It really IS like [Eliot in the shower, curtain pulls back, Hardison: “hey are we - stop screaming it’s just me - are we past your emotional and physical barriers yet?”] tho.
I want this fic. I want BOTH of these fics. I want Hardison & Parker deciding that if Eliot isn’t going to be talkative on his own, the occasional fun and festive Shower Ambush is the way to go. He’s flustered enough to shoot answers from the hip, and naked enough to not escape easily. The escalation from ‘where’s the orange soda?’ to ‘you know we know you love us, right?’ would be a thing of beauty.
Plus, who’s going to pass up that gun (…and etc.) show? (Hardison is, because he’s a gentleman whose Nana raised him right. He [mostly] doesn’t look. Parker looks. Unabashedly. And occasionally tries to poke a scar that she hasn’t seen before. At one point a slap fight may or may not happen.)
AASJSHDHSHDHHSD“flustered enough to shoot answers from the hip and naked enough to not escape easily”
I’LL TAKE PHRASES THAT WILL LIVE IN MY HEAD RENT FREE FROM NOW ON FOR 500 ALEX
…so I wrote this It turned out SLIGHTLY more intense in places than I’d anticipated, but I kept my goofy first title idea anyway… and a lot of specific lines from this thread. So thanks to @eliot-wolfgirl-spencer,@bisexualeliotspencer, and @sun-lit-roses for the inspiration!
And I hope you all enjoy my offering of Shower Thoughts: Five times Hardison and Parker interrupt Eliot’s shower and one time he gets revenge interrupts Hardison’s
someone help I want to make a series out of the goons that blog about the leverage ot3 on the dark web but I can’t find all the posts I made goon headcanons in the tags
I have come to the decision that I need to read more Leverage fics where Eliot goes on a rampage and just absolutely obliterates a bunch of people for taking/hurting Parker or Hardison. This could mean him slipping back into Murder Eliot mode, ruthless and calculating and efficient no one who gets in his way is left alive or this could mean him going off script; Nate, Sophie and Parker or hardison (whoever wasn’t taken ofc) try to make a plan and figure it out but when they finally look up to ask Eliot his input he’s just fuckin gone, and they’re all like shit fuck Eliot’s about to kill people, but Eliot only knocks everybody out and comes back in later with whoever was taken/hurt cradled in his arms and he’s just whispering reassurances and comfort to them and maybe he’s injured bc he couldn’t care less about being hurt he just had to get them back and eventually he’ll tend to himself but right now parker/hardison is the priority and besides, he’s always had worse and is well equipped to handle a “little” pain (depending on how much you like whump) and just aidbsbsndjxj
Lots of protective!Eliot and ot3 vibes
Anyway hit me up with links if ya know anything like that pls or maybe I should write smth like this myself
Hardison was the first to run across videos of “the chocolate guy.” When he excitedly shoved his phone under Eliot’s nose (while Eliot was cooking, as if he didn’t have to keep an eye on the pan on the stove to keep it from burning), Eliot pasted on a resigned smile and obediently watched whatever Hardison was so excited about this time.
His eyebrows climbed higher and higher as the concoction progressed to become an incredibly realistic ornate compass. (Hardison was the one who had to pause the video and ask if the stuff on the stove was supposed to be starting to smoke like that.) After salvaging his recipe, Eliot oh-so-casually asked who the video was of and if there were any more.
Parker required no convincing to be interested. Any chef described as “the chocolate guy” was worth checking out in her book, although after the first few she insisted on having cookies or something around when watching, because her mouth was watering by the end of every video.
Which was why, some months later when Nate and Sophie dropped by for a visit, Nate was flummoxed to have a large model ship set in front of him on a platter after dinner.
Eliot presented it with a grin and a flourish. Parker hovered over his shoulder, bouncing on the balls of her feet. Sophie tried and failed to cover her smirk across the table, eyes sparkling with glee. Hardison was filming.
Nate shot a suspicious look at all of them. “…What’s this?”
“Dessert,” said Eliot, innocently.
Nate took a second look at the ship, baffled. It looked like one of his models, albeit perhaps slightly smoother and glossier in places than usual. The majority of the ship was a deep brown with a subtle grain and accents of a paler wood. The daintily carved figurehead of a woman had Sophie’s face, and the name painted in gold on the side was “Leverage.” The rigging…wait.
Nate leaned closer to peer at it. The rigging looked right at first glance, and second, but upon closer inspection the lines were too smooth and they appeared to be fused rather than knotted together.
His brow furrowed.
The sails…weren’t fabric. They had a subtle texture resembling woven threads, but a look at the edges revealed that the furled sheets were a little too thick and solid to match the “weave.”
Nate sat back, frowning. The others were still grinning at him.
“OK, I give up. How is a model ship ‘dessert’?”
Eliot pulled out a large knife and sliced cleanly through the deck, placing the prow of the ship onto a smaller dessert plate and revealing the layers of decadent fillings inside.
“Like that.”
“You…Youmadethis?”
“We all made it!” Parker burst out, in a rush. “Eliot made the hull and all the fillings and flavorings, and Hardison cast the masts and stuff out of chocolate and molded all the details, and I assembled all the finicky stuff!”
“And ate slightly excessive quantities of chocolate while working,” chuckled Hardison, putting a gentle hand on her shoulder.
Nate shook his head. He shot Sophie a vaguely accusatory look. “You knew.”
“I did show you those videos Hardison sent months ago, you know” she said. Her amusement faded into a fond smile. “Happy birthday, Nate.”
mcsweeten being in leverage redemption and still having not a clue that parker and hardison are, in fact, not federal agents and are actually world-class criminals
or at some point between the finale and now he did find out, and then some government official gets wind of one of their heists and is jabbing their finger at a blurry image of parker and hardison mid-thievery and with a completely straight face, mcsweeten explains that guys, those are agents hagen and thomas and they are working on an undercover op and were in no way at all involved of what is inconveniencing the government now
and the government official keeps trying to explain they are criminals but mcsweeten just pulls up their dossiers and credentials and he can literally see the vein throbbing in the man’s forehead but he just smiles says that he has personally worked with agent hagen and would trust her with his life
Ok but consider this the team comes clean and Mcsweeten takes it hard and says he needs some times alone . After a few days they go to check on him and find his apartment empty. Panicking they go to the FBI and find out that his office is empty too. After some discrete probing from Sophie they discover that Mcsweeten never existed . Apparently this was a brilliantly crafted false personality used by a mysterious spy who has managed to infiltrate the highest levels of the FBI
The team stunned and with their professional pride hurt decade to join in on the task force designed to hunt Mcsweeten . They finally track him down and burst into the warehouse only see … a surprise party with every member of the task force they thoguht they left in the dust and Mcsweeten who goes “I loved your prank where you tried to make me think you were criminals so I decided to play one on you as well. Thgouht it would be great for team building !”
And the episode just ends with the team unable to decide if Mcsweeten is really that oblivious or if he really is playing a massive prank on them
sterling is so funny because the leverage crew gives him endless grief and they snark at him and he snarks back but god forbid some other department wants to jail them or something because excuse me that’s his group of bothersome thieves and no one can touch them except him
#idk I just want sterling to be at the ot3s wedding as a joke invite but when he’s asked if he’s going he snatches the invitation and is like #NONE OF YOUR BUISNESS and then proceeds to get a thoughtful wedding gift #or a joke one your choice
The wedding gift is the location and specs of an obscenely high-tech kitchen gadget that actually does something really useful. He doesn’t give them the item, of course–if they want it, they have to come steal it from him. Said gadget is inside multiple nested safes (some computerized, some purely mechanical), inside a secure vault, inside a building with a good security system. There are a handful of not-particularly-assiduous guards (you know, just enough for Eliot to feel like he’s needed, without him having to actually work on his honeymoon). There are elaborate gratuitous laser grids both inside and outside of the vault. Each one has a conspicuously laser-free area just large enough to hold two deck chairs and a mini-cooler of beer and orange soda.
In the innermost safe, next to the gadget, are three feedback forms and a pre-addressed, stamped envelope so they can critique the security measures at their leisure. Mr. Quinn is waiting to “catch” them on the way out to ensure Eliot gets one satisfying, low-stakes fight out of this job. (There are, again, two convenient deck chairs nearby, but this time the cooler is stocked with orange soda and chocolate milk.)
AU where people age until they reach 18 and then stop aging until they meet their soul mate so they can grow old together.
i’d never die
but imagine already being in a relationship at 18 and then at 22 you’re both sitting there looking at each other and realizing that you both haven’t aged a day
imagine platonically moving in with ur best friend at 18 and then realizing a few years later that you’ve been aging together
imagine purposely never finding your soul mate so you can reign eternal
holy shit i think we may have stumbled upon the greatest romance/adventure concept ever
What if you killed your soul mate so you’d make sure you never aged.
This just makes me really want a story where the main antagonist is someone who has been killing their soulmate for centuries whenever they find them, and the main protagonist is the newly re-incarnated version of their soulmate
ukai/reader where ukai develops a big fat crush on the prim and proper math teacher at karasuno… finds every possible reason to cross paths with you… calls you sensei…
I think it’s interesting that tabletop warlock bargains generally operate on the idea of eternal servitude or owning your soul or whatever but there is a world of alternatives that range from funny, dramatic, or just plain interesting. Consider:
Patron was sealed for a long period of time, and more than seeking their revival, they miss the world and its experiences, and thus seek warlocks who are willing to share their senses with their patron and thus ameliorate the loneliness and fatigue of ages
Patron likes money and valuables and will bequeath power in exchange for a warlock who will share their adventuring fortunes.
Patron has a chaotic sense of humor and likes fire and explosions; causing spectacular destruction pleases them.
Patron is just kind of a (relatively wholesome) frat bro who gave the warlock powers because they decided the warlock was chill and could hang, maintaining powers hinges on navigating said relationship. Patron may manifest physically for the exclusive purpose of fistbumping warlock if they do something really cool.
Patron is a foodie and warlock is a chef traveling the world looking for rare ingredients and lost techniques to construct dishes that please their patron’s palate
Patron is a literal patron- warlock is an artist of any form and the patron commissions them for works from time to time.
Warlock babysits (or performs another service) for patron, who prefers to pay them in dark powers.
Variant on above where warlock is occasionally ordered to perform various esoteric tasks such as delivering an object to a site or obtaining something and sending it to their patron- they are simply running their reclusive patron’s errands as the latter would rather not leave home.
Patron and warlock promised to be best friends forever when one or both of them was a small child and patron takes that very seriously
Patron likes blood but is disinterested in full-body sacrifices as their particular taste means that some people are exceptionally delectable to them, and it seeks to prolong those people’s lives as long as possible in exchange for semi-regular ‘blood donations’
Patron was disembodied and in exchange for being allowed to inhabit the warlock’s flesh, is willing to fight to defend the shared body.
Patron specifically seeks to cultivate adventurers and support them throughout their career, in a manner similar to a professional wrestler’s manager.
Warlock was a child sacrifice, offered live, at a dark altar; patron has an interesting definition of what ‘the child is now mine’ entails.
Patron is an alternate timeline ‘potential future’ of the warlock’s who is either trying to influence events to ensure their timeline or prevent it.
“ Patron likes blood but is disinterested in full-body sacrifices as their particular taste means that some people are exceptionally delectable to them, and it seeks to prolong those people’s lives as long as possible in exchange for semi-regular ‘blood donations’ “ This likely confuses most vampires.
Depending on your interpretations of vampires, you could roll this WITH a vampire as a patron. Just imagine an eccentric and highly out of touch ancient vampire noble who doesn’t get out much and is like a weird old high society uncle who chortles at your latest antics like ohohoh, delightful, take this and go give them what for, would you? and hands you an extremely evil sword.
‘Traditional’ Warlock: I sold my soul for power
Former human sacrifice: Dad’s a little overprotective
You like the fan videos, am I correct, @cemini-winchester ? I might be a wee bit obsessed with them. This is one, of my many, favorites! Who wouldn’t drop their panties, undergarments, for this “Bad guy”?
Love your blog!!
Please enjoy with me!
XOXO, Liz
Whatever did I do to you! STOP! DADDY DEAN IS TOO MUCH FOR ME. There’s too much sexy on both our blog. I might combust into Jensen-loving goo… on the other, another video won’t hurt. So thank you
I love your blog too
Look now, I believe that you started it! I was FUCKING ASLEEP, and I wake up to your foolishness!?!?!!! Looks like I’ll be reading some filthy, Dean Winchester filth for the rest of the night!!
P.S. TOO MUCH SEXY DEAN, I don’t believe it exists!
LISTEN HERE LIZ! I WAS MINDING MY DAMN BUSINESS UNTIL I SAW YOUR GORGEOUS DEAN STUFF! I was thinking of other men I might possibly like but you appeared on my feed. So the way I see it, we are both at fault with this Jensen based tomfoolery. The doctor prescribed Dean fics for me too. I’ll probably be on this for days.
So thank you
*snickers*. I love the way you stated your last thought!
“I’ll probably be on THIS for days.”
I could be on THAT for days too! Hope until I couldn’t feel my legs! I’ve often thought of being the “CREAM(ED) FILLING” in a Winchester sandwich! Holy Shit, my mind is really in the gutter now!! What have you done to me at 2:30 in the morning?!!!
If I may be crass, I have been on this even today thinking of this…
Doing me. He literally had me arch my back a few hours ago. whoops
Oh please, be as CRASS as you want! I’ve thought a lot of this man.
Let’s “Save a horse, Ride a Cowboy”!!
FUCK! Now I’m not to search for Cowboy Dean Winchester smut fics! I’ll happily tag you if, (when) I find a really great one. I’m dedicated to my friends, new and old, like that!!
YES!!! FUCKING PLEASE! Any good Dean fics send them my way. I am not opposed to wincest either so DONT BE SHY!
Okay@cemini-winchester After an extensive search for Cowboy!Dean smut, (with Wincest in the search criteria) I’ve decided that it doesn’t really exist and it absolutely MUST! I’m gonna have a add one more thing to my list of “What I should be writing.” Fair warning though, I write very slowly. But it’s in my brain now and I’m can’t just leave it there without the proper attention it deserves!
hey want to see something gorgeous but viscerally discomfiting?
No <3
okey doke!
TheMauritius “underwater waterfall” is not a true waterfall but an naturally occurring optical! In the sense that that’s not water falling, it’s sand and silt shifting! Shifting down a 4000-meter-deep abyssal drop. It is in fact exactly as deep as it looks, sorry :)
I think we should write unnecessary sequels to public-domain classics.
I wanna read Dracula 2: Sherlock Holmes and the Curse of Dracula’s Ghost. I wanna read Pride and Prejudice 2: Elizabeth Has a Gun.
This is literally Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
No, it’s not. P&P&Z is a re-imagining of the original plot, not a sequel. I want to give Elizabeth a gun after the events of the first novel are concluded.
who would Elizabeth have beef enough to kill over with?
Idk, I haven’t actually read P&P since school and I honestly don’t remember it all that well, but that’s the magic of writing unnecessary sequels to public-domain works. It could be whoever we want it to be.
George Wickham.
Lydia comes to Pemberley for a visit, sans her husband because Darcy will not let that man set foot in their house after what he did to Georgiana. And she’s just as bubbly as usual, just as chatty. Until Darcy makes his excuses and leaves the two sisters sitting in front of the fire, and after a slight pause Lydia informs Lizzy that she can’t imagine how she manages to stay happy with a man so serious and grim as Darcy.
Lizzy, who knows her husband well enough by now, and that he was, in fact, smiling for most of dinner, tells her that they are well suited for each other and she is light enough for both of them.
After another pause, Lydia turns dark serious eyes to her eldest sister and asks in a tremulous, “Is he cruel to you too?”
Because we know George Wickham. We know what he is. He’s the man who tried to seduce a fifteen year old girl (Georgiana) for her fortune. He’s the man who ran off with Lydia Bennet, then also fifteen and the youngest of five sisters, knowing her family would be forced to give him her dowry and pay for them to marry her or else she’d be ruined. All the sisters would. And Lizzy knew, she knew the man was a rake and a cad. She’d even seen the way he yanked her arm in the carriage that first time they came home after their elopement. But somehow she’d still hoped that he’d try to make her happy. That hope is dead now.
Though not as dead as Wickham’s about to be.
It would be quite easy, she thinks, to make it look like a hunting accident. But then she wouldn’t get to see the fear in Wickham’s eyes. She wants him to know, you see. She wants to watch the charm and bravado drain from his face as he hears the pistol cock and realizes his final fatal error. Because while it might be a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife, there is yet another greater universal truth he failed to recognize.
Don’t fuck with the Bennet sisters; they will end you.
Pride and Prejudice Two: Elizabeth Has A Gun.
tag by overworkedunderwhelmed: Pride And Extreme Prejudice
POV you’re a winged lemur visiting your old friends who you haven’t seen since they were teenagers but now the firey black haired one and the meat eating water tribe one won’t shut up about each other after training sessions and all you want is a snack
Guys we as a fandom really need to make better use of carbonite as a plot device
This fandom is full of time travel fix it AUs but none of them move forward!! Literally just freeze ur character of choice for a few decades and BOOM!
You can have clone troopers fighting the 1st order. Ahsoka dating Rey. Windu smacking Crylo Ren. So many possibilities.
Dibs on Obi-Wan tho!! My plan is to have Hondo freeze him as a joke but then the empire happens so he throws a tablecloth over him for like 2 decades and sort of forgets about it until he meets Ezra or Luke or someone and he’s like “y'know speaking of Jedi…”
So you’ve got a weakened and carbon-blind Obi-Wan in his late 30s suddenly leading the rebellion because none of these people have any actual galactic military experience (undoubtedly why Palpatine had 2 proxy armies, so that there would be no effective military resistance after he killed all the Jedi and brainwashed the clones). The galaxy went to utter shit just a few weeks after he’d been frozen, the Jedi are dead, Ahsoka’s off on a vision quest, Yoda’s living in a mud hut, the chancellor is a power-mad dictator and also a Sith, and this is somehow ALL Anakin’s fault.
So Obi-Wan has to lead a ragtag group of rebels, train a princess and a farm boy (who act disconcertingly familiar), dodge various bounty hunters who want the bounty of the century (including Boba Fett), deal with an elderly Hondo Ohnaka, contend with being a living legend who’s the galaxy’s only hope, and smack some sense into his idiot padawan.
Bonus for fun: Obi-Wan saves Alderaan and sees Bail again and asks if he’d been frozen in carbonite too. He’s barely aged a day! Bail has to explain that he just has a better skincare routine.
Bonus for angst: there’s a very determined storm trooper trying to hunt him down. There’s nothing familiar left in his Force signature, just a single-minded determination to follow orders, but the battered armor he wears looks like it’s been scraped of an orange sunburst.
Bonus for crack: once it’s all over and done he gets hunted down by ANOTHER famous bounty hunter who dangles Yoda’s grandchild in his face and demands that he train him.
if i wrote twilight there’d be a kid in edward’s class who Zones The Fuck Out and daydreams about a story they want to write, and edward would just tune in to watch like a tv show when he’s bored in class and he gets genuinely invested and eventually he’s like “i know EXACTLY how they can fix this plot hole that’s bothering them but how can i tell them that when they don’t KNOW i’m their first beta reader”
genuinely more compelling than literally everything else that happened in Twilight.
In skyrim there should be some random guy who’s just a normal follower but they say “by the 7” and never elaborate on which god he doesn’t believe in
I think he should also go “By Talos” just to establish that one of the 7 gods he believes in is the one there’s a big schism over and he’s just on some next level shit.
ALT
