“I like your mother. You have your mother’s breasts.”
“Her breasts.”
“Great stand-up tits,” he said.]
sorry I think we’re sleeping on
This author is either writing a parody or they’re an alien
this is Cosmopolis by Don DeLillo. it’s a really weird novel about a man going to get a haircut that’s also a pretty explicit criticism of the 1%.
the main character is a multimillionaire who’s so fixated on money and materialism that he’s basically forgotten how to be a normal human being and connect with people. that conversation above is him talking to his new wife. at one point, he even says something like, “this is good. we are having a conversation. this is what people do.”
Tumblr’s literary analysis skills are best summed up by the fact that “he could feel the glucose entering his cells” was not enough to tip tens of thousands of people off that this was not an interaction meant to be taken at face value.
i feel like you’ve been terribly lucky to avoid reading anything truly shitty bc lemme tell you, brother, i have read many a line far worse than the glucose, and in far more serious contexts
which one of u was going to tell me that tea tastes different if u put it in hot water?
y- you were putting it in cold water?????
Radish. Answer the question radish.
yeah??? i thought for like. 5 years that ppl just put it in hot water 2 speed up the tea-ification process didn’t realize there was an actual reason
You dont have the patience to microwave water for 3 minutes???
[ID: Tags reading “u think i have the patience to boil water wtf ?????” /End ID]
why are you. putting it in the microwave to boil it
Do you think I have the patience to boil water on the stove
Its takes less than a minute
Bestie is ur stovetop powered by the fucking sun
How long does it take you to boil a cup of water on the stove
Like seven minutes
Just stick the mug on top of the stove on medium heat n it boils in like two minutes… less than that is u use a saucepan…
Crying you’re putting the whole mug on the stove ???? On medium heat???? Ur stove is enchanted
Every single person in this post is a fucking lunatic
Yet another post that reads like four shakespeare characters who come out in the middle of the play to talk about something completely unrelated for comic relief
(Enter RADISHN’T, MOTHMAN MISATO, BOIMG FROG and CATS'N RAINCOATS, stage left. They are having a HEATED DISCUSSION.)
RADISHN’T: Prithee, which one of you had planned to tell
Of diff'rent flavours gained by simple act
Of brewing tea with water hot, not cold?
MOTHMAN: Egad! you poured the water cold? Wherefore?!
FROG: An answer from you, Radish, I must beg.
RADISHN’T: Indeed I did, dear friends - why does this shock?
Without the guide of others I assumed
That heat was merely added for the sake
Of expediting this solution’s brewing!
Half a decade I have spent, or more,
Not questioning this worldview I had made.
In fact, I am myself a bit surprised
That you might think that I, your dearest friend,
Might have a patience of sufficient stock
To wait until a pot of water boils.
FROG: Three minutes overtaxes patience so?
The microwave will beep when it is done!
CATS'N: My friend, this answer vexes me the more!
Can it be true that thou dost boil by nuke?!
FROG: Are you in turn, my friend, so shocked to know
That I have not the patience, like our Root,
To boil upon the stove our favour’d drink?
CATS'N: It takes less than a minute!
FROG: On what plate?
Perhaps your dinner cooks atop the sun?
CATS'N: How long can take your stove to fill the task
Of boiling but a single cup alone?
FROG: In minutes?
CATS'N: Yes!
FROG: I counted seven, once.
CATS'N: Perhaps you ought to have your timepiece checked!
If on a middle heat you place the cup
You soon will have the scalding drink you crave.
Two minutes, in a mug upon the plate
Or even less, if you should have a pot.
FROG: You cause me tears - is this how thou dost live?
You place upon the iron stove a mug?
A mug, ceramic, filled with water cold?
How do these flames, though medium in height,
Not shatter like a glass this fragile thing?
Surely, then, your kitchen is bewitched
With magicks far beyond the mortal ken!
(The FOUR realise they have wandered into the THRONE ROOM. The ROYAL COURT watches with fascination.)
KING: Ev'ry single person in this group must be a fucking lunatic, it seems.
I’m sorry but the THOUGHT that has been put into this, I actually CAN’T—
The fact that nearly every line is so metrically considered- near perfect iambic pentameter witb the occasional trochee for emphasis, but usually retaining a strong sense of rhythm nonetheless. And then the king comes in at the end, so wound in his disbelief that his response is reduced to prose.
And the even better thing about this is how easy it would have been to structure the king’s line into iambic pentameter: it is effectively already said as such because of the way wizardlyghost has phrased it, yet they haven’t!! They did not break the line, rendering what, by all typically of both Shakespearean canon and other periods context should be the character with the most command and authority in the whole play. If there was ever a more effective way to convey a genuine “what the fuck??”, I know of it not.
But it gets better!! Shakespeare regularly uses meter in order to represent class divide; the nobility usually speak in iambic pentameter, save for a few particularly chosen moments (e.g. Lady Macbeth’s descent into madness, Othello’s realisation of Desdemona’s “betrayal”) or just lines where Shakespeare needs to suggest high emotion or when a character is lost in thought. Supernatural characters like the fairies in A Midsummer Night’s Dream and the Witches in Macbeth usually speak in trochaic tetrameter, an inversion of iambic pentameter. Lower class characters, particularly those used for comic relief (usually under the influence of alcohol), speak with no structure at all: their language is plain prose. Therefore, if this is a conversation between these types of characters, as the prompt from silvergirachi suggests, why the hell are the characters speaking so eloquently???
Now, this is Tumblr. It is subsequently logical to assume that this may have merely been a humorous recreation (and a very good one at that) of the Shakespearean style in a way that is widely recognisable to an audience that may or may not have read a great deal of Shakespeare, which is understandable. However, logic is boring so I’m going to probe further into this to the point where future historians will look to this as an example of overanalysing.
The inherent eloquence of the characters here suggests an unusual subversion of the roles typically assumed in Shakespearean comedy. This could be interpreted along two major avenues: firstly, that the rhetoric displayed by the speakers is fundamentally representative of how truth can be expected even from the most seemingly pointless or ludicrous discussions. Furthermore, it could suggest that it matters not how well constructed your speeches are: if you talk bullshit, it’s going to sound that way despite your attempts to hide it.
This is similar but not identical to the second avenue of interpretation: there is the implication that the noblemen in the play are in fact the comic relief characters, therefore implying that the “common people” of the play are the ones whose influence, though not expressed in such a highly spoken manner, makes a lot more sense than whatever the hell this is. If this was a real Shakespeare play, I would call it a subtle exploration into the innate corruption of the rich and powerful. Well done, op.
Now, I doubt any of this is actually grounded analysis in any way, shape or form, but if someone else can take this to the extremes of writing a Shakespearean scene, why can I not analyse it as such? And where else to do so than Tumblr?
im in tears i didnt think anyone would put this much analysis into this‚ thank you so much
i also like that everyone else gets a version of their handle and then tumblr user pidoop is promoted to king
I unironically love the character names in the Hunger Gamesseries.
Haymitch, Peeta, Hazelle, Leevy, Maysilee, Finnick and Greasy Sae look bizarre when you first see them written down, but then if you think about how they look and/or sound it’s pretty clear that they’re meant to be modern names, only modern names that have changed spelling and pronounciation over time— as you would have expected them to have done so over how ever many hundreds of years it’s been since our modern day.
(Remember, though The Hunger Games themselves have only been going on for 75 years, the universe they’re in is canonically post-apocalyptic— the reason nobody ever mentions what’s happening in the rest of the world is that everywhere except America was destroyed in a nuclear war. We’re not given much of an indication how long it’s been since then.)
Peeta is Peter, Haymitch is Hamish, and Hazelle is Hazel, Maysilee is Maisie— the changes in pronunciation are slight (Peeta and Peter are already virtually identical in my accent), and the spelling has changed to match.
Leevy is either a corruption of Lily, or more likely I suspect ‘Livvy’, a common nickname for Olivia; Finnick is probably from Finnegan (shorten in to 'Finneg’ and then say it over and over very fast); Sae could be short for Sarah, or Sally or even Susan— it’s not uncommon for nicknames to become real names in their own right (look at Harry or Molly as examples).
I also love the trend of having District 1 parents give their kids names relating to the luxury items their district produces— Glimmer, Marvel, Gloss, Cashmere, Velvereen (presumably a corruption of 'velveteen’), Facet— because those things are all a) objectively pretty/nice (like naming a kid 'Diamond’ or 'Star’ today) and presumably status symbols in their district.
Meanwhile District 3 does the same thing, but all the pronunciations are corrupted. You’ve got technical names to do with the manufacture of electronics— Wiress (wireless), Circ (circuit)— but you’ve also got what I’m pretty sure are meant to be corruptions of modern brand names— Beetee (BT), Teslee (Tesla).
To me this kind of suggests that District 3 is less conscious of this influence than District 1. Like, parents in 1 are more likely to deliberately think “I’ll name my kid Glimmer, because things that glimmer are pretty” whereas 3 as a culture might have genuinely forgotten that those names used to mean something, in the same way that most of us don’t think much about how the name 'Arthur’ comes from the old word for 'Bear’.
And of course, then you’ve got the Capitol leaning hard into those ancient Roman vibes with names like Fulvia, Plutarch, Seneca, Tigris… but still using the European/American personal name+family name format, which the Romans didn’t really do. Like it’s very clear that this is a future society fetishising the classical era, rather than an actual resurgence of Roman culture.
It’s just such a cool world-building detail. So many dystopian novels just go for modern names (and there’s nothing wrong with that, especially if you’re only looking a couple of hundred years into the future) but thinking about how names might have evolved over the centuries and the different naming traditions that might have developed in different areas really adds a whole new dimension to the culture of Panem.
I see the original post going around every so often and it saddens me a little that it’s never accompanied by this thread explaining why it’s completely understandable how a child would arrive at these spellings in accordance with english phonetics
i also want to point out that even in the composition of the image, the kid is very precisely mimicking the way these pictures would have been presented to them,in kids’ books and posters. this kid not only knew what the shapes’ words should sound like and what letters matched which sounds, they knew that the shapes should be arranged in rows with the name written precisely underneath. this is a kid who paid close attention to how things should go, and it’s very cool to see.
All the talk about “oh Elon Musk’s buying twitter now all the people who fled from tumblr to twitter are gonna come back here” and gotta say. I’m on edge. SOMETHING happened to tumblr between 2018 and 2020 that turned it from a warzone to a tolerable shitposting website and my one best guess has always been that the p/orn ban sent so many people packing to twitter that we ended up exporting all our native-grown gremlins to the bird site. I back this theory up by the fact that all batshit fandom drama I hear about these days comes from twitter.
So for most people coming back, happy to see you welcome have some tea or coffee over on the table to the left but if the shit-stirrers come back for me it’s on sight. It’s on sight. First time around I was nice I was like “oh I shouldn’t engage if I’m the Bigger Blog that’s a bad move to put smaller blogs on blast :(” free pass is up. I’ll name and shame. I clawed my way back up from 6 feet underground and I’m not doing it again I’ll defend this garbage tower to the death. PVP. I’ll salt the earth I’ll poison the water supply I’ll burn the village down hand in unlovable hand I’ll take everyone and everything down with me before I cede this stupid blog again it’s on. sight.
kind of lame that graffiti is considered vandalism, while advertisements being forcefully beamed into my eyes via every inch of visible wall, road, and social media feed isn’t
karolina kowalska - niespodziewane załamanie rynku reklamowego
i love when people are like “Oh my god, I couldn’t possibly imagine being asexual, how sad, you’re missing so much…” Bitch!!! You know what’s sad? Being gluten intolerant. If you placed two pills in front of me right now, one which would turn me allosexual and one which would enable me to tear into a freshly-baked oven-warm olive-and-rosemary ciabatta without utterly destroying my body, it would not even be a choice.“hyuhhh-duhhhh aren’t you worried you’ll die alone” aren’t you worried i’ll just launch myself over the bakery counter in our local grocery store one day and stuff croissants in my mouth like a starving racoon til i die and the whole place has to be closed down as a health risk while they peel my bloated body off the linoleum floor? You should be
What i have learned from the tags of this post is that there is a whole community of gluten intolerant asexuals and we are all DESPERATELY horny for bread
I’m not even gluten intolerant and I’d go for the bread
When we said garlic bread over sex, we weren’t fucking joking.
Most shows with overpowered supernatural characters always try to come up with elaborate excuses to explain why the characters can’t just magic themselves out of every situation. Good Omens doesn’t really do that, but you don’t really question it because you completely buy that these morons are so unequivocally incompetent that they straight up forget that they have the powers of fucking demigods. They’re like high-level d&d characters who only use the same three moves and have completely forgotten about the 73 magic items sitting in their inventory.
Crowley: I was totally planning on teleporting to this galaxy 4.3 light-years away but then you died and I was sad :(
Aziraphale: Oh I’m sorry. But listen, I need you to go to this village about an hour outside of London
Crowley: You Want me to GO WHere?? How the– how the FUuuck am I supposed to- I can’t Drive, it’s Rush Hour! You want me to WaLK?? In the Rain??! Please, be Realistic.
I cannot express the effect this post had on me. I read it aloud to my roommate and she burst into helpless laughter because it had never occurred to her that Crowley could do anything to get to Tadfield but drive the Bentley. It absolutely never had occurred to me, either. We both have been reading, rereading, and loving this book for about a decade now.
Bohemian Rhapsody. We Will Rock You. Somebody To Love. All hit singles, and all the direct product of a band that was formed when an astrophysicist and a dentistry major found a new friend in an art college, who then went on to recruit a fourth member from the electronics school. Based on this alliance I propose the rift in society between Arts and STEM students was fabricated to keep us separated so as to dilute our true power - and fabricated by who, you may ask? The business major, the only member of society who reaps no reward from art and science and thus must weaken us so as to stay ahead. In this essay I will
