#paramedic
Drugs are bad, mkay?
One of my dispatchers calls me. Says he has a weird one. I’m like okay, hit me.
“This guy wants a police officer to come out and stand by to keep him safe while he meets his drug dealer to explain that he has no money and can’t pay.”
Me:
Employee:
Me: Did you say he wants the police to stand with him while he waits for his dealer?
Employee: …..Yes. He’s not even there yet. He arranged this meeting in public in front of the library. He wants the officer to go first so he won’t be alone.
Just when I think nothing can surprise me, that damn phone rings again…
If you’re curious how my day is going, I’m fielding a complaint from a man who is angry about accident debris that was in the roadway two days ago.
You forgot Bang.
Me: “Communication supervisor.”
Caller: “Yeah I need to talk to that place where people go when they get arrested.”
Me: “You mean the jail?”
Called: “Yeah, something like that.”
Show me your BB shirts!
Merry Christmas and happy holidays too ALL our first responders, as well as our men and women serving away from their families! Be safe and have a wonderful day! I’ll see you back at 2200 tonight!
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Trainee: “Okay, and what’s going on out there tonight?”
Caller: “This guy needs an ambulance I think. I’m not sure what’s happened, but he’s bleeding, um, profusiously.
Me: “I would have asked her if he choked himself with the intention to harm himself. Just give us an idea of his state of mind.”
Trainee: “Why else would anyone choke themselves?”
Me: “…have you ever heard of auto-erotic asphyxiation?”
Trainee: “A-what a whatta?”
Me: “Oh lord. Here, let me google this, but NOT on the work computer.”
-5 minutes later-
Trainee: “That’s the craziest shit I’ve ever heard.” *pause* “I’m really glad you didn’t google that on the work computer.”
My trainee: “Which way did the clown go?”
Caller: “I didn’t see, but he came out of the sewer so he must have gone back that way.”
Me: “Did he say ‘sewer?’”
Trainee: “Sir, did you say ‘sewer?’”
Caller: “Yes. Down the sewer.”
Trainee: …..
Me: …..
Caller: …..
Trainee: “…like the Ninja Turtles?”
Guys, I’m dead.
Cloudy with a chance of clowns? I think not. Y'all, I’m up to my ears in these calls. I can’t decide if there are fools out there really putting on clown masks to terrorize people as a result of the news, or whether people are just losing their heads over nothing, or if everyone has drunk the koolaid and are all sharing the same hallucination. Who has a funny clown story?
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