A part of being an adult is living with regret and not allowing it to consume you. The older you get, the more mistakes you’ve made, opportunities you’ve missed, people you’ve disappointed. And every day you have to remind yourself to be kind and forgiving of yourself. You accept and love the you from the past and understand that it’s all a part of the process. Then you move on and live your best life, knowing now as old as you feel today, you’ll never be this young again.
you work hard, minus the play hard, for four…eight… years. you achieve [insert goal here] &then what? you feel zero, not a bit, in no way different. you bust your ass working towards the big day of your life. &then what? the day was way over hyped. or worse, the day actually just sucks.
this very true (&unbearably so) storyline is our harsh reality that life is ~ all about the journey ~ ¬ about the destination. yeah achieving a big something is an awesome thing. but it is not ~ all the things ~ cause I am pretty sure if reaching the goal was everything, I would at least feel a little different this morning as I wake up.
if I could, would I go back &change my journey now realizing all this? nope. because all those kind of couldawoulda wishes are pointless&depressing. but I will keep this lesson learned in mind as today starts my new journey towards another something.
So many things to think about these past few months. Haven’t had time to sit down and ponder allowed on the internet in a while. Here’s a list of things that have happened, keep yourself informed. Notice how the most recent things are the longest.
1)Bottle Rock Napa - good friends, good food, good music, great wine, no memories. Perfect!
2)Uncle John’s wedding - woke up sick and remained sick for the entire weekend of festivities, but had a nice time seeing family. Unfortunately, a few things have happened since the time of the wedding and all I can say is that I’m really glad that I could be there.
3) “Survived” my Hospitality and Tourism Management business class - I came, I saw, I pillaged, I raped! The final took me 15 minutes in and out and although I was racing to turn it in first, someone beat me by 2 minutes. Oh well. I’m still waiting to see my overall grade and I’m really hoping I get at least 99% in the class. I took this ridiculous excuse for college level pedagogy extremely seriously. I turned in everything early, I came to class almost every week, I corrected the teacher on his quiz errors with screen shots and book underlinings in multiple emails, (which he has promptly ignored even though I have clear evidence of my correctness and his ineptitude), I even did two separate extra credit papers on the effects of tourism on Vang Vieng, Laos and a hospitality seminar that I attended for work. BOOYAH COMMUNITY COLLEGE.
4)Showtoons: Encore Get’s Animated - After months of practicing and a few moments of pure terror, the show finally came and went. I sang my solo and I did my best, although I clearly remember SOMEBODY making a mistake BOTH NIGHTS and I don’t think it was me. I’ll have to review the video when it comes out to find out wtf happened. Still utterly relieved that it is over. Phew!
4)VAYYYYY GASSSSS - Finally, the climax of the season! VEGAS! OH BOY I’M IN VEGAS AND I’VE BEEN WAITING FOREVER TO GET HERE AND I JUST DROVE 5 HOURS AND I FOR….Got…. what… it’s like… when you live here…. ANNNND, yeah. Clearly it’s no one else’s fault but my own. I was envisioning nights of looking pretty, eating lavish dinners on the strip and aimlessly wandering from bar to bar with all the pretty people. Unfortunately, when your husband lives in vegas off strip and things don’t go amazingly the day that you arrive, you get to stay home and watch vegas strip instead of actually vayy gasss stripping and you get to eat all you can sushi that gives you food poisoning instead of foie gras. After the first few days, things got more entertaining though. My sister in law and I managed to get in to ditch Friday (after waiting in line for 2 hours) to see Ludacris. Then, that night, I indulged in the foie gras (illegal in CA) that i have been salivating about, and then we got bottle service at Vegas’s newest premier nightclub, Light.
It was all super fun until 2am hit. My sis in law and I left our table on the 3rd floor to go get our groove on in front of the DJ. We danced, we sang, we got low, we jumped high, and then we got thirsty for more booze, so we attempted to head back to our friends at the table. A security guard stopped me upon entering the stairwell and told me that no one was allowed upstairs anymore. I gave him a look like “bitch step off, I have a table and we just dropped over a grand at your establishment so you best be letting me back up those damn stairs”. And then I just pushed him aside and started walking towards the stairs, pulling my SIL with me. He then put his hands on me and told me that he didn’t care that I had a table or that my friends were all up there. I got really pissed and tried to push past him, but he grabbed me around the waist and pulled me back down the stairs, bruising my shin. I kicked and wiggled and bolted as fast as I could up the stairs and I realized that Kat was still down there so I just ran (in 5 inch heels thank you) until I found our table and I told them what had happened. I was frantically saying that someone needed to go get Kat, but then I turned around and she was running behind me. She said she had to escape the grasps of this security guard also. I, of course, was extremely angry and I recounted the story to our security guy and he said that it “never ever should have happened”. He then called his boss “Chance” (the main security guy I guess) and Chance came up, ready to listen to some dumb drunk beezy stumble over her words and forget what she was talking about mid sentence. Unfortunately for him, I was excruciatingly coherent. I told him that I was extremely disappointed with the way we were treated and that there is absolutely no reason to use force against a 100 lb girl trying to get back to her friends inside a club full of strange men in Vegas, especially if we are paying that kind of money to have a good time. He apologized the way douche bags apologize (I’m sorry that it came off that he was restraining you…blah blah blah). We left, and I won’t be back.
Then the next day, I was forced out of bed, aching, hungover, bruised and dehydrated. We had tickets to see Dada Life at Wet Republic and even though I was a wreck, they made me go. We got there and of course, there was a line to get in, only this time, the line was outside in the 108 degree desert sun. I swear to you, I almost fainted. They gave us no water for the 30 minutes that we had to stand out there and I wanted to end my life by the time we got inside. When we got to the front of the line, they saw that I was clearly not ok so they generously gave me and my friends 3 itty bitty cold waters for free. Thanks guys. Anyway, once inside, the pool was packed with scantly clad sexy people and scantly clad abominations to the human race. Not entirely sure which one I am, but really hoping for one particular option over the other. I opted out of the alcohol haze for the first 2 hours of the day, but eventually I decided that YOLO!!!!! lets get drunk. Dada Life was amazing and the best part of my trip was dancing right up in front of the DJ booth.
After the pool, we decided that eating food was probably kind of important to our survival, so after some awkward fighting with our friends, we decided to part ways. I went home with my husband and SIL to eat cheap, disgusting, frozen pizza (which my husband later spilled ALL OVER the bed…and himself). Then, after some naps, we rallied and headed back to the strip to make amends with our friend who was pissed that we weren’t down to keep partying earlier. It was an uneventful night, aside from it taking 2 hours to get a cab. The next morning, I woke up sick with the same sore throat from Uncle John’s wedding (Vegas Aids). Needless to say, the rest of my “vacation” was pretty much ruined by feeling shitty. And then I drove 5 hours home. YAy VAyyyy GAsss AIIIDDDSSS! Oh, and then I was highly disappointed by the Game of Thrones finale. Really? I have to wait another year to find out what happens? I hate TV.
“The most devastating part of having depression is not the numbness, the crying or feeling no emotions. It’s the inability to do the things you love so dearly. You could love reading, it is something you can do every day but one day you’re sitting down and you forget how it feels to sink into a book. To lose yourself into another dimension. I think that is the most devastating part of depression, to be eradicated - even for a moment - from doing the things you love with everything in you. For me, that is the most devastating, gut-wrenching emotion that depression brings along with it. The inability to love the things that once made you delirious.”
i was driving down the road yesterday leaves falling like broken promises you made me for some unknown reason i found myself locking eyes with strangers wondering for a spilt second if i might ever see you again after awhile of blank stares i found myself disappointed just like the last time i heard you say i love you
As misleading as it can be, God put you in the position you are in now because He has better plans. He has His reasons and I tell you, you won’t understand it right here, right now, but sooner or later the answer to all your unanswered questions will flash before your eyes without you even knowing it. Yes, failures hit hard and most of the time you find yourself sulking and crying and blaming yourself for inadvertent things that have happened and is happening in your life. It’s normal. Cry all your tears, sulk all your days and blame for all it’s worth. But promise me, after all the crying, sulking and the blaming, get your shit together and pick yourself back up. You’re one strong little fighter!
Maybe the answer isn’t really “no” but “not now”
Be a firm believer of perfect timing. Each day you plot things according your way. You set goals, priorities and you work your way to achieve those best laid plans. Little did you know that God is also constructing His perfectly designed blueprint for you. When things don’t work out the way you want them to be, you question Him without understanding that He has His own time frame. Everything will work out in His time, not yours.
Reward yourself for trying
No regrets, just lesson learned. At one point, you’ve already won because you tried. You took chances even with the possibility of failing. Rather have a life of “oh wells” than a life of “what ifs”. Failures give us chances to be better and wiser. And you gave yourself that chance. You may have failed now but don’t stop at once. Remember: there would be no Harry Potter nor Apple nor Disney if JK Rowling, Steve Jobs and Walt Disney stopped trying.
You are destined for greater things
It might be a bit vague for you right now and you still wonder why you didn’t make the cut. And as to why it’s happening for everyone else but you. Honestly, I also don’t know the answer to those questions. But I know He does. All I know is that there is something more in store for you out there. His plans are greater than yours. Maybe this company didn’t hire you cos a much bigger company will pirate you. Maybe you didn’t pass the supervisory exam cos sooner or later you will ace that managerial exam everyone’s been dreaming of. Think of the bigger possibilities!
Giving up is your mortal enemy
Justin Bieber might actually be right when he said “Never say never.” Giving up is the last thing you want to do especially when your heart knows this is the dream you want to pursue. A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor. Don’t stop just because you got scarred. Yes, you’re allowed to scream, you’re allowed to cry. But buddy, you are not allowed to give up. Don’t lose your faith. The most amazing things in life tend to happen right at the moment you’re about to give up hope.
So little fighter, believe things will be brighter. Pull yourself up! It may not happen to you now but stay on track and keep pursuing that dream. Never lose your focus. Look forward to the day that you will finally be able to say “I finally made it.” All efforts will be worth it, I promise you. When that day comes, it will be the most satisfying thing that will fill your heart’s content.
Apparently, this is a heartfelt article especially made for you from a 22 year old girl who just came back home from a failed airline screening.
Six, the warforged barbarian, reaching into an air bubble surrounding a underwater sanctuary, and is surprisingly disappointed that his sharp pointy hand didn’t burst the bubble and cause the sanctuary to flood.
People only give a shit when they need help and you are convenient to them.Whether it be a good time, a shoulder to cry on, a verbal punching bag, a dinner date, a familiar face…
When it’s your day to feel shit, all of the above will be magically forgotten.
Lesson: Don’t expect anything from anyone but yourself.
