“Perhaps you’d dare to discover the charms of a svelt, dreamy-eyed, long-nosed alternative!”
“Those Little Voices in Your Head!” in Archie’s Pal Jughead #198, January 2010, written by Craig Boldman, art by Rex Lindsey (pencils) and Jim Amash (inks)
RobertoAguirreSacasa #Riverdale premieres tonight! Couldn’t be prouder of the writers, crew, and cast! I feel like a dad on graduation day! 2nite @ 8 on the #cw! The most adorable cast!!
So I have been MIA for not months but YEARS I’m pretty sure. Anywho I am back and ready to be back but there are some changes but none of them matter to y'all here is a list of fandoms that I am now focusing on and people that I particularly like to draw (yes I’ll do drawings and art along with writing) and ships .
Avatar the last airbender
Sokka x (just about anyone + reader
Zuko x reader
Any OC’s (original characters)
My own OC’S
Toph
Riverdale
Betty x (anyone + OC + reader)
Sweet pea x (anyone +OC + Reader)
Archie x (anyone + OC + Reader)
Toni x (Cheryl + Reader+ OC)
Once Upon A Time (MAIN)
Jefferson x OC
Emma x (anyone + Reader)
Belle x (anyone + reader)
OC’s are big for this one
Glee
Anything is on the table for this one I love doing it all
Marvel
Peter Parker
Bucky Barnes
Peter Quill
Doctor strange
Bruce Banner
For the rest I’ll just name fandoms that are free game for any request
Monster prom
Undertale
Narnia
Legend of Korra
You can request other fandoms and I will let you know if I know them and if I can write or draw for them or make moodboards.
Hey guys! I have so many imagines coming your guys way you just don’t understand. Also, i’m finally writing an imagine on my computer so this will come out in way better quality AND I can write faster yay! I hope you guys enjoy this one it was requested by @chloesalva! Happy reading.
Pairing: Zach x Reader
Request: Can you do one where Zach cheats on the reader and the reader finds out about the tapes? Thanks :)
Warnings: Cheating and swearing, if you’re looking for something with a happy ending this is NOT it.
A/N : YALL FOREAL NEED TO LISTEN TO ECHOES OF SILENCE BY THE WEEKEND WHILE LISTENING TO THIS SONG OMG I JUST NCDSONVFJS
Saturday night..
Readers POV~
“Hey Jess have you seen Zach?” I questioned. Zach convinced me to come to this dumb party. I’m not a party person at all, if anything i’m the exact opposite. Something about warm bodies all around me and red solo cups everywhere just aggravates me. Unfortunately, Zach’s convincing game isstrong. So here I am, surrounded by drunk teens and searching for Zach. But that didn’t stop me from having a couple drinks.
“I haven’t seen him since when you guys walked in…want some?” Jessica slurred offering me a swig from her lipstick stained cup. I took four big gulps and returned the cup before I walked away.
I needed some place away from all the sweaty figures, so I made my way to the bathroom for a breather. I opened the door to and saw two people. A girl on the sink and a guy standing between her legs, showering her neck in lustful kisses.I was about to close the door but the boy looked familiar to me.
“Z..Zach?” I slurred, the liquor from before finally kicking in. He pulled away from the girls neck and snapped his head in my direction. His eyes were full of regret and sorrow.
I pushed past all the sweaty bodies in the house and made my way outside. My eyes were starting to form tears as I made my way down the sidewalk to my house which wasn’t too far from Jess’s place. It didn’t really help that Zach was my ride and I was anything but sober.
I heard quick heavy footsteps trailing behind me and I started to walk faster. I knew exactly who was following me. The boy that made all my troubles go away. The boy that made me forget all my problems. The boy I gave my heart to, and he destroyed it in return.
“Y/N please stop I can explain!” He grabbed at my wrist.
“Don’t fucking touch me!” I yanked away from his grip. He was shocked. He had never seen me angry like this and he didn’t know what to do.
“How could you..?” I questioned with a look of disgust on my face. He was about to talk but I cut him off.
“I’m an idiot for thinking that somebody likeyoucould be in love with a girl like me.”Nothing I was saying was making sense, but that didn’t stop me from coming clean about everything. I told him about how I thought I was never good enough for him and how I would never be. I told him I never loved even though it was a lie. Soon my voice got louder to the point where people were pulled me away from him.
Sherri pulled me into her car and she took me home. The whole car ride was filled with awkward silence and a sniffle from me every now and then.
We finally got to my house and I put my hand on the car door handle but Sherri placed her hand on top mine.
“Y/N hold on just one second okay, sweetheart.” She spoke softly as she reached into the backseat and grabbed a shoe box.
She handed me the shoe box and rubbed the back of my hand with her thumb.
“Don’t open it now, open it when you get inside and don’t ask questions. Just listen.”
I nodded and thanked her then went inside my house.
I flipped the lid of the shoe box and looked at the cassette tapes inside. “Why would Sherri give me this?” I thought to myself.
I grabbed my moms old tape player and put in the first tape.
“Hey it’s Hannah. Hannah Baker.”
Monday morning..
Zach texted me about a million times this whole weekend. I didn’t bother to open any of the messages. Between him and the tapes I didn’t know how to feel anymore. My perspective changed on everybody and I even questioned myself. How could I be one of the reasons why Hannah killed herself? How could Zachbe one of the reasons she killed herself?
I went to my locker to get my English book when I felt a large figure next to me.
“I don’t think you understand how sorry I am about everything, you’re the one person that made me feel better in life after everything that’s happened, and it kills me inside knowing that I messed up what we had. It kills me knowing that you don’t love me anymore.” Zach stated. I looked up at him and he looked horrible. There were dark circles under his eyes and his hair was all messy and untamed. His lips were dry and his face was pale. He really let go of himself.
“When I said I never loved you.. I lied. And ever since Saturday I’ve constantly told myself to forget about you just like you forgot about me that night. And then I heard your tape. And I really realized how pathetic you are. And I keep trying to convince myself to remove you from my life. But no matter what I do, I can’t stop myself from loving you. And that’s the part that kills me.” I shut my locker and walked away, leaving Zach standing there defeated and sobbing.
A/N: I’m not even gonna lie I cried while writing this. I really liked writing this. It was a challenge for me because i’m not used to writing things without a happy ending. But anyways I hope you guys enjoyed this! My requests are currently closed i’m really sorry but I have a lot of imagines to write and I don’t want to keep people waiting. I have a couple more imagines coming out this weekend so I hope this makes up for the little dry period I had. I love you guys! Thanks so much for reading. :) ps. (the gif isn’t mine)
ALRIGHT!! i have compiled a list of requests from my ask box, and I’m planning on starting to get back into writing! I’d like you to choose a prompt for me to do!
Chic showing up at riverdale high to pick up betty and being super anxious about it
3 & 7w/ sweet pea please
“You make me feel like I’m not good enough.”
“Oh my God. You’re in love with her.”
but could you do 20 with varchie?
“You’re paying a small price compared with what she’s going through.”
1,6,20 for reggie x reader
“No! I’m tired of doing what you say.”
“If only I’d just gone over when she called.”
“You’re paying a small price compared with what she’s going through.”
#10 and 20 with sweet pea ???
“I want to be there when you get what’s coming to you.”
“You’re paying a small price compared with what she’s going through.”
Hiya! May I request a bad boy juggie trying to win back his ex, good girl next door betty, before someone comes and snatches her up ❤
Jughead x reader where the reader and him are just cuddling in his bed and they fall asleep together??
16 WITH JUGHEAD PLEEEASE AND THANK YOU
“Darling, it’s beautiful, thank you!”
Could you do one with Toni, Sweet pea and the reader again and everyone always teases them because how cute they are together
I was so so scared that this was going to be an episode about chess. I am eternally grateful to whoever is owed that it wasn’t. Spoilers and extremely pro-Jughead analysis ahead.
We open the episode with Archie coming home from a run wearing a black beanie. I’ve never seen him wear something like this before. I’m exceptionally excited by this sartorial choice for no very good reason. Percival Pickens and Uncle Frank are chuckling together in the dining room over cups of tea/coffee. Since I wished for Percival to orally service Alice to get her buy in, I shall be feminist and hope the same was done for Frank. Percival is going to do a census, asking people what they care about, which is a good idea actually, but of course, Archie hates ideas that are not built for his glory by Jughead Jones, so he kicks Percival out of his house. Frank is all in on Team Percival which of course he would be.
Abigail and Britta are in the Riverdale cemetery holding up an umbrella against a sunny thunderstorm. This bit looks entirely like Lemony Snicket’s Series of Unfortunate Events, a sort of Victorian picaresque, given the highly unnatural outdoors-but-inside mood and the matching black fur collars on both Abigail and Britta’s coats. Abigail tells Brittania that she has lots of plans for murder as a way to be reunited with Tomasina. Abigail like many villains both fictional and actual, loves talking about her plans, so she tells Britta everything - when, what and with which tools.
Reggie wants to let his dad feel like a big deal, so he asks for Veronica’s help to achieve this using the casino. The amount of care and understanding that Reggie gives his father enraged me at this point in the episode, but the worm does turn later. The idea that you have to embrace an aging abusive parent is gross to me. Reggie talks like he is now parenting his dad- trying to find what would give him a sense of purpose in a wasted life: “feeling like a big shot.” Veronica says she’s happy to participate in this project in the spirit of Good Girlfriendship.
At the Town Hall, the new leader that is Percival Pickens says that his census is complete, so now turns on Toni Topaz, telling everyone present that the Ghoulies v Serpents war is now the most pressing concern. Toni says that she’s been in contact with Twyla Twyst to de-escalate the tensions. Pickens asks if the Serpents shouldn’t be disbanded, so Tabitha speaks up and says it’s not Toni that’s on trial.
Fangs doesn’t understand quite what’s happened but Toni is on it right away - that Pickens has targeted the gangs. Kevin walks in with Baby Anthony and carrying a very big baby bag. He returns the baby to his parents. Kevin says he’s worried about the baby being raised around gang culture. So there seems to be some sort of hierarchy among Serpents - you can be BORN a Serpent, RAISED as a Serpent or JOIN them. Fangs and Toni are the Raised kind, and Toni has said she was BORN one too. Jughead should’ve been technically a BORN Serpent since both his parents and his grandfather was a Serpent, but he still had to JOIN. In any case, Kevin fires his warning shot across the bows saying it’s a “safety “ issue.
Production Note: Covid restrictions have all been released apparently, because I forgot to note this in the last episode but they now have crowd scenes where people can sit close together and have a speaker of lines sit among them.
While Veronica is getting Reggie’s father situated at the casino, the Other Three are speaking in the backroom office of the boxing gym/ former(?) firehouse and current town hall meeting space. The entire moment where each of them learned that the other two have mutant abilities has been achieved off stage and we’re moving along. Archie finds Percival very suspicious - well done! Jughead says that Percival inspired him to look up psychic abilities. Betty wants to know “What does Percival want with Riverdale?” This very important question is left hanging. Betty refuses Jughead’s very sensible suggestion that she abuse her FBI powers (which she does at will constantly) to throw Pickens in jail. So Jughead then asks Archie to do violence unto Pickens. Very surprisingly, Archie decides at this moment to grow both ethics and principles and says he can’t do that either because it would be “bad.” Archie says the better idea is to talk to their friends (they have friends??) as some sort of partisan bulwark against Pickens. Archie posits they now have ‘powers’ so they can protect Riverdale from Percival. Jughead teases him with an X-Man reference which amuses Betty but Archie has never heard of Professor Xavier. They start with Cheryl Blossom. This is AMAZING - that any of them think of her as a friend.
Abigail/Cheryl is wearing Trinity’s black latex outfit from The Matrix in her Gothic House, with Britta standing at attention behind her like a bodyguard. She claims to have not participated in the census because she was taking a “buttermilk bath.” Like Wilbur? Abigail openly mocks all three of them for the very dire way they discuss Percival. Right behind her is her self portrait as a red fox head connected to a miniskirted young woman’s body. Why do these people never ask the right questions? Abigail says that she’s still very upset about what happened to Abigail (Because she’s Abigail). The thing is, the three of them don’t have friends because they have no idea how to make friends and appease people. None of them can set aside the irritation they feel to get CherylAbigail to give them real information.
Archie says “We’re the Good Guys” to which Abigail/Cheryl retorts, “Spoken like a true villain.” This is very interesting that suddenly there’s a We. As soon as they’re gone, Abigail tells Britta to bake arsenic scones.
There’s a drive-by shooting at the Diner. Tabitha, at her now once-firebombed once-shot up Diner, calls Toni to tell her that the white people are about to betray her and not even do her the courtesy of a farewell phone call. But she overplays it- when Toni wonders aloud what Percival’s issue with her might be, Tabitha calls Toni “a pillar of the community and a threat.” Ermm okay? But is she? Toni isn’t even a pillar of the Serpents (WHERE IS SWEET PEA, TONI?). Toni is on her way.
Meanwhile! The three are sitting across a big desk from Veronica - Barchie are seated, with Jughead standing between them. Veronica, as has always been her role ever since she moved to Riverdale that first time all those years ago, is the only one with any sort of useful information. She shares with the other three what she’s found out about Percival. (Betty is still the worst law enforcement ever, because isn’t this information SHE could’ve also found out??) Veronica shares the suspicion she has that Percival caused that client to commit suicide in the casino.
“Not that that makes sense. None of this makes sense.”
It makes me nervous when characters make comments like this in their own stories. Archie never questioned why there was a bear that attacked him and how come he survived it and all the other outre things that happened to him, but I suppose invulnerability is a different deck of cards. In any case, he really wants to know how Percival’s mind control works. Jughead is still the only one who feels any sort of urgency about Pickens - beat him up! lock him up! something! - and Barchie don’t share it. Their continual third-wheeling of Jughead grates on me throughout this episode.
At the Town hall, Toni is fighting for her spot on the City Council by saying what an exceptional person she is - long term resident, earned a college degree elsewhere, kept the high school open and is a counselor there, is a social worker, and a parents raising her kid in Riverdale. Which is entirely beside the point - the attack she received was about being a Serpent, yet she doesn’t say a single thing about what the Serpents are, what good they do (if any) etc. Toni just says she herself is a special person and doesn’t answer the question asked. I don’t know if Percival necessarily had to do anything to get Toni voted off, mind-control-wise. It’s the Serpents he’s attacking, and the Serpent Queen literally had nothing to say in defense of the Serpents.
Back at the casino, Marty Mantle has lost $7K and Veronica has to go deal with it.
The three arrive late to the Town Meeting, only to be told by a very proud and pleased Alice that Toni was unanimously voted off the council, except for Tabitha’s vote. How exactly does voting work here? It’s an open vote, and you can’t do it confidentially? And um, this is what happens when you shove Alice and Frank on the council, you three, so really, whose fault is it?
At the casino, Marty Mantle asks Veronica Lodge to ‘float him’ $5K because his luck is about to turn, which Veronica refuses.
To the tune of Baby Did a Bad Bad Thing, Cheryl/Abigail, in a red mini dress with a big red floofy heart on the torso and knee high red boots is bringing a basket of poison treats, a Little Red Riding Hood metaphor turned inside out, and in slow motion to boot. I adore these slow mo entries of Cheryl’s (which are also now given to Abigail so this must be a Blossom thing). Abigail/Cheryl seems very pleased by all the high school boys turning to look at her as she passes. I suppose this is meant to indicate that she looks hot to them, but her dress is so very strange, so I wonder if that’s why they’re staring. Archie has not read the internet treatise about being wary of women who bring treats for everyone else at the workplace but don’t partake, so he accepts the very poisonous-mushroom looking scones without question. (Kudos to the hawk eyed in the fandom who alerted us all that Archie misspelled distinction as destinction).
Next victim - Abigail calls Jughead Jones Jug-Jug which she has never, ever done. He’s looking particularly soft eating his home-made white-bread sandwich (What, no Tabitha- approved take out from Pop’s?) . Jughead wipes his mouth on the back of his hand. This Jughead-is-a-messy-eater thing is a post- time-jump development. I am trying very hard not to think dirty thoughts about Jabitha.
Betty can see the red homicidal intent radiating from Abigail, then runs to the rescue. The show is very aware of the fandom battles, I’m sure, because of the choices they make. Betty says, Jug! Archie! in that order, and then runs to Archie first. This is a little bait for everyone to get into it, should they so choose. Archie’s mild irritation at the thought of being poisoned is hilarious. He acts like Cheryl/ Abigail slashed his tires or something. But in the very mild panic, both Betty and Archie take a really long time to remember that he is invulnerable (This technically means he’s immortal, then, surely?). Betty yells at Jughead to stop eating, and the three convene in the (gender neutral?) bathroom so Jughead can ingest saltwater and vomit.
Fangs and Toni are talking over Serpent business in their apartment. Toni wants to take the gang into being a political activist group. “Like the Black Panthers.” I suspect that in the same way none of the people who ran the Serpents knew what a gang was, Toni doesn’t know what a political activist group is either. Does she know what happened to the Black Panthers? Fangs doesn’t like it, says the Serpents won’t go for it, and is silent when Toni asks if they’re united on this.
That’s when Kevin, his dad, Percival and assorted deputies break down the door. Fangs has been keeping weapons in the apartment, a grave error which he compounds by shoving Kevin against the wall, leading to his arrest. In answer to the question “Kevin why are you doing this?” Kevin looks directly at Percival, then silently leaves. To a weeping Toni, Fangs reveals to Toni the extent of her absolute failure as a leader of the Serpents, and his own incompetence as King - the Serpents want to fight, Fangs was with them on this stance but she had absolutely no idea what was going on. I mean so that’s not new - this role used to be held by FP Jones, then Jughead Jones and Betty Cooper. The Serpents cannot catch a break in terms of getting effective leadership.
Reggie comes home to Veronica, and Marty Mantle has lied. He said he had a “blast” and didn’t mention the part where he begged for money from Veronica, so now she has to be the one to tell him. Reggie is very defensive about Veronica’s concern. I do not recall at this point why exactly Marty Mantle was in debt to Hiram Lodge - Sorry, I forgot that this debt existed at all - but I am assuming that it had to do with gambling, so Reggie is lying on behalf of an addict relative to his girlfriend.
Abigail tells Britta that her murder attempts failed this time, but she is trying to think of other ways.
Barchie and Jughead are in the Jabitha apartment discussing the poisoning incident. The two are standing, and Jughead looks squashed and small. Barchie suggest that Jughead go visit the person who tried to kill him that afternoon, and he agrees.
Abigail brings Toni roses, so she can gather a bit of her blood and a lot of information. Toni gives Abigail a very important hint about the Ghoulies wanting revenge on Archie.
For these scenes with Abigail throughout this episode, we get a comic-book split screen effect to show us in close up the scones, then later, roses. This is a curious choice, because Abigail is someone who just spells out her plans step by step in spoken dialogue, so these visual flourishes are merely stylistic indulgences.
Mantle father and son discuss Marty’s gambling addiction. He’s lost the car lot altogether to the “Wise Guys” because he participated in even worse gambling than what he was doing at the casino. Marty asks for Reggie’s help.
Meanwhile, the social worker pays Toni a visit, saying exactly what she said to Toni-Vale in the Rivervale AU. Toni has a flashback/ deja-vu to that exact scene, and in a replay, Baby Anthony is gone. Toni keeps calling her own son Baby Anthony.
THANK GOD FOR ABIGAIL. She’s dressed up like a Ghoulie (in red) and molotov cocktails Archie.
Tabitha and Betty have set up a citizen’s search group for Baby Anthony. Tabitha is wearing a blue leather (Pleather?) jacket that sort of echoes the Serpent Jacket. Toni’s hair is loose, Tabitha’s hair is tied in a super neat bun. While both Toni and Betty take a backseat, Tabitha starts to speak for the group, saying very Archie-esque things that are nonsense like “In Riverdale, we take care of our own.” The only thing Betty knows how to do is canvass a grid - she used the exact same system to find TBK as she’s proposing to find a kidnapped baby. Even though the Serpent Queen has a declared enemy, nobody, not a single soul, thinks to bring in the Ghoulies to ask some questions.
Jughead listens on other people’s useless thoughts, but fortunately, Archie the Invulnerable is there to tell him and Betty about his adventure last night. “It’s hard to mistake Cheryl, no matter what she’s wearing.” TRUER WORDS WERE NEVER SPOKEN and look at Archie being extremely accurate! Betty orders Jughead to go talk to Cheryl/ Abigail, with a very put-upon sounding ‘WILL YOU PLEASE NOW GO.”
Jughead is trying so hard with Barchie, with his little jokes, but the other two don’t even bother giving him a polite chuckle of acknowledgment. Back at the apartment, he talked about waiting to get his ‘sea legs’ because he’d chugged a glass of seawater. Nobody laughed. Now, when he says, “I hope I don’t get killed” they just stare at him. Poor thing.
Reggie and Veronica fight about Marty Mantle’s problem, with a very unproductive Your Dad is Shittier Than My Dad approach.
Twyla Twyst, in the most studded jacket ever, is still giving off Bossy Mom of the PTA energy. She calls Toni to tell her the most obvious thing - that she is the one with the baby. Toni finally, finally just calls her son Anthony and not Baby Anthony. Twyst invites Toni to a fight on the docks, while Toni cries a single tear down the cheek that’s getting the lighting in the shot. Even though Tabitha tells Toni that this sounds like a bad idea (“I’m not comfortable with this”), Toni decides that she has to do exactly what the kidnapper says. “This is how it works, and this is how it has to be.”
Does the title of Serpent King/ Queen damage your reasoning capacity? How else should I understand Toni’s inability to suspect an untrustworthy person and maybe imagine that some part of what is happening to her might be a trap?
Reggie meanwhile visits the mobsters at the Italian restaurant, who are framed with the burning embers of hell in their fireplace. Marty’s entire car lot was handed over to the mob for $100K. These gangsters do not have an ongoing identity crisis (unlike the Serpents) so they refuse to talk business with Reggie until he proves that he knows (from his long association with Hiram Lodge, I suppose) how things are supposed to work.
Jughead visits Britta. Jughead can recognize a distressed child in peril, which I very much admire him for. Britta has already been through so much weird shit that she absolutely accepts Jughead’s very bizarre claim to being able to ‘read’ her thoughts. She tells him the entire murder-and-reincarnation plot, and BLESS Jughead again, because his immediate question after all this is to ask the distressed child in peril about her well being. Britta nods affirmation that she should be OK, which is a very Jughead thing to do, and Jughead leaves into the night.
Tabitha overhears a deputy (Walker) talk about decimating the Serpents to Kevin at the Diner, and goes to confront him. This is either extremely brave or foolhardy of her, I can’t tell. Visually, we get an explanation for why she’s suddenly wearing this new blue (p)leather biker jacket - it’s biker /outlaw outfit like the Serpents, but blue, like the Sheriff’s uniform. They fess up, so Tabitha calls Toni just in time to warn her of the impending massacre. Toni having a smartphone and some sort of social media channel saves everyone’s lives (for now) but her stupidity in not suspecting Twyla, not asking Betty to look into the Ghoulies, and walking right into this trap is a decimation of her original character trait, which was to be The Smart One, and this makes me sad.
Reggie and Veronica have a very chilly conversation wherein Reggie lies to Veronica about what’s going on with Marty.
Jughead gets Barchie to help him deal with Cheryl. He’s so completely out of the Serpents that it’s not even funny.
Percival comes to gloat at Toni, who has been arrested. Percival says all the Ghoulies are all dead, but for Twyla, and also that Anthony is safe and sound with his father. (Meaning Kevin). So this is why Cheryl as mouthpiece for the show told us all not to ask who the sperm donor was - she said it was ‘gauche’ - so that Riverdale the show could fuck around like this.
The Three, Britta and Nana Rose are burning Abigail once again. Betty calls a woman she’s about to set on fire a bitch, which.. why do they keep making Betty do this? She doesn’t like men, much, but she also doesn’t like women. While they’re doing this, Percival gets himself elected to the council. Alice Cooper is just having the time of her life, running things. Abigail’s soul leaves Cheryl’s body (and goes into a doll) and Cheryl is back.
I’m getting a little obsessed with Tabitha’s outfits. I have rarely seen her outside her Pop’s waitress uniform, so everything she wears appears ripe with meaning. So the next day, Kevin brings Anthony to see Toni, which I don’t care about, but Tabitha is in some sort of military/navy captain’s long coat type deal. It makes her look very tall, very powerful, in command. Please? Can she do that please? Toni still has her too-much-hair-for-her-tiny-frame giant mophead going on (understandable perhaps since she spent the night in jail) which puts the neat side-bun that Tabitha has going on in high relief. Is that what they’re going for with these choices for hairdos? Kevin wants to take Anthony away from Toni, saying that he’s doing this in the best interests of the child. He’s not wrong, is the thing. Percival gloats at Toni.
We get an explanation for why Reggie is behaving in this strange way with his dad. Marty Mantle has a year to live - I suppose he has a heart issue? - and the doctor says that he should try to make sure his father “enjoys what little time he’s got left.” So that’s what Reggie is doing - letting Marty do whatever he wants, because Reggie is very dumb, and he took those words literally. This is why people should read difficult novels even if it’s daunting. That’s where you learn about nuance, about human nature, and about dying men’s obsession with legacy. Marty Mantle is actually getting a severe, nasty form of punishment from his unknowingly passive-aggressive son that he raised to be a dumb, disconnected person - he only has a year left, and he’s being enabled to be the worst side of himself, frittering away all dignity, because he’s indulging in his addiction. Reggie hates his dad in equal measure as he loves him, and so he’s committing a sin by doing this.
Dr Curdle Jr calls Betty to tell her that twenty two Ghoulies all suicided. I love Dr. Curdle Junior - he looks so much more freaked out by a mass suicide than he did by anything else he’s had to look at or do, including doing an acting gig pretending the not-dead Jughead Jones on his table was a corpse. He, Cheryl, Britta and Nana Rose are the only ones bringing some joy into this episode.
Cheryl keeps wearing these extremely top-heavy mini dresses that I don’t understand. She lights a candle next to the cabinet they’re keeping the doll that now houses Abigail’s spirit (it’s been feminized out of respect for Abigail’s obsession with feminine beauty, which is kind of them). Cheryl says that it is their (hers, Nana Roses’ and also, for some reason, Britta’s) duty to keep the magic fire burning as a ward against Abigail’s resurgence.
Now at the Andrews’ residence, Jughead is getting indirectly yelled at/ blamed by Archie for allowing Percival’s election to the council. Jughead’s pointing out that they saves Cheryl gets a dismissive “Yeah, well” from Archie. Archibald! That’s very mean! Jughead asks if Percival wants to ‘take over’ Riverdale “like Hiram” to which Archie, who just doesn’t agree with anything Jughead says these days, says that Percival, unlike Hiram, wants to destroy it. Except (a) they’re both wrong about Hiram - Hiram wanted very much to destroy Riverdale and (b) there doesn’t seem to be a whole lot to destroy.
A very normal-length episode recap with completely neutral & fair minded opinions. Spoiler warning! I will say, that if this whole bit with the superpowers and the Evil Englishman is somehow still connected to Bunker Rivervale Jughead Narration Creator, then he’s really confronting his unrequited yearning for Archie Andrews in this episode.
When Jughead Jones decides to do something, he always chooses the most difficult possible way of doing it. When he became a gang leader he decided to be Moses and Jesus and also everyone’s underage father. When he wanted to be a genre novelist he had the genre happen to him, becoming the dead body that the whodunit was trying to solve. He played dead on a gurney at the morgue and everything. You can be a hipster writer in New York City without having a drug dealing girlfriend or the mob after you but what would be the fun in that? So now that he’s decided to a journalist and newspaper runner for his small hometown, Jughead Jones decides he must publish the most incendiary, anti-Riverdale take down submission of all time, and anonymously, at that, taking on the burden of protecting this provocateur himself. Because of course he does.
In the opening narration, where Tabitha is concerned to be reading this ‘submission’ that Jughead published, Jughead Jones is talking to a “you.” Has he done this before? Break the fourth wall while narrating? He wants me (and me specifically) to know that he can read thoughts and is still hearing impaired. Jughead is lying to everyone including his friends that his hearing has returned.
The question asked is if he’s a bad person for lying to everyone. I say no. “I can read your mind” only makes him sound insane on top of being deaf, for one. People generally don’t react well to magic powers that are this invasive, even in fairytales. It’s not a great choice, sure, but it’s the Jughead Jones way of caring for people he loves - By resisting burdening them with his last possible strand of strength.
One of the anachronisms I adore about Riverdale is that every person keeps reading a printed hard copy of the paper, obsessively, daily, like smartphones and twitter don’t exist. Sweet Pea read Alice’s newspaper back in the day, and now Alice reads Jughead’s with … her boyfriend Uncle Fucking Frank. (Shout out to the tumblrina who pointed out that whenever Betty fucks a boy, Alice feels compelled to fuck the boy’s nearest blood relation) (also wondering if this is why Archie refused to date Betty when his dad was alive - he couldn’t do that to Fred). Reggie and Veronica, and Fangs and Toni all read the paper during their different morning routines. Veggie haven’t gone to bed yet, and Fangs & Toni are hoping the baby sleeps a bit longer. Cheryl is very pleased, and the Keller men, because I guess they’re both too macho to cook, are breakfasting at the diner.
The thing is, Percival is not wrong - there is no performing arts or culture is Riverdale, and when even when it wasn’t quite so blighted it needed to try to recruit teen gang members as deputies to try to clear out the Gargoyles and so forth. But then the show does a pivot to talk about the “Homeless encampments around every corner.” Percival is extremely pleased to see his writing in print, so he smiles as he tells Pop Tate he’s very pleased to have moved to Riverdale. The funny thing is - the writer does not attack the dire stupidity and tokenist representation on the so called counsel, four unelected officials that apparently wield an immense amount of power in the town: A crazy lady (Alice, you are crazy), a mercenary and petty criminal, Minnie Mouse gang leader-bar tender who somehow is also given untrammeled access to children, and the girl who has only recently moved to Riverdale to work at her grandpa’s ailing business. This is intentional, of course.
The article does not actually mention Archie (He owns - apparently??- a functional business and not in a gang - anymore? - and his sins of violence are not known to Percival - I guess?) but in any case, Archie is pissed.
And that’s what it comes around to, in the end, no?
Jughead aimed this take-down article at Archie in particular. Jughead fully knew that its contents amounted to a “razor blade that cut to the very heart of Riverdale,” and published it anyway, after YEARS of calling Archie Riverdale’s soul, spirit, heart, symbol etc etc. It landed fair and square. “With no author named, who would take the brunt of blowback but…” is delivered in a long-suffering, irritated way but c’mon Jughead. You wanted to hear Archie think thoughts about you. You also wanted to take a razor blade to cut into his heart the way he’s done to you since Ep 4.17. Let’s be real here, ok? This has to be the most convoluted way of pulling someone’s pigtails to show you ‘like’ them. You published this article anonymously so that Archie would have NO CHOICE but to talk to YOU.
“Here we go,” Jughead sighs (faux unhappily = happily). Archie thinks - BACKSTABBER! This constant worry about stabbing Archie in the back and being stabbed in turn is a constant in their relationship. Calling Riverdale the “worst town in America” is a bit harsh, so I give Archie that. America has like, full on KKK /Nazi towns that POC point out on maps as places to avoid while driving from point A to B.
Archie asks Jughead: “Why would you publish something like this??” at school (where they’re still coaching and teaching). Jughead ends up just telling Archie (who doesn’t get it) his true emotional intentions behind publishing this article: “Let me interview you, and I’ll publish it next week.” Oh honey. It’s so desperate, Jughead’s need for Archie’s attention, care and involvement. Archie probably avoided ‘saying’ anything to Jughead after that initial conversation about his hearing loss, I reckon, because that’s how Archie has been to Jughead post time jump. And Archie is just a brute - “No screw that!” is his simple concise answer. Archie doesn’t want to do anything private with Jughead - he wants him to come to the town hall.
Meanwhile at Thornhill, Britta is visiting Grandmistress Rose in her prison. Britta is just such a resilient kiddo - survived homophobic parents, expulsion from her home, witnessed a demon(?) possession, an exorcism (that Nana Rose called something else), the derangement/ possession of her only guardian, and the trauma of watching an old woman get tossed into a medieval dungeon in the house she lives in. The idea of Cheryl being not quite dissipated into nothing and instead imprisoned in a ‘mental jail’ is the thing that brings this feisty kiddo to some level of alarm. Nana Rose is the catchall character for all whackadoo magical things. Sleeping next to someone if they possessed you once is enough to let you inception yourself into their ‘dreamscape.’ The thing is, Britta belongs here because she hears this story and her immediate next reaction is I COULD DRUG HER TEA. OK but which drugs are these? Britta has dream-inception drugs that can be dissolved into a tea?? And like all good fairy stories the old witch sets an arbitrary deadline: Britta must ‘emerge’ from the dream faster than Abigail or there will be ‘wrath’(undefined) bear.
We get a preview of the mental jail that Britta is going to have to brave, literally ‘through a looking glass.’ This next bit was AMAZING. Riverdale is doing Mommy Dearest!!!. Penelope Blossom is doing a nightmare parody of Faye Dunaway doing a parody of Joan Crawford as presented by an adopted daughter who absolutely hated her. They gave the Penelope actress the extremely rigid eyebrows and the big shoulder outfits. The Blossom twins all their mother, Dearest Mumsy, in unison.
Jughead is at the town meeting, sitting in the corner, listening in on people’s thoughts. “Who wrote the article? Probably Alice” is one thought that he hears. The way this meeting devolves is very interesting. Alice thinks there is much to ‘dispute’ about the article, but the thing she hates the most is Veronica and Reggie with their casino (but somehow not a gang?). Veronica tries to makes a case for herself (she brings tourists and employs the locals). Alice says that the true beneficiaries of a casino are its owners. Alice is a moron - this is how capitalism works, babe, not just casinos. Veronica is sitting right next to Archie but he acts like he doesn’t see her. He only wants to know who wrote the article.
The writer of the article was Percival. Toni says Percival’s great great grandfather (on his dad’s side) having led genocide against her ancestors would be a strike against Percival pointing out that Riverdale as a town sucks (and that the Serpents under Toni’s rule kind of suck as is having to deal with on-going gang warfare between weaksauce gangs also sucks).
Archie ups the ante by daring Percival to come up with ‘real solutions.’ He wasn’t ready for Percival actually having any, so he instead offers to punch his lights out. Percival follows the fascist playbook down to the T - he attacks the people on the margins that everyone present has mixed feelings about: homeless people in Sketch Alley. Percival wants to ‘bus-out’ the homeless. What does it mean to HUMANELY bus the homeless out? Bus them where? Archie counters with a good statement - that you can’t just bus people out of your town - and with a lie “Riverdale takes care of its own.” But it really doesn’t though. That’s just not true. They let all those Southside Serpents live a tent village. Alice Cooper is the prototypical Riverdale resident and she doesn’t even look after her own children.
The homeless are not present to speak for themselves, so the correct things that Archie says (the most destitute are still citizens of the place) rings kind of hollow.
And in any case, when put on the spot, Archie doesn’t have a direct answer for what he would propose instead, and Jughead gets immensely excited: And thus began the battle for Riverdale’s soul, he proclaims. Which really means, I finally have a project I created for myself and Archie.
Because you know, when Archie creates projects, like his recent Saving Riverdale 1.0 - Avengers Assemble, he only really assigns a tertiary-at-best role for Jughead. Jughead doesn’t bring capital, like Veronica, nor muscle and firepower, like Betty. If Jughead can control the project, by contrast, he’ll put Archie first, and himself second. Even better, Betty is out of town while Veronica and Archie act like they’ve never met, so Jughead can really have Archie to himself. Old habits die really hard.
Abigail comes home to Thornhill where Britta is wearing her long hair in braided devil’s horns. I KNEW THAT HER ELABORATE BRAIDS MEANT SOMETHING! I love Britta signaling her devilish intentions through her hair. Britta offers to provide handmaid services to Abigail, who accepts them without question. Britta (like the young Jughead and the young Cheryl) is in a situation that’s hair raisingly terrifying if you stop and think about it too much (her guardian is either demon possessed or completely insane, and the only other adult present has been locked into a dungeon and tells her to drug the guardian OH MY).
Jughead shows up at the Andrews house, where he’s now twice lived in (or attempted to) and twice got kicked (or rather BLOWN UP) out of. The first thing he says is, Don’t punch me in a sardonic, flat way. He tells Archie the obvious, that he himself had been homeless more than once (I mean, if he and Tabitha, god forbid, break up, doesn’t he go right back to being homeless??). Then come the Riverdale the Show’s statement about the unhoused/homeless/destitute: All of them are without exception good people who deserve resources. Archie points out that Jughead didn’t say anything at the meeting, but Archie still doesn’t get it. Jughead needs this 1:1 discussion and buy-in from Archie about their joint project before he’s going to involve himself in this project. Jughead gives Archie the idea of giving a micro home for everyone in Sketch Alley, and he thought of this in particular because Archie has a construction business. Of course Archie says yes - this was tailor made for him by a person who’s loved him forever.
Britta with her little devil’s horn hair somehow (Tea + Whooshing sound) invades Abigail/ Cheryl’s dream mindscape where Penelope Blossom is hamming it up to high heaven with an accent that’s vaguely Southern and Mid-Atlantic at the same time. Cheryl in the dreamscape is in time out, weeping at her own birthday party. Britta bravely stands up to Penelope on Cheryl’s behalf. When the dream-inhabitants give Britta a stern look, she escapes the dream, waking up shortly before Abigail.
Reggie and Veronica are in their office with the portrait of Hiram in the space. Veronica wants to make the casino a clean business because she wants to rehabilitate the Lodge name and contribute to ‘fixing’ Riverdale. Reggie reminds her that going ‘legit’ is going to be highly expensive, so Veronica gives the go ahead, which is fine enough, but then she does something very peculiar - she wants to hang up a portrait of her dad as a sort of hate-watch, so she can be reminded of who she doesn’t want to be like. This is not how that works.
Percival is buttering up Alice to vote his way at her house. I don’t know why this scene was necessary - Alice would’ve voted to bury the homeless alive if she thought enough people would go for it. I hope Percival serviced Alice after we pan away (Uhh minors DNI?).
We’re at another town council meeting. Veronica and Reggie present their proposal for a Riverdale as Atlantic City. She wants to open an arcade. Frank says there are too many broken people in Riverdale for a casino to be a ‘good’ option. So both Frank, who lives off of his nephew that he just described as broken, and Alice, former cult member and child abuser, that the idiotic core four elevated to these unelected super powerful positions and have moreover never launched nor run any sort of successful business are basically naysaying the only person with any sort of entrepreneurial spirit in Riverdale. Oh boy.
Next up is Archie, mouthing the things that Jughead told him to say. Toni likes it, so does Tabitha (who mentions that she’s seen these mini houses in Chicago, which means this was where Jug got this idea from). Alice says no, because it’s expensive, and Percival points out that his plan is very low cost.
Archie and Percival have their tete-a-tete, long overdue. Percival points out the obvious, that Alice (“your neighbors”) would rather the homeless problem disappear. He basically describes what NIMBY is which Archie describes as warped and cynical.
Archie calls on Toni and Tabitha to ask for money ($25K per) to build the microhomes, and both women say yes. Jughead takes Archie and other irrelevant people to Sketch Alley to let them know they’re going to build them the microhomes. Doc looks really happy, so you know it’s going to turn to shit, because Doc is tied to Jughead, and Riverdale is a story about taking nice things away from Jughead Jones (If Tabitha dies I will riot).
Reggie meanwhile is giving Veronica a big reality check. That they can’t go ‘legit’ and ever turn a profit. And just on the heels of this piece of sobering news they’re told that ‘something bad’ has happened in the ‘private’ gambling room. A man has committed suicide in there. These two hard nosed criminals (that’s what they are) talk about what they should do to save their long term business interests right in front of a dangling corpse. Veronica decides to call the Deus Ex Machina Godson.
Britta has drugged Abigail a second time to have a go at inception again. Her hair is back in the demon braids. I love this hairdo on her, it makes her look like Irish Chun Lee. She finds Cheryl, but they barely have any time to talk before Penelope Blossom reenacts Mommy Dearest for us all, making her kids scrub the floors. She even mentions the hanger!
Next day at Sketch Alley, people are building things without any sort of training somehow and I’m supposed to think this is all good. That is, until Doc wallops Kevin across the head with a hammer. (Who is looking after Baby Anthony right now?)
Alice is all over it at her news channel or whatever that is. What is that? It’s an opinion channel that commentates on current events? Tabitha, Toni and Archie are at the diner and very concerned. Tabitha and Archie are still all in on this very losing endeavor, the microhouses. I think I’m supposed to think they are good and kind people, but I am not. I want these two very young women who are struggling running a diner and a bar in a dying town to just look after number one a bit, or at least, their own employees, instead of pursuing this cockamamie plan with Archie. But that’s because I dislike Archie.
Reggie has done an interesting thing to actually investigate why the gambler suicided in the private room - he’d been winning huge! It turns out Percival was literally whispering in his ear. Okay then. But they don’t have much time to discuss this because Abuelita’s Godson shows up to ask where the body is. I love Reggie’s “Jeez, cut to the chase much?” Reggie like crimes of a financial nature, and Jughead (in Killing Mr Honey) had been very prescient that he would be ill at ease with murder, corpse desecration and other wet work (ooooh I got to say that like I am a tough person). Geraldo is not amused by his humor.
Britta consults with Grandmistress Rose about Cheryl’s situation. Is Nana Rose’s character that she’s going through early stages of dementia? Because she goes through lucid phases like this where she’s quite coherent about the underlying family dysfunction (“Penelope has always been Cheryl’s tormentor”) and other times when she’s just gleefully doing batshit insane things without a care in the world. Poor Britta. She’s tasked with figuring out the solution to this strange magic/witchcraft/ demon coma problem that the Blossom women have created amongst themselves.
Percival Pickens knows the power of showing up for people. He seems to be the only person who actually visited Kevin in the hospital. (Toni, Archie and Tabitha absolutely have not, though they care). Never underestimate the power of physical presence, friends. When you want to influence someone, SHOW UP IN PERSON.
Benjamin Moore donated the paint for future houses, is what Archie says, in front of the finished microhouse. Is this SUBTLE product placement? Or was this Riverdale the Show trying to solicit a sponsorship? Or are they trying to pressure Benjamin Moore the company to make donations to homeless shelters and microhomes? …. Youtubers with less than 10K subscribers do a much better job of advertisement for sponsors that Riverdale. Jabitha and Farchie (Frank and Archie probably fuck, I don’t know, I hate Frank so much) are very happy in the parking lot.
Abuelita’s Godson wants to help Veronica’s business by putting out the word to ‘the wise guys.’ He’s trying to help, so Veronica wants him to investigate Percival Pickens. The fact that nobody (neither Journalist Alice nor Journalist Jughead) have actually done this is an indictment for both.
Within a single evening, the model microhouses they set up in front of the Diner has been graffitied nastily. Archie punches the hell out of his car. Our hero. Meanwhile, Jughead visits Doc, to ask why he attacked Kevin. Is this what happens to all of Jughead Jones’s father figures? They get visits from a very disappointed Jughead while behind bars? Doc completely takes it as a given that Jughead can read his thoughts. Okay then.
At long last, Jughead has a 1:1 with Percival. Jughead opens strong by lobbing a Gandhi quote at an Englishman. I wish the show had let this have a little bit of room to breathe, because that is very, very funny, not just because of Gandhi v Evil Englishman but also because it’s one smug white man doing this to another smug white man. Jughead gets caught “rooting around inside” Percival’s mind. Jughead is so scared.
Britta is left handed, with lovely penmanship and knows her way around a fountain pen. She’s trying to dream inception to rescue Cheryl again. This time, Cheryl’s hair is all torn up, weeping in a chair in a sailor outfit. Britta tries to wake Cheryl out of it, but they’re caught by Penelope. Dream Penelope can tell IMMEDIATELY that Britta is both sapphic and a slut. Awesome Gaydar you got there. Penelope has to be gay. She has to. I love the white flowers on Britta’s sweater. She leaves the note for Cheryl as she gets kicked out of the dream house. Penelope’s hunched-shoulder flailing around in a rage is EXCEPTIONALLY delicious. Cheryl, just from this one note from Britta, recovers herself entirely, lipstick, bustier and all.
Next morning, Jabitha, Frank and Toni are repainting the microhouses. Just as Jughead is about to convey important information about Percival’s mind bending powers, the man himself shows up to announce that the homeless have been successfully ejected from Riverdale.
The new fivesome (?) visit the emptied out Sketch Alley that evening (I don’t know why they couldn’t go right away?). It’s Frank, Toni, Archie in the center, Tabitha and Jughead. I like that there’s more for Tabitha to do than be Girl-Friday for everyone and Toni doesn’t have to try to be some sort of tough which she can’t do, but I HATE THIS LINE UP. The two POC women are still completely subordinate to the whims of Archie Andrews, and they’re the ones taking the biggest risks with their businesses.
Cheryl is back to herself so she’s visiting Britta in her dreams to say they have to drive Abigail out of Cheryl’s body.
Everyone is applauding Percival for his successfully clearing out Sketch Alley. Alice is one of the people applauding. I hope once again that she got cunnilingus at least out of this. Sheriff Keller hires Percival as a deputy and the core four are peeved. Jughead finally makes a mistake where he assumes that someone he wasn’t looking at said the thought he overheard - Archie gives Jughead a dire look.
Alice loves exercising all this power over other people. Saying no to people, getting in their way, kicking people out of their own businesses. Why Alice suddenly despises Veronica (other than Percival’s interference?) seems unsupported to me so I feel the same sort of boredom I feel about any other sort of unmotivated villainy.
As a result, Veronica decides to be her Daddykins’ daughter after all, which is music to Reggie’s ears (he wants to run scams!). Abuelita’s Iceman says he couldn’t find anything on Percival. Betty comes back to the Andrews residence, saying she’s lost TBK (what else is new) but she’s acquired an affliction in the form of terrible migraines. Archie tells Betty that Jughead can read minds, and that Percival Pickens can control people’s minds. He says the whole town is in trouble.
I wonder why they didn’t show this very important discussion between Jughead and Archie? Is it because Archie was as indifferent, brutal and irritable as he’d been about Jughead’s deafness?
In his commonplace book, Percival writes “Jughead Jones ,Mind reader??” but his penmanship is much worse than Britta’s. He has a murder board set up with Core Four and Uncle Frank.
Hyper detailed episode recap! Many spoilers ahead. An episode in which we learn that Tabitha Tate literally stabilizes Jughead Jones’ world.
Jughead is finally emotionally safe enough to express anger at what has happened to him, in his life. Jughead as a kid had a heartrending inability to be angry when he was wronged - he was never angry with FP for his failures as a parent, nor Gladys for hers, or Jellybean for terrorizing him and Betty and all of Northside. He should’ve been angry with Betty and Archie, but he decided not to be that either. I like that as an adult he’s able to actually feel and express anger.
It’s very cute that Jughead’s priorities in life are 1. reading 2. eating burgers and 3. kissing Tabitha. Those are the things that have been salvaged. Mind, body, soul, I suppose. It gave me a nice Jabitha fandom tingle, but I found this moving for what he doesn’t say. He doesn’t say things like - I dunno - pay rent, support Archie, and save Riverdale. And clearly, the true no. 1 used to be Writing.
When Jughead asks himself how he can ‘rebuild’ his life, we transition to Archie telling a ragtag crew that he and Frank have reinforced the infrastructure of the house, and I found myself doing a double take. Are either of them qualified to do this? What absolute hubris.
If I was in that crew, having Archie tell me that he (a very young war veteran and non unionized part time construction worker) and Fred Andrews’ bad seed younger brother (who had a punch out fight with Keller once) had ‘inspected the house,’ would lead me to find the nearest exit asap. I wonder if it’s a statement on the importance of unions that this house rebuilding crew has patently untrained amateurs like BETTY on it.
Later, Betty and Archie are trying to see if she can crush the bones in his hand using some sort of construction implement. Betty’s untrammeled joy at being with a man who cannot be hurt and therefore she literally cannot hurt hit me like a ton of bricks. And I like to see them happy, the core four, so I liked this scene. Archie, after triumphantly confirming that he’s developed superpowers, does a little twirl of glee that made me laugh. You can see why Jughead likes him so very much - Archie, despite all of the immense difficulties life has thrown at him, remains pretty lighthearted.
Speaking of - Betty wonders if Jughead was also affected by the explosion (“he was the third closest”) to which Archie says a thing that makes me immediately take back what I just said about how likable he is - “Fourth closest.” As in AFTER THE DOG that he has owned less than a year. Neither of them wise up to the thing I pointed out last week - that the three of them were in the house, and Jughead was in the garage. Did that have anything to do with it??
The way that both Archie and Betty talk about Jughead hurts my feelings. I can’t quite put my finger on why it bugs me so much. They sound like the way I do when I talk to my siblings about cousins we don’t like very much. That is, we share a sense of unbreakable connection without any affection or genuine interest. Betty and Archie discuss Jughead as someone they are obliged to care about, but none of that obligation is leavened with genuine interest or care. Betty ‘did her duty’ by leaving him (voice?) messages (if voice messages, then he can’t hear them) but see how bare minimum that is? She knows he works. One of his jobs is at the diner where everyone in Riverdale is obligated to eat, and his girlfriend owns the diner, plus she’s friends with Jughead’s girlfriend. But after doing the barest minimum Betty hands over “checking up on Jughead” duties to Archie, who accepts with an equally unenthusiastic - “A little later.” The two of them smile and joke and are much warmer when they talk about the dog.
Mistress Cheryl’s grandma is “Grandmistress Rose” to Britta. I find this absolutely adorable, in addition to the elaborate braid styling that she keeps doing with her hair. Grandmistress Rose is a stone cold terrifying villain. I adore this actress. The extreme satisfaction with which this old woman informs a kid that Cheryl’s soul “dissipated into the ether, into nothingness” was so perfect. And the worshipful way she greets Abigail, bird-beaky face flirty and happy? Masterful.
Abigail looks amazing in Cheryl’s clothes. Britta looks very scared of all of the proceedings. Abigail and Roseanne plan to pay the Council of Four a visit, in order to begin to “take back Riverdale” for the Blossoms. With Hiram out of the picture, is this the emergence of Nana Rose as the prime villain?
In any case, we leave this bubble of camp delight to go back to the grimmer ‘real’ world outside of Thornhill.
Archie genuinely wanted to find Jughead so he’s visiting him in residence at Tabitha’s. That is - when he couldn’t get Jughead to answer a phone call, let’s posit, he went ahead and text messaged him or sought out Tabitha - all the stuff that Betty couldn’t be bothered to do.
I kind of want to know what Archie’s reaction was to first finding out that Jughead is deaf. I bet it was “Dude That Sucks” written out on a notepad. Whatever it was, it’s so awful that Jughead doesn’t even want to tell us what it was and moves right along to the next thing that Archie wants to know about, which is whether something weird has happened to him (other than hearing loss, as Jughead points out) after which Archie lies about why he’s asking.
The degree to which their friendship has been broken is a little hard to get over, for me. Archie lies to Jughead, Jughead knows he is lying, and neither of them say anything. If Archie hadn’t developed special powers as a result of the explosion, he might not ever have asked Jughead if he was doing all right.
We cut to Veronica, pearl-less, staring at herself sadly in the mirror. She’s gearing up to tell Reggie how Hiram died. Shot four times in the head and then set on fire. This seems like a strangely sad way for Hiram to go. Reggie has the dubious honor of being told by two generations of Lodges of their sin of patricide.
The Reggie actor does the most with very little. The delivery on the lines “In what universe am I not supposed to judge you?” and “Should I say I’m sorry for your loss or congratulations?” has shades of sarcasm, suppressed anger, shocked betrayal and yet, at the same time, it’s a little bit funny. Well done sir.
Abuelita Lodge is very powerful. Hiram was afraid of her, and so is Veronica, in further parallels. In another parallel, Veronica finds the act of burdening Hermione with knowledge of her criminal and homicidal leanings is something she can become comfortable with, the way it was for HIram. This is an interesting callback to Veronica’s childhood, of course, where she competed with her father directly to see who could get Abuelita Lodge to side with them by strategically deploying the truth. Veronica won that round, and I guess she technically won this one too.
Kevin is going to be deputy sheriff for his dad. Nepotism win! I’m moved that Kevin is having to do the single mom thing of hauling the baby absolutely everywhere. The show resolutely refuses to discuss with me what Sheriff Keller’s nomenclature vis-a-vis this baby would’ve been had the Kefoni (it’s my own portmanteau, do you like it?) threesome relationship been stable. I suppose I should be grateful.
Archie is doing the Doritos product placement today (the way they do this is so very Truman Show it’s kind of getting scary, and thereby undermining the advertisement effect. By which I mean to say - every time I see a Doritos bag anywhere, I experience visceral discomfort. I don’t want to touch the thing). Betty is worried about Jug’s deafness, but Archie absolutely does not want to be burdened with this new problem.
What is it, exactly, that Archie feels about Jughead, I wonder? When Betty looks like she wants to say more things about Jughead beyond “Poor Jug,” he cuts across her with “At least he’s got Tabitha” is the most callous way. The thousand yard stare off to the right that Betty does in response seems like it’s supposed to illustrate something but I can’t put my finger on what it is.
Is Jughead just a burden to Archie?
In the Life Is a Battle Fought On A Football Field opener for Season 5 (the proper one), Archie’s dream gave Jughead a singular role, as the one and only wounded, whiny, vulnerable fail-soldier comrade that Archie was obligated to hoist on his already overburdened shoulders. Perhaps, from Archie’s perspective, objectively, Jughead is a burden, has always been a burden, and even as an adult is a burdensome spoilsport. He physically and emotionally can’t do things with Archie that he wants to do (sports, gangster, fireman). Further, Jughead gets very invested in things and people that Archie finds either puzzling (the Stonies) or distasteful (the Serpents). And Jughead is always and forevermore needing material support from Archie - needs Archie’s Dad, needs Archie’s house. Archie might kinda be sick of it now. It’s so typical of Jughead, in some ways, to come out of an explosion that gave Archie and Betty superpowers with a physical injury. Archie might, as a good boyfriend, want to rescue Betty from this burden too.
I can’t believe I just said all that with my own two hands.
Barchie are saved from having to further discuss Jughead thanks to the phone call from Agent Lin, who is an exposition person of color who exists to only talk to one of the central white characters. (This is the third Asian woman that’s been utilized in this way on this show after Minerva and Jess.) Glen is missing but his car is not.
Cut to the funeral at the casino where the fearsome Abuelita Lodge introduces Veronica to Geraldo, her godson. Veronica’s slight hesitation before questioningly introducing Reggie as her boyfriend was very sweet, and may I say how much I really love Reggie for not being weird or wavering during this pivotal moment? Reggie understands about dignity, about saving face in front of the elders of the family, and simply takes his cue to dial up his capacity to charm the panties off of post-menopausal ladies to 1000. I love him so much. Reggie is so good at being a boyfriend.
The rules for the Lodge mafia seem very arcane and odd. Abuelita Lodge is a top, and apparently, Veronica is the one with status, so Abuelita’s assistant, the Godson, treats Reggie as also the assistant to Veronica and hands him the guest list, but not Veronica, who doesn’t even reach for it. By the same token, the initial request that Veronica delivery the eulogy for her father is made by the Godson, and upon Veronica’s clearly anticipated refusal, Abuelita Lodge steps in to make the demand final and non-negotiable. Curious arrangement.
OK so here are my Jabitha feelings so if you don’t want Jabitha flalings skip until you see this: ********************
OH MY HEART. Jughead is learning what it is to be cared for by a person with emotional resources to spare, who is invested in seeing the relationship through to the end. He is so unused to this. He finds the amount of care that Tabitha is giving him distancing, unfamiliar, uncomfortable. He keeps seeing her as ‘far’ away from him, as he tries to hug closer to his own solitary self. The camera angle choices are interesting - Tabitha is blurry in the distance across the dining room table, but as she doesn’t give up or get turned off by Jughead having problems, the perspective, even if shaky, even if slightly dutch angle, gets closer and closer to her as she keeps asking.
Tabitha insists on hearing what the ENT says, which then leads to her making a helpful suggestion (if no implants possible until six months, then learn ASL) then asks him whether he’s written by which she means, Is he feeling centered? Because she knows that his identity as someone who produces written work is what keeps Jughead Jones going. He’s aggressive, angry, and defensive, but she never looks anything other than kind and saddened. “There is nothing that she can do” is how Jughead starts the conclusion of this conversation, but then says “somehow WE just have to get through this.” This is another huge step in actual development for this character- more momentous than his “embrace the weird” approach after being the most insistent weird weirdo for the ages.
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Back at the FBI office, Agent Lin unknowingly delivers Glen’s foot in a box to Betty, who has migraines for the first time in her life. (Possibly because of her superpower?) Does the FBI not actually scan the deliveries they get? I am a wussy screamer, who howls at literally any small surprise, so I did feel a bit of hero worship at Betty Cooper, FBI, clocking that she’d been sent a foot in a box and quietly closing it right back up, no histrionics.
Tabitha is running the city council meeting. Archie wants dumpster grant extension and is given it by Tabitha and Alice who giggle about it for reasons that I didn’t immediately grasp. Is this supposed to be a concession he’s begging from Alice? Maybe. Alice Cooper is enough of an asshole that she would give a neighbor whose house was blown up by a bomb a hard time for piling debris in the yard while he rebuilds.
Immediately after this, Veronica gets up to announce that Hiram Lodge is dead. In a defensively desultory fashion, she answers “I’m fine” to a question she seems sure nobody is going to ask, and then sarcastically urges all present to “Rejoice.” The only person who looks concerned is Reggie. The appalling way that Veronica has announced this information leaves even the usually unflappable Tabitha Tate at a loss as to what to do, and so Tabitha moves on to the next item. Literally nobody tells Veronica they are sorry for her loss. Cold.
And Percival Pickens introduces himself, affirms that he is related to the Pickens of the statue decapitation, and then says that he thinks Riverdale can become one of the most prosperous communities in America. In an English accent. Everything about him sounds like an absolute conman.
Toni bursts in late to announce very confidently that she was trying to stop a gang war in the streets. …. I just don’t believe you, Toni, when you say things like this. I don’t think you’re capable of stopping street warfare between stoned squirrels.
Oh, and while all this is going on, the possessed Cheryl -as- Abigail is running commentary about everyone and everything - she recognizes the name Pickens, she recognizes Toni, etc.
Jughead is sitting alone at home because he doesn’t want people’s pity. The thing is, nobody actually gave him any pity so far. Nobody offered Veronica any condolences, and you’re not bereaved, just deaf, Jughead. Nobody would give you sympathy. It’s doubtful if anyone other than Tabitha even noticed Jughead wasn’t there. Jughead decides he’s gonna do something wild.
Privately, Archie does ask Veronica whether she’s all right, which he didn’t do for Jughead. But Archie always did care very much about older, brawny men, and Hiram and Archie had a thing. Veronica reminds Archie that the two of them also fully planned to kill Hiram in the recent past, to which Archie says they wouldn’t have gone through with it. Veronica would have, though, apparently, because she says they “will never know.” I’ve said it before and will say it again. Archie is extremely scary and a dark influence on everyone,
“You little lamb, will be my Trojan horse.” What a terrible thing to say to a child. So is Britta this generation’s Jughead, kinda? (Sorry to be so Catholic). In earlier seasons, Jughead was Moses. Abigail has arrived into a time where women now have suffrage, man has landed on the moon, slavery is over, but the only thing she cares about is that she can be out with her girlfriend in the open. I guess I have to respect that kind of singlemindedness.
FBI agent Betty Cooper is talking with her boyfriend, the Man Indestructible, about the fact that a serial killer is in their blighted town. She’s going to involve HER MOM (an unstable woman who lost two children to serial killer-dom in one way or the other) to canvass the neighborhoods to find a serial killer that has actually eluded a full on FBI manhunt in the past.
Jughead wiped out during his motorcycle ride. Motorcycles (well, more the jackets, but still) were his tie to the Serpents, so does his wiping out after a few minutes (and acquiring more injuries in addition to the cochlear one) mean to indicate that Jughead is never going to get involved again with the Serpents? This is a pity. Serpents need something other than Mickey and Minnie Mouse. However, it could also mean that his hearing loss is not the full extent of the damage he’s suffered - is there an undiagnosed inner ear injury that’s affecting his balance? Because all the shots with Jughead in this episode have been at a sort of dutch-angle with a pronounced curvature. I assumed that this was to indicate “Jughead Cannot Hear” but now I’m wondering if we’re supposed to know that Jughead’s inner-ear has been wounded and he is shading over into the nausea that can result if you’re injured in that way.
In any case, Tabitha being exasperated with Jughead to erupt into frustration, giving a deaf man a stern talking to and his accepting her telling off as a form of caring is another good development for Jughead.
At the FBI office, Betty and Agent Lin are handing out flyers with a sketch of TBK - literally the trash bag mask he wears - to other FBI agents to hand out to the community. This was a great bit of comedy that made me fall about laughing like, either TBK is weird enough that he never actually takes this thing off (so he rode the greyhound to Riverdale in a plastic trashbag baklava and nobody called it in). They’re supposed to tell the residents of the roughest parts of Riverdale (which is SUCH a rough town, even the nice parts - which is where Serial Killers Hal and Penelope came from) that they should not approach the man wearing a big ole’ trashbag mask.
Veronica opens the door to a tall young man wearing a black cardigan over an interesting pattern shirt, who tells her that she has to sign a release so she can be featured on her mom’s tv show. He then tells her to ‘find her light’ which I think is a film actor technical language but of course because she’s Veronica Lodge she knows exactly what that is and is perfect. Hermione being a histrionic reality tv personality, with Veronica making what the fuck faces behind her back was a breath of fresh air in terms of digestible humor. This is how Riverdale gets you - they show that scene at the FBI office, and then immediately cut to something like this. Keeps you off balance and watching.
Meanwhile at the Andrews house, a nice enough looking man who calls Archie “boss” hands him a chunk of palladium that he ‘found’ and refuses to ‘split the cost.” Then they head over to Alice’s house for coffee (because Alice is trying to get into Uncle Frank’s pants with this domesticity cosplay - ok that’s not fair. Alice made nice meals that Jughead loved eating the two times she ever invited him to a meal). He can drink boiling coffee because he’s invulnerable.
Cheryl wants to adopt Britta, and tells Toni in her office. Cheryl invites Toni to discuss the finer points of adopting a foster child in the way that Christian Grey wanted to negotiate NDAs and sex contracts (50 Shades of Grey was actually about how much EL James wanted to sit in conference rooms doing contract negotiation while young women served her drinks): “walk me through those steps, slowly and methodically” is what she purrs, but ma’am there’s a minor present, can you maybe keep it in your pants? They set up a strange semidate to meet at the Wyrm because Toni is bartending. I briefly wondered how Toni could mention things like bartending while being a school counselor but remembered that this school is private and off charter.
Mob Abuelita Lodge, her henchman godson and patricidal casino owner Veronica all agree to be filmed for Hermione’s reality tv show, and I guess to make things less weird they invited Kevin, who is extremely pleased to be there. None of the Lodge Mob members can bear to look at him directly. Hermione deadass say she felt zero amounts of mourning for Hiram Lodge which um, seems like an extraordinarily brutal thing to say in front of the daughter and mother of said man, AND in front of a television crew.
Perhaps this was intentional? Her heartlessness forces a murderer’s confession from Veronica, which then leads to an admission on Hermione’s part, that she’d been lowkey jealous of the bond between Veronica and Hiram all this time. Except. This is definitely not the first time Hermione has broached this topic. She definitely told Veronica that while Hiram wouldn’t kill his daughter, he would definitely kill her, the wife, when Veronica was in high school. But now she admits to feeling possessive over Veronica’s attention and competing (and losing) against Hiram to have some of it. The Lodge women reconcile. Abuelita Lodge has to be SEETHING.
Back to the Andrews house. Archie is on the landing leading to the second floor, and he hears a crackle. Then he FALLS THROUGH THE FLOOR. Because I told you!! If you have a bombed out residence you really do need professional inspection and they never got it! The fall actually does hurt Archie and he’s alarmed.
Tabitha find Jughead someone who experienced late-life deafness to help Jughead. Jughead hates this idea, because he hates this new reality he lives in, but Tabitha looking so concerned, so hopeful, and so wanting to help him leads him to make a concession, to receive care that is offered. This is hard for Jughead, whose entire identity is built around being fine on his own, never admitting to the stress his difficult life.
TBK is a white man. Did I have a visceral DO NOT TOUCH HER reaction to him stroking Betty’s perfect skin on her beautiful face? YES I DID. But then came the … he’s just not scary moment. I don’t know why. TBK is gross, yes, but his outfit is so dumb. Like, does he have the thing like a spidey suit hanging up and he puts the trashbag-and-duct tape shirt and pants on before he shoves the baklava on himself or does he build the outfit around him like some sort of bachelorette party toilet paper wedding dress? He brought Glen’s arm with him as a present, and threatens Archie just like Hal used to.
Cheryl and Toni are talking at the White Wyrm. Also why does everyone hate the word SPINSTER in this show? Didn’t it get reclaimed at some point, like queer? But when Toni says “spinster school marm” she says it in an unkind sneering way. Look, Gangster Minnie Mouse, you’re a bureaucrat bartender. You have no standing to talk down to spinster school marms. So the Rivervale History Fogarty is now officially a Warlock Pirate (which is the same thing as a Mickey Mouse Gangster). But then this begs the question - is Abigail some sort of dimension buster porter over from Rivervale?? Cheryl is as devastated as I am about Fangs x Toni but not for the same reasons. Also Fangs calls Baby Anthony “our son” so I’m going to assume the sperm was Fang’s (Which then makes me wonder WHY Kevin was even in the throuple??)
Betty and Archie are a couple but every time they act like one it takes me by surprise. They are in the Andrews kitchen discussing TBK. TBK apparently means Betty no harm because she did not see the danger aura. Her powers may be waning - she gets headaches. And it turns out that palladium is literally Archie’s kryptonite. They actually say kryptonite out loud, twice. When this scene ends with Betty telling Archie to be careful until his powers come back, the camera zooms into the empty background behind her and I’m not sure what that was for. OH wait. That’s her blind spot. Oh! OK. (Very activist camera decisions this episode).
Jughead has gone to the specialist who tells him to sit FOR FIVE HOURS and try to write with a writing instrument that is not and has never been his tools of choice - pencil and paper. Hermione wants to recreate the mother daughter heart to heart, because she specifically wants the world to see Veronica promising her that she will try to be a better daughter, and Veronica agrees.
Rule Brittania - her delivery of the line “Ms Topaz is dating Fangs Fogarty??” was a balm to my soul. Little child, same. Unfortunately, Abigail-in-Cheryl is inconsolable. But then Nana Rose insults Toni by calling her Serpent Trash. Abigail in response suddenly demonstrates psychokinesis powers (she can make the wind blow and slam shut external shutters). She imprisons Nana Rose in the dungeon.
Jughead at the specialist’s office is immensely frustrated, yet it turns out the specialist is truly a kind person. ‘Without a trace of judgment’ is a major trait Jughead notices about him. Another novel experience because really, the core other three are compulsively judgmental people. The specialist gives Jughead a graphic novel about their shared experience of late in life deafness.
Anatole is visiting Veronica, at the office at the casino, for bad reasons, but since there are many blue crosses (three in the frame with Anatole) I am sure she’ll be fine. “Right before my father’s funeral, seriously?” is what Veronica asks him in a very deflating echo of the Godfather (“you come into my house on the day my daughter is to be married” etc). Anatole is sneery about “American women” but you know what, I have met and worked with several Russian ladies, and I daresay, Anatole is not wrong to think this. In any case, Veronica is extremely merely curious about who sent him and isn’t at all afraid, which I found admirable. Anatole is shot right in the middle of the forehead at a completely impossible angle from downstairs and far away by Abuelita Lodge’s Godson. We’re supposed to wonder if it’s Hermosa or Hermione that sent the Russian to kill Veronica, but because they expressly rule it out, I’m going to bet that it’s Abuelita Lodge.
Oh and, Veronica asks the new actor who’s joined the cast as the Godson whether he’s “just a really good actor” and he says “Yes.” I found this very amusing. Abuelita’s Godson says he is not a moral absolutist, while standing over the corpse of a man he shot through the head, while talking to a woman he knows ordered a hit on her own father.
After reading most of Daniel’s book, Jughead tries to create more writing. He’s still tilted at an angel and the camera has a weird up down sea sickness motion thing going on. Then! When he has written some of his graphic novel style new work, the camera settles. It’s no longer the camera-operator-is-on-sea-legs situation. Some of the pages for his graphic novel look like storyboards for what we’ve already seen in the show. One of the pages shows him getting on his motorcycle, where the narration says: “Denial is a powerful impulse. Perhaps the most unique to humanity. When a dog loses its leg it’s able to walk on three almost immediately.” And so on. We also get a glimpse into Tabitha’s bedroom. She has a pink velvet seashell headboard. Jughead kisses Tabitha, “For not- for never” giving up on him. Jughead-cam is stable and balanced now. (#jabitha)
Dennis hands Archie a hunk of kryptonite (sorry, palladium) in order to wallop him on the head. Oh - is this TBK? And someone calls Betty to say they saw TBK. Some dude in a TBK mask who is not TBK delivers a message. Betty starts to find many pieces of Glen.
Now we’re at the Hiram Lodge funeral. The candle set up is IMMENSE at this funeral. Why Veronica can’t be normal and just refer to Archie as HER BOYFRIEND is very curious. I mean, I suppose it might be because not everyone has sex with their high school boyfriends so she wants crystal clarity for everyone that she did it hit? They also brought in two 3 ft tall St Joseph statuary into the casino to make it look more like a church. Um, ok. Hermione and Veronica’s continuing brutality to Abuelita Lodge, who is burying her son, is still kind of shocking. Veronica straight up listed all his crimes at his funeral in front of his mother. Veronica is wearing pearls to eulogize his father.
So Archie is with Dennis or at least, who I assume is Dennis, in the TBK outfit, and Archie is just not bright. He asks ‘WHO ARE YOU??” when literally the last person he was with was Dennis. Alice bursts in with the dog, being ridiculous about shoes, then leaves. Bingo completely obeys kill commands, and successfully tosses TBK through a wall.
Veronica thanks Reggie for showing up to her father’s funeral. Because NONE OF THE OTHERS did. That’s brutal. Veronica is often the female equivalent to Jughead and she says what Pops said to Jug when he got ditched by all his friends - “I’m sure everyone else was busy.” In what feels like a scarily misplaced empathy / sympathy overload, Reggie says that what she did “doesn’t matter, because I love you.” Um. Actually, ordering a hit on your old man would matter to me no matter how much I love you, but I guess I am not a good person according to Riverdale. Abuelita’s Godson delivers a cassette tape of Hiram’s last will and testament.
Betty and Archie discuss the fact that Dennis is TBK (despite falling out the window from a height that’s killed at least two teachers at Stonewall Prep) alive and at large. Glen is absolutely dead. Betty will be leaving town for a bit. And Veronica listens to the tape where we get to hear Hiram say Mija one last time. Veronica weeps but she’s inherited the rum business. Cheryl Blossom is trapped in the mirror or something and Abigail smashes her back - but Brittania has seen!! And we end with Jughead, his world on even keel and stable, FINALLY able to manifest the superpower he was gifted - He can read minds. And with this realization the dutch angle comes right back!
