SM Plans a New Year’s Eve Party

SM: Okay I know it’s kinda of late to start planning, but I was thinking about throwing a New Year’s party for all of my artists!

Staff: Okay um, that may not work but sure, we could see who is available.

SM: Well BOA has to be there, she is my special flower, my rose among thorns, my-

Staff: BOA’s renewal contract states she must be aware of all events 3 years before they begin….so I don’t think she’ll show.

SM: Okay, what about Super Junior? There’s like 10 of them right?

Staff: I honestly don’t know. I think at least three of them are only still part of the group so that we can still sell their merch online-

SM: And why wouldn’t we? This isn’t a charity…send them a message and see if they can stop by, and while we’re talking about money making, what are SNSD doing that day?

Staff: I don’t even have their contact info. I usually set a bottle of Jean Patou Joy Baccarat Pure Parfum out in the front lobby and wait til one of them catch it’s scent.

SM: Hmm what budget does that come out of?

Staff: Oh just the leftover funds from all of the China Line promotions we never actually promoted.

SM: Splendid! Now what about my last girl group Red Velvet? They should be able to make it.

Staff: Technically F(X) is still a thing.

SM: Duh I use “effects” in TVXQ’s videos plus extra dancers to make them seem more full. I’m talking about my flower petals, Red Velvet!

Staff: I don’t even know if you’re joking but*clears throat* they should be able to come, last time I checked their egos were still hidden in the back freezer…once they find them though only heaven will be able to help us.

SM: Mmm freezer..speaking of frozen treats, invite all the hidden rookies. I’m going to need waiters that work for screen time and meaningless promises…Now what about EXO?

Staff: Suho and Xiumin are on the “will definitely be there because they have absolutely nothing else to do list” alongside Kun from NCT and Suju’s Shindong, D.O. has a movie-

SM: Does he even work for me anymore?

Staff: Um…not sure about that either…everyone else is pretty hit or miss. Really depends on their moods, how exclusive the guest list, and will any designers be there.

SM: Exclusive? I’m letting NCT go so obviously the list is a mile long sighhh. *rubs temples*

Staff: Kangta, Trax, and TVXQ should be there.. If we’re lucky we can get Key, Taemin is always busy, and Minho… well…

SM: Well what? He would be the life of the party!

Staff: We still can’t locate him after he lost that arm wrestling match at the last MV premiere party.

SM: Wasn’t that in September?? Fine tell Lucas he’s going to have to fill in again like he did in the View promotions. **phone buzzes* I’m getting a text from someone named “Amber”… who is that?

Staff: She’s in F(X).

SM: I don’t handle the technical side of this business. Tell her to talk to the media department about her issues.

Staff: Um..*phone buzzes* Oh it’s Heechul..he said “ heck no”…all lowercase.

SM: *smiles* The rascal, what about the rest?

Staff: Well Donghae won’t go without Eunhyuk, Eunhyuk won’t go unless he can pick the music, Ryeowook won’t go unless Siwon isn’t there. Yesung wants there to be seats in order of importance, and Leeteuk can’t find a doggy sitter that night.

SM: When did i raise so many divas?? Don’t they all want to spend time as a family??

Staff: *cough* most of them rarely even see their “real” families *end cough*

SM:

SM: Tell them they’re all coming or they’re fired. I have a backlog of trainees to clear all the groups out and start over anyway.

Staff: How do you find all of these secret trainees anyway?

SM: You know that school by my house where kids go missing all the time?

Staff: Yeah…Oh…oh no…pls no..

SM: *pats his back* hurry up and put the invites in the mail *checks watch* school is about to let out for the day….*leaves*

Staff:

Staff: I think I need a new job.

KUNWIN 2016-2019

someone just posted on youtube 1 hour loop of yangyang saying ‘playing with my hair’ i needed that 

Me: *breThes*

Friend: YES I UNDERSTAND JI HANSOL DID THAT AND YOU LOVE HIM, HE’S THE SUN AND YOUR WORLD AND SM LOST. HE COULD CRUSH BRICKS ND COCONUTS WITH HIS THICC THIGHS AND STOP BABIES CRYING WITH HIS PRITTIE NOSE BUT CAN U SHUT UP FOR 5 M I N U T E S.

Me: he has a great ass too.