#siegfried farnon

Mrs Hall : Why are you mad?

Siegfried: I don’t know.

Mrs Hall: So for no reason?

Siegfried: Oh no, there’s plenty of reasons I just don’t know which one it is right now.

James and Tristan: We have a problem.

Siegfried:No,YOU have a problem. I have two idiots who keeps making them.

Tristan: Admit it. You like Mrs H.

Siegfried: That’s preposterous.

Siegfried: I mean, am I attracted to her? Sure. Do my days feel better when I’m around her? Yes. Does she get me in ways no person ever has? Definetely. But do I like her? What kind of question is that? Have you lost your mind?!!!

Siegfried: You do seven things a day that I ask you not to.

Tristan: Actually, I do more. You just catch seven.

Mrs Hall: I love knitting needles. I can make a scarf. I can make a hat. I can stab you. I can make mittens.

Siegfried: What was that middle part?

Mrs Hall: I can make a hat.

Mrs Hall: Let’s just agree to say “I’m sorry” on the count of three. One, two, three.

Siegfried:

Tristan:

Mrs Hall: See, now I’m just disappointed in both of you.

Mrs Hall: You have to apologise to them.

Siegfried: Fine! But I’m warning you, if I apologise I might become a nice person! And that’s not who you fell in love with!

Mrs Hall: … what?

Mrs Hall: Someone’s coming. Someone you don’t like.

Siegfried: That could be literally anyone.

Tristan to Mrs Hall: So, what do we do?

Siegfried: Why are you asking her?

Tristan: Because she’s in charge.

Siegfried: Says who?

Tristan, James and Helen: Says us!

Siegfried: … right.

Tristan: Would you say that you’re independent?

Siegfried:*looks at Audrey*

Audrey:*nods*

Siegfried: Yes, I’d say so.

Siegfried: *chokes on something*

Tristan : Please, big brother, don’t die on us.

Siegfried : Don’t tell me what to do, I’ll die whenever the hell I want!

Mrs Hall: You know those moments when I tell you that something isn’t a good idea-

Siegfried and Tristan: And then we ignore you, yeah.

Siegfried: *does something stupid and gets himself hurt*

Audrey: After I lovingly nurse you back to health, I’m going to kill you.

Siegfried: This is Mrs Hall, not just my housekeeper, she’s some other word.

Mrs Hall: I’m his carer.

Siegfried: Yes, my carer. She cares, so I don’t have to.

Audrey holding Siegfried’s face with her hands: I want you to say it.

Siegfried sighs, eye rolls: I deserve happiness, and being loved.

Siegfried:*gives everyone the silent treatment*

Tristan: You have to find some way to express yourself, big brother.

Siegfried:

Siegfried:*smashes a chair against the table*

Siegfried: Is that the kind of way you mean?

Tristan:

Siegfried:Hmmm.

Mrs Hall:Hmmm?

Siegfried: Hmm. Hm.

Mrs Hall:Hmmm.

Siegfried and Mrs Hall: *nodding at each other before leaving the room*

James: What? Did they understand each other?

Tristan: Of course they did.

James:

Tristan: Just so you know, they were talking about you.

James:WHAT?!

Siegfried: Stop holding my hand. People don’t do that to me.

Mrs Hall: Hush now!

Siegfried: And don’t hush me. I am not a hushing person.

Siegfried: Personally, I blame you.

Tristan: How can it possibly be my fault?

Siegfried: Because otherwise it would be my fault. And that can’t be right.

Siegfried:*does something stupid*

Mrs Hall:

Mrs Hall:

Siegfried: It’s cute how you think your disapproving glare still works on me after all the times I’ve seen it.

Mrs Hall:

Siegfried: Oh well, never mind. It still works.