#polyamorous family
Love this guy.
If I have to be on social lockdown, there’s no one I’d rather be quarantined with than him. And her. And him.
Love my polycule.
Intentionally family
It’s the holidays. Thoughts turn to family, etc. I have to admit, this is an interesting year for me. My parents are both gone, and with the exception of one cousin, I’m pretty estranged from my family. My husband’s family hasn’t always been easy, but we’ve maintained a relationship. Different points of view, different ways of approaching my son’s autism and my daughter’s outspoken nature haven’t made it easy. With my husband’s parents’ advancing age, we’ve been spending more time with his side of the family. Including yesterday’s Thanksgiving. Each time, I saw him spend a full day mentally gearing up for the visit….and hours in exhausted silence decompressing after. It’s worthy of note that his brother and brother in law said not a word to him during the entire meal, not even a hello. And his brother in-law shuttled our niece out so quickly after dinner was done none of us could speak to her. When we got home, both adult kids and my husband went into separate rooms for several hours to decompress. And I found myself wondering if it was all worth it.
As we were sitting at our Thanksgiving dinner, my kids’ conversation turned briefly to Christmas. In hushed and paused conversation, they asked if their “other family” could be included in some of our celebrations this year. We’ve been out to our kids almost since the beginning, and since moving within a mile-ish of each other last year, our kids have gotten close. When we got back last night, I couldn’t wait to see them-my real family. The family that I get to choose everyday. We talked about that last night. My girlfriend asking me how I felt on days like Thanksgiving without my big family. I used to miss it. I did. But knowing that I can have a family of love rather than a family that leaves you exhausted doesn’t make me miss it anymore.
It took me a long time to understand that, just because people share your genetic material, it doesn’t mean you have to spend time with them or even like them. It’s not like you got to choose your biological family. If you weren’t related, would they be people you’d hang out with or talk to? If the answer is NO, then you should have no obligation to do so just because you’re related.
Family can be chosen, and chosen families are often better than those of the biological variety. You see and spend time with them because you want to, not because a holiday (or a guilt trip) obligates you to be with them.
Happy Mother’s Day from our weird, whacked out, polyamorous family to yours!
What Happens When A Happily Married (Heterosexual) Mom Falls In Love With A Woman? This
Great story about a polyamorous family. I admire how the writer bravely came out to her conservative religious community, family, and friends.
There are many days I want to sing it from the rooftops to everyone about our relationship, but I don’t for fear of what other people will say/think. I know, I know…I shouldn’t give a shit what other people think. I’m hoping that society continues to evolve in its acceptance of what’s “ok” and I can someday live openly and have it just be a normal thing.
