#stay at home mom

tidalwavetraditional-deactivate:

lightthewaybackhome:

I’ve worked outside the home, basically with a career, even while I considered myself a homemaker. A homemaker is all I’ve wanted to be since I was a very little girl. I can’t remember a time in my life I didn’t want to be a woman in her home. I did the career thing in my 20s. It wasn’t without its profit, but it took me close to 4 years after I came home to re-buy into homemaking, to understand it as a glorious work instead of feeling put upon. It took me that long to start viewing it as my vocation.

Never once in my ‘career’ did I feel the invisible connection with women of the past. Not once did I feel rooted. Not once did I–in a Christian way, not a pagan way–feel tied to my ancestors, to the earth, to myself. I always felt like I was pushing against my purpose, even if I couldn’t put it into words.

Now, when I cook, clean, do laundry, hug my husband, make our lunches, beautify my home, run errands, bake, laugh with my sisters, share coffee with my Mom, spoil my nieces and nephews, and enjoy my home I feel connected. Hundreds of women, back to the dawn of time, related and unrelated, have done this exact same work. Hundreds of women have passed down wisdom to me. Hundreds of women have kneaded bread, scrubbed clothes, pondered over dinner, sought to manage a budget, grown flowers, and raised up the next generation while honoring the last. Women after women have done this work. I feel like I’ve found my place, my sisterhood, my purpose. Not outside the home, but in it. Not in loudly demanding everyone’s attention, but in quiet mornings set straight and ready for the day, long lingering breakfasts, grilling in our backyard, our stories, our life. Not in focuing on me, but in focusing on him and us. It’s simple. It’s incredibly hard. It’s challenging. It’s calm. Look back, down the line of women, going back to the beginning, there do I see my mothers, my sisters, my kin. And here, in my home, is where I belong.

Great message! You’re right…that genetic and historic connection is gone in the workforce, severed and sterile. But it can be felt so, so strongly in caring or providing for family. This is a beautiful point.

I’ve wanted to be a homemaker for years and now that I’m here… I’m struggling. There’s a loneliness and adaption that I’m hoping to someday soon overcome. The month before my son was born when I was alone, barefoot and pregnant (literally), keeping my home running, I felt… great. Everyday I felt accomplished. More so than I ever did working. I was happy, my husband was happy, I was creating life. These past 6 weeks with my son earthside has been challenging. For me, my marriage, though mainly I think for my mental health and self-worth. I hope to get back to my hearts desire someday soon, and remember why I chose this life. The satisfaction I received from a day of keeping a well-maintained home full of love and joy. I’m trying my best to give myself grace. Everything takes its own time.

I never thought I’d be the kind of woman who would get emotional as their baby slowly grew… BUT HERE WE ARE. Realizing Emmett has outgrown his coming home from the hospital dino jams nearly broke me being a stay at home mom and raising this little squirt for the past 6 weeks has been the HARDEST thing I’ve ever done. Some days I don’t understand the “reward”… and then when I look at this nugget, happy & healthy, I understand. This love truly is unconditional

I made a decision to leave my day-job as market researcher for almost 7 years for many different reasons in mid 2015. Kids being one of those reasons but I never feel like I was forced to do that, especially by my kids. I think that was the perfect time for me to quit the job; perfect time for me to start my own business; perfect time to re-arrange my life and what I want to do with my time and how I prioritize it. So I don’t want people to think that I quit the day job because I prefer to be a Stay-at-Home Mom. No. I am a working mom. I am working, writing and making sales and pricing strategy for my home-decor brand on my computer, at home, while my kids are having snacks and watching TV. I always see myself a s a working mom who stays at home.

I’m a mother of two (you all must be aware since I’ve constantly blasted your facebook feed with photos of them – and for this, I give you my sincere apology) and I start to get tired hearing other people saying, “oh, so you’re a working mom. Don’t you feel guilty leaving your kids at home? Aren’t you afraid there will be time they won’t recognize their mother since you’re very busy working?” or this classic statement, “oh, so you’re JUST a stay-at-home mom? Interesting choice considering you graduated with good GPAs from reputable university…”

What make this even sadder is the fact that those questions sometimes addressed by one mom to another. I mean, really? Well guess what? All of us are full time mothers. Some of us are working, some of us are not. Some working moms are working for the money so they can feed the kids, put them to school, and keep them healthy. Are you really going to point a finger at them while they’re working their asses off to provide the family? Some others are working for their dream. But more importantly, to show their kids that you can be a mom AND a lawyer. Or banker. Or architect. Or anything you wanted to be. You really can. Are you really going to point a finger at them while they’re encouraging their kids to dream big?

And being a stay-at-home moms doesn’t mean they’re lame. How can they be lame if they can cook meal while answering the phone, cleaning the dishes and answering their kids’ constant questions? So what if their biggest dream is being a stay-at-home mom. Isn’t it a great dream, great ambition? Are you really going to point a finger at them, women who are basically chasing after their dreams? Even Oprah admitted that being a stay-at-home mom is one of the toughest jobs there is.

To all the mothers, can we please just stop this? Can we stop label the teams because there’s only one team: FULL-TIME MOMS? We feel each other. We didn’t expect most of this. We didn’t anticipate loving somebody so intensely, or loathing our post-baby body so much, or being so tired, or being the mom we’ve turned out to be.

To each of you who feel tired with the old “working mom vs stay at home mom” debate”:

You’re not a perfect mom. No matter how you try, no matter what you do. You will never be a perfect mom whether you’re a working mom or stay-at-home mom. And maybe that haunts you. Or maybe you’ve made peace with it. Or maybe it was never a problem to begin with. No matter how much you do, there is always more. No matter how little you do, when the day is over, your children are still loved. They still smile at you, believing you have magical powers to fix almost anything. No matter what happened at work, or at school, or in daycare, you have still done everything in your power to ensure that the next morning will dawn and your children will be as happy, healthy, and wise as could possibly be hoped.

You’re not a perfect mom. And that’s good. Because, really, neither is your child. And that means nobody can care for them the way you can, with the wealth of your understanding and your experience. Nobody knows what your kid’s singing, or what their jokes mean, or why they are crying, better than you do; regardless you’re a working mom or stay at home mom. And since no mother is perfect, chances are, you are caught in a two billion way tie for Best Mom in the World.

With that being said, I don’t think it’s relevant for us telling each other what to do (to work or not to work). We should pat each other’s shoulder and exchange some kudos instead. Cheers!

Disclaimer: this is the article I wrote on my facebook page one year ago. This morning, I still receive several notifications from certain someone who likes to compare, being bitter and just love to spread negativity towards another moms who don’t have the same principles as she has. So I guess this article is still relevant, that’s why I want to share with you guys, with a little update about my current situation. Go Moms!