and being unable to move, I almost pulled a Ted Mosby on this guy I’ve known for a few weeks, no joke. Fucking neurotransmitters. It was goddamn fantastic.

What a pathetic, stupid, horny little bitch I am to have that reaction to thinking about having my unprotected cunt raped and risking being impregnated against my will, to begging to have that happen, to the idea of being taunted as it happened. The worst part is, I really don’t want it. That’s the point. I want him to know what I want and decide to ignore it because it just doesn’t matter to him.

Today was going to be low key. It started out that way, getting vegan brunch with Buzz and Lioness. Then we went and hung out in the park. A couple hours in, Buzz asked if I wanted to go back to his place. Of course I did. That’s when it got less low key.

I ended up in their bed, Buzz’s hands on my cunt while Lioness hit me and choked me. She half put me out, and I said that she could totally do it again if she wanted. A few minutes later, her hand was around my throat again, my vision started narrowing, my head went fuzzy, and then I was half-aware, but entirely uncertain as to what was going on. Obviously Lioness had choked me out, and, as I started to come out of it more, I felt more comfortable. However, they were laughing at my reaction to going out, which, in the moment, was upsetting. That, combined with the fear and stress of being choked out made me start to cry. It was sort of bad crying, but at the same time, it felt good. I guess I’m kinda into being made to cry, huh?

They immediately switched to being nice, comforted me, and then Buzz ate me out some more and got me off with his hands, I gave him a blowjob, he came in my mouth, and we all took a nap.

Vegan brunch, being choked, being made to cry, getting off, getting someone else off, and a giant nap. A good way to finish off the weekend.

Reaction Junkie just got me off once, twice, then three times, and then a fourth time. All while a show was on in the background, and even though I thought I couldn’t keep going after the second time.

My orgasms got him rock hard, so we fucked. I was desperate for him, for his cock. I needed it inside me. It felt fantastic to lower myself onto it. I rode him, whimpering and moaning, listening to the sounds he was making. I was incredibly turned on by his arousal, and by the feeling of his cock filling my cunt.

He flipped us over and fucked me. Having him thrusting into me, his weight on top of me, feeling his skin on mine, listening to our twin panting. It all just served to turn me on more. He came, which always makes me feel good about myself, and then said, “I love you.” I grinned and told him, “I love you, too.”

I’d started on the path to another orgasm as we fucked, and as soon as he was out of me, my fingers found their way to my clit. I was soaking wet from the four orgasms he’d given me and from getting the fucking I’d been craving. I rubbed myself, and soon, with much less mental effort than usual, I came hard, moaning and shuddering as the orgasm went through me. It took quite a while for it to completely subside, and I still feel spent.

He’s so goddamn sexy.

I just had an orgasm at work, sitting at my desk. I was talking to Marxman and he mentioned enjoying choking before sex, followed by a throw to the ground and then using whatever hole is most accessible based on how a bitch lands. Then he said it was usually her ass, and his previous partner didn’t get lube.

I started rubbing my cunt, and, after I got permission and sent him the requested picture, I came hard and fast, thinking about being choked, tossed around like a doll, and having my ass painfully fucked, no lube, my suffering only making him harder.

While I was sitting in my office at work, door open, visible if anyone had walked past. I’m a pathetic, desperate slut.

I just woke up and got fucked. And then we both got ourselves off, me while The Unknown Quantity fingered my “tight little ass.” His words, not mine. :)

And then I found a couple of choice messages in my inbox. One is a lovely little assumption making, rape fantasy kink shaming message. The other says that I should be shit on and beaten, not just pissed on.

Strangely enough, neither of them is on anon. I guess I appreciate the bravery(?) of not being anon when you’re sending hateful or obnoxious messages. I think I may have to answer them publicly, though. Because really? Who does that? Who sends those messages?

(Also because I think y'all will appreciate my responses.)

I just got off after a night of fun with The Unknown Quantity. After giving him a blowjob and helping him get off, of course.

To start the evening, we had delicious food and watched Firefly. Then we started playing.

He tied me to the wall, arms spread, rope around my torso, leg in the air, leaving me in a lovely little predicament. Then he started hurting me. He hit me repeatedly with his hands, and then grabbed a thick stick, involving it with the rope to leave my tits compressed and my chest tight, making it hard to breathe.

He proceeded to stab me with the little knifeplay torture device he’d used on my before. He kept going and going, and I started to cry. I hadn’t realized until that moment that I needed a good cry. I had an emotional week, both good and bad feels, and it struck me that I hadn’t cried about any of it.

I checked in with him to make sure that wouldn’t be upset if I cried more. Then I just let loose. All of the feelings of the week (jealousy, excitement, affection, sadness, loss, anxiety, connectedness, and more) struck me in a wave, and as he continued hurting me, I had the cathartic cry I hadn’t even known I needed.

I talked to Marxman about some of the things that I’ve been thinking and feeling about my tumblr and some of the reactions people have had to it. He made me feel better, so I sent him a nude as thanks, to which he responded “I have 45 minutes before I have to leave for my next class.” We decided to Skype and started to have a conversation about our lives and our pasts and had a little banter within the context of consensual misogyny back and forth. it was just lovely.

While we were talking, I saw that one of the people who’d had a negative reaction to my tumblr had reblogged something from me again. I asked him to tell me not to look at it, because I knew I would and that it would upset me. He said I was not to look at what they said, that no good would come of it. And of course he was right.

We continued talking, and he threw in some Foucault and power, ending by talking about the way the modern LGBT rights movement has been refocused on becoming “normal” with marriage as the goal. Somewhere in the middle, I started touching myself. What can I say? Theory and academic language get me hot, as does discussion of ideas of assimilation vs. liberation.

He called me out and we laughed a bit, and eventually I told him I wanted someone to use the things the kinkshamers had been saying against me, in a sexy way. He gave me permission to cum, and started telling me about all the awful things I was causing and the way I was contributing to making the world a worse place. Eventually he just started reading to me from my blog and sighing at me in a disappointed, disgusted, and little bit condescending way. He’s amazing/awful.

I came hard, listening to him read to me from my own posts, kinkshaming me, using my own words against me, while I imagined him fucking my cunt while doing so.

Then I accidentally saw the post he’d instructed me not to look at, so now I have to go to bed by 11:30. Good night everyone!

As the result of my shenanigans over the past week, and the orders from lovely dommy men that resulted, my next orgasm will be done with one of the shoes MLAM is having me masturbate with for the next week, it will be inspired by what Boy Genius has done and said  to me, as I start to cum, I have to grab the bite left on my shoulder by C4, and then, per MLAM’s instructions, immediately stop touching myself and stand up, thus ruining the orgasm.

Go play it right now. Breastie started telling me things about it a couple days ago, and I was like “lol wut” and decided I had to download it, considering the fact that this was her initial description.

While we were talking about it yesterday after I’d started playing, Breastie described her experience as below, and it’s a perfect description of my first couple minutes of this game.

Within the first half hour of this thing, I had gone on kik and asked multiple men for permission to orgasm (actually respecting the spirit of that rule, this time) because I could tell I was going to need it, and before two hours had passed, I’d gotten off three times.  All high quality orgasms.

Not only is this game weirdly hot (emphasis on the weird), it’s ridiculously hilarious. Some of my favorite quotes so far:

“Larger breasts will allow you to lactate greater amounts, tit-fuck larger cocks, and generally be a sexy bitch.”

“You awake in your camp feeling dangerous, powerful and fiercely satisfied.”

“She is thoughtful enough to give you space to breathe every few moments, rocking her hips back gently to look down into your eyes, her expression halfway between that of a doting mother and a dominatrix.”

“Being rewarded with sex for buying Cupcakes, what could be better? ”

“Your two rows of tits slide across the slick yet firm vaginal flesh of her surprisingly dexterous cunt, your massive nipples stiffening from the constant teasing massage.”

So, if weirdly hot is your thing, go play this.

After I wrote the last post, I was agitated and horny from my dash (lol complicated feminist feels), so I decided I might as well try to get off. Now, the goal there was definitely to help me fall asleep. I’d fallen asleep on my floor around 11 or midnight, and woke up around 2:30am, and proceeded to be super productive. But it was 6ish before I attempted to go back to bed, and I just really wanted to try to have an orgasm and get an hour or two more sleep.

I opened up Chat Now on kik, hoping I’d be able to message someone on there, not a man I actually know. I got myself close with my reliable bullet, thinking about getting pissed on and verbally degraded, and then flipped a coin. Luckily, it was heads and then tails (once I saw the first heads, I knew I’d be able to go on kik, but MLAM’s instructions were to flip it twice, so I did.). I opened up kik and found two people to respond to. I explained to each of them that I need to ask a man for permission to cum, and that I send nudes as thanks. I was unlucky.

One of them said “Ill give you permission later….. but i think imma have fun with you first” and the other said, “I will give you permission, but not yet (; I like to edge you.. Make you really want it” and when I told him I was edging it, asked me “What’s your naughtiest fantasy?” and ” Do you like to be called dirty names?”

At that point, I was losing the progress I’d made towards getting off. I need to focus to get there, especially if I’m tired. I wouldn’t have been able to stay anywhere close to cumming if I’d been using my hands, which is something I want to do more, just to switch it up. I’m not sure if keeping myself close while I talk to these men is a necessary part of it, but if so, that may not be very possible.

I was ready to give up, so I told the one who said he wanted to have fun with me first, “I’m looking to get off so I can go to sleep. I don’t have time to do anything extended, and I’m on the edge.” and said to the one who was asking questions, “Sigh. Forget it.” I won’t deny that I hoped one would take pity and give me permission/would give me permission so they would get nudes, but I was also prepared to just stop. Ordinarily in would have played a along with the for a little while, but I wanted to get some more sleep.

The question asked told me “cum!” and before I saw it, I said “I’m exhausted and just wanted to get off and go to sleep. :(” He continued, “cum. You can cum. Cum hard” which did kind of bug me, maybe because of his assumption that I’d cum right at his command, like I’d been so close despite him, a stranger, saying he wanted to edge me and asking me questions, like everyone can just cum at the drop of a hat so damn easily. Well, I sent him a photobomb nude and then went to work finishing myself off. I came, thinking about being made to kneel in a bathtub, get myself close to orgasm, being verbally degraded and humiliated and pissed on and then being allowed to cum only when I opened my mouth to be pissed into. (Please don’t do this to me. Don’t throw me in the briar patch!)

I’m not sure about how this went. On the one hand, I don’t think it was necessarily wrong of me to tell those men that I had limited time and wouldn’t be willing to play with them, since even if my pleasure is only at the permission of men, I still have real-world confines to take into consideration, like needing more sleep. On the other hand, I didn’t give them what they wanted, and I acted like my orgasm was about me and what I got from it, even if that was just help sleeping. That’s not true. My orgasms are only available to me because men allow them, because they get some enjoyment from doing that.

Also, I didn’t really feel like a toy or like they were superior to me. I have a hard time getting that with random dudes. I probably should do a better job of putting those interactions in the context MLAM has constructed, but I’m still going to have a hard time.

(Playing with orgasms is on the edge for me because I didn’t have one until freshman year of undergrad (I also didn’t masturbate until, and used to have a hard time getting off (thanks SSRIs). Now I can get off consistently, with the right stimulation, but things like actual orgasm denial or being forbidden to get myself off hold no interest for me. It’s not a challenge to not get off from someone stimulating me, and masturbation is important to me as a sleep aide, and to explore fantasies.)

Early this week, MLAM took all of his orders off me that require time and/or a lot of effort so that I can get my life in order. No more floor sleeping (although I will admit that I fell asleep on the floor while eating snacks twice this week), no more 30 minutes with the dildo, etc. He also said, “If I feel you’re taking advantage of this reprieve - socializing more than you should thereby not getting things done, say - I won’t hesitate to punish you. But I know you and your ability to define and then behave well are incredible so I don’t imagine I’ll need to worry about punishing you.” which is a wonderful compliment to get from the person who owns me. He gave me permission to do my normal weekly socializing, but said that he would shut them down if he felt like they were getting in the way of my productivity. It was all very paternal and sweet, and makes me feel cared for.

I’m to finish getting my shit together by the weekend after this one, or else I can’t go out. I have a list of things I feel I should accomplish before then. I feel a bit bad because I don’t feel like the threat to have to stay in is much of a threat, right now the only person I have around here who treats me the way I ought to be treated is Legolas, and he’ll be out of town next weekend. I am talking to a couple interesting people on okcupid, though. And really, disappointing MLAM is motivation enough on its own.

Also, I made my own life slightly more difficult by telling MLAM during our Skype convo that I felt like the orgasm instructions I’m under were getting too easy. I was getting bunch of permissions from men on kik, during work, say, and then not having to think about it for a week. He asked me how it could be more difficult, and I mentioned having to ask someone I actually know, but also I didn’t want to have to do that every time. He came up with a great compromise, which is that I have to flip a coin twice. If it comes up tails both times, I have to ask a man I actually know. This, I like and think makes it suitably difficult, especially considering that Legolas’ reaction when I asked if I could ask him was to say yes, but that he’d make me pay for it, deny me, or ruin it.

Additionally, I have to get myself up to the edge before I can ask. This part I’m more mixed on. It certainly does make it difficult, but it’s also causing me some not-so-sexy real anxiety about masturbating, and I haven’t done it since this was put on me on Monday. I tend to use orgasms to help me get to sleep, and feeling anxious about masturbation isn’t exactly conducive to that. I’ll try it out this weekend when I have more time and will be doing it when the men I might ask will actually be awake, and I’ll see how it goes.

So, the Monday before last, Legal Lolita and I went to a private rope event at Legolas’ place. We got instructions on what to wear from C4, although really, I would have worn basically the same thing I ended up wearing.

When we got there, I immediately removed my heels because heels make me feel silly a lot of the time. We got introduced to a few people, and chatted a little bit. One of the guys there was introduced to us as “The best rigger in the city…when he’s in the city,” so, basically one of the very best around.

He said he was going to teach people how to do a TK, with a modification he’d made when his bottom had said it wasn’t hard enough. Legolas poked at me to come get tied for this one, and I got up and followed him. We’d texted a bit about what I was looking for, and I said I liked having it be difficult to breathe, painful ties, and being off balance. This fit the bill wonderfully. As he was getting me tied in to the hard point he asked me how it was and I said that it wasn’t too bad. The guy who was teaching commented that that sounded like a challenge. Nope. Not me. Not once, not ever. He had me on my toes, and then tied one of my legs up. I believe I said at that point “not mean enough,” and he pulled me up some more until mmph. It was difficult to breathe and I couldn’t stay stable, and it was not at all comfortable. Mean enough. :D

After Legolas was done with me, I sat around for a while, made an attempt at learning, and ate. After a while, C4 arrived, and asked if he could tie me up. I had to wait and play photographer for Legal Lolita, so we sat for a while talking and him petting me until I was able to snap some shots of her looking lovely in rope. They kept hanging out, and C4 and I went back to the couch. We were talking and he was being dommy and stuff and it was great fun. The only thing that rubbed me the wrong way was when he said something about my pleasure being a mere byproduct of men’s pleasure, and I responded in agreement, saying that my pleasure is an “emergent property” of men’s pleasure. That got me chastised. He’s real big on me not thinking while I’m subbing. Now, don’t get me wrong, part of why I like being in that role is that it lets me give up control and planning to someone else. However, a big part of the reason I like kink is that it makes me think. Not to mention, I’m quite intelligent and can be very entertaining. Intellectual pleasure is just as important as sexual and physical pleasure. If you’re going to use me, use my body AND mind, why dontcha? (Not to be all dualist. You know what I mean.)

C4 tied me and was suitably mean, tightening it around my chest when I said it could be tighter and passed it through my legs and made it fairly uncomfortable to sit. He said some lovely mean things to me, as well.

At some point, Legal Lolita and I swapped men. She and C4 were together on the couch, and I was sitting on the floor. Legolas grabbed my hair and pulled me over to him, which is a move I adore. We spent a little while talking about things, and about him fucking my ass later. After a little while, things started winding down, and when the last person left, Legal Lolita and I definitely give each other looks. I was very interested to see what was going to happen next.

We headed upstairs, to Legolas’ room and the guys discussed what to do with us. Eventually, it was decided, and they tied us back to back against the stripper pole, with our arms up above our heads. Each of them grabbed a Hitachi and went to work. I had Legolas at this point, and he started using the vibrator and his hands on me and being degrading and awful. It was going really well and then all of a sudden I heard Legal Lolita crying. I had no idea what had happened, and Legolas and I stopped for a minute. I could kind of hear them talking, but still wasn’t sure what had happened. Legolas took my arms down from being up over my head, and by the time I finally figured out that C4 had slapped Legal Lolita, I realized that she probably did not want him to be the one comforting her. I almost said something but was still kind of frozen. Finally, I went over to her and asked her if she wanted me. She did, and I put my still tied together wrists over her head and hugged her while she cried. She seemed to be coming out of being upset, and when she blew her nose and it was so very loud, we all laughed, which seemed to break the tension. We went back to playing, which I now know may not have been the best choice, because what had happened wasn’t just that she’d cried from a slap, but that she’d been triggered, and he hadn’t asked about slapping before doing it. It’s not my experience to wrire about, though.

Legal Lolita and I both got back into position, and I asked Legolas to be mean to me for a minute so that I could get back in the right headspace. He told me that he was going to use me and then toss me out into the street without my clothes. “It’s a rough street. You won’t last 20 minutes,” he said. Hhhng. So hot. That got me back in and he continued saying delightfully cruel things to me until I asked him for permission to cum. He gave it to me, and when it was over, he kept the wand on me and asked if I could go for another. I often can’t, and that was the first time I’d ever had an orgasm standing up. But then I realized that I was still crazy turned on, and he got me off a second time. Fuck. Thank you, mister.

We switched the guys again at that point, and C4 told me he wanted what he didn’t get in the bathroom. He started using a Hitachi on me at one point, and tried to force an orgasm out of me. I eventually had to tell him to stop because it was painful and wasn’t going to happen. He apparently hadn’t realized I’d already had two, and understood why I stopped him when I explained. He turned to Legolas and said something like “You took all the fun.” Legolas was all “wevs.”

But he hadn’t taken all the fun! Because then C4 started fucking my cunt, and his cock felt great. I had previously told him I didn’t want to get choked out, but while he was using my hole, I changed my mind and asked him to do it. That was something of a mistake on my part. See, I had a previous boyfriend decide to wake me up with piv when we’d only really discussed waking each other up with hands and mouths. At the time, I was okay, but afterwards, thinking about it, it made me fairly upset. Now I don’t like the idea of waking up to piv in progress. It doesn’t cause me to panic, but it leaves me with a dirty, off kilter feeling to think about it.

I didn’t think things through, but when I came to from being choked, it was akin to waking up to piv. I had to have C4 stop for a minute while I processed things. I think I might be done with being choked out for a while. Except for MLAM. I want him to choke me out, especially now that I know I like it a lot.

C4 and I kept playing, with the sounds of Legal Lolita getting off like whoa in the background. During the play, C4 told me not to apologize, which was a strange thing to me. If I fuck up while I’m in that place, I should apologize, right?.Plus, I apologize too much in real life. It would definitely be an interesting experience to try not to apologize, especially since my reaction to being told “Stop saying you’re sorry” is to say “Oops. I’m sorry!”

After a little while of C4 fucking me, I heard Legolas say something about dping “the stupid one.” (Thats me!) C4 agreed, and Legolas checked in with me and asked if I was up for it, and I somewhat nervously/hesitantly said I was up for trying. They both instantly reassured me that I could say red at any time, and they wouldn’t be grumps about it. C4 asked what Legal Lolita was going to do while this was happening. He suggested she put them in me, and she started to hesitantly agree when I jumped in. I couldn’t tell for sure how she felt about it, but I sure as hell knew how I felt. “No!” Legal Lolita said she’d watch, “for science.”

People shuffled around and I was on top of C4 with his cock in my pussy. Legolas asked if I I was ready, and I said yes. He paused and then asked “Is your ass ready, or are you stupid enough to have me fuck you dry?” I am not that stupid. C4 told me to ask nicely to have Legolas get me ready, and I did. I was all prepared to have two cocks in me, but it didn’t happen. My ass was too tight, and things were just not cooperating. C4 kept fucking me for a while, and at one point Legolas was using my mouth and C4 was using my cunt, which was an interesting experience.

Eventually, Legolas wanted my ass. He roughly pushed me around the bed, and had me lay sideways  and prepare myself. Goddamn. He always reminds me that I love anal. His cock felt great going in and in and this time, in this position, I did manage to take all of it. I’m pretty happy with myself for that. I still need work, though.

He fucked me hard and rough and it was fantastic. At one point, he pushed in and it was a bit much and his response to my reaction was, “Ask me to fuck you harder.” So I did. Jesus fuck that was hot. It did hurt somewhat towards the end, and although I made some sounds, when he asked if they were complaints, I said no. He responded that was good, because he doesn’t care. At one point be told me, “Shut. Up. This isn’t about you.” I fucking loved that. While he was using my hole, he was making some very sexy noises, too. When he was about to cum, he pulled out and gave me the promised facial.

While he was stroking his cock, he looked me in the eyes and told me that he hated me. That he didn’t respect me. That I was just a traitor to my gender. He said very mean, harsh things, and it turned me on so fucking much. I absolutely loved it. He came all over my face. A lot.

He got up and said, “How do you feel?” I could only respond “Used.” He told me, “Well, you look used.”  I was just completely spent from the rope and the orgasms and the piv and the anal and the things he’d said and I just laid there, used up.

Legolas tossed a towel at me, and I was going to ask C4 to cum on my face as well, since that’s what I’d offered MLAM. But then I wanted to make sure C4 knew why I was asking. I started to say something, but there was cum all over my face and getting in my nose and it bubbled on my lips when I tried to talk, and I just lost it. I buried my face in the towel and cracked the fuck up. It felt fan-fucking-tastic.

Earlier, after he was done using my hole, Legolas had said something along the lines of “Barely adequate.” Later, he came back over and was being nice, and told me I did great. I grinned at him and said, “Not just adequate?” He was supes adorbs and pretended to whisper that I’d done great so  the others wouldn’t hear. IIRC, he said I made him cum hard. What a good slut I can be.

C4 left, and Legal Lolita asked if I needed cuddles. I didn’t really need a lot of aftercare, exactly. Her presence didn’t ruin anything by any means, but it did keep me from getting super into the headspace for the most part. I was thinking about her and wanting her to be happy and feel good about what was happening, so I kept more of the intelligent, analyzing Little Feminist Bitch at the front of my mind than I usually do. As a result, I didn’t let the things that were said and done hit me as hard or as fully as usual. I did want cuddles, though, plus, I wasn’t sure if I might  get upset later, so having them preemptively seemed like a good idea.

I invited Legal Lolita to join us cuddling, as well, and we chatted and giggled and I felt great. We left after not too long, because Legolas usually goes to bed pretty early, and because I had plenty of driving still to do. I ended up getting home pretty damn late, but I really enjoyed the evening, excepting, of course,  the problems with poor consent practices, and Legal Lolita getting triggered. I’m looking forward to the next one, which will probably involve more getting tied up and learning, and less sex and bad things. 

The year ends and we prepare for 2017. Since June 6th to the end of December, my wife has had 217 orgasms. I have had 4. My for 2017 is to give her at least 365 orgasms. What I experience is totally up to her! Thanks for following me.

I came across this picture and really wanted to share it. It’s not mine but I don’t know the source. If anyone knows who I can give credit to let me know!