Dream melodramatic ot3 declaration of feelings scenario (that I’m thinking about post-s5, but could certainly work for Redemption) is this:
This time it’s Eliot who steps on the bomb.
They’re only meant to be doing recon, and he almost wants to laugh when he hears the click, a little past the boundary of their mark’s sprawling land. Years of precautions and paranoia and he’s about to get taken out by a fucking booby-trap like an expendable character in one of Hardison’s action movies.
Parker and Hardison are still walking up ahead, and for a second he thinks about letting them go, letting them get clear of the danger zone and then just lifting his foot. Only he swallows, watching them, lump rising fast in his throat—he hasn’t been scared of death itself for a long, long time, but the idea of never talking to them again, never looking at them again, never telling them—
Well. It’s unbearable.
Besides that, while the placement of the device suggests it’s the only one, he can’t be sure, and besides that, it doesn’t take them long to notice he’s no longer right behind them.
‘You okay?’ Hardison calls, and the look on Eliot’s face must be answer enough, because they’re both coming back to him before he can choke out a warning.
‘So yeah,’ he manages, when they’re within a few feet of him. He holds himself very, very still, even as his heart seems to hurl itself over and over at the walls of his chest. ‘Looks like our guy went to the Udall school of home security.’
‘Eliot,’ Parker whispers, eyes dropping to his feet. Her mouth sets into a firm line. ‘How do we fix this?’
‘You can’t.’
‘It’s okay; we’re gonna figure it out,’ Hardison assures him.
‘You should get out of here,’ Eliot says, through gritted teeth. There are no wires for Parker to pull this time, no clever computer resets for Hardison to try.
‘We’re not doing that,’ Hardison says immediately, dropping to a crouch to try to get a better look at the barely-buried pressure plate, and Eliot wants to scream.
‘You need—I’m serious, you both need to get as far away as possible. We don’t know if this thing’s on a timer or—’
‘Then we’d better figure it out fast,’ Parker says, squatting down next to Hardison.
Then they’re talking to each other, the two of them, but he’s not really processing what they’re saying. Instead his pulse is thundering in his ears and he’s thinking about the pie he’d planned on making later. How they’d have both picked at the raw pastry and he’d have pretended to be annoyed at them. How they’d have argued they had just as much say in how this pie came together, because Eliot had dragged them out of the city to pick the berries specially (had watched the two of them goof around—Parker smushing a ripe blackberry against Hardison’s mouth and then kissing the deep purple stains away, Hardison putting Parker up on his shoulders so she could reach high into the hedgerows—and felt the odd mix of longing and deep contentment that is sunk into his bones by now, thrumming warm and sweet through his veins, settled forever into every atom).
It would’ve been good, that pie, and it would have been even better to watch them eat it, Parker with so much ice cream she’d get brain freeze, Hardison with that awful powder mix custard, at their dinner table in their home that they built together.
‘I need to tell you something,’ Eliot says.
‘—makes sense that it’d be deactivated remotely,’ Hardison is saying.
‘I need to tell you something,’ Eliot says, louder.
It really IS like [Eliot in the shower, curtain pulls back, Hardison: “hey are we - stop screaming it’s just me - are we past your emotional and physical barriers yet?”] tho.
I want this fic. I want BOTH of these fics. I want Hardison & Parker deciding that if Eliot isn’t going to be talkative on his own, the occasional fun and festive Shower Ambush is the way to go. He’s flustered enough to shoot answers from the hip, and naked enough to not escape easily. The escalation from ‘where’s the orange soda?’ to ‘you know we know you love us, right?’ would be a thing of beauty.
Plus, who’s going to pass up that gun (…and etc.) show? (Hardison is, because he’s a gentleman whose Nana raised him right. He [mostly] doesn’t look. Parker looks. Unabashedly. And occasionally tries to poke a scar that she hasn’t seen before. At one point a slap fight may or may not happen.)
AASJSHDHSHDHHSD“flustered enough to shoot answers from the hip and naked enough to not escape easily”
I’LL TAKE PHRASES THAT WILL LIVE IN MY HEAD RENT FREE FROM NOW ON FOR 500 ALEX
…so I wrote this It turned out SLIGHTLY more intense in places than I’d anticipated, but I kept my goofy first title idea anyway… and a lot of specific lines from this thread. So thanks to @eliot-wolfgirl-spencer,@bisexualeliotspencer, and @sun-lit-roses for the inspiration!
And I hope you all enjoy my offering of Shower Thoughts: Five times Hardison and Parker interrupt Eliot’s shower and one time he gets revenge interrupts Hardison’s
Headcanon that right after THAT scene in redemption, the next moment Hardison and Parker have on their own Hardison turns to Parker and goes “What do you mean ‘Eliot’s looking for romance’? What do you mean "It’s not the same with us?! Babe, are we- are wenot dating Eliot, somehow?” “I don’t think he thinks he is dating us. He’s just dating us… platonically.” “We said "til death do us part”.“ "Hm-hm.” “We’ve been living together for the past 8 years. We have cuddle piles. I figured he isn’t into the sexy stuff with us but more power to him and-” “Maybe we should have talked about it.” “I thought we did! I bought him a brewpub! I thought it was obvious! Who says 'til death do us part’ platonically!” “Eliot.” “… But we’re still good, right?” “Yeah, of course, all the pretzels.” “And we’re both still in love with Eliot.” “Naturally.” “Good. Okay, cool, that’s a relief, at least that.” “…” “…” “Let’s go steal us an Eliot?” “Let’s go steal us an Eliot. Properly this time.”
sterling is so funny because the leverage crew gives him endless grief and they snark at him and he snarks back but god forbid some other department wants to jail them or something because excuse me that’s his group of bothersome thieves and no one can touch them except him
#idk I just want sterling to be at the ot3s wedding as a joke invite but when he’s asked if he’s going he snatches the invitation and is like #NONE OF YOUR BUISNESS and then proceeds to get a thoughtful wedding gift #or a joke one your choice
The wedding gift is the location and specs of an obscenely high-tech kitchen gadget that actually does something really useful. He doesn’t give them the item, of course–if they want it, they have to come steal it from him. Said gadget is inside multiple nested safes (some computerized, some purely mechanical), inside a secure vault, inside a building with a good security system. There are a handful of not-particularly-assiduous guards (you know, just enough for Eliot to feel like he’s needed, without him having to actually work on his honeymoon). There are elaborate gratuitous laser grids both inside and outside of the vault. Each one has a conspicuously laser-free area just large enough to hold two deck chairs and a mini-cooler of beer and orange soda.
In the innermost safe, next to the gadget, are three feedback forms and a pre-addressed, stamped envelope so they can critique the security measures at their leisure. Mr. Quinn is waiting to “catch” them on the way out to ensure Eliot gets one satisfying, low-stakes fight out of this job. (There are, again, two convenient deck chairs nearby, but this time the cooler is stocked with orange soda and chocolate milk.)
