It’s been a while since the last time I’ve allowed myself to air my headspace here, and just “post like no-one’s watching”, but now seems like a good time; called upon by a need to escape this increasingly trapped feeling I am having from Dear Franchise pushing on to uncharted territories, into a seemingly narrower space in this certain specific field. In a sincere effort of inclusion, but perhaps quite misguidedly; seemingly unaware of the wider impact its chosen storytelling methods, language, character handling (and costuming choices) are having on the implied societal standards of this future human generation it seeks to represent; revealing itself not quite as universally ‘there yet’ as previously open to be perceived (if so disposed), but tied to approaches and attitudes recognizable to certain modern cultures.
Anyway. Following is not a Trek commentary specifically (even if fueled by), but a personal, abstract inner conversation on language and how it can limit the perception of identities in general; tie one’s expression and regard of self and others in varying knots specific to certain linguistic cultures.
Mind an uncurated ‘diary entry’ as if it was just that.
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“Oh, there’s a third thing!”
No, there’s no ‘third thing’, or even 'other things’.
There is an infinity of 'thing’, which appears as like 'this or that’ to a so aligned language/mindset. And which then keeps 'othering’ those who do not fit into the limitations of that form of thinking/linguistics. Sometimes the language is that of the 'others’ themselves, too. And that’s fine, if it fits their situation/experience (but also if it doesn’t, all hopes on them getting to find out and/or reach beyond any self-limiting language/mindset).
As far as I’m personally concerned, there has never been definite 'this or that’ (other than what one sees fellow humans express, individually or collectively); spectrum seems a befitting definition here just as it is sometimes recognized in various other context as well. And one’s individual placement(s) on the spectrum is unique and for most purposes irrelevant (as often in other contextures, too).
At most optimal, one’s language should be free to address one and others regardless any of one’s or others’ placements on that spectrum (on any spectrum - at any given time). Some languages do allow that freedom; some languages are not set on the idea of this and that and them being the separating and identity defining markers we point at each other.
Language shapes so much of how we grow up to perceive ourselves, others, and the world around us. Being able do see and define oneself beyond and regardless of exact language is a gift, a freedom. And frankly a must, if one were ever to expand (or see) one’s identity beyond a single linguistic culture.
Outside this one, other languages are already speaking of you in terms, which do not necessarily correspond to your identity-tied pronoun. If you are either ‘she’ or ‘he’ there is no pronoun for you in my native language. As there is not in several others. In specific terms and/or in customary forms of addressing others.
And what us all in my native language get called by, has a far too rarely used(imho) and often disputed closest corresponding term in this here language. Increasingly disputed, even among the proponents of the pronoun’s wider recognition and/or usage.
3rd person singular ‘they’.
No, not the ‘nonbinary’ one (although…), but the olden, neutral definition.
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Think, if it was our bodyshape which pronouns referred to; and one could either be (/ be called) fat or thin (’traditionally’). Nothing in between or around has a widely recognized title, or pronoun as it were. Regardless one’s shape/mass.
According to the popularly regarded binary, one can be either fat or thin. Or, to differentiate oneself from this established fat/thin thinking, one can choose the non-binary option. And to conform to the established way of thinking, that all defined masses/shapes need a corresponding pronoun, one chooses 'they/them’. It’s already in recognizable use after all (if for the purpose of required ambiguity).
So, there is language for thin, fat, and they. Thin or fat or they, people can be very touchy (of someone) being called anything other than their (supposedly) chosen ‘thin’ or ‘fat’ or ‘they’, respectively. Calling a thin or fat 'they’ (or goodness forbit fat 'thin’ or thin 'fat’) can really upset them… excuse me: can really upset thin or fat. Or them. Thin or fat or them can be upset by the language of your choosing (for oneself or ‘on behalf’ of someone else).
But, as alluded to before: all of these persons can be - and occasionally are - also called 'them’ - individually -, if one does not know better, or no definition can be made (or needs not to be made… which is where things seem to get tricky and debatable).
When one has grown up with a language and thought patterns tied to this ‘thin or fat’ paradigm, one is inclined to try and assess people’s supposed identifiers/identities as fat or thin (or them). But one can hardly know by oneself, can one?
So, why not default to 'them’? The aforementioned ambiguous option?
Because nowadays, few some seem to suppose only they get to be called 'them’? Since 'they’ is their specific identity marker, to match and counter the pattern of the limited ‘thin or fat’ binary oriented language/thinking, then to call anyone else 'them’ would supposedly be missmassing/misshaping.
What then, of the people who are not - and/or do not identify as - fat or thin, but who also feel cast aside by this 'someone else’ definition of 'them’? What of those, who feel forced to abide by this fat/thin language and mindset altogether; forced to present oneself and regard others by their bodyshape - regardless of relevancy. What is the option for the ‘unshapely’ or the shapeless-minded, if all the naming is shape-defined?
There are people with muscular bodies, who are bulky or lean, there are petite, curvy or flat, lanky, skinny tall and build tall, square or round, soft or firm, fat or thin… Of all the infinite shapes and sizes of human variation, why pick out only fat and thin and divide/define whole of humanity with those two words? (As far as one’s language knows). Or then attach societal merits and expectations to those two named categories? Or their divergents.
If humanity was split to fat and thin, which do you think you yourself would be? (The specifics of actual societal implications free for you to imagine in this thought play: corresponding to actuality or made up). Would you be fine with any certain other person also identifying as fat or thin with you? If your mama were fat what would that make you? If your sibling was thin, would that change your identity? And how? If both any of you were called 'they’, would that not track?
Now imagine, if for whole of your life you had not felt fat or thin, and your language had not forced you (or most others you know) to pick a side; had not forced you to define and/or call yourself or others by the shape of your bodies; if you would be free of that bond, to be called ‘they’ same as everyone - regardless the infinity of obviously different bodyshapes/masses that you all are. How do you think, would you then feel, if someone suddenly said you must be either fat or thin, or else be 'other’ - a ‘non’ in a two-way system.
Technically, you’d still be called 'they’, as closest to your native ‘they’, but you’d know there’s difference in the meanings now, where 'they’ means 'other’ from thin or fat. And where thin or fat are definitely not 'them’ with you. (Even if they occasionally are, in fact, called 'they’).
Why rely on something as limiting as a 'fat or thin’ binary for defining the infinity of human variations to begin with? Why enforce that supposition by defining oneself as something based on that binary, but 'not of that’ binary?
Should people be expected to tackle with an increasing specificity of mass/shape defined pronouns to match each and every individual bodytype so as not to 'other’ anyone? (For which there already is a concept: given names).
Or should it be recognized, that without any naming by bodyshape/mass, ‘they’ are all equal?
That they are they are they. In addressing. All of them. Regardless of the variety of shapely identities that they have. Free from any binary-tied bondage.
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How has your native tongue shaped your identity, or your perception of the world and people around you? How well do those translate to this here language?
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”People who challenge gender norms are often dismissed as prioritizing “theory” over “reality.” This is historically incorrect. The reality is that Indigenous peoples across the world have long lived outside of the Western gender binary system. They were (and continue to be) forcibly assimilated into Western gender as a tactic of colonization …
Gender and sex cannot be discussed as universal concepts, they must be located within specific cultural systems, histories, and societies.“ - Alok Vaid-Menon
The letters page ‘In The Chapters’ by Ann Parks, page 21, gives some context - it appears that a previous issue had asked a question to which Mx was one of the suggested answers:
There has been some response to the question of what to call men and women (other than Mr. and Mrs./Ms.). Ex–husbands are WASbands, of course. Pat Kite (Single-Again Scrapbook, April SINGLE PARENT) felt that both sexes should be designated MX. But Dalynn Hoeflin (Solano County, CA 92) feels that males should be
But the actual first use in print is on Page 16 in an article called ‘Single-Again Scrapbook’ by Pat Kite. This appears to be a short story, possibly part of a serial, involving a flirtatious encounter at a party:
“THE WORST PROBLEM facing the single woman today is having to decide whether she is Miss., Mrs., or Ms.,” said the Blue-Eyed Man as he sat sipping his rosé.
“Ooohh, really?” I gasped, swallowing my frito whole.
“I’m glad you agree,” nodded the Man, taking the matches from my hand to light my cigarette. “Now, where I work we make it a point to call every female ‘Ms.’ It took me quite a while, but I made it. Now everybody’s happy.”
“Where do you work?” I asked.
“The welfare bureau.”
“Do you mean if you get a widow who was married forty-eight years in your office, and you address her as Ms., she likesit?”
“Why not?” said the Man.
“Frankly the term Mizzzz reminds me of the servant section of a pre Civil War Southern plantation,” I commented, drawing out the words through clenched teeth.
“Oh, that was in the past” smiled the happy Man. “Now Ms. for everyone connotes individuality. What tile do you go by?”
“Mrs.” I replied with a shrug.
“Why Mrs.?”
“Because I have four children and I like them to look legitimate, that’s why. Anyhow, if Mrs. and Miss are to be shortened to Ms., then I think Mister and Master should be changed to Muster … abbreviated Mu. On second thought, maybe both sexes should be called Mx. That would solve the gender problem entirely.”
“Are you a women’s libber or something?” said the horrified Man. "Then how come you didn’t get mad when I lit your cigarette?“
“Because it was a gesture of courtesy,” I answered, “and I don’t think good manners ever go out of style. Besides, I love having doors opened for me, and my heavy packages carried.”
“Oh, then you’re not a libber!” said the Man with a sigh of relief.
“It all depends on how you look at it,” I replied. "For instance, if you’ll give me my matches back, I’ll be able to light your cigarettes. We could take turns.“
"You wouldn’t. . . .!”
“Why not?” I said with a tiny smirk.
“You know, the biggest problem women have today is whether to be Miss, Mrs., or Ms.,” said the Man, as he took the matches from his pocket and lit my Bel-air.
“Not quite, kind Sir,” I commented, trying to change the topic to the artistic merits of Alice Cooper.
"Yes really, Ma'am,“ laughed the Man as he got up to dance.
And we mixed our whimsey with our wine until well past midnight.”
The GENDER Book second edition is in the works… and we need your help to make it happen!
Hi friends! With COVID-19 turning the world upside down, our illustrator has less work on his plate. The upside is that means more time to (finally!) go back and do some revisions on the GENDER book.
We’re looking to fix all those typos that have been bugging you, add more identities, and generally make the book the best it can be. After all, the world of gender has evolved some since the first edition came out in 2014!
So, if you’re willing, we’d love your sharp eyes and keen minds to help out with the editing process. Just bust out your copy (or grab a pay what you like ebook) and fill out this formwith anything you’d change. This is your chance to be heard! There’s even a spot if you want to be drawn into the next version of the GENDER book.
some dumbass: inclusive language makes no sense all words in spanish are gendered and replacing the ‘a’ and the ‘o’ with an ‘x’ makes everything literally unpronounceable and is useless outside of written language
so weve established im nonbinary, and im really grateful i have supportive and loving followers like you. i want to change my name to something more gender neutral. please can i have some suggestions? bird like names, gobliny cottagey name, celtic names, are all good. so far ive got avery, wren, corvid, robin, peyton. please help a goblin out!
“they” (1 word) is shorter than “he or she” (3 words)
“they” is more inclusive than “he/she”
“themself” flows more naturally than “him or herself”
“they” is less clunky than “(s)he”
it’s time to replace the awkward “she or he”
“hey can you go ask they what does they want for dinner, and when is they coming over to watch movies with they?”
“Hey, can you go ask them what they want for dinner, and when they’re coming over to watch movies?”
Step one is learning how to talk like a human person.
Friendly reminder:
“I shouldn’t like to punish anyone, even if they’d done me wrong.” —George Eliot, The Mill on the Floss (1860)
“A person can’t help their birth.” —William Thackeray, Vanity Fair (1848)
“But to expose the former faults of any person, without knowing what their present feelings were, seemed unjustifiable.” —Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice (1813)
“Every Fool can do as they’rebid.” —Jonathan Swift, Polite Conversation (1738)
“So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.” —King James Bible, Matthew 18:35 (transl. 1611)
“God send every one their heart’s desire!” —William Shakespeare, Much Ado About Nothing (~1600)
“Now this king did keepe a great house, that euerie body might come and take their meat freely.” —Sir Philip Sidney, the Arcadia (1580)
“If … a psalme scape any person, or a lesson, or els yt they omyt one verse or twayne…” —William Bonde, The Pylgrimage of Perfection (1526)
“And whoso fyndeth hym out of swich blame, / They wol come up and offre a Goddés name” —Geoffrey Chaucer, The Pardoner’s Tale (~1380)
“þan hastely hiȝed eche wiȝt on hors & on fote, / huntyng wiȝt houndes alle heie wodes, / til þei neyȝþed so neiȝh to nymphe þe soþe [Then hastily hied each person on horse and on foot / hunting with hounds all the high woods / ‘til they came so near, to tell the truth]” —William and the Werwolf (transl. ~1350-1375)
“Bath ware made sun and mon, / Aiþer wit þer ouen light [Both were made sun and moon / Either with their own light]” —Cursor Mundi (~1325)
We’ve been using they/them/their pronouns to indicate a person with unspecified gender for a long ass fucking time. The only reason it’s become a big issue lately is because it can be used as a semi-respectful term for trans and non-binary folks and we can’t have that can we
These fucks are literally trying to change our language to hurt trans/nb folks, and claiming that’s just the way its always been
I like calling everyone “motherfucker”, because it’s gender neutral, and sounds more metal than “fam” or “pal”, it also makes the boomers uncomfortable, and that parts the little rainbow sprinkles on top for me.
Have you ever felt singled out for something that you can’t control? It definitely is a horrendous feeling. Sadly, this is often an everyday reality for trans and nonbinary people “thanks” to gender specific bathrooms. Although this community of people are a minority, we need gender neutral bathrooms for several reasons.
First what does transgender and nonbinary mean (since many people still don’t know)? Transgender (often shortened to trans) means someone who does not identify with their gender assigned at birth. Terms that fit right along with this community are FTM and MTF, meaning female to male and male to female. Another term that also fits in with the trans community is nonbinary. What does it mean to be nonbinary though? A nonbinary person does not feel like a guy or girl. This could include people who switch between various identities (not by choice), someone who doesn’t feel any gender, and so much more.
These are the main groups that are negatively affected by gender specific bathrooms, also known as bathrooms that have the labels of “girl’s” and “boy’s”.
How are gender specific bathrooms harmful to FTM and MTF people. Most people would come up with the answer of just using the bathroom that you identify with. Sounds easy enough right? Well, it’s not. From a legal standpoint some places require transgender people to use the bathroom that aligns with the gender on their birth certificate. This is especially harmful to trans people who have fully transitioned (medically and socially), who would obviously not belong in the bathroom that matches their gender assigned at birth. If we had gender neutral bathrooms, we wouldn’t even have to worry about the unnecessary step of checking everyone’s birth certificate. That is completely unpractical for someone who just wants to relieve themself in peace.
How are gender specific bathrooms harmful to nonbinary people though? In many ways. Let’s start off with our first situation of a genderfluid person trying to use the bathroom. First, a genderfluid person is someone who’s gender changes as often as every day to every year (this varies from person to person though). Someone who presents in a very feminine manner one day, walks into the men’s bathroom the next day looking very masculine might raise some unwanted attention. If we had gender neutral bathrooms, genderfluid people would not have to worry about this.
What if an agender person (someone who does not have a gender) tried to use the bathroom, only to find out that they were gendered. This could be distressing to many genderless people, as they wouldn’t identify with either bathroom. For example, even if an agender person was born biologically female, they might feel uncomfortable with going into the female bathroom since that’s not what they identify with. Some agender people present as more masculine or feminine, so if they went into a bathroom where no one looked like them, it could once again raise some unwanted attention. No one would have to go through this though if we had gender neutral bathrooms. No one has to choose, and no one feels unwelcome.
While there are many social disadvantages of gender specific bathrooms, there is one big personal disadvantage to gender specific bathrooms. Gender dysphoria. While not all trans and nonbinary people experience this, it is very common. What is gender dysphoria though? Gender dysphoria is the extreme distress that is caused by one’s assigned gender not matching up with how they actually identify. Things that cause this include physical traits that do not line up with one’s gender, but social dysphoria is also rough. Social gender dysphoria includes things like being misgendered, being forced to wear clothing of one’s assigned gender, and gender specific bathrooms. If you’re cisgender, imagine how you would if you weren’t allowed into your gender’s bathroom. It would feel really bad.
While I might just sound like some “special snowflake” going on a rant, their are facts that support why we should have gender neutral bathrooms. About 40% of respondents to an online transgender survey said that they have attempted suicide. This is nine times the national average. A lot of the motivation behind a trans person feeling suicidal is often dysphoria, something that is elevated for most by having to choose which bathroom to use. Arguments against gender neutral bathrooms have been analyzed and compared to those of Victorian times when a similar debate was occuring. A shocking amount of the points made against gender neutral bathrooms in both Victorian and modern times are the same. If we want to have made progress since then, bathrooms are a good place to start. Even with these facts though, people still oppose inclusive bathrooms. Why is this?
I have heard many arguments stating why we should keep gender specific bathrooms, but one point in particular has emerged in almost every one of these debates. A lot of people feel as if there is a possibility of being assaulted if we have bathrooms free for people of any gender to use. The other side of this debate feels that predators will use these bathrooms as a chance to come in contact with their next victim. This is a very genuine concern, but this is not something that we need to worry about. There have been no instances of assault due to gender neutral bathrooms, so there is no real platform that we can base this fear on. Trans people have quite a large risk of getting assaulted though for using the restroom that aligns with their identity. Since the people that actually need inclusive bathrooms are the ones at risk in gender specific bathrooms, why not put them into action?
While there are many people in the world who have to deal with gender specific bathrooms, I also have had personal experience with this issue. I was assigned female at birth, but I identify as agender meaning that I don’t feel as if I am a guy or a girl. I deal with a lot of dysphoria regarding my more feminine characteristics and the day to day situation of being misgendered constantly. Through all of this one of the things that brings me the most dysphoria is having to use the bathroom in public where gender neutral bathrooms are almost unheard of. This is a problem that occurs most at school where there are only male and female bathrooms. Even though there are no laws restricting me from using the men’s restroom (where I would feel the most comfortable even though I don’t identify a guy) I feel as if I have to use the girl’s bathroom because I would be completely socially annihilated if I didn’t. Every single time I have to use the bathroom I have to bear with the mental and emotional pain of walking into the space with the sign that reads “girl’s”. This situation strongly renders my ability to focus when I return to class. This sounds very stressful (and it is), but there is an easy way to fix it. You guessed it, by taking down the signs that read “boy’s” and “girl’s” and making the bathroom a place where everyone can go without having to sacrifice their mental health. I know for a fact that this would make my day way easier to go through, and would help more people than expected.
Gender neutral bathrooms are obviously a necessity for trans and nonbinary people everywhere. They improve the quality of our lives, have no disadvantages for cisgender people, and could even assist in reducing the suicide rates in trans people. Why not put something into place that would help people everywhere? I’m not sure why inclusive bathrooms are so rare, so maybe it’s time to take action, and maybe even save a life in the process.
Hey, I’m putting together a documentary theater project on nonbinary/genderqueer/genderfluid/agender young people. I’m looking for nonbinary people under 25 to do brief text chat interviews with over Skype or Chatzy. These interviews will be incorporated into the text of a play that will increase nonbinary visibility. Could you possibly publish this post on your blog and tell people interested in participating to contact me?
Neutrois moodboard! Neutrois is a neutral gender. I’m not sure of the original flag creator. All photos are my own, please credit if you re-use.
[Image description: A three by three moodboard. The top row from left to right is photos of a tree in sunlight, it’s green leaves lit white, then a soft off-white sky over the ocean at sunset, and finally a close up on a white flower speckled with green. The middle row is a close up on vibrant, deep green leaves on the left and a close up of small green leaves light from behind by sunlight on the right. In the middle is the flag, a three stripe flag with a white, deep green, and black stripe from top to bottom. The bottom row from left to right is a close up of a black cat’s face with light green eyes, then a photo of a tree in black night lit only by string lights, and finally stone backlit into black with sunlight creeping through a crack with green trees just visible in the distance. End description.]
Transneutral moodboards featuring two different common transneutral pride flags. I don’t know who made these, or I would credit them.
[Image description: two moodboards. The first one is purple and is surrounded by close ups of vibrant purple flowers. There are two photos of purple sky at sunset. In the middle is a five-striped purple flag with light pink stripes on the outside and then two dark purple stripes around a light white-purple stripe.
The second one is a and features photos of fall leaves, wood grain, clear ocean over light yellow-brown sky, warm brown multicolored bricks, and an orange-yellow-grey-brown gradient sunset. End description.]
Most shows with overpowered supernatural characters always try to come up with elaborate excuses to explain why the characters can’t just magic themselves out of every situation. Good Omens doesn’t really do that, but you don’t really question it because you completely buy that these morons are so unequivocally incompetent that they straight up forget that they have the powers of fucking demigods. They’re like high-level d&d characters who only use the same three moves and have completely forgotten about the 73 magic items sitting in their inventory.
Crowley: I was totally planning on teleporting to this galaxy 4.3 light-years away but then you died and I was sad :(
Aziraphale: Oh I’m sorry. But listen, I need you to go to this village about an hour outside of London
Crowley: You Want me to GO WHere?? How the– how the FUuuck am I supposed to- I can’t Drive, it’s Rush Hour! You want me to WaLK?? In the Rain??! Please, be Realistic.
I cannot express the effect this post had on me. I read it aloud to my roommate and she burst into helpless laughter because it had never occurred to her that Crowley could do anything to get to Tadfield but drive the Bentley. It absolutely never had occurred to me, either. We both have been reading, rereading, and loving this book for about a decade now.
[Of course, anyone of any identity, including men and non-binary people, can treat themselves to a manicure, a bouquet of flowers, or a face mask. However, for a variety of reasons, some people may not feel comfortable with these traditionally ‘feminine’ self-care ideas. The following are ideas for pampering your body and mind that have little or no gender connotation.]
Stretch||
it’s a great way to start the day, to do during a break, or to wind down before bed. Stretch gently; never stay in a position that causes sharp pain.
whether it’s closing the curtains, repainting, or trying a new pillow, there are lots of ways to improve your sleep. You can make it a project or just a couple of minutes.
Sensory play is often suggested for children and adults with special needs. But textures can be calming or stimulating for anyone. Have fun and see what works for you.
Everyone has occasional aches. Even if nothing hurts, it can be incredibly relaxing to get a nice massage. If you massage yourself, you’ll get exactly what you want with no strangers or fees necessary.
It might be that pajamas make you feel comfortable with the world, or that you like putting your best foot forward in slacks and a button-down. Dress in whatever makes you feel good about yourself.
Whether they’re famous quotes, single words, or affirmations, meaningful words can be healing, empowering, or soothing. Find words, quotes or affirmations that work for you and return whenever you need to.
it’s natural and automatic, but it’s still important to think about your breath once in a while. More efficient breathing means more oxygen, which helps your mind and body feel and work better.
laughing when they try to fight back when i force myself on them because it’s so cute and delusional how a weak pathetic toy like them could think that they could ever stand a chance against me and stop what i want to do to them
