#resident evil incorrect quotes
Wesker: Why did you kidnap Leon?
Krauser: Ah- um- well- the reason for that is, uhh…
Ada: Sometimes, we must work together for a common goal.
Wesker: NOT TO KIDNAP PEOPLE!
Claire: I apologized for saying ‘fuck’ in front of Sherry!
Leon: You just did it again!
Claire: I’m not a good role model!
Claire: Woah dude, premarital handholding? That’s just not cool or groovy.
Spencer: I wanted to create the perfect human.
Chris: No what you did is fuck up a perfectly fine guy
Chris, pointing to Wesker: Look at him! He has depression!
Chris, setting down a card: Ace of spades.
Leon, pulling out an Uno card:+4.
Claire, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you!
Jill, trembling: W-what are we playing?
Wesker: I’m hot, I’m tall, I’m gay, and I’m on my theatre kid arc.
Chris: Stop being a bitch.
Leon: But I am a bitch, your bitch ;)
Chris:Thoughts?
Leon: I don’t think.
Ethan:you think Karl and I are immature?
Mia:well, a bit, yes.
Ethan: hm. Well, Karl, what do you think?
Karl, from inside the blanket pillow fort: Mia’s not allowed to come in then.
Karl: Ethan always looks so calm and composed, I wonder how he does it.
Ethan, internally: fuck fuck fuck fuck f
Karl:Look, you don’t want Ethan to die, and I don’t want Ethan to die. So let’s work together to make sure Ethan doesn’t die.
Mia: Fantastic plan, but have you ever fucking metEthan?
[Karl texting Ethan]
Karl: Ethan, I’m sorry
Karl:Please talk to me baby
Karl:Muffin?
Karl:Sweet pea?
Karl:the love of my life
Karl:Precious cinnamon roll who’s too pure and precious for this world
Karl: Please I’m so sorry
Ethan: sorry doesn’t bring back my fucking skittles Karl
Karl: Okay, we all need to stop saying ‘butthurt’ we’re not twelve
Donna: You sound fannytroubled
Alcina: A little bootybothered if you ask me
Ethan: someone’s having a tushytantrum
Karl: Winters? You too?!
Chris:and I brought you myrrh-
Ethan: thank you!
Chris: *pulls out a gun and shoots Mia 20 times in the chest* MYRRH-DER!
Ethan: *gentle, sassy, gasp* Chris, NO-
Ethan, face down on the floor: I’m just- I’m just gonna lay here for a bit.
Mia:
Ethan: if the smell of death and mold becomes too much, go dump me in the lake
Ethan:I’m burning through the sky, yeah
Mia: Ethan, your jacket-
Ethan: Two hundred degrees, that’s why they called me Mr. Fahrenheit
Mia:Ethan! You’re on fire!
Ethan: Who’s ethan? I’m mr. fahrenheit
Ethan: I’m what the Romanians would call a “vile, ill tempered, and thoroughly wretched tiny little creature”.
Mia: why are there little handprints all over the house?
Ethan, turning to Rosemary: Rose, why are there little handprints all over the house?
Rose: because I have little hands.
Ethan, turning back to Mia: because she has little hands.
Karl: *about to do something stupid* I’m so doing this and neither you, Miranda or even god himself can stop me.
Alcina:…
Alcina: *takes her phone out and starts tapping on it*
Karl:
Karl: *nervously* Super-sized bitch, what are you doing?
Alcina:
Karl: *starting to sweat* What the hell did you do, Alcina?
Alcina:
Ethan, suddenly appearing from another room: KARL HEISENBERG
Ethan: I hate you
Karl, in his head: enemies to lovers, slowburn, angst with happy ending, 300k+ words
