“This country was founded by a group of slave owners who told us that all men are created equal. To my mind, that is what’s known as being stunningly and embarrassingly full of shit.” - George Carlin
…PolitiFact going through history to fact check this guy was like that time CNN went through history to dig up dirt on Bernie, and all they found were videos of him planting trees, and telling kids that racism is bad.
synopsis: he’s gotta’ teach ya a lesson or you’ll never learn.
cw:oral (male receiving), bratty! Bimbo! Reader, Face fucking, deep throating, cum eating, reverse cowgirl, mean! Eren, pussy slapping, degradation & praise, breeding, nerd! Eren, College au or whatever the fuck, established relationships.
an: minors dni! This is lowk lame & unedited, 1k+ wc.
Content: not sfw! +18! fingering, unprotected sex, friends with benefits, hand job, eren smells readers panties so idk if thats a warning.
Summary: Birthday boy wants his birthday gift- you give it to him but realize he wants a tad bit more…
Word Count: 3.0k
A/N: I have become an expert on writing smut at work. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY DADDY EREN <3
You stood there alone as the spirit of guitar strings filled the room as the crowd in the bar got bigger and bigger. A deep breath fell from your lips as you felt the glass press gently against the red painted lipstick that adorned the petals of your face. Downing the tequila shot in one gulp, you could feel how the taste made your stomach turn, how it made your tongue burn- you hatedthe taste of tequila, you hated the burn, you hated how it made your body squirm.
Youhated the way the fruity, sweet and earthy liquid reminded you of him. You despised how each note of citrus and honey that stung your throat evoked immediate thoughts of the birthday boy- Eren Jaeger.
Hello I am working on this essay currently, mostly to spread awareness that, yes, to anyone who remembers before I left tumblr for a short time, I was working on a novel that I don’t think I ever shared the name of. So if you remember me making memes about vampire character(s), this is that story.
So, without further ado, let’s share the current consensus:
-Good descriptions
-It’s funny
-Good dialogue
-Witty narration
-Likeable characters
-Nice spins on monster lore?
Other things I kind of want to mention:
-If you’re not a huge fan of in-your-face romance, then great! At least until the next book/novel, there won’t be a kiss (some awkward flirting and near-handholding, but that’s it)
-Room for theories until each mystery is solved (which, some won’t be answered yet)
-Red herrings. I mean, it’s all in the title, to be honest. If you figure out every twist before it’s answered, that would be awesome and I’d love to see it.
-An out-of-touch vampire who never really knows what day and/or year it is and loves chocolate milk
-Vampire hunters
-It’s free to read, just pay me in votes and comments pls
Reviews:
“This book is an exciting new twist to the monster realm that had me engaged from page 1. The author narration is witty. The character insight and story line make this book a hard one to put down. I look forward to more books from this author in the future.”
—
“Grave Misunderstandings is a Supernatural Romantic Comedy by Alyssa J Thacker. The story follows the life of Lizzie, a girl who is desperate to move on from an annoying roommate, and her time working for a mysterious woman who only asks that she house sit while she’s away on business. Little does Lizzie know that a vampire lurks in the basement- albeit a shy, awkward vampire- who doesn’t eat, but abhors Lizzie’s abysmal cooking anyway.
I was hooked in the first chapter, and chomping at the bit to figure out the personality of the tall, dark, and handsome Val, Lizzie’s own vampire. Although she’s in denial about anything supernatural, and he’s almost happy to let her remain that way, I can already tell that their relationship is going to blossom into something incredibly charming. His protectiveness, and her sheer stubbornness are hilarious to behold.
Joining them is a cast of colorful characters; Erik, the vampire hunter and sworn rival of Val (although I think they’re actually just BFFs)- Yvonne, Lizzie’s mysterious employer- and Tony, the household ghost who fails to truly scare Lizzie even once with his antics. But I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the omniscient Narrator, who obviously knows more than they are letting on- but is keeping all of the pertinent information to themselves simply for the drama of it all.
The characters are well thought out and fun to follow, the plot intriguing- often making you question exactly what was just lurking in the corner. All in all, I’m extremely excited to finish reading Grave Misunderstandings, as I know I’m in for a truly intense and hilarious ride.”
do y’all remember that short story where a scientist like, raises his daughter with no contact from the outside world and teaches her english wrong, like he teaches her that ‘yes’ and ‘no’ have the opposite meaning than they actually do and that ‘up’ means ‘down’ and vice versa, and then this guy meets her and starts to teach her what the words actually mean and she kinda sorta starts to get it and like, realize that it’s fucked up
and then one day she’s not home and the house is on fire and her dad’s inside and the firefighters are like ‘is there anyone inside’ and she says ‘no’ and we don’t know whether she understands what she’s saying or not
wild
no I do not but please tell me more
What IS it with short stories that are just seven crunchy layers of fucked up?
There’s another one from the same author about a salesman who goes from town to town selling his miracle glue. He gives demonstations showing that if you rejoin two pieces of cut rope with it, the rope can hold up a car! (And of course, a chain is only as strong as its weakest link).
But it turns out he’s a conman, and while the glue does work, it dissolves after a few hours of use, which is why the salesman keeps moving from town to town. And we see a few scenes of people caught up in the scam, like a guy who’s canoe sinks because he plugged a hole using the glue, or an old lady crying because her fine china - which she thought she could finally repair for good - breaks apart again.
And then the salesman meets another inventor, who presents his portable flying machine. It’s a little box you attach to your wrist like a watch, and it really lets you fly! The inventor says he actually made two, and lets the salesman borrow one, and they go flying together. It’s quite fun, to the point of losing track of time, and the two seem to get along, conversing all the while.
The salesman loves the flying and the conversation, they’re miles up and it’s thrilling. But the inventor admits the two flying machines are miles apart in terms of quality, and he decided to give the better one to the salesman for their little flight.
After all, it’s made using the salesman’s miracle glue.
what a beautiful thing, to be queer. how lovely it is to be strange, to have edges that spill out over the lines, to be undefinable. the oddity of our hearts is something to be treasured. never change for anyone.
friendly reminder thatfindtags is the best way to search tumblr’s absolutely destroyed tag system. it actually accurately looks through the tags without omitting results. it’s the only thing i use at this point because it’s the only thing that works
honestly autistic people usually face a lot of ableism around sex.people infantalize us to a point they think we cant consent or dont want sex or dont understand it.
autistic people can have sex. for example, i am having sex with your mother right now
i feel so accomplished in master duel today, i completed my duel pass and got mokey mokey i got to platinum 2 i got to lvl17 and i did a morbillion solo duel stories and got the judgement dragon pfp
sory i’ve been insane person absorbed in dueling this last week and haven’t drawn anything
For non-Americans: this is actually accurate and reflects how Americans understand ourselves and regional identities. These aren’t official labels, but they’re not totally made up either.
Character death is sad, but it also has huge consequences on your plot that can’t be reversed. Not to mention, depending on your genre, character deaths are often reserved for later in the series as a way of telling the reader that things are getting serious.
So, until that moment, here’s a quick list of things you can do to tug at your readers emotions:
1.- Destruction of an item of value. For this to work you’re going to have to set this up early on, it could be a childhood toy they need to sleep at night, a necklace they swear gives them good luck, and old family trinket or any number of things. The important thing is you show just how important it is to the character, make them happy and excited just to talk about it. Later on your character will feel loss and so will the audience.
2.- Arguing. Two characters with a strong bond arguing can be heartbreaking, even if you know the argument is going to resolve itself eventually, going from cuddles and banter to cold looks and the silent treatment, can easily hurt the audience just as much as the characters.
3.- Betrayal. When well done, it’s worst than character death. When you as a reader fall head over heels in love with a character, only for them to betray the rest, it’s heartbreaking, especially if when you read back the foreshadowing was there. It was so obvious yet you were all so blind! As blind as the other characters. Also, unlike character death, they’re still there, there to taunt you with their mere existence.
4.- Failure. We have probably all felt that emptiness, that feeling as the world crumbles around us, haplessness, when we failed an exam in school or just couldn’t get the house clean in time for that visit. Take that feeling and reflect it into your characters, it doesn’t have to be an exam, it can be anything, a task they’re parents asked them to do and they tried their best, a mission, anything. Just let them fail and feel the world crumble.
5.- Being forced to stay behind. Following from point four, if a character is not good enough they can be left behind, perhaps it comes from a place of love, an attempt to protect them from enemies too strong, yet it still hurts. Perhaps they haven’t failed, perhaps they are left behind for another reason, because they are “too valuable”, or because they’ll be more useful back home. Either way, watching those close to you go of to fight for what you believe in, without you, can be painful.
6.- Finding out something they believed in was a lie. It can be something relatively insignificant, an assumption they never bothered to question. Or something world shattering. Allow me to offer up an example with an unimportant spoiler from my second book (it’s not even out yet but oh well): in this book, while talking about some law, Henry realises his daughter believes he and her mother were married. This is an assumption Itazu made and never questioned. It affects nothing, nothing changes, yet finding out her mother and her father were not the happy married couple she’d always pictured, it’s painful.
This could also be something huge, finding out you’re adopted for example.
7.- History. Oh, history, how depressing it can be. And if you have a fantasy world you have many opportunities to go into this. From slaughters to slavery, finding out how society got to where it is, the base on which it is built. Well, it’s pretty depressing. Obviously be careful how much inspiration you take from real world history and always be respectful and do your research!
8.- Scarring. An injury can be painful, it can be scary. And depending on what caused it, leave you with traumatising memories. Now add to that a physical visible reminder on your skin you can never remove. Well, that can be pretty horrible. Imagine the scar came from a battle the protagonist longs to forget, but can’t because every night before going to sleep they can’t help but glance at their arm where the nasty scars forever lies.
As usual, check out my book, stories I’ve written plus other social medias: here.
This another post I could probably do a part two on someday. Can you think of any books where any of these are done effectively? Do any of these happen in your owns book? Please tell me! I love hearing from you all.
IF YOU’RE READING THIS I NEED YOU to go to neocities.org and make an account.
It’s an emergency. Look. People are really getting into it now. Do you want to be the last kid on your block still depending on corporate social media for your self-actualization?
