#incorrect resident evil quotes
Ethan:you think Karl and I are immature?
Mia:well, a bit, yes.
Ethan: hm. Well, Karl, what do you think?
Karl, from inside the blanket pillow fort: Mia’s not allowed to come in then.
Karl: Ethan always looks so calm and composed, I wonder how he does it.
Ethan, internally: fuck fuck fuck fuck f
Karl:Look, you don’t want Ethan to die, and I don’t want Ethan to die. So let’s work together to make sure Ethan doesn’t die.
Mia: Fantastic plan, but have you ever fucking metEthan?
[Karl texting Ethan]
Karl: Ethan, I’m sorry
Karl:Please talk to me baby
Karl:Muffin?
Karl:Sweet pea?
Karl:the love of my life
Karl:Precious cinnamon roll who’s too pure and precious for this world
Karl: Please I’m so sorry
Ethan: sorry doesn’t bring back my fucking skittles Karl
Karl: Okay, we all need to stop saying ‘butthurt’ we’re not twelve
Donna: You sound fannytroubled
Alcina: A little bootybothered if you ask me
Ethan: someone’s having a tushytantrum
Karl: Winters? You too?!
Chris:and I brought you myrrh-
Ethan: thank you!
Chris: *pulls out a gun and shoots Mia 20 times in the chest* MYRRH-DER!
Ethan: *gentle, sassy, gasp* Chris, NO-
Ethan, face down on the floor: I’m just- I’m just gonna lay here for a bit.
Mia:
Ethan: if the smell of death and mold becomes too much, go dump me in the lake
Ethan:I’m burning through the sky, yeah
Mia: Ethan, your jacket-
Ethan: Two hundred degrees, that’s why they called me Mr. Fahrenheit
Mia:Ethan! You’re on fire!
Ethan: Who’s ethan? I’m mr. fahrenheit
Ethan: I’m what the Romanians would call a “vile, ill tempered, and thoroughly wretched tiny little creature”.
Mia: why are there little handprints all over the house?
Ethan, turning to Rosemary: Rose, why are there little handprints all over the house?
Rose: because I have little hands.
Ethan, turning back to Mia: because she has little hands.
Karl: *about to do something stupid* I’m so doing this and neither you, Miranda or even god himself can stop me.
Alcina:…
Alcina: *takes her phone out and starts tapping on it*
Karl:
Karl: *nervously* Super-sized bitch, what are you doing?
Alcina:
Karl: *starting to sweat* What the hell did you do, Alcina?
Alcina:
Ethan, suddenly appearing from another room: KARL HEISENBERG
Ethan: I hate you
Karl, in his head: enemies to lovers, slowburn, angst with happy ending, 300k+ words
The Duke: hey…so I bought your soul last month-
Ethan:no refunds
The Duke: please? It’s making me sad!
Ethan: IS THIS REALLY THE BEST YOU CAN DO???
Salvatore Moreau: *choking back tears* uh, yeah, I’m actually trying really hard here man
Ethan: *now looking uncomfortable* oh
Mia, at their wedding: lets slow dance
Ethan: *does the Macarena at ¼ speed*
Mia, about to go to bed: I love you Ethan
Ethan:I love you too Mia
*silence*
Ethan: we both love you as well Karl
Karl, in a corner on the ceiling: thanks. I was feeling a little left out
In response to this ask I got:
Donna: Why is Ethan on Alcina’s shoulders?
Mia:he likes to feel tall
Mia:waitwhy is Lady Dimitrescu letting him ride on her shoulders???
The Duke: she likes to make Karl feel small
Karl:>:0
Karl, kissing Ethan and Mia on the cheek: bye, babes. See you at dinner
Ethan:for the last time, we aren’t all married!
Mia, resignedly: might as well be
Donna:I mean, small creatures are way more vicious than big creatures. It’s because their anger has less space to be bottled up in.
Alcina: ridiculous. Give me an example.
Salvatore:wasps
Donna:Angie
Karl:Ethan
[Heisenberg factory door opens]
Karl Heisenberg, spinning around slowly in his chair: ah, how nice of you to join me tonight, Ethan Winters-
Salvatore Moreau: sorry Karl it’s just me
Karl: damn it Moreau get out
