Chapter 14: Honors and Pronouncements (Pt 2)

It was late afternoon when a stirring from the doors of the Villa Publica preceded the exit of Gnaeus Pompey Magnus and his party. Cicero and Quintus rose to follow as Pompey, Crassus and the senior-most members of the senate strode confidently out the gate to face the crowds.

Pompey looked tired, but confident. Cicero had only glimpsed Pompey once or twice in years past, but the general had not changed much. His face was handsome beneath a curling shock of blonde hair, though the lines around his eyes began to finally hint at the passing years.

“People of Rome!” he called. “The leaders of the senate have granted me the honor of a triumph, and I am pleased to accept it!”

The crowd roared.

“They have also informed me that I will be allowed to stand for consul in the coming elections, and I am pleased to accept that, as well,” Pompey continued. “For I have dedicated my life to Rome’s service, and I will gladly answer the call to leadership.”

He paused.

“The only thing that pleases me more I that I will share the consulship with my colleague and old friend, Marcus Licinius Crassus!”

The roar increased as Crassus waved.

“I am humbled by your affection,” Pompey said, motioning for the crowd to calm itself, “and promise to serve as I always have – with the utmost loyalty and respect to the Senate and the People of Rome! And I pledge to hold a festival of games, dedicated to Hercules, to honor my victories in Spain, so that the people of Rome may share in the joy of my return!”

The roar of the crowd reached a crescendo, and was nearly deafening as Marcus Licinius Crassus stepped forward.

“People of Rome!” he called. “I thank my brother, Gnaeus Pompey Magnus, for his kind words, and now make my own pledge to the city I love! First, I will use a tenth of my fortune to buy food for all of Rome during the festival of Hercules planned by my co-consul, and for three months following, so that no man, woman or child in Rome will go hungry!”

Cicero leaned in to Quintus and I as the speeches ended.

“Brilliant,” he said. “Games from Pompey and free food from Crassus – the perfect combination for public happiness.”

“But a tenth of Crassus’ fortune?” Quintus asked. “That must be at least 40 million sesterces!”

Finally sensing his moment had come, Cicero strode forward.

“Cicero!” he cried. “This is Cicero, Imperator,” Palicanus said, pushing my master toward Pompey. “He is considered one of Rome’s foremost advocates, and has been of great use to us in the senate!”

“Has he?” Pompey said, shaking Cicero’s hand, absently. “Well, keep up the good work.”

Cicero gripped the general’s hand longer, getting his attention.

“I shall, general,” he said, “for I hope next year to be aedile!”

“Aedile?” Pompey said, surprised. “No, no, I don’t think that will be possible. I have other plans in that direction.”

Pompey and the others started back inside, but the general turned back to a stricken Cicero as he walked.

“Don’t worry, my friend,” he said. “I’m sure we can find a use for you. There’s always a place for a good lawyer!”

And with that, Pompey moved on without a second glance, leaving Cicero standing, mouth agape and staring after him.

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incorrect-roman-quotes:

The Romans and Friends as College Majors

Caesar: Political Science

Cleopatra: Medicine

Brutus: English

Cassius: Philosophy

Antony: Kinesiology (he’s a student athlete and got paid to be there)

Cicero: Law

Octavian: Psychology

Crassus: Business

Pompey: General Studies

Apart from Cleopatra, who would probably be double majoring in linguistics and history, these are largely accurate. 

incorrect-roman-quotes:

The Romans and Friends on Karaoke Nights

Caesar: Is the only one sober. Only sings bc the others beg him to. Does “All of Me” and is surprisingly good with the high notes

Pompey: Performs “Crocodile Rock.” Throws up into someone else’s hat that he thinks is his. Did not come in a hat.

Cleopatra: Nails “Hello”, has the others crying

Brutus: is very shy and only gets up to sing when he’s sufficiently inebriated and Cassius goads him into performing. Surprises everyone with how impeccably he sings Jeff Buckley’s cover of “Hallelujah”

Antony: Drunk off his ass, sings mostly hit classics like “Mr. Brightside”, “What’s my Age Again”, and “I Write Sins Not Tragedies” bc he has a *type* for music and it’s all 2000s nostalgia

Octavia: Sings “Love Story” and “White Horse” by Taylor Swift while mildly tipsy, trips slightly on the stage but goes on singing

Cassius: Will only sing Fallout Boy. Gets really into his performance of “Centuries” but passes out afterwards and asks for more shots the moment he wakes up

Octavian: Sings “Bad Guy” by Billie Eilish while making unnerving eye contact with Antony

Cicero: gets too drunk and throws up in bathroom without ever singing, cries about his divorce when Cleopatra sings “Hello”

These are hilarious!