#tristan farnon

Tristan: Why does everybody always assume James has a plan? Maybe someone else has a plan.

Helen: Good, go ahead.

Tristan: Oh, that was just hypothetically.

Helen: How long are we going to stand here and watch him do that?

James: Just… Give him a minute.

Tristan:*desperately trying to push open a door that clearly says pull*

Tristan: Good morning. I have already made one bad decision and I show no signs of stopping.

James and Tristan: We have a problem.

Siegfried:No,YOU have a problem. I have two idiots who keeps making them.

Tristan: Admit it. You like Mrs H.

Siegfried: That’s preposterous.

Siegfried: I mean, am I attracted to her? Sure. Do my days feel better when I’m around her? Yes. Does she get me in ways no person ever has? Definetely. But do I like her? What kind of question is that? Have you lost your mind?!!!

Siegfried: You do seven things a day that I ask you not to.

Tristan: Actually, I do more. You just catch seven.

Mrs Hall: Let’s just agree to say “I’m sorry” on the count of three. One, two, three.

Siegfried:

Tristan:

Mrs Hall: See, now I’m just disappointed in both of you.

Helen: I think Siegfried is a little upset with you.

Tristan:Defineupset.

Helen: He told me to give you this note.

Tristan, reading the note outloud: “Tristan, I hope this note finds you before I do”.

Tristan: I don’t want to brag, but I have a ton of experience with people being mad at me.

Tristan to Mrs Hall: So, what do we do?

Siegfried: Why are you asking her?

Tristan: Because she’s in charge.

Siegfried: Says who?

Tristan, James and Helen: Says us!

Siegfried: … right.

Tristan: I’m sorry.

Mrs Hall: For what?

Tristan,backing away slowly: You’ll find out…

Tristan: Would you say that you’re independent?

Siegfried:*looks at Audrey*

Audrey:*nods*

Siegfried: Yes, I’d say so.

Siegfried: *chokes on something*

Tristan : Please, big brother, don’t die on us.

Siegfried : Don’t tell me what to do, I’ll die whenever the hell I want!

Mrs Hall: You know those moments when I tell you that something isn’t a good idea-

Siegfried and Tristan: And then we ignore you, yeah.

James: You need a hobby.

Tristan: I have a hobby.

Helen: Staring creepily at Maggie from afar isn’t a hobby.

James: Siegfried isn’t talking to me.

Tristan: Enjoy it while it lasts.

Siegfried:*gives everyone the silent treatment*

Tristan: You have to find some way to express yourself, big brother.

Siegfried:

Siegfried:*smashes a chair against the table*

Siegfried: Is that the kind of way you mean?

Tristan:

Siegfried:Hmmm.

Mrs Hall:Hmmm?

Siegfried: Hmm. Hm.

Mrs Hall:Hmmm.

Siegfried and Mrs Hall: *nodding at each other before leaving the room*

James: What? Did they understand each other?

Tristan: Of course they did.

James:

Tristan: Just so you know, they were talking about you.

James:WHAT?!

Siegfried: Personally, I blame you.

Tristan: How can it possibly be my fault?

Siegfried: Because otherwise it would be my fault. And that can’t be right.

Mrs Hall: James and your brother are screaming and shouting outside, don’t you think you should do something?

Tristan: You’re right, Mrs H, I should.

Tristan:*closes the curtains*

Tristan:*sips tea*